Why did the lamps get arrested?
They were in some shady business
My dad wanted to teach me to fix the car but all I did was hold the flashlight.
I guess I'll never hold a candle to him.
What temperature do you set a toy oven?
Faux hundred degrees.
I couldn't resist this flirty TV remote...
It was an instant turn on.
I hate being married to a microwave
Every time I give her my two cents she blows up
I bought a new heater for my wife.
She didn't like it first, but now I think she's warmed up to it.
Today, I changed a light bulb, crossed a street, and walked into a bar.
My life is a joke.
I started making lamps in the shape of the alphabet.
After the first three, it was a D-light.
TV repair during lockdown has been pretty easy.
It’s mostly remote work.
What do you call it when a clothes dryer is dancing?
A linty-hop.
A dangerous surge of electricity walks into a bar. The barman says, why the long phase?”
What would a barefoot man get if he stepped on an electric fence? A pair of shocks.”
Me: Dad, can I turn the air-conditioner on?
Dad: did you shampoo it first?
The secretary left me a message saying humidity will hit 90% today...
She wrote it on a sticky note.
Why did the lights go out? Because they liked each other!”
What does a confident kettle have
Self-e-steam
I bought a lamp for my friend
To brighten their day
What did the light bulb say to the generator? ‘I really get a charge out of you!”
I wonder who invented the air conditioner...
Must’ve been a pretty cool guy.
Why do quitters do all the laundry?
They always throw in the towel!
I put some big, giant, large, massive, enormous, huge bread in the toaster.
I was making synonym toast.
Why is the air conditioner repairman the life of the party?
It’s not cool until he arrives.
What do you call a turtle in a chef’s hat?
A slow cooker.
Why did the electricity documentary get such mixed reviews?
People weren’t sure how to feel after it’s shocking ending.
I took my friends watch that had an LED flashlight on it.
Now it's my time to shine.
Why did the electrical cords break up? There was no spark between them.”
My wife is threatening to leave me because of my obsession with acting like a TV news anchor.
More on this after the break.
Where do light bulbs go shopping?
The outlet stores.
My favorite crime TV show has a duck as the main character.
He always quacks the case.
It's almost impossible to tell someone if a vacuum works or not.
Either it sucks or it sucks.
Last night I turned my wife on by ironing one side of her shirt...
I was pressing all the right buttons.
Why do fluorescent lights hum? Because they can’t remember the words.”
I caught my friend harassing some electricity. I told him it was an abuse of power.”
Television is a medium,
Because anything well done is rare.
I get so mad when the heater is on.
I don't know why, I just lose my cool.
Who's the most popular kitchen appliance?
The freezer, he's really cool
An electrician needed to change 8 fluorescent lamps to brighten up a large conference room at our office. I asked him if he needed a hand carrying them.
He said no, this is light.
My heater won't stop running.
I swear it has no chill.
Where do light bulbs go shopping? The outlet stores.”
What's the opposite of a microwave?
A Tsunami.
When you clean out a vacuum cleaner, does that make YOU a vacuum cleaner?
My mum asked me to watch the stove while she went to the bathroom. She was so angry when she got back...
Things really boiled over
I used to get so mad when my kitchen appliances leaked
now it's just water under the fridge
I was pretty mad when the air conditioner stopped working...
I lost my cool.
If you hit your head on a coffeemaker
Would it leave a brews?
Why do microwaves always mess up wifi...
...when every one I've tried creates hotspots?
I put some bread in the toaster this morning, but it never popped up again
I think it might be comatoast.
How many software engineers do you need to change a light bulb?
None – it’s a hardware problem.
Our landlord knocked on our door today and said that if we didn't pay rent, they'd turn off the heater tomorrow.
It was our last warming.
Toasters were the first form of pop-up notifications.
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