Frankenstein entered a body-building competition…
And soon found he had seriously misunderstood the objective.
What did the witch get her cat for entertainment?
A cat-alog.
Did you hear that the list of famous vampires had a startling omission?
They forgot to Count Dracula!
Where did the ghost go on holiday? The Boohamas.
How do ghosts take their eggs? Terri-fried.
What did daddy ghoul say to his youngest son?
Stop ghouling around!
How do you kill a southern vampire?
You bless his heart.
Why did Frankenstein’s monster go to a psychiatrist?
He thought he had a screw loose.
What do baby ghosts wear on Halloween? Pillowcases.
I used to fear giants.
Now I look up to them.
What happened to the pirate ship that sank in a sea full of sharks?
It came back with a skeleton crew.
What’s a skeleton’s favorite plant?
A bone-zai.
Who won the skeleton beauty contest?
No body.
How does Frankenstein jump-start his day?
With a shock of lighting.
What does a witch get if she crosses a black cat and a lemon?
A sour puss.
Dr. Frankenstein: Igor, have you seen my latest invention? It’s a new pill consisting of 50 percent glue and 50 percent aspirin.
Igor: But what is it for?
Dr. Frankenstein: For monsters with splitting headaches.
What kind of dishes do skeletons serve tea on?
Bone china.
What did the skeleton say when he went riding on his motorcycle?
- I’m bone to be wild!
What do you call a hairy beast that’s lost?
A where-wolf!
Vampires can always Count on Dracula.
Normal Zombies: BRAAINNNNSSS!!
Vegetarian Zombies: GRAAINNNNSSS!!
Body Builder Zombies: GAAINNNNSSS!!
Plumber Zombies: DRAAINNNNSSS!!
Conductor Zombies: TRAAINNNNSSS!!
Weatherman Zombies: RAAINNNNSSS!!
What do you call it when the Bigfoot in charge makes pasta for all the others?
Alpha Yeti Spaghetti!
How did the monster predict his future?
With the horror-scope!
What kind of jewelry do witches wear?
Charm bracelets.
Why was the skeleton scared of the baby?
Because he was an ankle biter.
What's the Kraken gonna give you that'll make you laugh uncontrollably?
Ten Tickles!
Why do ghouls like ice cream?
Because it’s ghoulilicous!
What do you call a fast broomstick?
A vroom-stick.
What do ghosts and monsters drink after scaring people?
Ghoul-Aid.
I love making new friends.
That’s why I studied under Dr. Frankenstein.
What do you call a Yeti Gardener?
A hairy potter.
What’s a skeleton’s second favorite instrument?
A sax-a-bone.
How do you beat a vampire at poker?
Raise the stakes!
Why do skeletons hate the cold?
It sends chills up their spine.
A green ogre came up to me and began saying how stressed he was/
I said, "You're a nervous Shrek."
When do zombies go to sleep?
When they are dead tired.
Why are Ghosts so lonely? They have nobody to lean on.
Why didn’t the lady skeleton wear a bikini?
Because she was big boned.
Why didn’t the skull go to the dentist?
It was too-th late.
If two vampires have a race, will it be neck and neck?
What did the zombie say when she fell out with her vampire friend?
- You're dead to me!
What's the slogan for the New York Demon Chomping Advocacy Group?
Gobble the ghoul.
Why don't zombies eat comedians?
They taste funny.
What does the zombie say to her zombie crush?
- Are you going to kiss me or rot?
What do bats say to vampires?
“You suck!”
The best place for a ghost to go on holiday is The Dead Sea.
Did you hear the story of the little ghoul that grew up?
It became a headhunter!
How did the ghost get from New York to London? British Scare-ways.
A barber, a hairdresser, and Bigfoot walk into a bar...
You know what...I'm gonna shave this joke for another time.
What did the ghost teacher say to her class? - Look at the board and I’ll go through it, again.
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