What is the energy provider’s favorite dance? The electric slide.”
At what point will you love to change your bulbs the most?
When sparks fly.
I think my heater is sick.
It's hot.
Me: Dad, can I turn the air-conditioner on?
Dad: did you shampoo it first?
What TV shows are squeaky clean?
Soap Operas
What did the dough say after half an hour in the oven?
I’m bready.
I once knew a priest that only ate microwave soup.
He was a Ramen Catholic.
Where do light bulbs go shopping?
The outlet stores.
I brought a new vacuum cleaner.
It sucks.
Why did the electricity documentary get such mixed reviews?
People weren’t sure how to feel after it’s shocking ending.
Toasters were the first form of pop-up notifications.
My wife said she'll leave me if I don't stop the laundry punsץ
So from today I'm detergent to be better.
Had to replace all the bulbs in the side table lamps. Then I had to replace the ones in my ceiling fan.
That was the highlight of my day.
My son asked me if I ate the leftovers he was saving in the refrigerator.
I told him "of course not - I ate them in the living room"
A policeman was busted for collecting bribes and hiding the money in his freezer....
When the authorities searched his freezer, they found nothing but cold hard cash
What is a light bulb’s favorite kind of news?
Current events.
I took my friends watch that had an LED flashlight on it.
Now it's my time to shine.
Why did the freezer never graduate?
Because it was set on 0 degrees.
What do you call a gorilla stuck in a ventilation shaft?
A Duct-ape.
I couldn't resist this flirty TV remote...
It was an instant turn on.
When you clean out a vacuum cleaner, does that make YOU a vacuum cleaner?
Found out I washed some of my son's nerf darts in his laundry...
Should make for some good clean shots.
Why do microwaves always mess up wifi...
...when every one I've tried creates hotspots?
I hid the control for the TV
I’m not even remotely sorry.
My 6 year old daughter has lined up all of her dolls towards the outdoor grill...
Looks like she’s preparing some kind of Barbie queue...
Laundry puns?
I got loads of them.
What did Master Yoda say when he saw himself on the television?
HDMI
I tried to help my wife with laundry by putting her underwear away.
But she got her panties in a bunch over it.
My wife is threatening to leave me because of my obsession with acting like a TV news anchor.
More on this after the break.
My friend has a cold storage device that will discuss philosophical issues. It's a deep freezer.
My fridge stopped working...
Its not cool.
Why did bulb pack an apple in his bag?
He wanted to have a light snack.
I get so mad when the heater is on.
I don't know why, I just lose my cool.
My friend dragged me to a lecture about lamps. I though it would be boring but...
It was very illuminating.
Why did the monk meditate with a light bulb?
He hoped it would help him to reach enlightenment.
This morning, my dad told me something that gave me the chills.
He said, “I’m turning off the heating.”
Accidentally spilled frosting all over the freezer.
Going to leave it be though, since the freezer has an auto defrost feature.
My wife says she's divorcing me because of my obsession with television dramas.
But will she leave me...?
Find out next week.
What do you call a fake pastry?
A prop tart!
How long do you microwave fish?
Tuna half minutes!
What do you call a regular potato broadcasting sports?
A common tater.
The recipe said, “set the oven to 180 degrees”...
Now I can’t open the door because it faces the wall.
Today I found out my toaster isn't waterproof
I was shocked.
I heard my son complaining about doing laundry.
He said, 'These just socks'.
What do you call a bad electrician? A shock absorber!
Why did the electrical cords break up? There was no spark between them.”
How did the electrician pay for his new phone?
He charged it.
I just built a car out of a washing machine.
I’ll be taking it for a spin later.
I just found out you should never put a bar of soap in the dishwasher.
It's hand wash only.
I threw my toaster into the toilet the other day.
It was a shock to the cistern.
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