What did the lamp eat?
A light snack...
How do you turn a duck into a soul singer?
Stick him in an oven until his Bill Withers
Whoever named it a television ...
Should've called it a watching machine.
Hey did you hear that ESPN is broadcasting this year's Origami competition?
I heard it's pay per view...
Who's the most popular kitchen appliance?
The freezer, he's really cool
What did the bread say before it jumped into the toaster?
"I'M BREADY TO DIE"
If you think that your phone, laptop, microwave and fridge spying on you is bad
Then you should know that your vaccum cleaner has been collecting dirt on you for a while .
I just found out you should never put a bar of soap in the dishwasher.
It's hand wash only.
Electric razors are the best thing since sliced beard.
Why was the broken refrigerator angry?
Because he couldn’t keep his cool.
What do you call a catholic toaster strudel?
A pope tart.
I couldn't resist this flirty TV remote...
It was an instant turn on.
How are air conditioners like humans?
Both get turned on when it's hot.
Why did the electrical cords break up? There was no spark between them.”
I get so mad when the heater is on.
I don't know why, I just lose my cool.
Last night me and the wife watched three DVDs back to back.
Luckily I was the one facing the TV
Why are the electricians always up to date? Because they are ‘current specialists.
How many software engineers do you need to change a light bulb?
None – it’s a hardware problem.
When the heat turns down, we thieves gather in our secret hideout for a meeting.
We call it our Con Den session.
I finally managed to get rid of that nasty electrical charge I’ve been carrying. I’m ex-static!
How can you tell the camera was afraid of the toaster?
Everytime he looked at it, it made him shutter.
Today I found out my toaster isn't waterproof
I was shocked.
Why are teapots so expensive?
Because they make you pour!
What did the dough say after half an hour in the oven?
I’m bready.
My wife asked me why I was ironing my 4 leaf clover.
I told her I was pressing my luck
A cow not being on the grill for very long is a rare occurrence.
How do you keep food warm in the refrigerator?
Keep it in the corner, because it is 90 degrees.
So earlier I took my clothes from the washer and threw them into the dryer.
I can't be sure how they felt about that, but they seemed agitated.
Every time I hang out my laundry, I can't resist singing "Nine to Five" ...
Guess that's what I get for using Dolly pegs.
I love taking pictures of myself next to boiling kettles.
My friend reckons I have selfie steam issues
My friend dragged me to a lecture about lamps. I though it would be boring but...
It was very illuminating.
Got my new blender yesterday but I can't tell if I like or not though...
It keeps giving me mixed results.
Sitting near the fireplace is just like a whole bunch of bees...
'swarm
Why did the freezer run away on its marriage?
It got cold feet
I replaced all the air vents in my house with smaller ones.
It was a reduction.
What do you call a gorilla stuck in a ventilation shaft?
A Duct-ape.
Toasters were the first form of pop-up notifications.
I put my fancy shirts in the freezer before I wear them.
It's cold fashion, look it up!
What did the blender say to his crush?
"I have mixed feelings about you, but we might blend together perfectly."
Today, I changed a light bulb, crossed a street, and walked into a bar.
My life is a joke.
I was opening up all the vents in our house. My wife didn't understand why.
"You may think that's eVENTfull. You'll undestand why I do this eVENTually"
I caught my friend harassing some electricity. I told him it was an abuse of power.”
It’s crazy that Dubai doesn’t show The Flintstones on TV...
But Abu Dhabi Do!
I heard my son complaining about doing laundry.
He said, 'These just socks'.
Why did the man eat the light bulb? He was hoping it would give him a bright idea.”
After buying grocers, I sat on the San Francisco pier and pondered life. My laundry detergent tipped over...
Now I’m sittin on the dock of a bay, watching my Tide roll away.
What temperature do you set a toy oven?
Faux hundred degrees.
My new toaster oven is a huge improvement for making lunch.
I used to eat unappetizing sandwiches but I quit cold turkey.
My Co-Worker came in today exhausted from staying up all night watching Television comedies...
She Satired.
I stopped ironing my clothes.
I have less pressing concerns.
Go to BabaMail
