I heard my son complaining about doing laundry.
He said, 'These just socks'.
Did you hear the one about the ice cube’s great escape from the freezer?
You could say it was a well thawed out plan.
How many museum curators does it take to change a light bulb?
6. 1 changes it and the other 5 preserve, display, and celebrate the old model.
How did the pizza escape the oven?
Through the dough!
Did you hear what the foolish gardener did?
The guy planted a light bulb and though he’d get a power plant.
My wife is threatening to leave me because of my obsession with acting like a TV news anchor.
More on this after the break.
Everyone knows The Beatles, but do you know The Laundry Beatles?
It's members are Paul McCottoney, John Linen, Ringo Starch ... And George Harrison.
My friend bought a new house, and invited everyone to a party.
My dad asks, "How was the house warming?" And I said, "With the furnace, I suppose."
I got tricked into buying a cooling fan that didn't work...
It was an air con.
A sweater I bought was picking up static electricity. So, I returned it to the store. They gave me another one free of charge.”
Why did the freezer run away on its marriage?
It got cold feet
I get so mad when the heater is on.
I don't know why, I just lose my cool.
What sound does a vacuum sweeper make when it explodes?
Ka-BROOM!!!
The superconductor left without resistance.
I started ironing my clothes...
To de-crease how bad I looked
Moisturize the air!
As fast as humidly possible.
What do you call a turtle in a chef’s hat?
A slow cooker.
My heater won't stop running.
I swear it has no chill.
What's the first tea that comes in a teapot?
empytea
I just put some meat in the oven.
It’s bacon.
I tried to help my wife with laundry by putting her underwear away.
But she got her panties in a bunch over it.
What did the black pepper say to his wife after coming out of the grinder?
"Don't worry. I'm fine."
What did the lamp eat?
A light snack...
What's a freezer's favorite time period?
The ice age!
Why did the electrical cords break up?
There was no spark between them.
My Co-Worker came in today exhausted from staying up all night watching Television comedies...
She Satired.
The repair man said he thought he'd fixed the propane stoves, but he couldn't be quite sure.
After all, it involved a lot of gaswork.
I noticed a wasp in my laundry as I was dropping it in the washer. I decided the best action was to close the lid and start the machine anyway.
Now it's a washp.
What did the light bulb say to the generator? ‘I really get a charge out of you!”
What do you call a catholic toaster strudel?
A pope tart.
Today, I changed a light bulb, crossed a street, and walked into a bar.
My life is a joke.
Accidentally spilled frosting all over the freezer.
Going to leave it be though, since the freezer has an auto defrost feature.
Wife told me that our juicer draws a lot of power.
I explained to her that it takes lot of juice to juice the juicer.
What did the toaster say to the criminal bread?
"I'm taking you into crustody"
Did you hear about the abusive flashlight? It was charged with battery.
Went to buy a new microwave. Salesperson asks me "what volume are you looking for?"
And I say "nothign too loud"
On our way to buy a refrigerator, I saw my husband carrying a piece of paper with a giant X written on it. I asked, “What are you going to do with it?”
He said, “Let’s cross that fridge when we get there.”
How many software engineers do you need to change a light bulb?
None – it’s a hardware problem.
My son asked me how I never seemed to lose the TV remote when he was growing up.
I told him I'd always put it in a location away from all the clutter...
A remote location.
The guy who got arrested for eating batteries…. He is to be charged in the morning.
I used to get so mad when my kitchen appliances leaked
now it's just water under the fridge
Apparently adding a fireplace to your home is the hot new trend...
...and chimney installations are through the roof!
I bought you a refrigirator.
I can't wait to see your face light up as you open it.
What is the difference between lightning and electricity. For electricity, you need to pay, but
lightning kills for free.”
What do you call a bad electrician? A shock absorber!
If you're stressed, try ironing clothes.
It's a great way to let off some steam.
I can't decide whether to grill chicken breasts or chicken thighs...
I guess I'll just wing it
What is an energy provider’s favorite dance?
The electric slide.
What do you call someone that's always stealing your heat?
A brrrglar!
I sold my cleaning equipment.
It was just collecting dust.
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