I get so mad when the heater is on.
I don't know why, I just lose my cool.
I destroyed all the air conditioners at work and escaped.
Police are now charging me with a 'heat and run' incident.
The superconductor left without resistance.
I can't find my humidifier anymore...
I have reported it misting.
What's the opposite of a microwave?
A Tsunami.
I hear it's easy to get ladies not to eat Tide pods.
It's more difficult to deter gents, though.
I got arrested at work today for moving my desk away from the air conditoner vent.
I was charged with draft-dodging!
Sitting near the fireplace is just like a whole bunch of bees...
'swarm
Why do microwaves always mess up wifi...
...when every one I've tried creates hotspots?
In the darkness, is where a flashlight really shines!
How did the charger get rich?
He made a killing in the shock market.
What do you call an Incarcerated late night TV show host?
Jimmy Felon.
If you think that your phone, laptop, microwave and fridge spying on you is bad
Then you should know that your vaccum cleaner has been collecting dirt on you for a while .
What do you call a light bulb at midnight?
A Night Light.
What do you call a worm that chews up power cords? An electro-maggot.”
My 6 year old daughter has lined up all of her dolls towards the outdoor grill...
Looks like she’s preparing some kind of Barbie queue...
I brought a new vacuum cleaner.
It sucks.
Toasters were the first form of pop-up notifications.
I like to sleep with the bedside lamp on, even though my wife says it's weird.
I don't see how, I think it makes a great hat.
What is the energy provider’s favorite dance? The electric slide.”
My dad was complaining he’d lost a sock after doing his laundry.
I said, "that's a sockrifice I had to make".
What did the toaster say to the criminal bread?
"I'm taking you into crustody"
I love taking pictures of myself next to boiling kettles.
My friend reckons I have selfie steam issues
Where do light bulbs go shopping?
The outlet stores.
Last night I turned my wife on by ironing one side of her shirt...
I was pressing all the right buttons.
My friend dragged me to a lecture about lamps. I though it would be boring but...
It was very illuminating.
What TV shows are squeaky clean?
Soap Operas
I was pretty mad when the air conditioner stopped working...
I lost my cool.
My heater won't stop running.
I swear it has no chill.
Where do light bulbs go shopping? The outlet stores.”
I feel uncomfortable next to my fridge
It's way too cool for me
What’s the best tool to install an electrical plug with?
A socket wrench.
A hand mixer started a speakeasy.
It was a wisk-y business.
Why did the monk meditate with a light bulb?
He hoped it would help him to reach enlightenment.
I asked my son to stop leaving the freezer door open.
I told him, “This is why we can’t have ice things.”
I put my fancy shirts in the freezer before I wear them.
It's cold fashion, look it up!
My dad wanted to teach me to fix the car but all I did was hold the flashlight.
I guess I'll never hold a candle to him.
Yesterday I put a $50 note in my freezer.
Now I have some frozen assets.
Where do electricians get their supplies? The Ohm Depot.
Why do quitters do all the laundry?
They always throw in the towel!
What do you call a skeleton in a freezer?
Bone-chilling.
Why did the light bulb fail his math quiz?
He wasn’t too bright.
What do you get if you put kisses in a blender?
A Smoochie.
I wonder who invented the air conditioner...
Must’ve been a pretty cool guy.
Why did the lamps get arrested?
They were in some shady business
What do you call a regular potato broadcasting sports?
A common tater.
What temperature do you set a toy oven?
Faux hundred degrees.
What is a light bulb’s favorite kind of news?
Current events.
Just opened my water bill and my electricity bill at the same time… I was shocked.”
More places are charging fees to iron my clothes after they launder them...
I guess the free press is under siege!
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