My brother just admitted that he broke my favourite lamp.
I'm not sure I'll be able look at him in the same light ever again
I just saw my wife trip and fall, while carrying a laundry basket full of ironed clothes.
I watched it all unfold.
My friend called and said he was sick of his fireplace exhaust vent...
Sounds like another case of the flue.
I went to shop for a toaster. The sailsman showed me all the fancy features.
I said "wow, that's cool!"
And he replied, "Sorry ma'am,it can only warm"
Why did the monk meditate with a light bulb? He hoped it would help him to reach enlightenment.”
I put my fancy shirts in the freezer before I wear them.
It's cold fashion, look it up!
I stole some kitchen appliances from my mate...
It was dangerous but worth the whisk.
Why did bulb pack an apple in his bag?
He wanted to have a light snack.
Yesterday I put a $50 note in my freezer.
Now I have some frozen assets.
What penalty in hockey uses the most amount of energy?
A power play.
Went to buy a new microwave. Salesperson asks me "what volume are you looking for?"
And I say "nothign too loud"
A policeman was busted for collecting bribes and hiding the money in his freezer....
When the authorities searched his freezer, they found nothing but cold hard cash
I replaced all the air vents in my house with smaller ones.
It was a reduction.
How many birds does it take to change a light bulb?
Normally three, but Toucan.
My wife asked if I knew how to turn on the dishwasher.
I told her I would some flirty compliments.
As a refrigerator technician, after a hard day on the job, I like to relax...
And chill out.
Why did the light bulb fail his math quiz?
He wasn’t too bright.
My friend asked me why I was wearing a lamp shade over my face.
I replied, "I am feeling light headed."
What football team do energy providers root for the most? The Chargers”
What is a surfer's least favorite kitchen appliance?
A Microwave
I tried to help my wife with laundry by putting her underwear away.
But she got her panties in a bunch over it.
They call the first episode of a TV show a "Pilot", because anyone can fly a plane for a couple seconds....
But you have to prove your jokes can land.
My wife and I had a huge argument as to whose turn it was to do laundry.
Eventually, I folded.
I destroyed all the air conditioners at work and escaped.
Police are now charging me with a 'heat and run' incident.
Why do Russian teapots have to go to bed early?
Because samovars have to work tomorrow.
Why are refrigerator shelves hipsters?
They were there before it was cool.
What did the lamp eat?
A light snack...
A wind turbine saw a solar panel at an energy convention. He leaned in and shouted, Hey, I’m a big fan!”
Who takes care of saunas?
Humid Resources.
I think my heater is sick.
It's hot.
What is the difference between lightning and electricity. For electricity, you need to pay, but
lightning kills for free.”
I got tricked into buying a cooling fan that didn't work...
It was an air con.
A cow not being on the grill for very long is a rare occurrence.
What powers an electric kettle?
Electrici-tea.
An electrician needed to change 8 fluorescent lamps to brighten up a large conference room at our office. I asked him if he needed a hand carrying them.
He said no, this is light.
What kind of car does an electrician drive? A Volts-wagon.”
My wife told me: “You’ve got to stop watching so much TV, and read more!”...
so I turned on the closed captioning.
Why did the lights go out? Because they liked each other!”
I can't find my humidifier anymore...
I have reported it misting.
I finally managed to get rid of that nasty electrical charge I’ve been carrying. I’m ex-static!”
Air conditioner technicians...
love to vent about their job in order to cool off.
What did the man say after he came out of the walk-in freezer?
"That experience was chilling."
What TV shows are squeaky clean?
Soap Operas
My Co-Worker came in today exhausted from staying up all night watching Television comedies...
She Satired.
A dangerous surge of electricity walks into a bar. The barman says, why the long phase?”
TV repair during lockdown has been pretty easy.
It’s mostly remote work.
My son asked me how I never seemed to lose the TV remote when he was growing up.
I told him I'd always put it in a location away from all the clutter...
A remote location.
How did the pizza escape the oven?
Through the dough!
Electric razors are the best thing since sliced beard.
Every time I hang out my laundry, I can't resist singing "Nine to Five" ...
Guess that's what I get for using Dolly pegs.
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