What did the vacuum cleaner salesman say before murdering his son?
Dyson!
What did the toaster say to the criminal bread?
"I'm taking you into crustody"
I couldn't resist this flirty TV remote...
It was an instant turn on.
And the lord said unto John "come forth and you shall have eternal life"
But John came fifth and won a toaster.
What did the lamps do after their date?
They got turned on.
People find laundry therapeutic...
Because it takes a load off their mind.
What did one chandelier say to the other?
I have friends in the high places.
What do you call a fake pastry?
A prop tart!
What happens if you put an iPhone in a blender?
You get apple juice.
I put some big, giant, large, massive, enormous, huge bread in the toaster.
I was making synonym toast.
I started ironing my clothes...
To de-crease how bad I looked
I was pretty mad when the air conditioner stopped working...
I lost my cool.
My mixer broke down today. I'm very sad to part with it, I couldn't have whisked for a better friend.
Why is wind power popular? Because it has a lot of fans!”
What did the man say after he came out of the walk-in freezer?
"That experience was chilling."
Oh laundry, sometimes I feel like our first president...
Because I am washing-a-ton.
My friend bought a new house, and invited everyone to a party.
My dad asks, "How was the house warming?" And I said, "With the furnace, I suppose."
Went to buy a new microwave. Salesperson asks me "what volume are you looking for?"
And I say "nothign too loud"
I just saw my wife trip and fall, while carrying a laundry basket full of ironed clothes.
I watched it all unfold.
So earlier I took my clothes from the washer and threw them into the dryer.
I can't be sure how they felt about that, but they seemed agitated.
How many software engineers do you need to change a light bulb?
None – it’s a hardware problem.
What is a Jedi electrician’s favorite tool? His lightsaber”
I was holding a bottle of laundry detergent when all of a sudden it exploded, completely drenching my hands.
Oh well. I guess my hands are Tide.
It's almost impossible to tell someone if a vacuum works or not.
Either it sucks or it sucks.
If you think that your phone, laptop, microwave and fridge spying on you is bad
Then you should know that your vaccum cleaner has been collecting dirt on you for a while .
I threw my toaster into the toilet the other day.
It was a shock to the cistern.
What do you call the art of Freezer meditation?
Fro-zen!
What did the lamp eat?
A light snack...
I tried to taste the hot light bulb
But I got my tungstenned.
Why was the broken refrigerator angry?
Because he couldn’t keep his cool.
The government is planning to ban articles about ironing appliances in the newspaper.
The freedom of press is no more.
I stopped ironing my clothes.
I have less pressing concerns.
Found out I washed some of my son's nerf darts in his laundry...
Should make for some good clean shots.
It’s crazy that Dubai doesn’t show The Flintstones on TV...
But Abu Dhabi Do!
My new toaster oven is a huge improvement for making lunch.
I used to eat unappetizing sandwiches but I quit cold turkey.
What do you call it when a clothes dryer is dancing?
A linty-hop.
What kind of plant generates the most energy? A power plant.”
My friend has a cold storage device that will discuss philosophical issues. It's a deep freezer.
My Co-Worker came in today exhausted from staying up all night watching Television comedies...
She Satired.
My wife says she's divorcing me because of my obsession with television dramas.
But will she leave me...?
Find out next week.
I finally managed to get rid of that nasty electrical charge I’ve been carrying. I’m ex-static!”
If you plant a light bulb in your garden, does it grow into a power plant?
A sweater I bought was picking up static electricity. So, I returned it to the store. They gave me another one free of charge.”
My friend called and said he was sick of his fireplace exhaust vent...
Sounds like another case of the flue.
Why did the lights go out? Because they liked each other!”
How did the electrician pay for his new phone?
He charged it.
I can’t afford to pay for electricity anymore; these are some dark times.
I bring my TV remote into every sports bar I go to so I can change the channel to whatever I want.
It’s a real game changer
Why are teapots so expensive?
Because they make you pour!
Just bought a vacuum cleaner, from a Buddhist selling them door to door. I should have known better..
It came with no attachments.
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