In the darkness, is where a flashlight really shines!
I hate when my heater says something that sounds meaningful...
But it turns out to just be blowing hot air.
A cow not being on the grill for very long is a rare occurrence.
My wife asked me why I was ironing my 4 leaf clover.
I told her I was pressing my luck
What do you call a kangaroo who watches too much TV?
A pouch potato.
People find laundry therapeutic...
Because it takes a load off their mind.
I can't decide whether to grill chicken breasts or chicken thighs...
I guess I'll just wing it
I hid the control for the TV
I’m not even remotely sorry.
Why did the monk meditate with a light bulb? He hoped it would help him to reach enlightenment.”
What do you call a Smart TV?
In-telly-gent.
What is a light bulb’s favorite kind of news?
Current events.
Today I found out my toaster isn't waterproof
I was shocked.
Found out I washed some of my son's nerf darts in his laundry...
Should make for some good clean shots.
I got arrested at work today for moving my desk away from the air conditoner vent.
I was charged with draft-dodging!
I think my heater is sick.
It's hot.
This morning, my dad told me something that gave me the chills.
He said, “I’m turning off the heating.”
What would a barefoot man get if he stepped on an electric fence? A pair of shocks.”
What happens if you put an iPhone in a blender?
You get apple juice.
What did the toaster say to the criminal bread?
"I'm taking you into crustody"
What is a wise, old priest's favorite kitchen appliance?
The deep friar.
Television is a medium,
Because anything well done is rare.
Why couldn't I fry wood on the stove?
I used a non-stick pan.
I bought a secured warehouse where I keep appliances to clean pots, pans, plates, and silverware.
It's dishwasher safe!
Why did the electrical cords break up?
There was no spark between them.
Why did the man eat the light bulb?
He was hoping it would give him a bright idea.
My wife said she'll leave me if I don't stop the laundry punsץ
So from today I'm detergent to be better.
What's a freezer's favorite time period?
The ice age!
My brother just admitted that he broke my favourite lamp.
I'm not sure I'll be able look at him in the same light ever again
A wind turbine saw a solar panel at an energy convention. He leaned in and shouted, Hey, I’m a big fan!”
"Is your dishwasher running?"
"Seeing as it doesn't have feet, it does not"
Refrigerators look kinda boring.
But actually they're pretty cool
I stole some kitchen appliances from my mate...
It was dangerous but worth the whisk.
I asked my son to stop leaving the freezer door open.
I told him, “This is why we can’t have ice things.”
What did Communists use to light their houses before candles? Electricity.
The recipe said, “set the oven to 180 degrees”...
Now I can’t open the door because it faces the wall.
I saw an ad that read: “TV for sale, $1, volume stuck on full.” I thought to myself, "I can't turn that down!"
What do you call a worm that chews up power cords? An electro-maggot.”
What TV shows are squeaky clean?
Soap Operas
Accidentally spilled frosting all over the freezer.
Going to leave it be though, since the freezer has an auto defrost feature.
What sound does a vacuum sweeper make when it explodes?
Ka-BROOM!!!
I went to a Church yard sale looking for a grill...
Unfortunately, they only had friars.
Apparently adding a fireplace to your home is the hot new trend...
...and chimney installations are through the roof!
What do you call a skeleton in a freezer?
Bone-chilling.
I put some big, giant, large, massive, enormous, huge bread in the toaster.
I was making synonym toast.
The repair man said he thought he'd fixed the propane stoves, but he couldn't be quite sure.
After all, it involved a lot of gaswork.
I went to shop for a toaster. The sailsman showed me all the fancy features.
I said "wow, that's cool!"
And he replied, "Sorry ma'am,it can only warm"
Why do fluorescent lights hum? Because they can’t remember the words.”
Why do microwaves always mess up wifi...
...when every one I've tried creates hotspots?
What is an electrician’s favorite flavor of ice cream? Shock-a-lot.”
Where do light bulbs go shopping?
The outlet stores.
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