I wonder who invented the air conditioner...
Must’ve been a pretty cool guy.
Whoever named it a television ...
Should've called it a watching machine.
Why was the broken air conditioner already sad?
Because it couldn’t vent it’s problems.
I keep scores of my favorite iceboxes.
They're my refrigeRATINGS.
Sitting near the fireplace is just like a whole bunch of bees...
'swarm
What temperature do you set a toy oven?
Faux hundred degrees.
I bought a new heater for my wife.
She didn't like it first, but now I think she's warmed up to it.
I just built a car out of a washing machine.
I’ll be taking it for a spin later.
I hit my head on a light bulb today, but it’s okay.
It was a soft white.
I really have to force myself to get through this book on friction.
What do you call the art of Freezer meditation?
Fro-zen!
I put a humidifier and dehumidifier in the same room. What do you think will happen? That's a mist-ery.
Don't ever change a light bulb while the oven is on
You'll get burned out
I'm thinking about writing a book about lamps. I think its a bright idea
My friend had put some beans in the coffee grinder
After a few seconds I told him to stop. That's fine.
I can’t afford to pay for electricity anymore; these are some dark times.
Got into my car and realized my wife had shut off all the A/C vents.
Definitely not cool.
I put some big, giant, large, massive, enormous, huge bread in the toaster.
I was making synonym toast.
My son asked me how I never seemed to lose the TV remote when he was growing up.
I told him I'd always put it in a location away from all the clutter...
A remote location.
What do you get when you put a saxophonist in a freezer?
Cool jazz.
When the heat turns down, we thieves gather in our secret hideout for a meeting.
We call it our Con Den session.
My mum asked me to watch the stove while she went to the bathroom. She was so angry when she got back...
Things really boiled over
My friend bought a new house, and invited everyone to a party.
My dad asks, "How was the house warming?" And I said, "With the furnace, I suppose."
Did you hear about the abusive flashlight? It was charged with battery.
The secretary left me a message saying humidity will hit 90% today...
She wrote it on a sticky note.
What is the difference between lightning and electricity. For electricity, you need to pay, but
lightning kills for free.”
How can you tell the camera was afraid of the toaster?
Everytime he looked at it, it made him shutter.
Something is odd about my hot stove.
I just can't quite put my finger on it.
My friend pointed at a chandelier and said: "isn't that the coolest chandelier ever?"
I replied: "I don't know if it's the coolest, but it's up there."
A policeman was busted for collecting bribes and hiding the money in his freezer....
When the authorities searched his freezer, they found nothing but cold hard cash
On our way to buy a refrigerator, I saw my husband carrying a piece of paper with a giant X written on it. I asked, “What are you going to do with it?”
He said, “Let’s cross that fridge when we get there.”
Went to buy a new microwave. Salesperson asks me "what volume are you looking for?"
And I say "nothign too loud"
Where do light bulbs go shopping? The outlet stores.”
Why was the broken refrigerator angry?
Because he couldn’t keep his cool.
I just put some meat in the oven.
It’s bacon.
What do mushrooms watch on TV?
Spores.
My roommate keeps taking my water bottle out of the refrigerator.
It's not cool man.
My Microwave is a Liar. On the front it says "30-60 Seconds for a Hot Dog."
I keep running that thing for minutes on end but I never get a Hot Dog to come out.
What’s the best tool to install an electrical plug with?
A socket wrench.
I tried to help my wife with laundry by putting her underwear away.
But she got her panties in a bunch over it.
How did the charger get rich?
He made a killing in the shock market.
Had to replace all the bulbs in the side table lamps. Then I had to replace the ones in my ceiling fan.
That was the highlight of my day.
What TV shows are squeaky clean?
Soap Operas
I gave my wife a lamp for our anniversary.
Someone’s getting LED tonight.
Why are the electricians always up to date? Because they are ‘current specialists.
Where do electricians get their supplies? The Ohm Depot.
One blender turns to the one next to it and says "You're looking exceptionally good today!"
So the other replies, "You're such a smoothie talker"
Why did the man eat the light bulb? He was hoping it would give him a bright idea.”
What penalty in hockey uses the most amount of energy?
A power play.
Why did the light bulb fail his math quiz?
He wasn’t too bright.
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