My wife and I had a huge argument as to whose turn it was to do laundry.
Eventually, I folded.
What do you get if you put kisses in a blender?
A Smoochie.
What does a four-wheeled vehicle and a television have in common?
They’re both ATV
Last night me and the wife watched three DVDs back to back.
Luckily I was the one facing the TV
How many museum curators does it take to change a light bulb?
6. 1 changes it and the other 5 preserve, display, and celebrate the old model.
I bought a secured warehouse where I keep appliances to clean pots, pans, plates, and silverware.
It's dishwasher safe!
I just burned my Hawaiian pizza in the oven
I guess I should have put it on aloha setting
Electric razors are the best thing since sliced beard.
What did the lamp say to the flickering candle?
"Do you want to go out sometime soon?"
What do you call a gorilla stuck in a ventilation shaft?
A Duct-ape.
She wanted a microwave for her birthday...
So I pointed and fired my shrink ray at her hand.
Why is wind power popular? Because it has a lot of fans!”
The recipe said, “set the oven to 180 degrees”...
Now I can’t open the door because it faces the wall.
I tried to taste the hot light bulb
But I got my tungstenned.
What is a surfer's least favorite kitchen appliance?
A Microwave
Why do fluorescent lights hum? Because they can’t remember the words.”
What do you call a worm that chews up power cords? An electro-maggot.”
Why did the monk meditate with a light bulb? He hoped it would help him to reach enlightenment.”
What did the light bulb say to the electric generator? ‘You spark up my life!”
In the darkness, is where a flashlight really shines!
I just saw my wife trip and fall, while carrying a laundry basket full of ironed clothes.
I watched it all unfold.
Did you hear about the abusive flashlight? It was charged with battery.
Why are environmentalists attracted to electricity?
It’s natural.
I get so mad when the heater is on.
I don't know why, I just lose my cool.
Asked my boy to boil the kettle.
He said, "wouldn't it be better to boil some water?"
When the heat turns down, we thieves gather in our secret hideout for a meeting.
We call it our Con Den session.
My heater won't stop running.
I swear it has no chill.
Why are the electricians always up to date? Because they are ‘current specialists.
What is a Jedi electrician’s favorite tool? His lightsaber”
Moisturize the air!
As fast as humidly possible.
I sold my cleaning equipment.
It was just collecting dust.
I tried to help my wife with laundry by putting her underwear away.
But she got her panties in a bunch over it.
I love taking pictures of myself next to boiling kettles.
My friend reckons I have selfie steam issues
I started making lamps in the shape of the alphabet.
After the first three, it was a D-light.
And the lord said unto John "come forth and you shall have eternal life"
But John came fifth and won a toaster.
I bring my TV remote into every sports bar I go to so I can change the channel to whatever I want.
It’s a real game changer
I caught my friend harassing some electricity. I told him it was an abuse of power.”
I can't decide whether to grill chicken breasts or chicken thighs...
I guess I'll just wing it
How long do you microwave fish?
Tuna half minutes!
My wife told me to stop eating Christmas leftovers out the fridge...
But I just can’t quit cold turkey
I think my heater is sick.
It's hot.
I replaced all the air vents in my house with smaller ones.
It was a reduction.
My friend has a cold storage device that will discuss philosophical issues. It's a deep freezer.
Went to buy a new microwave. Salesperson asks me "what volume are you looking for?"
And I say "nothign too loud"
I went to a Church yard sale looking for a grill...
Unfortunately, they only had friars.
"Is your dishwasher running?"
"Seeing as it doesn't have feet, it does not"
Why did the electrician marry his colleague? He couldn’t resistor.
I think my window air conditioner needs an ambulance.
It keeps hyperventilating.
Why was the broken refrigerator angry?
Because he couldn’t keep his cool.
What did Communists use to light their houses before candles? Electricity.