What do you call laundry detergent on the top shelf?
High tide.
How do you turn a duck into a soul singer?
Stick him in an oven until his Bill Withers
What is the most desirable kitchen appliance?
A hot plate.
How did the electrician pay for his new phone?
He charged it.
I think my heater is sick.
It's hot.
I hear it's easy to get ladies not to eat Tide pods.
It's more difficult to deter gents, though.
I really have to force myself to get through this book on friction.
I once knew a priest that only ate microwave soup.
He was a Ramen Catholic.
How many museum curators does it take to change a light bulb?
6. 1 changes it and the other 5 preserve, display, and celebrate the old model.
A friend of mine once found a hundred dollar bill in his pocket after doing laundry...
I became too afraid he might have gotten himself into the money laundering business.
How many students does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They use CFLs!
I hate when my heater says something that sounds meaningful...
But it turns out to just be blowing hot air.
What is the difference between lightning and electricity. For electricity, you need to pay, but
lightning kills for free.”
As a refrigerator technician, after a hard day on the job, I like to relax...
And chill out.
What is an outlet’s favorite song?
I’ve Got The Power.
I was opening up all the vents in our house. My wife didn't understand why.
"You may think that's eVENTfull. You'll undestand why I do this eVENTually"
My wife left a note on the fridge, saying, "This isn't working. Goodbye."
I opened it and it works fine.
Why couldn't I fry wood on the stove?
I used a non-stick pan.
I like jokes. But jokes about air conditioners?
I'm not a fan.
What instrument never fails to energize a crowd?
An electric guitar.
I got arrested at work today for moving my desk away from the air conditoner vent.
I was charged with draft-dodging!
What did the vacuum cleaner salesman say before murdering his son?
Dyson!
My wife told me to stop eating Christmas leftovers out the fridge...
But I just can’t quit cold turkey
Why did the monk meditate with a light bulb?
He hoped it would help him to reach enlightenment.
What do you call an ironing board that makes your clothes more wrinkly?
An irony board.
What did the sad lamp say when plugged in?
"I finally feel better now that I’ve got an emotional outlet."
So earlier I took my clothes from the washer and threw them into the dryer.
I can't be sure how they felt about that, but they seemed agitated.
My wife asked if I knew how to turn on the dishwasher.
I told her I would some flirty compliments.
What did the light bulb say to the electric generator? ‘You spark up my life!”
The secretary left me a message saying humidity will hit 90% today...
She wrote it on a sticky note.
What did the light bulb say to the generator? ‘I really get a charge out of you!”
How do you dry clothes on a line in winter?
You freeze dry them.
Why was the broken refrigerator angry?
Because he couldn’t keep his cool.
How many birds does it take to change a light bulb?
Normally three, but Toucan.
What is a plug’s favorite chant at a sporting event?
CHARGE!!
What is a jedi electrician’s favorite tool?
His lightsaber.
I love taking pictures of myself next to boiling kettles.
My friend reckons I have selfie steam issues
What happens when you put your hand in a blender?
You get a hand shake.
I once convinced my younger brother to swallow a small lamp.
I got in so much trouble but it was worth it to see his little face light up.
My dad argued with a stove
The conversation really started to heat up
I took my friends watch that had an LED flashlight on it.
Now it's my time to shine.
Why can’t dishwashers do parallel dancing?
They’re never in sink.
What do you call a kangaroo who watches too much TV?
A pouch potato.
Why did the lamps get arrested?
They were in some shady business
I was pretty mad when the air conditioner stopped working...
I lost my cool.
We ran out of laundry detergent today and had to open up a new one.
It was a changing of the Tide.
What penalty in hockey uses the most amount of energy? A power play.”
Television is a medium,
Because anything well done is rare.
Refrigerators look kinda boring.
But actually they're pretty cool
What do you call a regular potato broadcasting sports?
A common tater.
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