Electric razors are the best thing since sliced beard.
I put a humidifier and dehumidifier in the same room. What do you think will happen? That's a mist-ery.
I can't decide whether to grill chicken breasts or chicken thighs...
I guess I'll just wing it
My new toaster oven is a huge improvement for making lunch.
I used to eat unappetizing sandwiches but I quit cold turkey.
If you think that your phone, laptop, microwave and fridge spying on you is bad
Then you should know that your vaccum cleaner has been collecting dirt on you for a while .
I heard my son complaining about doing laundry.
He said, 'These just socks'.
It's almost impossible to tell someone if a vacuum works or not.
Either it sucks or it sucks.
What is a wise, old priest's favorite kitchen appliance?
The deep friar.
I think my window air conditioner needs an ambulance.
It keeps hyperventilating.
I used to get so mad when my kitchen appliances leaked
now it's just water under the fridge
My dad argued with a stove
The conversation really started to heat up
My wife is threatening to leave me because of my obsession with acting like a TV news anchor.
More on this after the break.
I put some big, giant, large, massive, enormous, huge bread in the toaster.
I was making synonym toast.
I didn't know if I could crawl through heating vents to escape from prison...
After I duct, I found I conduit!
I was holding a bottle of laundry detergent when all of a sudden it exploded, completely drenching my hands.
Oh well. I guess my hands are Tide.
My son asked me if I ate the leftovers he was saving in the refrigerator.
I told him "of course not - I ate them in the living room"
Two TV antennas meet on a roof, fall in love and get married...
The ceremony was boring but the reception was brilliant.
I went to a Church yard sale looking for a grill...
Unfortunately, they only had friars.
I got arrested at work today for moving my desk away from the air conditoner vent.
I was charged with draft-dodging!
Where do light bulbs go shopping? The outlet stores.”
My wife left a note on the fridge, saying, "This isn't working. Goodbye."
I opened it and it works fine.
What do you call a turtle in a chef’s hat?
A slow cooker.
My fridge stopped working...
Its not cool.
Got into my car and realized my wife had shut off all the A/C vents.
Definitely not cool.
What happens when you put your hand in a blender?
You get a hand shake.
What do you call a skeleton in a freezer?
Bone-chilling.
I just burned my Hawaiian pizza in the oven
I guess I should have put it on aloha setting
When the heat turns down, we thieves gather in our secret hideout for a meeting.
We call it our Con Den session.
Laundry puns?
I got loads of them.
My friend keeps the toaster on the lowest setting
I suspect he's got black toast intolerance
What is a Jedi electrician’s favorite tool? His lightsaber”
Why does a microwave hum?
Because it doesn't know the words
What is an outlet’s favorite song?
I’ve Got The Power.
What football team do energy providers root for the most? The Chargers”
Everyone knows The Beatles, but do you know The Laundry Beatles?
It's members are Paul McCottoney, John Linen, Ringo Starch ... And George Harrison.
I bought a secured warehouse where I keep appliances to clean pots, pans, plates, and silverware.
It's dishwasher safe!
Why did the man eat the light bulb? He was hoping it would give him a bright idea.”
What is the energy provider’s favorite dance? The electric slide.”
What did the toaster say to the criminal bread?
"I'm taking you into crustody"
My friend asked me why I was wearing a lamp shade over my face.
I replied, "I am feeling light headed."
I saw an ad that read: “TV for sale, $1, volume stuck on full.” I thought to myself, "I can't turn that down!"
My dad used to crack jokes standing above our fireplace.
Now he's passed the mantle on to me.
Even the most intelligent people can’t survive a day without electricity, like Stephen Hawking.
What’s the best tool to install an electrical plug with?
A socket wrench.
I once convinced my younger brother to swallow a small lamp.
I got in so much trouble but it was worth it to see his little face light up.
My landlord said we need to talk about how high my heating bill is.
I replied: “Sure, my door is always open.”
Why did the freezer never graduate?
Because it was set on 0 degrees.
On our way to buy a refrigerator, I saw my husband carrying a piece of paper with a giant X written on it. I asked, “What are you going to do with it?”
He said, “Let’s cross that fridge when we get there.”
Last night I turned my wife on by ironing one side of her shirt...
I was pressing all the right buttons.
Something is odd about my hot stove.
I just can't quite put my finger on it.
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