I stopped ironing my clothes.
I have less pressing concerns.
Hey did you hear that ESPN is broadcasting this year's Origami competition?
I heard it's pay per view...
How long do you microwave fish?
Tuna half minutes!
My new toaster oven is a huge improvement for making lunch.
I used to eat unappetizing sandwiches but I quit cold turkey.
I put my fancy shirts in the freezer before I wear them.
It's cold fashion, look it up!
I stole some kitchen appliances from my mate...
It was dangerous but worth the whisk.
I put a humidifier and dehumidifier in the same room. What do you think will happen? That's a mist-ery.
Just opened my water bill and my electricity bill at the same time… I was shocked.”
What did Master Yoda say when he saw himself on the television?
HDMI
My Co-Worker came in today exhausted from staying up all night watching Television comedies...
She Satired.
There's a programme about the history of perfume on TV tonight.
It's on at 8pm on Chanel Number 5!
The repair man said he thought he'd fixed the propane stoves, but he couldn't be quite sure.
After all, it involved a lot of gaswork.
I just found out you should never put a bar of soap in the dishwasher.
It's hand wash only.
What did the lamps do after their date?
They got turned on.
What do you call a turtle in a chef’s hat?
A slow cooker.
My roommate keeps taking my water bottle out of the refrigerator.
It's not cool man.
Why did bulb pack an apple in his bag?
He wanted to have a light snack.
Why is the air conditioner repairman the life of the party?
It’s not cool until he arrives.
How did the charger get rich?
He made a killing in the shock market.
What did one chandelier say to the other?
I have friends in the high places.
My wife says she's divorcing me because of my obsession with television dramas.
But will she leave me...?
Find out next week.
My wife asked me why I was ironing my 4 leaf clover.
I told her I was pressing my luck
Why was the teapot sitting in the corner?
It was having a pour attitude.
Is your refrigerator running? I was hoping to vote for it.
I was going to start ironing, but I decided it was too depressing.
What do you call laundry detergent on the top shelf?
High tide.
Why do quitters do all the laundry?
They always throw in the towel!
What is the difference between lightning and electricity. For electricity, you need to pay, but
lightning kills for free.”
How many museum curators does it take to change a light bulb?
6. 1 changes it and the other 5 preserve, display, and celebrate the old model.
I love lamps.
They're so enlightening.
What do you call a Smart TV?
In-telly-gent.
Even the heaviest chandelier is pretty light.
Phil told me about what lights up a light bulb.
But I didn’t know what Phil-a-meant.
I put some big, giant, large, massive, enormous, huge bread in the toaster.
I was making synonym toast.
Went to buy a new microwave. Salesperson asks me "what volume are you looking for?"
And I say "nothign too loud"
I was pretty mad when the air conditioner stopped working...
I lost my cool.
I saw an ad that read: “TV for sale, $1, volume stuck on full.” I thought to myself, "I can't turn that down!"
Our landlord knocked on our door today and said that if we didn't pay rent, they'd turn off the heater tomorrow.
It was our last warming.
Got my new blender yesterday but I can't tell if I like or not though...
It keeps giving me mixed results.
What do you call a fake pastry?
A prop tart!
Every time I hang out my laundry, I can't resist singing "Nine to Five" ...
Guess that's what I get for using Dolly pegs.
What did the black pepper say to his wife after coming out of the grinder?
"Don't worry. I'm fine."
Apparently adding a fireplace to your home is the hot new trend...
...and chimney installations are through the roof!
Why did the electrical cords break up? There was no spark between them.”
I threw my toaster into the toilet the other day.
It was a shock to the cistern.
The recipe said, “set the oven to 180 degrees”...
Now I can’t open the door because it faces the wall.
I bought a secured warehouse where I keep appliances to clean pots, pans, plates, and silverware.
It's dishwasher safe!
What is a surfer's least favorite kitchen appliance?
A Microwave
I put some bread in the toaster this morning, but it never popped up again
I think it might be comatoast.
Toasters were the first form of pop-up notifications.
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