I caught my friend harassing some electricity. I told him it was an abuse of power.”
What is a plug’s favorite chant at a sporting event?
CHARGE!!
What do you call a Smart TV?
In-telly-gent.
Even the heaviest chandelier is pretty light.
Why do fluorescent lights hum? Because they can’t remember the words.”
My favorite crime TV show has a duck as the main character.
He always quacks the case.
What kind of car does an electrician drive? A Volts-wagon.”
I got tricked into buying a cooling fan that didn't work...
It was an air con.
I bought you a refrigirator.
I can't wait to see your face light up as you open it.
I bought a lamp for my friend
To brighten their day
I hid the control for the TV
I’m not even remotely sorry.
Found out I washed some of my son's nerf darts in his laundry...
Should make for some good clean shots.
I just built a car out of a washing machine.
I’ll be taking it for a spin later.
My Co-Worker came in today exhausted from staying up all night watching Television comedies...
She Satired.
Television is a medium,
Because anything well done is rare.
After buying grocers, I sat on the San Francisco pier and pondered life. My laundry detergent tipped over...
Now I’m sittin on the dock of a bay, watching my Tide roll away.
What instrument never fails to energize a crowd?
An electric guitar.
What do you get when you put a saxophonist in a freezer?
Cool jazz.
What do mushrooms watch on TV?
Spores.
What happens if you put an iPhone in a blender?
You get apple juice.
Phil told me about what lights up a light bulb.
But I didn’t know what Phil-a-meant.
Why does a microwave hum?
Because it doesn't know the words
How does a dog stop a TV show?
He presses paws!
I tried to taste the hot light bulb
But I got my tungstenned.
I went to shop for a toaster. The sailsman showed me all the fancy features.
I said "wow, that's cool!"
And he replied, "Sorry ma'am,it can only warm"
Why did the electricity documentary get such mixed reviews?
People weren’t sure how to feel after it’s shocking ending.
I once knew a priest that only ate microwave soup.
He was a Ramen Catholic.
A policeman was busted for collecting bribes and hiding the money in his freezer....
When the authorities searched his freezer, they found nothing but cold hard cash
I finally managed to get rid of that nasty electrical charge I’ve been carrying. I’m ex-static!
I once convinced my younger brother to swallow a small lamp.
I got in so much trouble but it was worth it to see his little face light up.
What would a barefoot man get if he stepped on an electric fence? A pair of shocks.”
You’re a unit of electrical energy, Harry.” I’m a watt?”
What did the dough say after half an hour in the oven?
I’m bready.
If you plant a light bulb in your garden, does it grow into a power plant?
Last night I turned my wife on by ironing one side of her shirt...
I was pressing all the right buttons.
What do you call a gorilla stuck in a ventilation shaft?
A Duct-ape.
What is a light bulb’s favorite kind of news?
Current events.
I just burned my Hawaiian pizza in the oven
I guess I should have put it on aloha setting
Why are environmentalists attracted to electricity? It’s natural.”
Where do electricians get their supplies? The Ohm Depot.
My son asked me if I ate the leftovers he was saving in the refrigerator.
I told him "of course not - I ate them in the living room"
Every time I hang out my laundry, I can't resist singing "Nine to Five" ...
Guess that's what I get for using Dolly pegs.
They call the first episode of a TV show a "Pilot", because anyone can fly a plane for a couple seconds....
But you have to prove your jokes can land.
Who takes care of saunas?
Humid Resources.
What did the energy company’s CEO credit her success to?
A series of strategic power moves.
What powers an electric kettle?
Electrici-tea.
What do you call an ironing board that makes your clothes more wrinkly?
An irony board.
Yesterday I put a $50 note in my freezer.
Now I have some frozen assets.
My mum asked me to watch the stove while she went to the bathroom. She was so angry when she got back...
Things really boiled over
A cow not being on the grill for very long is a rare occurrence.
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