The knight fell very sick over the weekend. He had a running temperature and was feeling very nauseous. The doctor called it the Saturday Knight Fever.
Who was the knight that was very secretive?
Sir Reptitious
What do you tell the nobles of Scandinavia whenever you're leaving their house?
Viking.
Which cheese surrounds a medieval castle?
Moatzarella.
Q: What did Ramesses II say when he walked into the public restroom?
A: What sphinx in here?
What do the early European settlers in America have in common with ants?
They both lived in colonies!
Where did the Viking buy his guitar?
Nordstrom's
I always knew that some knights had names that described their personality (like Lancelot the Brave), but I didn't realise nuns did that too until I became one...
I was Nun the Wiser.
Did you hear about the new Netflix series? The one about a couple of poor female artists living in 1600s Rome?
I think it's called Two Baroque Girls
What is fruity and burns?
The grape fire of London.
Do you think that the mummies enjoyed being the mummies? Of corpse they did!
The sweetest and fruitiest historical wonder of the world is the Grape Wall of China.
I went to a dad-joke competition at Medieval Times last weekend..
They called it the Game of Groans.
In the medieval ages, chess was a very popular game among Kings and Queens. This was because they had castles in it!
2000 years ago, pop diva Lady Cleopatra had a smash hit: "Bad Romans."
Why was the king only a foot tall?
Because he was a ruler.
Did you hear about the viking who hit his thumb with a hammer and bit his tongue?
It was Thor.
Where did the Romans go to rent their vehicles?
Herculease.
What do you call a drunk medieval poet?
Shakesbeer
The crosseyed history teacher
Could not control her pupils.
The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.
He acquired his size from too much pi.
What did Caesar say to Cleopatra?
"Toga-ther, we can rule the world!"
I googled 'lost medieval servant boy'
The result was 'This page cannot be found.'
The biggest irony in the world's history is that the Russian alphabet has no letters in lowercase. It is all Capitalization.
Why was Cleopatra so in love with Egypt's ruler?
Pharaohmones
What time is it Julius? 8:02 Brutus.
A Roman Lifeguard on duty:
See Caesar, Beware the tides of March!
Most of the knights of the round table of King Arthur were in their middle ages.
What do you call a little monster's parents?
Mummy and Deady.
What explorer was the best at Hide and Seek?
Marco Polo.
What would the Egyptian doctor tell to the wife of the Egyptian Pharaoh? He said that she was going to become a mummy.
Why can't Vikings fans eat cereal? Because they choke before they ever reach the bowl.
I like my pasta the way I like my medieval Italian literature.
All Dante.
While teaching about the Mongol Empire in History class, our teacher told us, "If anyone Khan, Genghis Khan."
What was the most popular kids' movie in Ancient Greece?
Troy Story.
Have you heard of the knight whose enemies were always lurking near him and following him? That knight went by the name of Sir Rounded.
What do you call 3 knights in a relationship?
Polyarmory
After Jesus's trial was complete, he asked the Roman soldier closest to him what was going to happen next.
"I don't know. I'll keep you posted."
A Viking walked into a bar.
The bartender asked, Why the long ship?
My English teacher told us to write about the history of our life. However, I hate writing, so I used AI to write it for me.
I guess you can say it's an auto-biography.
What do you call a vegetarian Viking?
Norvegan.
What do you call the gladiator who only tackles other gladiators?
Wrestle Crow.
What is Julius Caesar's favorite food?
Roman noodles
What do you call a sick Egyptian?
Sir Cough-a-gus
How do Medieval sheep protest prisons?
They storm the baaaastille.
Everyone remembers the iconic line from the lesser known Tragedy of Julius Sneezer:
"Achoo, Brute?"
Where do Viking warrior scrabble champions go when they die?
Vowel-halla
Who said that the pyramids are the tallest structure in Egypt? They are just between pyra-highs and pyra-lows.
When the History teachers wanted to help out students who were failing the subject privately, they put up a poster on the school bulletin boards that said, "Need Tudoring?"
When the love of his life finally left him, young Fidel cried out in despair, "I didn't think you would embar go my dear one."