People keep asking me why I’m working for Dr. Frankenstein.
I’m just trying to make a living.
How do zombies introduce themselves?
- Pleased to eat you.
What is Frankenstein’s favorite cheese?
Muenster.
Why do comedians hate telling jokes at zombie night?
All they hear is groans.
When do zombies go to sleep?
When they are dead tired.
A boy ghost thought a girl ghost was cute so he asked if she would be his ghoul-friend.
Why did the ghoul eat a light bulb?
Because it wanted a light snack!
What was the skeleton’s favorite Christmas candy?
Bone-bone.
We all know Albert Einstein was a genius…
But his brother Frank was a monster.
Take a vampire to a bar, and you don't need to ask what he wants to drink. He'll have a Bloodweiser.
Why did the vampire refuse to eat his eggs?
Because they were sunny side up!
What is a skeleton’s favorite TV show?
Bone-anza!
What is a ghost's favorite place to work?
Ghoul-gle.
Where's the safest place to be in the zombie apocalypse?
The living room.
Why was the skeleton scared of the baby?
Because he was an ankle biter.
The vampire decided to eat a throat lozenge. It was the only thing he could think of to stop his coffin fit.
What's the difference between an internet troll and a video game character?
Video game characters have lives.
Why do werewolves howl at the moon?
Because no one else will do it for them!
How do Yetis tell the time?
With a sasq-watch.
What is the Abominable Snowman's favourite type of cup?
A yeti.
What's the similarity between a sailor and a thief?
Both have a phobia for sirens.
Mommy, Mommy, what’s a werewolf?
Don’t worry about that honey and comb your face!
Why did the hotel staff dress as witches for Halloween?
Because they provided broom service!
Why do vampires need cold medicine?
For their coffin.
Why do zombies speak Latin?
It’s a dead language.
What did the angry witch do after sitting on her broomstick?
She flew off the handle.
Someone who does not become a witch until they're old is a late broomer.
What did one of Frankenstein’s ears say to the other?
I didn’t know we lived on the same block.
Where does a Portuguese skeleton live?
Lis-bone
What do you call a goblin with an injured leg?
A hobblin' goblin.
Where do fashionable ghosts shop for sheets? Bootiques.
What kind of writer did the ghost hire to write his biography? A ghostwriter, duh.
Which building do vampires always visit when in New York?
The Vampire State Building.
What does the zombie say to her zombie crush?
- Are you going to kiss me or rot?
What do you get if you cross a werewolf and a pet dog?
A terrified postman.
What do you call a male witch?
Mitch
Who is the most famous French skeleton?
Napolean Bone-aparte.
What do you call a werewolf with a fever?
A hot dog.
What does goblin's blood consist of?
Hemogoblin.
What would you call a vampire who is into finance?
Account Dracula.
Yetis have declared their own independent state in the Himalayas.
It's an abomi-nation.
What’s a monster’s favorite play? Romeo and Ghouliet.
Why can’t skeletons play church music?
Because they have no organs.
How do you get rid of a witch’s hex?
Draw a hex-a-gone.
If you're wondering if someone's become a vampire, there's an easy way to tell. A true vampire is always coffin.
What did the zombie say when he failed the exam?
- I didn't have enough brains.
Why are ghouls so healthy?
They always eat fresh food!
A pirate I know likes clothes made by an Italian fashion giant...
He dresses in Argh-mani suits.
What do you say when you see a stunned ghostbuster catch a ghoul?
He's a little confused but he's got the spirit.
Why did the witch's team lose the cricket game?
Their bats flew away.
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