What did one chandelier say to the other?
I have friends in the high places.
I get so mad when the heater is on.
I don't know why, I just lose my cool.
Refrigerators look kinda boring.
But actually they're pretty cool
What is a wise, old priest's favorite kitchen appliance?
The deep friar.
A friend of mine once found a hundred dollar bill in his pocket after doing laundry...
I became too afraid he might have gotten himself into the money laundering business.
Went to buy a new microwave. Salesperson asks me "what volume are you looking for?"
And I say "nothign too loud"
Why did the light bulb fail his math quiz? He wasn’t too bright.”
Why couldn't I fry wood on the stove?
I used a non-stick pan.
The guy who got arrested for eating batteries…. He is to be charged in the morning.
How do you dry clothes on a line in winter?
You freeze dry them.
What do you call a worm that chews up power cords? An electro-maggot.”
What do you call a bad electrician? A shock absorber!
Why did the electricity documentary get such mixed reviews?
People weren’t sure how to feel after it’s shocking ending.
The repair man said he thought he'd fixed the propane stoves, but he couldn't be quite sure.
After all, it involved a lot of gaswork.
Even the most intelligent people can’t survive a day without electricity, like Stephen Hawking.
The secretary left me a message saying humidity will hit 90% today...
She wrote it on a sticky note.
My wife asked if I knew how to turn on the dishwasher.
I told her I would some flirty compliments.
I destroyed all the air conditioners at work and escaped.
Police are now charging me with a 'heat and run' incident.
What did the lamps do after their date?
They got turned on.
A dangerous surge of electricity walks into a bar. The barman says, why the long phase?”
A good air conditioner is worth its weight in cold.
What is a jedi electrician’s favorite tool?
His lightsaber.
Why did the man eat the light bulb?
He was hoping it would give him a bright idea.
What sound does a vacuum sweeper make when it explodes?
Ka-BROOM!!!
What happens when you put your hand in a blender?
You get a hand shake.
What do power strips always say at their high school reunions? I haven’t seen you in light-years.”
What do you call a kangaroo who watches too much TV?
A pouch potato.
The superconductor left without resistance.
A hand mixer started a speakeasy.
It was a wisk-y business.
What did the sad lamp say when plugged in?
"I finally feel better now that I’ve got an emotional outlet."
Why do fluorescent lights hum? Because they can’t remember the words.”
Accidentally spilled frosting all over the freezer.
Going to leave it be though, since the freezer has an auto defrost feature.
What did the bread say before it jumped into the toaster?
"I'M BREADY TO DIE"
The recipe said, “set the oven to 180 degrees”...
Now I can’t open the door because it faces the wall.
I love taking pictures of myself next to boiling kettles.
My friend reckons I have selfie steam issues
What did Master Yoda say when he saw himself on the television?
HDMI
What did the toaster say to the criminal bread?
"I'm taking you into crustody"
What do you call a skeleton in a freezer?
Bone-chilling.
The government is planning to ban articles about ironing appliances in the newspaper.
The freedom of press is no more.
Wife told me that our juicer draws a lot of power.
I explained to her that it takes lot of juice to juice the juicer.
It's almost impossible to tell someone if a vacuum works or not.
Either it sucks or it sucks.
Just burned 2,000 calories.
That’s the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap.
Why do microwaves always mess up wifi...
...when every one I've tried creates hotspots?
My brother just admitted that he broke my favourite lamp.
I'm not sure I'll be able look at him in the same light ever again
There's a programme about the history of perfume on TV tonight.
It's on at 8pm on Chanel Number 5!
What is a surfer's least favorite kitchen appliance?
A Microwave
Sitting near the fireplace is just like a whole bunch of bees...
'swarm
How many software engineers do you need to change a light bulb?
None – it’s a hardware problem.
My blender is a bit forgetfull. It keep breaking the ice with me.
Asked my boy to boil the kettle.
He said, "wouldn't it be better to boil some water?"
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