I like jokes. But jokes about air conditioners?
I'm not a fan.
It’s crazy that Dubai doesn’t show The Flintstones on TV...
But Abu Dhabi Do!
What does a confident kettle have
Self-e-steam
Why did the light bulb fail his math quiz?
He wasn’t too bright.
What happens if you put an iPhone in a blender?
You get apple juice.
Television is a medium,
Because anything well done is rare.
My friend asked me why I was wearing a lamp shade over my face.
I replied, "I am feeling light headed."
I brought a new vacuum cleaner.
It sucks.
My electrician friend accidentally blew the power to the ice-making factory. Now they’ve gone into liquidation.
What do mushrooms watch on TV?
Spores.
Moisturize the air!
As fast as humidly possible.
My roommate keeps taking my water bottle out of the refrigerator.
It's not cool man.
I started ironing my clothes...
To de-crease how bad I looked
What do you call a catholic toaster strudel?
A pope tart.
What did the man say after he came out of the walk-in freezer?
"That experience was chilling."
I feel uncomfortable next to my fridge
It's way too cool for me
I bring my TV remote into every sports bar I go to so I can change the channel to whatever I want.
It’s a real game changer
I hear it's easy to get ladies not to eat Tide pods.
It's more difficult to deter gents, though.
I bought a new heater for my wife.
She didn't like it first, but now I think she's warmed up to it.
What is a plug’s favorite chant at a sporting event?
CHARGE!!
My new toaster oven is a huge improvement for making lunch.
I used to eat unappetizing sandwiches but I quit cold turkey.
I tried to help my wife with laundry by putting her underwear away.
But she got her panties in a bunch over it.
When the heat turns down, we thieves gather in our secret hideout for a meeting.
We call it our Con Den session.
Why did the light bulb fail his math quiz? He wasn’t too bright.”
What did the toaster say to the criminal bread?
"I'm taking you into crustody"
What kind of car does an electrician drive? A Volts-wagon.”
Did you hear about the abusive flashlight? It was charged with battery.
My dad used to crack jokes standing above our fireplace.
Now he's passed the mantle on to me.
A friend of mine once found a hundred dollar bill in his pocket after doing laundry...
I became too afraid he might have gotten himself into the money laundering business.
I really have to force myself to get through this book on friction.
How long do you microwave fish?
Tuna half minutes!
How many software engineers do you need to change a light bulb?
None – it’s a hardware problem.
I hid the control for the TV
I’m not even remotely sorry.
What's the opposite of a microwave?
A Tsunami.
A hand mixer started a speakeasy.
It was a wisk-y business.
What was the light bulb’s occupation?
He was a conductor
If you think that your phone, laptop, microwave and fridge spying on you is bad
Then you should know that your vaccum cleaner has been collecting dirt on you for a while .
My wife says she's divorcing me because of my obsession with television dramas.
But will she leave me...?
Find out next week.
What would a barefoot man get if he stepped on an electric fence? A pair of shocks.”
Why does a microwave hum?
Because it doesn't know the words
I just burned my Hawaiian pizza in the oven
I guess I should have put it on aloha setting
What TV shows are squeaky clean?
Soap Operas
Phil told me about what lights up a light bulb.
But I didn’t know what Phil-a-meant.
The secretary left me a message saying humidity will hit 90% today...
She wrote it on a sticky note.
What do you call a gorilla stuck in a ventilation shaft?
A Duct-ape.
What did the black pepper say to his wife after coming out of the grinder?
"Don't worry. I'm fine."
I started making lamps in the shape of the alphabet.
After the first three, it was a D-light.
What do you call a slice of bread you put in the toaster?
A tanning bread.
I once convinced my younger brother to swallow a small lamp.
I got in so much trouble but it was worth it to see his little face light up.
What TV show did the astronaut appear in?
Dancing with the stars.
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