People say Frankenstein’s monster had a temper…
But actually he was surprisingly level-headed.
Last night, like every night, I dreamt I was half horse, half man.
My shrink says I'm just being self centaured.
Dracula is vegan, he can't take any risks. One stake could kill him.
How do Yetis tell the time?
With a sasq-watch.
Don't get too close to a vampire, they have a serious case of bat breath.
What do troll mathematicians like to solve?
Parabolems?
What is the highest compliment a zombie can receive?
- Wow, you're in Grave condition!
Everyone loves my Halloween costume, but I still see room for improvement.
I guess I'm an ogre-achiever.
What’s a zombie’s favorite toy?
A dead-y bear.
Why did the skeleton have to testify in court?
Because he was a body of evidence.
What kind of horse does a ghost ride? A nightmare.
What do you call a zombie who stir-fries?
Dead Man Wokking
How does Big Foot find his way through the deepest darkest forests?
He just follows the big footpath!
Did you hear about the goblin that got his left arm and left leg cut off?
Well don't worry, he's all right now.
How do you beat a vampire at poker?
Raise the stakes!
What do hydras fear the most?
Dehydration!
What do a witch and a candle have in common?
They're both wicked.
A pirate I know likes clothes made by an Italian fashion giant...
He dresses in Argh-mani suits.
What's the Kraken gonna give you that'll make you laugh uncontrollably?
Ten Tickles!
How is Big Foot so good at rock climbing?
He always finds the biggest footholds.
"If you want to pass this point alive, you must answer my riddle: What goes on four legs in the morning, two legs at noon and on three legs in the evening?" the Sphinx asked.
Oedipus pondered for a moment, "Probably one of those new Pokemones," he finally replied. "There is like 600 of them.
"Fair enough man," spoke the Sphinx. "I can't reasonably expect you to remember all their names. You may pass."
Witches get sore joints because they have broom-atism.
What do you call a sleeping werewolf?
An unaware-wolf.
Do zombies eat popcorn with their fingers?
No, they eat the fingers separately.
Why are witches good at farming?
Because they love occult-ivation.
Why did the skeleton start a fight?
Because he had a bone to pick.
Was there a spark between Frankenstein and his bride?
Yes, he simply couldn’t resistor.
Where does Sasquatch store his stuff while he's out on a hike?
In a big footlocker.
Werewolves keep their spare things in a were-house.
Who did the ghost take to prom? His ghoulfriend.
How do you know Frankenstein is tired?
He’s dead on his feet.
Who do vampires buy their cookies from? The Ghoul Scouts
What keeps ghouls happy?
The knowledge that every shroud has a silver lining!
Did you hear about the werewolf who got invited to the dance?
He really wanted to go, but the upcoming full moon was giving him paws.
What do you call a dull ghost? Boo-ring!
Why do girl ghosts go on diets? So they can keep their ghoulish figures.
Did you hear about the witch who got plastic surgery?
She looked really good afterworts.
Why don’t werewolf make good dancers?
Because they have two left feet!
Witches always fly on broomsticks because they want to make a clean getaway.
What do bats say to vampires?
“You suck!”
What's the difference between an internet troll and a video game character?
Video game characters have lives.
What do you call a zombie door-to-door salesman?
A dead ringer!
What did the tired witch do?
She sat down for a spell.
What did Dr.Frankenstein say when his monster spat on him?
It’s saliva!
I hear the Minotaur is really stubborn....
He's really bull-headed.
Who are the cousins of the werewolf?
What-wolf and When-wolf
What time do zombies wake up?
At ate o’clock!
How does a vampire bat enter his house?
Through the bat flap.
What does one vampire say to another before bed?
- I hope you have a fang-tastic day!
Did you hear that the list of famous vampires had a startling omission?
They forgot to Count Dracula!
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