When a Minotaur considers himself an optimist is it that he sees his glass as half-bull?
Why was the werewolf arrested at the butchers shop?
He was caught chop lifting.
What do you call a skeleton who rings the doorbell?
A dead ringer.
What do you call a cold werewolf?
A chilli dog.
What do you call a ghost of a man with a broken leg? A hobblin’ goblin.
Why can't the zombie get a job?
They all want someone more lively.
When the ghost watched a sad movie he started boo-hooing.
Why did the witch fall off her broom mid-flight?
She had a fainting spell!
What do werewolf like for breakfast?
Pooched eggs.
What's the similarity between a sailor and a thief?
Both have a phobia for sirens.
What sound does it make when an ogre eats a witch for breakfast?
Snap cackle n' pop
Why do ghosts and demons get along so well? Demons are a ghoul’s best friend.
What do you call a lineup of food with lots of garlicky dishes?
Buffet the Vampire Slayer!
Why couldn't the little witch read her spellbook?
It was written in curse-ive.
What does a ghoul say when they wake up?
Gaaarrrh I love the smell of ghoul in the morning!
What do you call a werewolf escapologist?
Hairy Houdini.
One of my neighbours was stealing things from the local supermarket whilst sitting on the shoulders of two vampires. He was charged with shoplifting on two counts.
What do you call a werewolf with a fever?
A hot dog.
How does a vampire bat enter his house?
Through the bat flap.
Why did the witch stay in a hotel during her travels?
She heard they had great broom service.
Where do zombie monkeys live?
In the brain forest.
Why did the poor werewolf chase his own tail?
He was trying to make ends meet.
What do you call someone who specializes in growing plants used in witches’ brews?
A hag-riculturist!
What type of candy sent the skeleton to the hospital?
Jawbreakers.
Do zombies eat popcorn with their fingers?
No, they eat the fingers separately.
How does a werewolf make bechamel sauce?
They start with a rooooooooouuuuuuuux.
What does a baby vampire say before going to bed?
- Turn on the dark, I’m scared of the light.
You will never see a vampire betting on the horses. They can't handle the stakes.
What do you get when you cross a ghoul and a vampire?
A hemogoblin.
Did you hear about the zombie who was expelled from school?
He kept buttering up his teacher!
What does a vampire do after taking a shower?
It stands on a bat mat.
If you see a ghost, you should always say, 'How do you boo?'
Why did the witch's team lose the cricket game?
Their bats flew away.
What does a vampire need for making breakfast in the morning?
Pancake batter.
Where do bad jokes about skeletons belong?
In the skelebin.
When ghosts visit the seaside, they always get an i-scream.
I asked a vampire if I could borrow some money. He told me he needed to go to the blood bank.
Have you heard about a man who became a werewolf?
He was distressed at first, but then he took a lycan to it.
What does a skeleton order at a restaurant?
Spare ribs.
What do you get if you cross a witch with a werewolf?
A mad dog that chases airplanes!
College-age vampires only ever shop in one place - Forever 21.
What’s the best time for Frankenstein to go to a party?
Fright now.
A green ogre came up to me and began saying how stressed he was/
I said, "You're a nervous Shrek."
What do you call a fast broomstick?
A vroom-stick.
What do you call a lie told by a skeleton?
A fibula.
The skeleton didn't mind that everyone called him a bonehead.
Where do you find giant snails?
At the end of a giant’s finger.
Everyone loves my Halloween costume, but I still see room for improvement.
I guess I'm an ogre-achiever.
Werewolves love their fast food.
How do ghouls like their meals?
Absolutely terrified!
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