I used to get so mad when my kitchen appliances leaked
now it's just water under the fridge
My son asked me if I ate the leftovers he was saving in the refrigerator.
I told him "of course not - I ate them in the living room"
How long do you microwave fish?
Tuna half minutes!
If you plant a light bulb in your garden, does it grow into a power plant?
So earlier I took my clothes from the washer and threw them into the dryer.
I can't be sure how they felt about that, but they seemed agitated.
My son asked me how I never seemed to lose the TV remote when he was growing up.
I told him I'd always put it in a location away from all the clutter...
A remote location.
My friend had put some beans in the coffee grinder
After a few seconds I told him to stop. That's fine.
What is the energy provider’s favorite dance? The electric slide.”
Sitting near the fireplace is just like a whole bunch of bees...
'swarm
Television is a medium,
Because anything well done is rare.
I once knew a priest that only ate microwave soup.
He was a Ramen Catholic.
My wife and I had a huge argument as to whose turn it was to do laundry.
Eventually, I folded.
Today I found out my toaster isn't waterproof
I was shocked.
Why is wind power popular? Because it has a lot of fans!”
On our way to buy a refrigerator, I saw my husband carrying a piece of paper with a giant X written on it. I asked, “What are you going to do with it?”
He said, “Let’s cross that fridge when we get there.”
I really have to force myself to get through this book on friction.
I didn't know if I could crawl through heating vents to escape from prison...
After I duct, I found I conduit!
I like to sleep with the bedside lamp on, even though my wife says it's weird.
I don't see how, I think it makes a great hat.
Apparently adding a fireplace to your home is the hot new trend...
...and chimney installations are through the roof!
My wife asked if I knew how to turn on the dishwasher.
I told her I would some flirty compliments.
What did the lamp eat?
A light snack...
What powers an electric kettle?
Electrici-tea.
Why did the electrical cords break up?
There was no spark between them.
What did the dough say after half an hour in the oven?
I’m bready.
My TV hates the outside world.
Whenever it faces outside it just glares.
I bought a secured warehouse where I keep appliances to clean pots, pans, plates, and silverware.
It's dishwasher safe!
What do you call a Smart TV?
In-telly-gent.
Even the most intelligent people can’t survive a day without electricity, like Stephen Hawking.
Did you hear what the foolish gardener did?
The guy planted a light bulb and though he’d get a power plant.
If you hit your head on a coffeemaker
Would it leave a brews?
How did the pizza escape the oven?
Through the dough!
Why was the broken refrigerator angry?
Because he couldn’t keep his cool.
I can't find my humidifier anymore...
I have reported it misting.
I just built a car out of a washing machine.
I’ll be taking it for a spin later.
What football team do energy providers root for the most? The Chargers”
I couldn't resist this flirty TV remote...
It was an instant turn on.
I stopped ironing my clothes.
I have less pressing concerns.
I once convinced my younger brother to swallow a small lamp.
I got in so much trouble but it was worth it to see his little face light up.
I put a humidifier and dehumidifier in the same room. What do you think will happen? That's a mist-ery.
Is your refrigerator running? I was hoping to vote for it.
I went to shop for a toaster. The sailsman showed me all the fancy features.
I said "wow, that's cool!"
And he replied, "Sorry ma'am,it can only warm"
I just put some meat in the oven.
It’s bacon.
What did the black pepper say to his wife after coming out of the grinder?
"Don't worry. I'm fine."
What sound does a vacuum sweeper make when it explodes?
Ka-BROOM!!!
Even the heaviest chandelier is pretty light.
Found out I washed some of my son's nerf darts in his laundry...
Should make for some good clean shots.
There's a programme about the history of perfume on TV tonight.
It's on at 8pm on Chanel Number 5!
I bought a lamp for my friend
To brighten their day
My brother just admitted that he broke my favourite lamp.
I'm not sure I'll be able look at him in the same light ever again
I was opening up all the vents in our house. My wife didn't understand why.
"You may think that's eVENTfull. You'll undestand why I do this eVENTually"