I was asked who my favorite vampire was. I said it was the Muppet from Sesame Street.
They said, he doesn't count!
I replied, "I can assure you, he does!"
Why do ghouls like ice cream?
Because it’s ghoulilicous!
How did the skeleton bring his groceries home from the market?
He used his Cart-ilage.
What do you call a row of zombies?
A deadline.
Why do Ghosts avoid the rain? It dampens their spirits.
What do ghosts and monsters drink after scaring people?
Ghoul-Aid.
What kind of vehicle does Bigfoot drive?
A big toe-truck.
What do you call a bodybuilder skeleton?
A musculoskeleton.
Why are skeletons so calm?
Because nothing gets under their skin.
At the Italian restaurant, the ghoul ordered spook-ghetti for his main course.
Why did the skeleton start a fight?
Because he had a bone to pick.
What did the skeleton say when he went riding on his motorcycle?
- I’m bone to be wild!
What kind of chocolate do ghouls like?
Hearse-sheys!
What do werewolf like for breakfast?
Pooched eggs.
Why did the zombie go to the doctor?
Because of his coffin.
What do you call a yeti with a sixpack?
The abdominable snowman.
What did mother werewolf say to the naughty boy werewolf?
- We're werewolves, not swear-wolves.
Where do you find giant snails?
At the end of a giant’s finger.
Two skeletons are talking in a bar.
Skeleton 1: "Are you going to the funeral tomorrow?"
Skeleton 2: “Of corpse I am.”
The ghoul didn't get his letter on time because it got lost at the ghost office.
Witch you were here.
What trees do ghouls like best?
Ceme-trees!
What is a Ghost’s favourite toy to play with? Leg-oooooooooooooooo!
We all know Albert Einstein was a genius…
But his brother Frank was a monster.
Why doesn’t Frankenstein go on airplanes?
He can’t get past the airport metal detector.
What is the Abominable Snowman's favourite type of cup?
A yeti.
Why do demons and ghouls hang out together?
Because demons are a ghoul's best friend.
What did the tired witch do?
She sat down for a spell.
What do you call it when a monster gets mad?
Ogre-reacting!
Did you hear about the werewolf who got invited to the dance?
He really wanted to go, but the upcoming full moon was giving him paws.
What do zombies serve at parties?
Finger food.
Please wait, bewitcha in a minute.
Who is a Yeti's favorite Dracula actor?
Christobrr Lee.
What does the Yeti do when he is tired?
Himalaya down.
What did Dracula say to the priest who visited his castle?
Don’t you ever cross me!
What do you call a silly werewolf in Australia ?
A dingo-ling
Why was the skeleton scared of the baby?
Because he was an ankle biter.
What do zombie actors do before they perform?
They re-hearse.
What do you call a goblin with an injured leg?
A hobblin' goblin.
What do you call a skeleton who rings the doorbell?
A dead ringer.
I'd advise against letting a vampire drive you home after a Halloween party. They never check their mirrors, it will drive you batty.
The most useless room in a ghost's home in the living room.
How do you kill a southern vampire?
You bless his heart.
What do you call a rich goblin?
GOBLING.
Take a vampire to a bar, and you don't need to ask what he wants to drink. He'll have a Bloodweiser.
What do you call a lie told by a skeleton?
A fibula.
Who put the Howl in Halloween?
Not ghouls just the people they ate!
The local vampire society is constantly growing. They are always looking for new blood.
An Indonesian Giant stubbed his foot on a volcano...
- Did he Krakatoa?
What job on a construction site is best suited to a skeleton?
Cranium operator.
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