I just burned my Hawaiian pizza in the oven
I guess I should have put it on aloha setting
Me: Dad, can I turn the air-conditioner on?
Dad: did you shampoo it first?
What do you call a catholic toaster strudel?
A pope tart.
What kind of fire moistens?
A humidifier.
I like jokes. But jokes about air conditioners?
I'm not a fan.
I love taking pictures of myself next to boiling kettles.
My friend reckons I have selfie steam issues
What do you call a bad electrician? A shock absorber!
Accidentally spilled frosting all over the freezer.
Going to leave it be though, since the freezer has an auto defrost feature.
What temperature do you set a toy oven?
Faux hundred degrees.
I keep scores of my favorite iceboxes.
They're my refrigeRATINGS.
My wife told me to stop eating Christmas leftovers out the fridge...
But I just can’t quit cold turkey
I got arrested at work today for moving my desk away from the air conditoner vent.
I was charged with draft-dodging!
What is a wise, old priest's favorite kitchen appliance?
The deep friar.
I heard my son complaining about doing laundry.
He said, 'These just socks'.
The secretary left me a message saying humidity will hit 90% today...
She wrote it on a sticky note.
A policeman was busted for collecting bribes and hiding the money in his freezer....
When the authorities searched his freezer, they found nothing but cold hard cash
What do you get if you put kisses in a blender?
A Smoochie.
What do you call an Incarcerated late night TV show host?
Jimmy Felon.
When I don't have time to iron a shirt, I just steel one.
The sun is just a big space heater.
The repair man said he thought he'd fixed the propane stoves, but he couldn't be quite sure.
After all, it involved a lot of gaswork.
What do you call a fake pastry?
A prop tart!
Is your refrigerator running? I was hoping to vote for it.
I think my window air conditioner needs an ambulance.
It keeps hyperventilating.
On our way to buy a refrigerator, I saw my husband carrying a piece of paper with a giant X written on it. I asked, “What are you going to do with it?”
He said, “Let’s cross that fridge when we get there.”
What do you call the art of Freezer meditation?
Fro-zen!
Just bought a vacuum cleaner, from a Buddhist selling them door to door. I should have known better..
It came with no attachments.
What did the lamp eat?
A light snack...
Phil told me about what lights up a light bulb.
But I didn’t know what Phil-a-meant.
Why are environmentalists attracted to electricity?
It’s natural.
What is an electrician’s favorite flavor of ice cream? Shock-a-lot.”
I hate being married to a microwave
Every time I give her my two cents she blows up
Why was the teapot sitting in the corner?
It was having a pour attitude.
I threw my toaster into the toilet the other day.
It was a shock to the cistern.
My roommate keeps taking my water bottle out of the refrigerator.
It's not cool man.
I finally managed to get rid of that nasty electrical charge I’ve been carrying. I’m ex-static!
Just opened my water bill and my electricity bill at the same time… I was shocked.”
TV repair during lockdown has been pretty easy.
It’s mostly remote work.
How did the pizza escape the oven?
Through the dough!
My friend called and said he was sick of his fireplace exhaust vent...
Sounds like another case of the flue.
My wife and I had a huge argument as to whose turn it was to do laundry.
Eventually, I folded.
I didn't know if I could crawl through heating vents to escape from prison...
After I duct, I found I conduit!
What sound does a vacuum sweeper make when it explodes?
Ka-BROOM!!!
I took my friends watch that had an LED flashlight on it.
Now it's my time to shine.
I can't decide whether to grill chicken breasts or chicken thighs...
I guess I'll just wing it
Did you hear about the guy who fell into the industrial cake mixer?
He's feeling much batter now.
I bought a lamp for my friend
To brighten their day
Why are the electricians always up to date? Because they are ‘current specialists.
What do you call a gorilla stuck in a ventilation shaft?
A Duct-ape.
I bought a secured warehouse where I keep appliances to clean pots, pans, plates, and silverware.
It's dishwasher safe!