The guy who got arrested for eating batteries…. He is to be charged in the morning.
I get so mad when the heater is on.
I don't know why, I just lose my cool.
A sweater I bought was picking up static electricity. So, I returned it to the store. They gave me another one free of charge.”
I destroyed all the air conditioners at work and escaped.
Police are now charging me with a 'heat and run' incident.
You’re a unit of electrical energy, Harry.” I’m a watt?”
What do you call a light bulb at midnight?
A Night Light.
What TV shows are squeaky clean?
Soap Operas
Just burned 2,000 calories.
That’s the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap.
I once convinced my younger brother to swallow a small lamp.
I got in so much trouble but it was worth it to see his little face light up.
My blender is a bit forgetfull. It keep breaking the ice with me.
How many birds does it take to change a light bulb?
Normally three, but Toucan.
What do you call an Incarcerated late night TV show host?
Jimmy Felon.
Yesterday I put a $50 note in my freezer.
Now I have some frozen assets.
I was going to start ironing, but I decided it was too depressing.
What do you call an ironing board that makes your clothes more wrinkly?
An irony board.
How did the pizza escape the oven?
Through the dough!
I once knew a priest that only ate microwave soup.
He was a Ramen Catholic.
What do you call a worm that chews up power cords? An electro-maggot.”
I was pretty mad when the air conditioner stopped working...
I lost my cool.
Every time I hang out my laundry, I can't resist singing "Nine to Five" ...
Guess that's what I get for using Dolly pegs.
Where do light bulbs go shopping? The outlet stores.”
I used to get so mad when my kitchen appliances leaked
now it's just water under the fridge
I think my window air conditioner needs an ambulance.
It keeps hyperventilating.
I stopped ironing my clothes.
I have less pressing concerns.
Did you hear about the baker that accidentally backed into an open oven...?
His buns were toasted.
I saw an ad that read: “TV for sale, $1, volume stuck on full.” I thought to myself, "I can't turn that down!"
I was holding a bottle of laundry detergent when all of a sudden it exploded, completely drenching my hands.
Oh well. I guess my hands are Tide.
What do you call a fake pastry?
A prop tart!
What's the first tea that comes in a teapot?
empytea
What is the most desirable kitchen appliance?
A hot plate.
What did the lamp say to the flickering candle?
"Do you want to go out sometime soon?"
What is a jedi electrician’s favorite tool?
His lightsaber.
I was opening up all the vents in our house. My wife didn't understand why.
"You may think that's eVENTfull. You'll undestand why I do this eVENTually"
Found out I washed some of my son's nerf darts in his laundry...
Should make for some good clean shots.
Why did the man eat the light bulb?
He was hoping it would give him a bright idea.
What instrument never fails to energize a crowd?
An electric guitar.
If you hit your head on a coffeemaker
Would it leave a brews?
Why did the freezer never graduate?
Because it was set on 0 degrees.
What do you call a regular potato broadcasting sports?
A common tater.
What did Master Yoda say when he saw himself on the television?
HDMI
When the heat turns down, we thieves gather in our secret hideout for a meeting.
We call it our Con Den session.
What temperature do you set a toy oven?
Faux hundred degrees.
This morning, my dad told me something that gave me the chills.
He said, “I’m turning off the heating.”
How many consultants do you need to change a light bulb?
You’ll get an estimate a week from Monday.
How many software engineers do you need to change a light bulb?
None – it’s a hardware problem.
As a refrigerator technician, after a hard day on the job, I like to relax...
And chill out.
She wanted a microwave for her birthday...
So I pointed and fired my shrink ray at her hand.
Went to buy a new microwave. Salesperson asks me "what volume are you looking for?"
And I say "nothign too loud"
I threw my toaster into the toilet the other day.
It was a shock to the cistern.
What penalty in hockey uses the most amount of energy?
A power play.
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