When I wrote the history of cheese for our term paper in school, our History teacher said it was grate.
Why did George Washington have sleeping problems? Because he is unable to lie.
Who does a dead pharaoh talk to?
His mummy.
What did Medieval postmen wear?
Chain mail.
I'm pretty sure all history teachers are necromancers
They only care about the dead.
Why can't Vikings fans eat cereal? Because they choke before they ever reach the bowl.
When one is Russian for industrialization, there is no time for Stalin.
Who used to run pen & paper RPGs in 1st century BC Rome?
The Carpe DM
I heard the history teacher got into a fight with the math teacher
He did a real good number in him.
What would the pharaoh say after seeing the pyramid? He would name it mummy's home.
A man goes into a Chinese restaurant and sees people dressed like vikings
"Excuse me, ladies and gentleman. I am a well traveled man and the atmosphere of my excursions must be perfect. I must kindly ask you to leave."
A big, muscular man dressed in Viking armor walked up to the man and said
"Norway"
Why did Karl Marx dislike Earl Grey tea? Because all proper tea is theft.
Of course Napolean did not design the coat that he was wearing but we all knew that he had his hand on it.
The knight fell very sick over the weekend. He had a running temperature and was feeling very nauseous. The doctor called it the Saturday Knight Fever.
Why was the Egyptian kid confused?
His daddy was his mummy!
Henry VIII had breathing troubles - he had no heir!
Getting a Roman soldier to stand next to an Irishman ...
... requires a lot of Gaul.
Did you know they didn't have smart phones in ancient Rome?
They had tablets.
In the medieval ages, many knights had to travel throughout day and night. In order to increase their visibility in darkness, they invented a device known as the knightvision goggles.
Before America was founded, the idea of a democratic nation in the New World was unPresidented.
Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/8th.
Where do mummies go for a swim? To the Dead Sea.
Which famous Roman suffered from hayfever?
Julius Sneezer.
Why did it take the Roman General 10 tries to find the buried treasure?
Because X marks the spot
What did the Viking boss say to his band of misbehaving marauders?
It's either my way or Norway!
Knights have always used one type of lamp since medieval times. These lamps are now called Knight Lamps.
There were two knights who were fighting a long duel with each other. The fight ended when one of them chopped off the other's leg- guess the knight was defeeted.
A Roman walks into a cafe and makes an "X" with his fingers.
He says, "Ten teas, please!"
Julius Caesar: "Brutus, that's a very nice dagger, is it new?"
Brutus: "Thanks, and yes, they had a sale at Traitor Joe's."
What do you call a mummy covered in chocolate and nuts? A Pharaoh Roche.
I can't remember how to write 1, 1000, 51, 6 or 500 in Roman numerals.
I M L I VI D
Why does England always get attacked in the summer?
Because the Knights are shorter then.
Why did the Vikings sail to England in longboats?
It was too far to swim!
What's a Vikings favourite dance?
The Loki cokey.
The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.
He acquired his size from too much pi.
She broke up with me while we were swimming in Egypt
I'm still in de-Nile
What kind of lights did Noah have on the ark? Floodlights.
What did the mummy order to eat when he went to a restaurant? A wrap.
What do you call a knight that jousts all the time
Sir Lance-alot
Who was King Arthur's alcoholic knight?
Sir Ohsis of the Liver
How did Vikings send secret messages?
Norse code
Why are 40 romans funny?
Because they are XD.
What do you call 3 knights in a relationship?
Polyarmory
How does the mother call the pharaoh son to the table?
Tutan, come on.
Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?
At the bottom.
I killed all the knights in the Iron Keep, except one,
He was Allone
As soon as the ancient Egyptian kings come to know about the pyramid scheme, they stopped building monuments immediately.
My girlfriend said if I don't stop my obsession with Viking culture she'll fight me to the death.
"Jokes on you," I said. "If I die in battle, I'll go straight to Valhalla."
When I asked my History teacher if he knew about Einstein's origin and history, he said, "I am relatively aware of it."
2000 years ago, pop diva Lady Cleopatra had a smash hit: "Bad Romans."
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