What do you call a medieval siege machine that throws flowers?
A trebouquet
What did they call mummy makers in ancient Egypt? Sarcophaguy.
Okay, so, I *had* an offensive joke I wanted to tell about Ancient Rome
But I don't have the Gaul anymore...
Hitler jokes are rude, Anne Frankly I don't care.
What's an Ancient Egyptian favorite restaurant?
Pizza Tut!
Medieval cures...
Were leeches on society
The Vikings had an initiative tradition where a child had to participate in a raid to become a full man
... as they say, it takes a pillage to raise a child.
What did the bone mage use to rob medieval homes?
A skeleton key
Why didn't the peasants attend the Egyptian king's open palace party?
The address was "2, Pharaoh Way"
Why were people in the Medieval times so self absorbed?
Because they thought that they were the center of the universe.
What do you call a viking who is attracted to both genders?
Biking
I had a friend who got a Ph.D. in the history of Palindromes. He is now called Dr. Awkward.
Who said that the pyramids are the tallest structure in Egypt? They are just between pyra-highs and pyra-lows.
What's the difference between a Roman and an Irish Catholic?
The strength of the communion wine.
She broke up with me while we were swimming in Egypt
I'm still in de-Nile
What do you call a knight who just wants to fight with an opponent on level grounds? He is called Sir Face!
Hey, have you heard about....
A gladiator whose arms and legs been cut off in a fight? Well, I heard that he's been disarmed and defeated.
Why was Romeo melancholic?
Because Juliette Cantaloupe.
When the gladiators fought lions
it was always the mane event
What did the Medieval Gynecologist say to his patients?
At your cervix, m'lady
What was Julius Caesar's answer when the flooring installer asked what he wanted to do with the old floor boards?
Carpet dem.
Why did it take the Roman General 10 tries to find the buried treasure?
Because X marks the spot
When the History teachers wanted to help out students who were failing the subject privately, they put up a poster on the school bulletin boards that said, "Need Tudoring?"
Napoleon conquered too much lang because he had too little Toulouse.
How did Julius Caesar like his water?
Rome temperature.
It is no wonder that Thomas Jefferson was thus named, his father was after Jefferdad.
A soldier in ancient Egypt is eating his ice cream and quitting on the army
A deserter having his dessert in the desert about to desert his post.
My sister once took a knight as a dance partner to her high-school party because it was a prom knight.
What is Julius Caesar's favorite food?
Roman noodles
Astonishingly, the first comic strip known to man was created by King John of England. It was called the 'Manga-Carta'!
Why do vikings have barcodes on their ships?
Its so they can scan-de-navien
Did you hear about the viking who hit his thumb with a hammer and bit his tongue?
It was Thor.
What happened to the two gladiator olives?
They were pitted against each other
What do you call a viking cemetary?
A grey fjord.
I heard the history teacher got into a fight with the math teacher
He did a real good number in him.
One fundamental lesson our teacher has taught us in History class while talking about the Civil War was never to take victory for Grant-ed.
What do you call a Korean knight who is looking for his lost belongings? He goes by the name Sir Ching!
Did you see that their is a Medieval play about menstruation?
It's a period piece
Where does a Knights templar keep his valuables?
A deus vult
Why did Rome Fall?
Because it slipped on some Greece.
The loveliest subject in schools History because it has so many dates.
Vegetarians in the sixth century were called peasants.
What did the borg say to the medieval peasant?
Resistance if feudal
What do you call Sir Lancelot when he is dancing and singing to his heart's content at a party? We call him Sir Dancelot.
The castle and court of Camelot were famous for their knight-life.
Why is the Medieval period often called the Dark Ages?
Because there were so many knights.
What is a knight who has traveled all across the earth with a ship known as? He is known as Sir Cumnavigator.
Why does Egypt not celebrate Father's Day?
Because they're so full of mummies
Why don't they sell GPSs in Italy?
Because all the roads lead to Rome.
My teacher told me in History class to do some light reading on the history of the light bulb.
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