My wife asked me why I was ironing my 4 leaf clover.
I told her I was pressing my luck
Every time I hang out my laundry, I can't resist singing "Nine to Five" ...
Guess that's what I get for using Dolly pegs.
What football team do energy providers root for the most? The Chargers”
I can't find my humidifier anymore...
I have reported it misting.
What would a barefoot man get if he stepped on an electric fence? A pair of shocks.”
On our way to buy a refrigerator, I saw my husband carrying a piece of paper with a giant X written on it. I asked, “What are you going to do with it?”
He said, “Let’s cross that fridge when we get there.”
My blender is a bit forgetfull. It keep breaking the ice with me.
The government is planning to ban articles about ironing appliances in the newspaper.
The freedom of press is no more.
Did you hear about the baker that accidentally backed into an open oven...?
His buns were toasted.
I was pretty mad when the air conditioner stopped working...
I lost my cool.
Why did the light bulb fail his math quiz?
He wasn’t too bright.
I got arrested at work today for moving my desk away from the air conditoner vent.
I was charged with draft-dodging!
What penalty in hockey uses the most amount of energy?
A power play.
My dad wanted to teach me to fix the car but all I did was hold the flashlight.
I guess I'll never hold a candle to him.
How do you keep food warm in the refrigerator?
Keep it in the corner, because it is 90 degrees.
Why did the man eat the light bulb? He was hoping it would give him a bright idea.”
A good air conditioner is worth its weight in cold.
Why do Russian teapots have to go to bed early?
Because samovars have to work tomorrow.
I caught my friend harassing some electricity. I told him it was an abuse of power.”
What is the energy provider’s favorite dance? The electric slide.”
I brought a new vacuum cleaner.
It sucks.
Why are environmentalists attracted to electricity? It’s natural.”
Something is odd about my hot stove.
I just can't quite put my finger on it.
Why couldn't I fry wood on the stove?
I used a non-stick pan.
What happens when you put your hand in a blender?
You get a hand shake.
I love lamps.
They're so enlightening.
Electric razors are the best thing since sliced beard.
My Co-Worker came in today exhausted from staying up all night watching Television comedies...
She Satired.
Did you hear the one about the ice cube’s great escape from the freezer?
You could say it was a well thawed out plan.
My wife is threatening to leave me because of my obsession with acting like a TV news anchor.
More on this after the break.
I saw an ad that read: “TV for sale, $1, volume stuck on full.” I thought to myself, "I can't turn that down!"
A policeman was busted for collecting bribes and hiding the money in his freezer....
When the authorities searched his freezer, they found nothing but cold hard cash
What sound does a vacuum sweeper make when it explodes?
Ka-BROOM!!!
I can’t afford to pay for electricity anymore; these are some dark times.
What's the first tea that comes in a teapot?
empytea
I sold my cleaning equipment.
It was just collecting dust.
The guy who got arrested for eating batteries…. He is to be charged in the morning.
How long do you microwave fish?
Tuna half minutes!
What does a confident kettle have
Self-e-steam
Oh laundry, sometimes I feel like our first president...
Because I am washing-a-ton.
Why did the electrician marry his colleague? He couldn’t resistor.
What do mushrooms watch on TV?
Spores.
What is a wise, old priest's favorite kitchen appliance?
The deep friar.
Accidentally spilled frosting all over the freezer.
Going to leave it be though, since the freezer has an auto defrost feature.
Why do fluorescent lights hum? Because they can’t remember the words.”
A hand mixer started a speakeasy.
It was a wisk-y business.
Why was the broken refrigerator angry?
Because he couldn’t keep his cool.
It’s crazy that Dubai doesn’t show The Flintstones on TV...
But Abu Dhabi Do!
What football team do energy providers root for the most?
The Chargers.
What did the light bulb say to the generator? ‘I really get a charge out of you!”
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