Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?
At the bottom.
What do Egyptian Pharaoh's and sandwich filling have in common?
They're both in bread.
Once upon a time, there was a king who loved traveling through tunnels. The people gave him the name: Alex-Under."
What did the thirsty mummy do?
They put on a thirst aid bandage.
What type of noodles did the ancient Egyptian kings loved to eat? Ramen.
When the love of his life finally left him, young Fidel cried out in despair, "I didn't think you would embar go my dear one."
The medieval queen was unhappy when she saw that it was pouring outside. She sighed to herself, "This could be another reigny day."
Where does a pharaoh use the bathroom?
A pee-ramid
What do you ask a medieval crustacean when you want them to feel the music?
Art thou feeling it now Mr. Krabs?
What's a snake's favorite subject to study in school? Hisssstory.
Hitler jokes are rude, Anne Frankly I don't care.
What kind of lights did Noah have on the ark? Floodlights.
I killed all the knights in the Iron Keep, except one,
He was Allone
A lot of people don't like movies about mummies. I think they get a bad wrap.
Why can't Vikings fans eat cereal? Because they choke before they ever reach the bowl.
The colonized do not like British tea. They only want liber-tea.
I always knew that some knights had names that described their personality (like Lancelot the Brave), but I didn't realise nuns did that too until I became one...
I was Nun the Wiser.
How did Ozymandias became the greatest Pharaoh of Egypt?
He rammed everything that he sees
Who used to run pen & paper RPGs in 1st century BC Rome?
The Carpe DM
Medieval Kings and Queens were carried by their soldiers and servants. I am not lying, they litter-ally carried that way!
Q: What do you get when you cross an Egyptian pharaoh with a mechanic?
A: Toot and Car Man.
Why did the medieval Indian go to the doctor?
He was feeling a bit Sikh
My girlfriend said if I don't stop my obsession with Viking culture she'll fight me to the death.
"Jokes on you," I said. "If I die in battle, I'll go straight to Valhalla."
Why can't a pirate count Roman numerals?
They got lost at C
How was the Roman Empire cut in half?
With a pair of Caesars.
I recently learned that the Romans were renowned for their architecture.
Doesn't make much sense to me, considering it fell.
How do you communicate with the spirit of a Viking warrior?
With a Nor-Ouija board.
Q: What did the mummy say to the zombie?
A: Quit ragging me out!
I wouldn't trust medieval executioners in today's world.
They are prepared to kill people, simply to get a head.
What was written on a knight's headstone?
Rust in peace.
Me: Can I get XL shirts here?
Ancient Rome Shopkeeper: Are you sure you want that many shirts?
My history teacher is a communist, so I made lots of references to the Soviet Union in my essay.
I got full marx.
What would be one of the worst crimes to commit if you were a sheep living in the medieval times?
Muttiny
I heard people are trying to ban roman numerals.
Not on my watch.
I think if Rome hadn't been built on a hill...
..it wouldn't have had such a fast decline.
Did you hear about the scary couple in prom this year? It was a mummy and his ghoul-friend.
Why did George Washington have sleeping problems? Because he is unable to lie.
What did the Pharaoh tell the man who tried to sell him a pyramid? "Well, that's the last thing I need."
What is the name of the device that the king uses to control the moat around his castle? A remoat control.
I accidentally sat on a medieval stained glass window at the antique store...
That was a royal pane in the ass.
Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/8th.
The Vikings had an initiative tradition where a child had to participate in a raid to become a full man.
As they say, it takes a pillage to raise a child.
When many knights were being killed by guns and bombs, the medieval scientist discovered a weapon that would destroy all their enemies. It was known as the knightrogen bomb!
One fundamental lesson our teacher has taught us in History class while talking about the Civil War was never to take victory for Grant-ed.
You do not want to know the history behind the railroad because it is so underground.
Doofus was the stupidest of Roman generals.
How does a Viking show the amount of raiding and pillaging that they do at the same time?
They use a Sven Diagram.
Approximately how many Egyptians can be fitted inside a pyramid? A pharaoh mount.
Vikings joke
Why do West Virginia residences love the Vikings?
They catch theilens from their cousins.
England is the wettest country because many monarchs reigned there for many years.
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