I just built a car out of a washing machine.
I’ll be taking it for a spin later.
Why are teapots so expensive?
Because they make you pour!
Oh laundry, sometimes I feel like our first president...
Because I am washing-a-ton.
What do you call a skeleton in a freezer?
Bone-chilling.
Last night me and the wife watched three DVDs back to back.
Luckily I was the one facing the TV
On our way to buy a refrigerator, I saw my husband carrying a piece of paper with a giant X written on it. I asked, “What are you going to do with it?”
He said, “Let’s cross that fridge when we get there.”
Two TV antennas meet on a roof, fall in love and get married...
The ceremony was boring but the reception was brilliant.
I heard my son complaining about doing laundry.
He said, 'These just socks'.
I caught my friend harassing some electricity. I told him it was an abuse of power.”
Why can’t dishwashers do parallel dancing?
They’re never in sink.
What do mushrooms watch on TV?
Spores.
Invest in grills!
They're hot steakholders!
I was pretty mad when the air conditioner stopped working...
I lost my cool.
I was opening up all the vents in our house. My wife didn't understand why.
"You may think that's eVENTfull. You'll undestand why I do this eVENTually"
I bring my TV remote into every sports bar I go to so I can change the channel to whatever I want.
It’s a real game changer
What’s the best tool to install an electrical plug with?
A socket wrench.
My wife left a note on the fridge, saying, "This isn't working. Goodbye."
I opened it and it works fine.
I brought a new vacuum cleaner.
It sucks.
A burglar stole all my lamps.
I should be upset, but I’m delighted
The repair man said he thought he'd fixed the propane stoves, but he couldn't be quite sure.
After all, it involved a lot of gaswork.
Why did the freezer run away on its marriage?
It got cold feet
Why is the air conditioner repairman the life of the party?
It’s not cool until he arrives.
I noticed a wasp in my laundry as I was dropping it in the washer. I decided the best action was to close the lid and start the machine anyway.
Now it's a washp.
Just bought a vacuum cleaner, from a Buddhist selling them door to door. I should have known better..
It came with no attachments.
When you clean out a vacuum cleaner, you make the vacuum cleaner.
What did the light bulb say to the generator? ‘I really get a charge out of you!”
What did the blender say to his crush?
"I have mixed feelings about you, but we might blend together perfectly."
Got my new blender yesterday but I can't tell if I like or not though...
It keeps giving me mixed results.
People find laundry therapeutic...
Because it takes a load off their mind.
Me: Dad, can I turn the air-conditioner on?
Dad: did you shampoo it first?
I saw an ad that read: “TV for sale, $1, volume stuck on full.” I thought to myself, "I can't turn that down!"
What do you call a bad electrician? A shock absorber!
There's a programme about the history of perfume on TV tonight.
It's on at 8pm on Chanel Number 5!
How are air conditioners like humans?
Both get turned on when it's hot.
My Microwave is a Liar. On the front it says "30-60 Seconds for a Hot Dog."
I keep running that thing for minutes on end but I never get a Hot Dog to come out.
A good air conditioner is worth its weight in cold.
I started making lamps in the shape of the alphabet.
After the first three, it was a D-light.
I can't decide whether to grill chicken breasts or chicken thighs...
I guess I'll just wing it
How do you turn a duck into a soul singer?
Stick him in an oven until his Bill Withers
I threw my toaster into the toilet the other day.
It was a shock to the cistern.
Why are environmentalists attracted to electricity?
It’s natural.
What did one chandelier say to the other?
I have friends in the high places.
Even the most intelligent people can’t survive a day without electricity, like Stephen Hawking.
I just burned my Hawaiian pizza in the oven
I guess I should have put it on aloha setting
My favorite crime TV show has a duck as the main character.
He always quacks the case.
What do you call a regular potato broadcasting sports?
A common tater.
Why did bulb pack an apple in his bag?
He wanted to have a light snack.
What does a confident kettle have
Self-e-steam
What temperature do you set a toy oven?
Faux hundred degrees.
I tried to help my wife with laundry by putting her underwear away.
But she got her panties in a bunch over it.