Why don’t skeletons do well at sports?
Because they have no skin in the game!
What does a heartbroken zombie say?
- I just want zombodie to love.
Where does a zombie get a spare body part
Second hand.
I knew a vampire who was trying to become an actor. He gave it his best shot, but ended up retraining. He just couldn't find a role he could sink his teeth into.
What do you call it when witches are optimistic about the future?
Witchful thinking.
What does a vampire need for making breakfast in the morning?
Pancake batter.
What kind of vehicle does Bigfoot drive?
A big toe-truck.
What kind of horse does a ghost ride? A nightmare.
I wish medusa would stop objectifying people.
I knew a vampire who became a poet.
He went from bat to verse.
Why did the werewolf need to talk with the skeleton?
He had a bone to pick with him.
What happened to the man who didn’t pay his exorcist? His house was repossessed.
Whats the distant cousin of the werewolf?
The way over therewolf.
What do you call a lie told by a skeleton?
A fibula.
What do you call a herd of undead llamas?
The zombie alpacalypse.
Why do vampires eat lentils?
Because they are so into pulses.
What’s a werewolf’s favorite nighttime story?
A hairy tail!
Stealthy minotaurs are always camooflauged.
What do you call a witch's spotless garage?
A broom closet.
Why did the troll fall back with his army?
He didn't want to be ogre-run by the enemy.
Why didn’t the skull go to the dentist?
It was too-th late.
What kind of pasta do skeletons enjoy eating the most?
Elbow macaroni.
What did the doctor say to the skeleton who had a temperature of 103 degrees?
- Looks like you are running a femur.
What did one witch's cat say to the other?
You look familiar.
Scientists believe that one day we will find Sasquatch, just...
Not Yeti.
Why did the ghoul eat a light bulb?
Because it wanted a light snack!
What did Dracula say to the priest who visited his castle?
Don’t you ever cross me!
The bartender told the ghost they don't serve spirits after midnight.
What’s a skeleton’s favorite plant?
A bone-zai.
Why did the zombie stop teaching?
He only had one pupil!
What do witches put on their bagels?
Scream cheese.
How does a vampire keep fit?
Batminton.
What kind of dog did Frankenstein want for Christmas?
A lab.
What do you call a skeleton snake?
A rattler.
What did the woman say when she escaped Dracula’s clutches?
- Better luck necks time!
Why did the poor werewolf chase his own tail?
He was trying to make ends meet.
What money do zombies use?
Crypt-o-currency.
What did mother werewolf say to the naughty boy werewolf?
- We're werewolves, not swear-wolves.
What's a werewolf's favorite mode of transport?
A lunar cycle.
The vampires were in a mood, so I thought I'd do something to cheer them up. They were over the moon that I re-vamped their castle.
What a is ghoul’s favorite pet?
Ghoulfish!
Everyone loves my Halloween costume, but I still see room for improvement.
I guess I'm an ogre-achiever.
What does a witch get if she crosses a black cat and a lemon?
A sour puss.
What do you call the last skeleton on earth?
The end-o skeleton.
Why did the zombie take a sick day?
She had cold symp-tombs.
The best place to search for information about witches is wicca-pedia.
What do you call half of a centaur?
A per-centaur.
What do you call a row of zombies?
A deadline.
Finding Bigfoot will be no small feat.
What do you call a zombie with lots of kids?
A mom-ster.
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