What do you call half of a centaur?
A per-centaur.
What did the zombie say when she fell out with her vampire friend?
- You're dead to me!
When a Minotaur considers himself an optimist is it that he sees his glass as half-bull?
What kind of potatoes do zombies like?
Monster mash.
What is a ghost’s favorite carnival ride? The rollerghoster.
What does a witch get if she crosses a black cat and a lemon?
A sour puss.
How do ghosts take their eggs? Terri-fried.
What’s a vampire’s favorite type of dog?
A blood hound.
Why do comedians hate telling jokes at zombie night?
All they hear is groans.
What does the zombie say to her zombie crush?
- Are you going to kiss me or rot?
What do Krakens eat?
Fish and ships.
What cars do zombies drive?
Monster trucks.
What do you get when you cross a strict school teacher with a vampire?
Lots of blood tests.
What is the baby vampire's least favorite fast food establishment?
Stake n shake!
What did the minotaur say to the real estate agent?
- Amazing.
How does Bigfoot stay in shape?
It does Sas-squats.
When the ghost family got in their car, the dad ghost told the kids to fasten their sheet-belts.
There are two skeleton teachers at school. One is humerus, but the other is very sternum.
What is Frankenstein’s favorite cheese?
Muenster.
What did the ghost teacher say to her class? - Look at the board and I’ll go through it, again.
How did Dr. Frankenstein pay the men who built his monster?
On a piece rate.
What do you call a skeleton who goes to school but doesn’t do any work?
Lazy bones.
Two skeletons are talking in a bar.
Skeleton 1: "Are you going to the funeral tomorrow?"
Skeleton 2: “Of corpse I am.”
What does a skeleton order at a restaurant?
Spare ribs.
Did you hear how the zombie bodybuilder hurt his back?
He was dead lifting.
How do you stop an Internet troll?
Seize their memes of production.
What did the zombie get when she was late to dinner?
The cold shoulder.
Why don’t werewolf make good dancers?
Because they have two left feet!
Why did the zombie eat a light bulb?
Because he wanted a light snack.
What would you call a singer who's really scared of medusa?
A rockstar.
Where do Ghosts travel to for a holiday? South Aarghfricaargh.
Witch you were here.
What do you call a skeleton who rings the doorbell?
A dead ringer.
A man has been arrested in South Africa for shooting a giant chess set
What's wrong with those big game hunters?!
I met an annoying squid who wanted to become a comedian.
He wouldn’t stop kraken jokes.
How do werewolves stop a video?
They press the paws button.
What do witches put on their hair? Scare spray.
What did the witch say to people who visited her house?
Come sit for a spell!
What tree monster prowls the forest?
Frankenpine.
I've always wondered if it was easy to catch Bigfoot...
I was relieved when my doctor told me it wasn't a disease.
What do you call a hairy beast that’s lost?
A where-wolf!
Where do ghosts go trick or treating? Dead ends.
A ghost's favourite pie flavour is boo-berry.
What do you get when you cross a werewolf and a vampire?
A fur coat that fangs around your neck.
When they want to relax, ghosts have a boo-ble bath.
Who turns the lights off on Halloween?
The light's witch.
What do you get when you cross a werewolf and a person who makes pots?
Harry Potter
What’s a vampire’s favorite holiday?
Fangs-giving.
Did you know Doctor Frankenstein used to be a lonely, lonely man?
Then he learned how to make friends.
What’s a skeleton’s second favorite instrument?
A sax-a-bone.
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