What sound does a vacuum sweeper make when it explodes?
Ka-BROOM!!!
Why do Russian teapots have to go to bed early?
Because samovars have to work tomorrow.
I just built a car out of a washing machine.
I’ll be taking it for a spin later.
I tried to help my wife with laundry by putting her underwear away.
But she got her panties in a bunch over it.
A burglar stole all my lamps.
I should be upset, but I’m delighted
I bought you a refrigirator.
I can't wait to see your face light up as you open it.
What would a barefoot man get if he stepped on an electric fence? A pair of shocks.”
Accidentally spilled frosting all over the freezer.
Going to leave it be though, since the freezer has an auto defrost feature.
When the heat turns down, we thieves gather in our secret hideout for a meeting.
We call it our Con Den session.
How did the electrician pay for his new phone?
He charged it.
An electrician needed to change 8 fluorescent lamps to brighten up a large conference room at our office. I asked him if he needed a hand carrying them.
He said no, this is light.
Went to buy a new microwave. Salesperson asks me "what volume are you looking for?"
And I say "nothign too loud"
Moisturize the air!
As fast as humidly possible.
Why was the teapot sitting in the corner?
It was having a pour attitude.
Did you hear what the foolish gardener did?
The guy planted a light bulb and though he’d get a power plant.
My dad used to crack jokes standing above our fireplace.
Now he's passed the mantle on to me.
I bought a secured warehouse where I keep appliances to clean pots, pans, plates, and silverware.
It's dishwasher safe!
How did the charger get rich?
He made a killing in the shock market.
Last night I turned my wife on by ironing one side of her shirt...
I was pressing all the right buttons.
The sun is just a big space heater.
My wife left a note on the fridge, saying, "This isn't working. Goodbye."
I opened it and it works fine.
Why did the light bulb fail his math quiz?
He wasn’t too bright.
A hand mixer started a speakeasy.
It was a wisk-y business.
What did the lamps do after their date?
They got turned on.
What did the dough say after half an hour in the oven?
I’m bready.
Who takes care of saunas?
Humid Resources.
How long do you microwave fish?
Tuna half minutes!
What did the lamp eat?
A light snack...
Always knock on the fridge before opening.
Just in case there is a salad dressing
I wonder who invented the air conditioner...
Must’ve been a pretty cool guy.
What do mushrooms watch on TV?
Spores.
Why does a microwave hum?
Because it doesn't know the words
My electrician friend accidentally blew the power to the ice-making factory. Now they’ve gone into liquidation.
What do you call a turtle in a chef’s hat?
A slow cooker.
What do you call it when a clothes dryer is dancing?
A linty-hop.
Why did the man eat the light bulb? He was hoping it would give him a bright idea.”
I couldn't resist this flirty TV remote...
It was an instant turn on.
What do you call a kangaroo who watches too much TV?
A pouch potato.
What is a jedi electrician’s favorite tool?
His lightsaber.
Why did the monk meditate with a light bulb? He hoped it would help him to reach enlightenment.”
Wife told me that our juicer draws a lot of power.
I explained to her that it takes lot of juice to juice the juicer.
I like jokes. But jokes about air conditioners?
I'm not a fan.
Sitting near the fireplace is just like a whole bunch of bees...
'swarm
I stopped ironing my clothes.
I have less pressing concerns.
What is a Jedi electrician’s favorite tool? His lightsaber”
I love lamps.
They're so enlightening.
What is a plug’s favorite chant at a sporting event?
CHARGE!!
Why can’t dishwashers do parallel dancing?
They’re never in sink.
My 6 year old daughter has lined up all of her dolls towards the outdoor grill...
Looks like she’s preparing some kind of Barbie queue...
I think my window air conditioner needs an ambulance.
It keeps hyperventilating.
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