I think my window air conditioner needs an ambulance.
It keeps hyperventilating.
I used to get so mad when my kitchen appliances leaked
now it's just water under the fridge
My blender is a bit forgetfull. It keep breaking the ice with me.
This morning, my dad told me something that gave me the chills.
He said, “I’m turning off the heating.”
I hate being married to a microwave
Every time I give her my two cents she blows up
I just burned my Hawaiian pizza in the oven
I guess I should have put it on aloha setting
A hand mixer started a speakeasy.
It was a wisk-y business.
The sun is just a big space heater.
I started making lamps in the shape of the alphabet.
After the first three, it was a D-light.
Why did the freezer never graduate?
Because it was set on 0 degrees.
Why did the man eat the light bulb? He was hoping it would give him a bright idea.”
I brought a new vacuum cleaner.
It sucks.
My wife is threatening to leave me because of my obsession with acting like a TV news anchor.
More on this after the break.
My roommate keeps taking my water bottle out of the refrigerator.
It's not cool man.
Why do microwaves always mess up wifi...
...when every one I've tried creates hotspots?
What do you call a catholic toaster strudel?
A pope tart.
Today, I changed a light bulb, crossed a street, and walked into a bar.
My life is a joke.
My wife asked if I knew how to turn on the dishwasher.
I told her I would some flirty compliments.
What do you get if you put kisses in a blender?
A Smoochie.
I hid the control for the TV
I’m not even remotely sorry.
A burglar stole all my lamps.
I should be upset, but I’m delighted
I asked my son to stop leaving the freezer door open.
I told him, “This is why we can’t have ice things.”
What did one chandelier say to the other?
I have friends in the high places.
I keep scores of my favorite iceboxes.
They're my refrigeRATINGS.
When you clean out a vacuum cleaner, you make the vacuum cleaner.
Why are environmentalists attracted to electricity?
It’s natural.
What do you call a slice of bread you put in the toaster?
A tanning bread.
Who takes care of saunas?
Humid Resources.
What penalty in hockey uses the most amount of energy?
A power play.
Why is the air conditioner repairman the life of the party?
It’s not cool until he arrives.
Had to replace all the bulbs in the side table lamps. Then I had to replace the ones in my ceiling fan.
That was the highlight of my day.
Where do electricians get their supplies? The Ohm Depot.
My son asked me how I never seemed to lose the TV remote when he was growing up.
I told him I'd always put it in a location away from all the clutter...
A remote location.
What do you call the art of Freezer meditation?
Fro-zen!
What's the first tea that comes in a teapot?
empytea
What is the most desirable kitchen appliance?
A hot plate.
My mum asked me to watch the stove while she went to the bathroom. She was so angry when she got back...
Things really boiled over
I gave my wife a lamp for our anniversary.
Someone’s getting LED tonight.
What is the difference between lightning and electricity. For electricity, you need to pay, but
lightning kills for free.”
My friend bought a new house, and invited everyone to a party.
My dad asks, "How was the house warming?" And I said, "With the furnace, I suppose."
Why can’t dishwashers do parallel dancing?
They’re never in sink.
My son asked me if I ate the leftovers he was saving in the refrigerator.
I told him "of course not - I ate them in the living room"
Why is wind power popular? Because it has a lot of fans!”
I caught my friend harassing some electricity. I told him it was an abuse of power.”
What happens when you put your hand in a blender?
You get a hand shake.
I stopped ironing my clothes.
I have less pressing concerns.
What kind of car does an electrician drive? A Volts-wagon.”
Why was the broken refrigerator angry?
Because he couldn’t keep his cool.
What does a four-wheeled vehicle and a television have in common?
They’re both ATV
My wife and I had a huge argument as to whose turn it was to do laundry.
Eventually, I folded.
Go to BabaMail
