Why did Karl Marx dislike Earl Grey tea? Because all proper tea is theft.
What do you call a medieval siege machine that throws flowers?
A trebouquet
What's a mummy's favorite song?
Walk Like An Egyptian.
What Did The Gladiator Do With The Glory-Hole?
He put his spear in it.
Q: What do you get when you cross an Egyptian pharaoh with a mechanic?
A: Toot and Car Man.
What's the most important day in Egypt?
Mummy's Day.
Where did the Viking buy his guitar?
Nordstrom's
What do you name a knight who has been able to persevere through all the barriers in his way? A Sir Vivor!
In history class, the teacher taught said the Magna Carta was signed in 1215 and to write an essay on it. A student handed in his work with "The Magna Carta was signed in 1215" written 150 times.
The teacher asked the boy, "Why did you write this?" The boy replied, "Because you always say that history repeats itself!"
People argue that the Romans were wrong to crucify Jesus
Personally, I think they nailed it.
What do you call a musician who just saw Medusa?
A rockstar!
One fundamental lesson our teacher has taught us in History class while talking about the Civil War was never to take victory for Grant-ed.
How did knights in the middle-ages get across a moat?
Moataboat
What did the Medieval Gynecologist say to his patients?
At your cervix, m'lady
What do you call a cow apart of the Knights of the Round Table?
Sir Loin
If your girlfriend/wife ever gets you a gladiator uniform, it's a pretty good sign.
She wants you to be more Roman-tic.
Napoleon may not have designed the coat he wore, but he did have a hand in it.
Why were medieval people from Mexico such good engineers? This is because they learned in Aztech!
In the old times, the medieval kings and queens would only visit the dentist just before their coronation. This is because they wanted their teeth crowned!
The comedian said a joke from the 17th century, the crowd went historical.
When the proposal of building a parking lot was given to Richard III, he told said, "Over my dead body."
What does a mummy use when he needs to hide? Masking tape.
Why do vikings have barcodes on their ships?
Its so they can scan-de-navien
What does vikings call english villages?
Chopping centers.
Did you know the first weather report was delivered to Julius Caesar?
Hail Caesar
You're my romeboy.
Why didn't the peasants attend the Egyptian king's open palace party?
The address was "2, Pharaoh Way"
Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?
At the bottom.
What do you call someone who specialises in Egypt?
A Cairopractor.
What happened to the two gladiator olives?
They were pitted against each other
A history student was so enamored with Ancient Rome that he decided to become a Roman himself. His friends weren't very supportive. They kept telling him to get with the times,
New Roman.
What type of weapon does a vegetable knight use?
A-spear-iguess
How do you communicate with the spirit of a Viking warrior?
With a Nor-Ouija board.
What happens to Egyptian girls who forget to take their pills?
They become mummies.
Why do Egyptians shave their heads?
To make them more pharaoh-dynamic
How did kids in Ancient Rome get their hair cut?
With little Caesar's.
I went to a dad-joke competition at Medieval Times last weekend..
They called it the Game of Groans.
What did the Pharaoh tell the man who tried to sell him a pyramid? "Well, that's the last thing I need."
A knight asks a squire for the time
The squire says: it seems to be 3 pm
The knights shuts his visor and says: no, its knight time
Q: What did Ramesses II say when he walked into the public restroom?
A: What sphinx in here?
Why did Julius Caesar never say thank you to anyone?
He didn't speak English.
Why was Julius Caesar the first dictator of Rome?
He was the only one with the Gaul to try it.
My history textbook says that the pharoh of Egypt used slaves to build the pyramids.
Which is kind of weird considering he could've just used bricks or something.
I heard people are trying to ban roman numerals.
Not on my watch.
Why did the pharaoh go to the dentist?
Egypt his tooth.
What do Vikings call the people that cut their hair?
Barberians.
Why did the little British boy become an Ancient Egyptian Historian?
Because he wanted his mummy to be proud him.
The medieval queen was unhappy when she saw that it was pouring outside. She sighed to herself, "This could be another reigny day."
What do you call a candle in armor?
A knight light
There was this knight who would be always roasting whatever he would catch for food. Guess this is why he was known as the Bonfire Knight.
A lot of people don't like movies about mummies. I think they get a bad wrap.
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