What do you call a turtle in a chef’s hat?
A slow cooker.
What do you call it when a clothes dryer is dancing?
A linty-hop.
I asked my son to stop leaving the freezer door open.
I told him, “This is why we can’t have ice things.”
My friend called and said he was sick of his fireplace exhaust vent...
Sounds like another case of the flue.
If you think that your phone, laptop, microwave and fridge spying on you is bad
Then you should know that your vaccum cleaner has been collecting dirt on you for a while .
I think my window air conditioner needs an ambulance.
It keeps hyperventilating.
I get so mad when the heater is on.
I don't know why, I just lose my cool.
It's almost impossible to tell someone if a vacuum works or not.
Either it sucks or it sucks.
Why did the electrical cords break up?
There was no spark between them.
I finally managed to get rid of that nasty electrical charge I’ve been carrying. I’m ex-static!
Last night me and the wife watched three DVDs back to back.
Luckily I was the one facing the TV
I feel uncomfortable next to my fridge
It's way too cool for me
Why do microwaves always mess up wifi...
...when every one I've tried creates hotspots?
What did the sad lamp say when plugged in?
"I finally feel better now that I’ve got an emotional outlet."
Moisturize the air!
As fast as humidly possible.
Sitting near the fireplace is just like a whole bunch of bees...
'swarm
Whoever named it a television ...
Should've called it a watching machine.
Phil told me about what lights up a light bulb.
But I didn’t know what Phil-a-meant.
What do you call a gorilla stuck in a ventilation shaft?
A Duct-ape.
My wife asked me why I was ironing my 4 leaf clover.
I told her I was pressing my luck
After buying grocers, I sat on the San Francisco pier and pondered life. My laundry detergent tipped over...
Now I’m sittin on the dock of a bay, watching my Tide roll away.
I can’t afford to pay for electricity anymore; these are some dark times.
I just put some meat in the oven.
It’s bacon.
Why are environmentalists attracted to electricity? It’s natural.”
I once knew a priest that only ate microwave soup.
He was a Ramen Catholic.
What do you get if you put kisses in a blender?
A Smoochie.
How did the small oven greet the large oven?
He Microwaved.
The government is planning to ban articles about ironing appliances in the newspaper.
The freedom of press is no more.
My roommate keeps taking my water bottle out of the refrigerator.
It's not cool man.
If you plant a light bulb in your garden, does it grow into a power plant?
Got into my car and realized my wife had shut off all the A/C vents.
Definitely not cool.
I was holding a bottle of laundry detergent when all of a sudden it exploded, completely drenching my hands.
Oh well. I guess my hands are Tide.
Everyone knows The Beatles, but do you know The Laundry Beatles?
It's members are Paul McCottoney, John Linen, Ringo Starch ... And George Harrison.
Why was the broken air conditioner already sad?
Because it couldn’t vent it’s problems.
What did the man say after he came out of the walk-in freezer?
"That experience was chilling."
My friend has a cold storage device that will discuss philosophical issues. It's a deep freezer.
I noticed a wasp in my laundry as I was dropping it in the washer. I decided the best action was to close the lid and start the machine anyway.
Now it's a washp.
What do you call laundry detergent on the top shelf?
High tide.
What kind of fire moistens?
A humidifier.
How can you tell the camera was afraid of the toaster?
Everytime he looked at it, it made him shutter.
What is a jedi electrician’s favorite tool?
His lightsaber.
It’s crazy that Dubai doesn’t show The Flintstones on TV...
But Abu Dhabi Do!
What is a surfer's least favorite kitchen appliance?
A Microwave
What did the dough say after half an hour in the oven?
I’m bready.
I just burned my Hawaiian pizza in the oven
I guess I should have put it on aloha setting
I really have to force myself to get through this book on friction.
A policeman was busted for collecting bribes and hiding the money in his freezer....
When the authorities searched his freezer, they found nothing but cold hard cash
Just bought a vacuum cleaner, from a Buddhist selling them door to door. I should have known better..
It came with no attachments.
Went to buy a new microwave. Salesperson asks me "what volume are you looking for?"
And I say "nothign too loud"
What is a wise, old priest's favorite kitchen appliance?
The deep friar.
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