I'd advise against letting a vampire drive you home after a Halloween party. They never check their mirrors, it will drive you batty.
What’s a vampire’s favorite cocktail?
A Bloody Mary.
Why did the zombie go crazy?
He had lost his mind.
What kind of dishes do skeletons serve tea on?
Bone china.
What’s a skeleton’s next favorite rock band?
Bone Jovi.
Why is Frankenstein such good fun?
Because he soon has you in stitches.
You can't ever get the attention of a vampire on Halloween. They're way too busy looking for their necks victim.
What do bats say to vampires?
“You suck!”
What is a baby sasquatch's favorite toy?
His Yeti Bear!
The skeleton ordered a cabernet wine with a full body because he didn't have one.
What does goblin's blood consist of?
Hemogoblin.
Halloween was nearly over, and the zombie was hurrying to get back to her tomb before the sun came up.
She was rushing so much, she didn't even notice the headstone was the wrong shape before she got in. It was a grave mistake.
I heard Medusa looked really pretty.
In fact, her looks were stunning.
Why was the ghoul so smart?
He always ate brain food!
What do you call a goblin with an injured leg?
A hobblin' goblin.
What do you call a herd of undead llamas?
The zombie alpacalypse.
What do you call a very active hydra?
Hydradynamic.
Why does it take so long to shave a giant sheep with normal-sized clippers?
Shear size.
What goes ‘Cackle, cackle, cackle, bonk’?
A witch laughing her head off.
People keep asking me why I’m working for Dr. Frankenstein.
I’m just trying to make a living.
Why did the Ghost turn down the job? He could not see himself doing it.
My wife threatened to leave me if I didn't stop making monster puns.
So I guess our relationship might as well be ogre.
What do witches put on their hair? Scare spray.
What tree monster prowls the forest?
Frankenpine.
What did Dracula say to the priest who visited his castle?
Don’t you ever cross me!
Why do ghosts like elevators? They raise their spirits.
Why do vampires need cold medicine?
For their coffin.
What do you call the process of naming the various species of dwarves, faeries, trolls, etc?
Binomial gnomenlature.
Werewolves love similes and metafurs.
What do you call a male witch?
Mitch
What do you call a skeleton snake?
A rattler.
Why are ghouls so healthy?
They always eat fresh food!
I walked past Mozart's grave.
He was sitting up, shouting "Braaiinnss" and ripping up all his music.
I guess he's a decomposer now.
What did the skeleton say when he went riding on his motorcycle?
- I’m bone to be wild!
A vampire broke up with his girlfriend when she had a blood test. He told her she wasn't his type.
What do you call a witch that lives in the desert?
A sand-witch.
What do you call a hairy beast that no longer exists?
A were-wolf!
Why are Ghosts in such good shape? Plenty of exorcise and a good die-t.
Where do Ghosts travel to for a holiday? South Aarghfricaargh.
What do skeletons say when they set off to sea?
- Bone voyage!
What do vegetarian zombies say?
Graaaiiinnss!
Why did Frankenstein tiptoe past the medicine cabinet?
He didn’t want to wake the sleeping pills!
A man has been arrested in South Africa for shooting a giant chess set
What's wrong with those big game hunters?!
What is Medusa’s favorite cheese?
Gorgonzola.
How did the archeologists know the skeletons were real?
They were bone-afide.
What is Dr. Frankenstein’s favorite part of a company?
Human resources.
A werewolf's favorite day of the week is Moonday.
Where does a zombie get a spare body part
Second hand.
What do you call a yeti with a sixpack?
The abdominable snowman.
A wise saying among werewolves: Chasing your tail will not make ends meet.
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