My landlord said we need to talk about how high my heating bill is.
I replied: “Sure, my door is always open.”
Why are teapots so expensive?
Because they make you pour!
Why was the broken air conditioner already sad?
Because it couldn’t vent it’s problems.
What do you call laundry detergent on the top shelf?
High tide.
Electric razors are the best thing since sliced beard.
Wife told me that our juicer draws a lot of power.
I explained to her that it takes lot of juice to juice the juicer.
What do power strips always say at their high school reunions? I haven’t seen you in light-years.”
Why are environmentalists attracted to electricity?
It’s natural.
Oh laundry, sometimes I feel like our first president...
Because I am washing-a-ton.
How long do you microwave fish?
Tuna half minutes!
What is a Jedi electrician’s favorite tool? His lightsaber”
The repair man said he thought he'd fixed the propane stoves, but he couldn't be quite sure.
After all, it involved a lot of gaswork.
Two TV antennas meet on a roof, fall in love and get married...
The ceremony was boring but the reception was brilliant.
If you hit your head on a coffeemaker
Would it leave a brews?
Why is wind power popular? Because it has a lot of fans!”
Where do light bulbs go shopping? The outlet stores.”
It's almost impossible to tell someone if a vacuum works or not.
Either it sucks or it sucks.
So earlier I took my clothes from the washer and threw them into the dryer.
I can't be sure how they felt about that, but they seemed agitated.
I love lamps.
They're so enlightening.
Why does a microwave hum?
Because it doesn't know the words
What would a barefoot man get if he stepped on an electric fence? A pair of shocks.”
How did the small oven greet the large oven?
He Microwaved.
Asked my boy to put the kettle on.
He said, "I don't think it'll fit me"
Why do Russian teapots have to go to bed early?
Because samovars have to work tomorrow.
My roommate keeps taking my water bottle out of the refrigerator.
It's not cool man.
What penalty in hockey uses the most amount of energy?
A power play.
Why did the electrician marry his colleague? He couldn’t resistor.
Is your refrigerator running? I was hoping to vote for it.
I hate when my heater says something that sounds meaningful...
But it turns out to just be blowing hot air.
I get so mad when the heater is on.
I don't know why, I just lose my cool.
My friend dragged me to a lecture about lamps. I though it would be boring but...
It was very illuminating.
Got into my car and realized my wife had shut off all the A/C vents.
Definitely not cool.
I put some bread in the toaster this morning, but it never popped up again
I think it might be comatoast.
My friend bought a new house, and invited everyone to a party.
My dad asks, "How was the house warming?" And I said, "With the furnace, I suppose."
I caught my friend harassing some electricity. I told him it was an abuse of power.”
My blender is a bit forgetfull. It keep breaking the ice with me.
I just found out you should never put a bar of soap in the dishwasher.
It's hand wash only.
They call the first episode of a TV show a "Pilot", because anyone can fly a plane for a couple seconds....
But you have to prove your jokes can land.
An electrician needed to change 8 fluorescent lamps to brighten up a large conference room at our office. I asked him if he needed a hand carrying them.
He said no, this is light.
Don't ever change a light bulb while the oven is on
You'll get burned out
I threw my toaster into the toilet the other day.
It was a shock to the cistern.
Where do electricians get their supplies? The Ohm Depot.
My mixer broke down today. I'm very sad to part with it, I couldn't have whisked for a better friend.
I used to get so mad when my kitchen appliances leaked
now it's just water under the fridge
Hey did you hear that ESPN is broadcasting this year's Origami competition?
I heard it's pay per view...
What do you call a catholic toaster strudel?
A pope tart.
What does a confident kettle have
Self-e-steam
Just burned 2,000 calories.
That’s the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap.
What penalty in hockey uses the most amount of energy? A power play.”
What TV shows are squeaky clean?
Soap Operas
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