What happened to the man who didn’t pay his exorcist? His house was repossessed.
What's the difference between an internet troll and a video game character?
Video game characters have lives.
Why is Frankenstein’s monster so popular?
He’s a real people person.
A witch with chickenpox is called an itchy-witchy.
What did the mummy say to the zombie?
- Stop ragging on me!
Why do werewolves not enter the Olympics? Too high a chance of a silver medal.
Who won the skeleton beauty contest?
No body.
How do ghouls sign off a letter?
Best witches and worm regards.
Why do Ghosts avoid the rain? It dampens their spirits.
The vampires were in a mood, so I thought I'd do something to cheer them up. They were over the moon that I re-vamped their castle.
Why did the Ghost turn down the job? He could not see himself doing it.
What kind of werewolf can track down flowers ?
A bud hound
Where do Yetis go to dance?
To a snow ball.
Why are skeletons so good at chopping down trees?
They're LUMBARjacks!
Why did the skeleton start a fight?
Because he had a bone to pick.
How did the skeleton bring his groceries home from the market?
He used his Cart-ilage.
Who is the most famous skeleton detective?
Sherlock Bones.
A sphinx was guarding a road when a traveler walked by.
The sphinx said to the man, "You may pass if you can answer my riddle: What is wider than an ocean, heavier than a mountain, and unbounded by the laws of physics?"
The man thought for a moment and answered, "Imagination."
"Wrong," said the Sphinx. "The answer is your mom."
Why don’t werewolf make good dancers?
Because they have two left feet!
How do you know if you are dealing with a smart zombie?
They are wearing helmets!
What's the Kraken gonna give you that'll make you laugh uncontrollably?
Ten Tickles!
What cheese do vampires eat?
Munster.
How do zombies introduce themselves?
- Pleased to eat you.
Dracula really doesn't have any other vampire friends. It's because he's a total pain in the neck.
What did the zombie get when she was late to dinner?
The cold shoulder.
What is a zombie that speaks two languages?
Zombilingual.
What do you call half of a centaur?
A per-centaur.
What do you call a hairy beast that no longer exists?
A were-wolf!
What’s a vampire’s favorite Shakespeare play?
A Midsummer Bite’s Dream.
What crosswords do zombies like?
Crypt-ic ones.
How do Yetis tell the time?
With a sasq-watch.
Which monster did the three bears catch sleeping?
Ghouldilocks!
What does the zombie say to her zombie crush?
- Are you going to kiss me or rot?
What do you call a dog that comes back from the dead?
A zom-beagle.
Dr. Frankenstein: Igor, have you seen my latest invention? It’s a new pill consisting of 50 percent glue and 50 percent aspirin.
Igor: But what is it for?
Dr. Frankenstein: For monsters with splitting headaches.
Did you hear about the zombie who was expelled from school?
He kept buttering up his teacher!
Werewolves keep their spare things in a were-house.
Who put the Howl in Halloween?
Not ghouls just the people they ate!
When the ghost watched a sad movie he started boo-hooing.
What do you call a herd of undead llamas?
The zombie alpacalypse.
What do you call the process of naming the various species of dwarves, faeries, trolls, etc?
Binomial gnomenlature.
Why did the witch's team lose the cricket game?
Their bats flew away.
What do bony people use to get into their homes?
A skeleton key.
What do you call a half man half horse in the middle of an army formation?
The centaur of attention.
Has the abominable snowman called?
Not Yeti.
What do ghouls and goblins put on their nachos?
Ghost peppers.
What do you do when a ton of ghosts show up at your house? Hope that it’s Halloween!
If you encounter a sea monster, you better get Kraken!
What do you get when you cross a werewolf and a vampire?
A fur coat that fangs around your neck.
What is an ogre's favorite snack?
Y-ogre-t.
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