What do you call a zombie door-to-door salesman?
A dead ringer!
What’s a zombie’s favorite toy?
A dead-y bear.
What do you call a communist vampire?
A red blood count.
What do you call a zombie who stir-fries?
Dead Man Wokking
What time do zombies wake up?
At ate o’clock!
What do you call the ghost of a door-to-door salesman? A dead ringer.
I feel like I have seen that ghost before...I must have deja boo.
A giant fly has attacked the local police...
Police have called the SWAT team.
Why did the skeleton climb up the tree?
Because a dog was after his bones!
Witches get sore joints because they have broom-atism.
What is Frankenstein’s favorite cheese?
Muenster.
What is a witch's favorite ride at the fair?
A scary-go-round.
What do you call a one-inch zombie?
Tomb thumb!
One of my neighbours was stealing things from the local supermarket whilst sitting on the shoulders of two vampires. He was charged with shoplifting on two counts.
Skeleton 1: Why are graveyards so noisy?
Skeleton 2: I don't know. Why?
Skeleton 1: Because of all the coffin.
How do you stop a werewolf attacking you?
Throw a stick and shout “Fetch.”
Why did the Green Giant lay down in the field?
So he could Rest in Peas.
What do zombie actors do before they perform?
They re-hearse.
Did you hear about the werewolf who got invited to the dance?
He really wanted to go, but the upcoming full moon was giving him paws.
What do you call a skeleton who goes to school but doesn’t do any work?
Lazy bones.
What’s a monster’s favorite play? Romeo and Ghouliet.
My wife threatened to leave me if I didn't stop making monster puns.
So I guess our relationship might as well be ogre.
- Dad, where are the DVDs? Where's Shrek, I want to watch it.
- Somewhere ogre there.
Draw me like one of your French ghouls.
What do zombies eat for dessert?
Eyes cream.
What did the werewolf say when he sat on sandpaper?
- Ruff!
What happened to the man who didn’t pay his exorcist? His house was repossessed.
Why did people stop going to the ghoul hospital?
They kept coming out dead!
Why did the skeleton go to jail?
Because he was bad to the bone.
Why are Ghosts in such good shape? Plenty of exorcise and a good die-t.
What do you learn in witch school?
Spelling.
Werewolves love their fast food.
What is a ghost's favorite place to work?
Ghoul-gle.
Where do you find giant snails?
At the end of a giant’s finger.
Why do werewolves howl at the moon?
Because no one else will do it for them!
What did the Minotaur order at Starbucks?
Half-calf.
"That was a howling adventure!" said the werewolf to the zombie.
You hear about the werewolf who majored in philosophy?
Now he's a whywolf
What does a vampire need for making breakfast in the morning?
Pancake batter.
The skeleton didn't mind that everyone called him a bonehead.
Take a vampire to a bar, and you don't need to ask what he wants to drink. He'll have a Bloodweiser.
What do you call a hairy monster that lives by a dam?
A weir-wolf.
How do ghosts take their eggs? Terri-fried.
What’s a vampire’s favorite holiday?
Fangs-giving.
Why was the book of incantations useless?
Because the author failed to do a spell-check.
How do ghouls like their meals?
Runny!
What does the Ghost say when he sneezes? - Ach-ooooooooooooooooooooo!
What do you call a skeleton who rings the doorbell?
A dead ringer.
How does a vampire bat enter his house?
Through the bat flap.
Where is the Ghost’s bedroom located? Down the Hall-oween.
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