A pirate I know likes clothes made by an Italian fashion giant...
He dresses in Argh-mani suits.
What is a ghost’s favorite carnival ride? The rollerghoster.
How do ghouls sign off a letter?
Best witches and worm regards.
Where do werewolves store their things?
In a were-house.
How do French skeletons say hello?
- Bone-jour!
The ghost was told off when he spook out of turn.
My friend who's a vampire was feeling a bit low. I told him to drink B positive.
There are two skeleton teachers at school. One is humerus, but the other is very sternum.
Why do vampires always dress so nice?
Because they’re so vein!
What do you call a goblin brigand?
A robgoblin.
Why do Minotaurs make terrible detectives?
Because they hate to go on steak-outs!
Why do girl ghosts go on diets? So they can keep their ghoulish figures.
What did the Minotaur order at Starbucks?
Half-calf.
What kind of writer did the ghost hire to write his biography? A ghostwriter, duh.
What did the broken hearted skeleton say?
After all to-marrow is another day.
Halloween was nearly over, and the zombie was hurrying to get back to her tomb before the sun came up.
She was rushing so much, she didn't even notice the headstone was the wrong shape before she got in. It was a grave mistake.
An Indonesian Giant stubbed his foot on a volcano...
- Did he Krakatoa?
Why do ghouls like ice cream?
Because it’s ghoulilicous!
What is a zombie’s favorite shampoo?
Head & Shoulders.
What money do zombies use?
Crypt-o-currency.
What do you call it when a monster gets mad?
Ogre-reacting!
What do you call a hairy beast that no longer exists?
A were-wolf!
Werewolves love similes and metafurs.
How does Frankenstein jump-start his day?
With a shock of lighting.
Where do zombie monkeys live?
In the brain forest.
What do you call a skeleton who hangs out in coffee shops and listens to indie music?
A hip-ster.
There is a Giant Screwdriver attacking the city. Please seek shelter immediately. This is not a drill.
What is the baby vampire's least favorite fast food establishment?
Stake n shake!
When a big giant eel takes your hand for a meal...
...that’s a moray.
What a is ghoul’s favorite pet?
Ghoulfish!
The vampires were in a mood, so I thought I'd do something to cheer them up. They were over the moon that I re-vamped their castle.
A man has been arrested in South Africa for shooting a giant chess set
What's wrong with those big game hunters?!
Why did the skeleton go to jail?
Because he was bad to the bone.
What do ghouls drink?
Boos!
What do you do with a green ghoul?
Wait until it ripens!
What kind of horse does a ghost ride? A nightmare.
Where do zombies go for beach holidays?
The Dead Sea.
What do witches put on their bagels?
Scream cheese.
Why do trolls live under bridges?
To troll goats!
What did the Wicked Witch of the West say when she extracted metal from ore?
I’m smelting!
Why is the air so clean and healthy on Halloween?
The witches sweep the sky.
What tree monster prowls the forest?
Frankenpine.
Why don’t skeletons do well at sports?
Because they have no skin in the game!
Which building do vampires always visit when in New York?
The Vampire State Building.
Werewolves keep their spare things in a were-house.
The zombie astrologer writes really scary predictions.
They're horror-scopes.
Why did the zombie bite off the comedian's hands?
His jokes were too funny to handle.
What do you call a one-inch zombie?
Tomb thumb!
What is the difference between a deer running away and a small witch?
One is a hunted stag and one is a stunted hag!
Who is the most famous French skeleton?
Napolean Bone-aparte.
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