What is the difference between lightning and electricity. For electricity, you need to pay, but
lightning kills for free.”
I think my window air conditioner needs an ambulance.
It keeps hyperventilating.
What do you call someone that's always stealing your heat?
A brrrglar!
What kind of plant generates the most energy? A power plant.”
My heater won't stop running.
I swear it has no chill.
Wife told me that our juicer draws a lot of power.
I explained to her that it takes lot of juice to juice the juicer.
A cow not being on the grill for very long is a rare occurrence.
What did the light bulb say to the electric generator? ‘You spark up my life!”
Asked my boy to put the kettle on.
He said, "I don't think it'll fit me"
I noticed a wasp in my laundry as I was dropping it in the washer. I decided the best action was to close the lid and start the machine anyway.
Now it's a washp.
Got my new blender yesterday but I can't tell if I like or not though...
It keeps giving me mixed results.
My dad was complaining he’d lost a sock after doing his laundry.
I said, "that's a sockrifice I had to make".
I really have to force myself to get through this book on friction.
There's a programme about the history of perfume on TV tonight.
It's on at 8pm on Chanel Number 5!
When you clean out a vacuum cleaner, does that make YOU a vacuum cleaner?
Why do quitters do all the laundry?
They always throw in the towel!
What penalty in hockey uses the most amount of energy?
A power play.
Whoever named it a television ...
Should've called it a watching machine.
How did the pizza escape the oven?
Through the dough!
Why was the broken refrigerator angry?
Because he couldn’t keep his cool.
What temperature do you set a toy oven?
Faux hundred degrees.
Why did the freezer run away on its marriage?
It got cold feet
Hey did you hear that ESPN is broadcasting this year's Origami competition?
I heard it's pay per view...
When you clean out a vacuum cleaner, you make the vacuum cleaner.
What is a plug’s favorite chant at a sporting event?
CHARGE!!
"Is your dishwasher running?"
"Seeing as it doesn't have feet, it does not"
I went to a Church yard sale looking for a grill...
Unfortunately, they only had friars.
What football team do energy providers root for the most? The Chargers”
My mum asked me to watch the stove while she went to the bathroom. She was so angry when she got back...
Things really boiled over
My Co-Worker came in today exhausted from staying up all night watching Television comedies...
She Satired.
I just saw my wife trip and fall, while carrying a laundry basket full of ironed clothes.
I watched it all unfold.
They call the first episode of a TV show a "Pilot", because anyone can fly a plane for a couple seconds....
But you have to prove your jokes can land.
At what point will you love to change your bulbs the most?
When sparks fly.
My friend dragged me to a lecture about lamps. I though it would be boring but...
It was very illuminating.
What do you call an ironing board that makes your clothes more wrinkly?
An irony board.
How can you tell the camera was afraid of the toaster?
Everytime he looked at it, it made him shutter.
I once knew a priest that only ate microwave soup.
He was a Ramen Catholic.
This morning, my dad told me something that gave me the chills.
He said, “I’m turning off the heating.”
I just built a car out of a washing machine.
I’ll be taking it for a spin later.
What is a jedi electrician’s favorite tool?
His lightsaber.
How many software engineers do you need to change a light bulb?
None – it’s a hardware problem.
Where do light bulbs go shopping?
The outlet stores.
I stopped ironing my clothes.
I have less pressing concerns.
Had to replace all the bulbs in the side table lamps. Then I had to replace the ones in my ceiling fan.
That was the highlight of my day.
What do you call an Incarcerated late night TV show host?
Jimmy Felon.
My wife left a note on the fridge, saying, "This isn't working. Goodbye."
I opened it and it works fine.
Even the most intelligent people can’t survive a day without electricity, like Stephen Hawking.
How long do you microwave fish?
Tuna half minutes!
It’s crazy that Dubai doesn’t show The Flintstones on TV...
But Abu Dhabi Do!
Something is odd about my hot stove.
I just can't quite put my finger on it.
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