Oh laundry, sometimes I feel like our first president...
Because I am washing-a-ton.
I just saw my wife trip and fall, while carrying a laundry basket full of ironed clothes.
I watched it all unfold.
I tried to help my wife with laundry by putting her underwear away.
But she got her panties in a bunch over it.
I just built a car out of a washing machine.
I’ll be taking it for a spin later.
My electrician friend accidentally blew the power to the ice-making factory. Now they’ve gone into liquidation.
My dad was complaining he’d lost a sock after doing his laundry.
I said, "that's a sockrifice I had to make".
It’s crazy that Dubai doesn’t show The Flintstones on TV...
But Abu Dhabi Do!
Hey did you hear that ESPN is broadcasting this year's Origami competition?
I heard it's pay per view...
My friend had put some beans in the coffee grinder
After a few seconds I told him to stop. That's fine.
I gave my wife a lamp for our anniversary.
Someone’s getting LED tonight.
More places are charging fees to iron my clothes after they launder them...
I guess the free press is under siege!
The sun is just a big space heater.
If you're stressed, try ironing clothes.
It's a great way to let off some steam.
Just bought a vacuum cleaner, from a Buddhist selling them door to door. I should have known better..
It came with no attachments.
Asked my boy to put the kettle on.
He said, "I don't think it'll fit me"
Did you hear about the guy who fell into the industrial cake mixer?
He's feeling much batter now.
I can't decide whether to grill chicken breasts or chicken thighs...
I guess I'll just wing it
I hid the control for the TV
I’m not even remotely sorry.
My dad used to crack jokes standing above our fireplace.
Now he's passed the mantle on to me.
I think my heater is sick.
It's hot.
I love taking pictures of myself next to boiling kettles.
My friend reckons I have selfie steam issues
My brother just admitted that he broke my favourite lamp.
I'm not sure I'll be able look at him in the same light ever again
Why can’t dishwashers do parallel dancing?
They’re never in sink.
What is a surfer's least favorite kitchen appliance?
A Microwave
It's almost impossible to tell someone if a vacuum works or not.
Either it sucks or it sucks.
I heard my son complaining about doing laundry.
He said, 'These just socks'.
My heater won't stop running.
I swear it has no chill.
Even the most intelligent people can’t survive a day without electricity, like Stephen Hawking.
If you plant a light bulb in your garden, does it grow into a power plant?
I hear it's easy to get ladies not to eat Tide pods.
It's more difficult to deter gents, though.
Today I found out my toaster isn't waterproof
I was shocked.
I bought a new heater for my wife.
She didn't like it first, but now I think she's warmed up to it.
My friend called and said he was sick of his fireplace exhaust vent...
Sounds like another case of the flue.
Electric razors are the best thing since sliced beard.
What did the blender say to his crush?
"I have mixed feelings about you, but we might blend together perfectly."
Even the heaviest chandelier is pretty light.
Whoever named it a television ...
Should've called it a watching machine.
Had to replace all the bulbs in the side table lamps. Then I had to replace the ones in my ceiling fan.
That was the highlight of my day.
Apparently adding a fireplace to your home is the hot new trend...
...and chimney installations are through the roof!
What did the vacuum cleaner salesman say before murdering his son?
Dyson!
They call the first episode of a TV show a "Pilot", because anyone can fly a plane for a couple seconds....
But you have to prove your jokes can land.
Wife told me that our juicer draws a lot of power.
I explained to her that it takes lot of juice to juice the juicer.
I started ironing my clothes...
To de-crease how bad I looked
What kind of plant generates the most energy? A power plant.”
A hand mixer started a speakeasy.
It was a wisk-y business.
How do you keep food warm in the refrigerator?
Keep it in the corner, because it is 90 degrees.
I used to get so mad when my kitchen appliances leaked
now it's just water under the fridge
How do you dry clothes on a line in winter?
You freeze dry them.
Did you hear about the abusive flashlight? It was charged with battery.
I got tricked into buying a cooling fan that didn't work...
It was an air con.
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