The mom to the naughty vampire said to him, “Watch your battitude, that is not how you talk to your elders.”
Where do you find giant snails?
At the end of a giant’s finger.
How did the skeleton baker make bread?
He Knee-d it.
I knew a vampire who was trying to become an actor. He gave it his best shot, but ended up retraining. He just couldn't find a role he could sink his teeth into.
Why did the Zombie baseball pitcher retire?
He threw his arm out.
Why did the skeleton have to testify in court?
Because he was a body of evidence.
If two vampires have a race, will it be neck and neck?
Why can’t skeletons play church music?
Because they have no organs.
Where does a Portuguese skeleton live?
Lis-bone
What do you call a Minotaur in a playground?
A swing and a myth.
What do you call a ghost of a man with a broken leg? A hobblin’ goblin.
What is the difference between a deer running away and a small witch?
One is a hunted stag and one is a stunted hag!
What is a zombie’s favorite shampoo?
Head & Shoulders.
The ghoul didn't get his letter on time because it got lost at the ghost office.
Why did the Green Giant lay down in the field?
So he could Rest in Peas.
What do skeletons hate the most about the wind?
Nothing. It goes right through them.
Vampires make awful businessmen. They just can't deal with the stakeholders.
Why couldn’t the police arrest the skeleton?
They couldn’t pin anything on him.
When they want to relax, ghosts have a boo-ble bath.
Why do girl ghosts go on diets? So they can keep their ghoulish figures.
What money do zombies use?
Crypt-o-currency.
Dracula really doesn't have any other vampire friends. It's because he's a total pain in the neck.
On reflection, vampires aren't actually that scary.
What is a Ghost’s favourite toy to play with? Leg-oooooooooooooooo!
Why did the ghoul become green?
It was sick of eating brains!
How does Frankenstein jump-start his day?
With a shock of lighting.
What do you call a mythical being working in a smoothie store?
Mejuicea.
There are two skeleton teachers at school. One is humerus, but the other is very sternum.
Why do ghouls like ice cream?
Because it’s ghoulilicous!
I have no idea how so many people didn’t make it out the labyrinth.
It only took me a minotaur two.
According to Greek mythology, Chiron was a half horse half human doctor.
This made him the Centaur for Disease Control.
What kind of TV does a skeleton watch?
A skelevision.
Why was the skeleton a success at work?
He had a head for business.
How did Dr. Frankenstein pay the men who built his monster?
On a piece rate.
What’s Frankenstein’s favorite food?
Frankenfurters.
Why are skeletons so good at telling jokes?
Because they have a funny bone.
What do zombie actors do before they perform?
They re-hearse.
What do you call a zombie DJ?
A dead beat.
What is the baby vampire's least favorite fast food establishment?
Stake n shake!
What do you call a hairy monster that lives by a dam?
A weir-wolf.
I’ve started dating Medusa recently.
Our relationship rocks!
Big Foot has been spotted throwing tantrums and talking back to his parents.
No wonder they call him the Sassquatch.
What did the witch say when the door-to-door broom salesman showed her a vacuum.
I don't want an automatic. I want a stick shift!
When ghosts visit the seaside, they always get an i-scream.
What’s a skeleton’s second favorite instrument?
A sax-a-bone.
Did you hear about the vampire who only had one fang?
He just had to grin and bare it.
What do you call a hairy beast that’s lost?
A where-wolf!
Did you see that movie about King Kong, the giant ape?
The plot was pretty bananas.
Live to tell the tail.
There's a group of girls that love vampires at my school. I really want to join their fang club.
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