I once knew a priest that only ate microwave soup.
He was a Ramen Catholic.
My Co-Worker came in today exhausted from staying up all night watching Television comedies...
She Satired.
Sitting near the fireplace is just like a whole bunch of bees...
'swarm
I like jokes. But jokes about air conditioners?
I'm not a fan.
Why did the man eat the light bulb?
He was hoping it would give him a bright idea.
What do you call a Smart TV?
In-telly-gent.
The repair man said he thought he'd fixed the propane stoves, but he couldn't be quite sure.
After all, it involved a lot of gaswork.
What was the light bulb’s occupation?
He was a conductor
Today I found out my toaster isn't waterproof
I was shocked.
I hid the control for the TV
I’m not even remotely sorry.
I used to get so mad when my kitchen appliances leaked
now it's just water under the fridge
Did you hear about the abusive flashlight? It was charged with battery.
Why do quitters do all the laundry?
They always throw in the towel!
What do power strips always say at their high school reunions?
I haven’t seen you in light years.
A good air conditioner is worth its weight in cold.
What is a jedi electrician’s favorite tool?
His lightsaber.
A dangerous surge of electricity walks into a bar. The barman says, why the long phase?”
Laundry puns?
I got loads of them.
What do you call it when a clothes dryer is dancing?
A linty-hop.
What did the energy company’s CEO credit her success to?
A series of strategic power moves.
What do you call a bad electrician? A shock absorber!
I finally managed to get rid of that nasty electrical charge I’ve been carrying. I’m ex-static!
When the heat turns down, we thieves gather in our secret hideout for a meeting.
We call it our Con Den session.
My dad wanted to teach me to fix the car but all I did was hold the flashlight.
I guess I'll never hold a candle to him.
What is the most desirable kitchen appliance?
A hot plate.
Why couldn't I fry wood on the stove?
I used a non-stick pan.
What did the lamp eat?
A light snack...
How did the electrician pay for his new phone?
He charged it.
I bought you a refrigirator.
I can't wait to see your face light up as you open it.
A sweater I bought was picking up static electricity. So, I returned it to the store. They gave me another one free of charge.”
Why did the electrician marry his colleague? He couldn’t resistor.
Why was the broken air conditioner already sad?
Because it couldn’t vent it’s problems.
What would a barefoot man get if he stepped on an electric fence? A pair of shocks.”
I got arrested at work today for moving my desk away from the air conditoner vent.
I was charged with draft-dodging!
Last night me and the wife watched three DVDs back to back.
Luckily I was the one facing the TV
My landlord said we need to talk about how high my heating bill is.
I replied: “Sure, my door is always open.”
Why do microwaves always mess up wifi...
...when every one I've tried creates hotspots?
Who's the most popular kitchen appliance?
The freezer, he's really cool
Two TV antennas meet on a roof, fall in love and get married...
The ceremony was boring but the reception was brilliant.
I couldn't resist this flirty TV remote...
It was an instant turn on.
What kind of fire moistens?
A humidifier.
This morning, my dad told me something that gave me the chills.
He said, “I’m turning off the heating.”
I threw my toaster into the toilet the other day.
It was a shock to the cistern.
The recipe said, “set the oven to 180 degrees”...
Now I can’t open the door because it faces the wall.
My wife said she'll leave me if I don't stop the laundry punsץ
So from today I'm detergent to be better.
I replaced all the air vents in my house with smaller ones.
It was a reduction.
More places are charging fees to iron my clothes after they launder them...
I guess the free press is under siege!
If you think that your phone, laptop, microwave and fridge spying on you is bad
Then you should know that your vaccum cleaner has been collecting dirt on you for a while .
What is the energy provider’s favorite dance? The electric slide.”
How are air conditioners like humans?
Both get turned on when it's hot.
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