Why does England always get attacked in the summer?
Because the Knights are shorter then.
The mummy was very sore from lying down for years. So he called a Cairo-practor.
Which underwear does King Tut wear?
Fruit of the tomb!
The only kind of Rock music that the Pilgrims were fond of was Plymouth Rock.
I wonder why Lenin didn't realize that communism would fail to work. There were so many red flags everywhere.
What would the Egyptian doctor tell to the wife of the Egyptian Pharaoh? He said that she was going to become a mummy.
Franz Joseph constantly sour about everything because he was always Haydn.
What's the difference between a Viking and that one Bond movie where he's in space?
One's *Moonraker*, the other's a rune maker.
Why is the Medieval period often called the Dark Ages?
Because there were so many knights.
Did you hear about the Pharaoh who was lying in the wrong coffin? He made a grave mistake.
You should check out that Egyptian antiquities store.
They have a mummy-back guarantee!
Unlike fairy tales, the stories of Egyptian mummies always goes from riches to rags.
In Ancient Rome, there were 4 types of poison. Poisons I, II, and III would all kill you with varying degrees of pain.
However, Poison IV would just make you really itchy.
In the dark ages, the knights had to attend a special type of school. It was the Knight School.
Did you hear about the viking who hit his thumb with a hammer and bit his tongue?
It was Thor.
What does vikings call english villages?
Chopping centers.
Wanna hear a joke about Vikings?
Never mind, there's Norway you'd laugh at it.
After which knight is a town in England named? Sir Rey!
The medieval king was very excited when the engineer told him that he could get him a castle at very little price. Turns out, the engineer indeed built a castle but it was a bouncy one.
The colonized do not like British tea. They only want liber-tea.
How do Medieval sheep protest prisons?
They storm the baaaastille.
Q: Why was the Pharaoh Khufu sent to jail?
A: He ran a pyramid scheme.
What would be one of the worst crimes to commit if you were a sheep living in the medieval times?
Muttiny
The biggest irony in the world's history is that the Russian alphabet has no letters in lowercase. It is all Capitalization.
What do you think is the name of the knight who unexpectedly turned up at the battle? His name is Sir Prize.
Medieval Kings and Queens were carried by their soldiers and servants. I am not lying, they litter-ally carried that way!
Where would you find Hadrian's Wall?
At the bottom of his garden!
What is the most popular console with the vikings?
The axe-box
What do you call a Swedish cycling group?
Viking Biking
Why was Cleopatra so in love with Egypt's ruler?
Pharaohmones
What did Sparticus do to the cannibal who ate his nagging wife?
Nothing, he's gladiator.
Who was the most flatulent Pharaoh in all of old Egypt?
King Tootsarecommon.
These days, knights love to watch movies, and their favorite genre is the horror and the action genre. Also, I am pretty sure that their favorite movie is 'Knight Of The Living Dead.'
A man goes into a Chinese restaurant and sees people dressed like vikings
"Excuse me, ladies and gentleman. I am a well traveled man and the atmosphere of my excursions must be perfect. I must kindly ask you to leave."
A big, muscular man dressed in Viking armor walked up to the man and said
"Norway"
What was the most common sandwich in Ancient Rome?
A Plebeian J
You know, I really liked the rule of Nero.
Rome was pretty lit at the time.
Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?
At the bottom.
What do you call a medieval spearman who is self employed?
A freelancer.
Who was King Arthur's alcoholic knight?
Sir Ohsis of the Liver
What bird regales you with stories of middle earth, knights, and allegory?
Bard owl.
A soldier in ancient Egypt is eating his ice cream and quitting on the army
A deserter having his dessert in the desert about to desert his post.
How does a Viking show the amount of raiding and pillaging that they do at the same time?
They use a Sven Diagram.
My friends and I are starting a disco group.
We'll dress as a Viking, a Mongol, a Caribbean pirate, a Bedouin raider, and a Spanish conquistador.
We call ourselves: The Pillage People.
I'm pretty sure all history teachers are necromancers
They only care about the dead.
That boy narrated his-story really well.
What do you call a viking who is attracted to both genders?
Biking
What do you call someone who used to build airplanes in medieval times? Aerosmith!
One night, a Viking called Rudolph the red was looking out of his window when he suddenly said, "It's going to rain."
His wife asked, "How do you know?"
"Because Rudolph the red knows rain, dear."
What is the name of that knight who is very fond of the sea and spends most of his time at sea beaches? We call him Sir Fer.
If you go to Medieval Times and watch the jousts, there is a sir charge.
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