Electric razors are the best thing since sliced beard.
So earlier I took my clothes from the washer and threw them into the dryer.
I can't be sure how they felt about that, but they seemed agitated.
Why did the monk meditate with a light bulb?
He hoped it would help him to reach enlightenment.
My dad argued with a stove
The conversation really started to heat up
What do you get when you put a saxophonist in a freezer?
Cool jazz.
I feel uncomfortable next to my fridge
It's way too cool for me
I finally managed to get rid of that nasty electrical charge I’ve been carrying. I’m ex-static!
Why did the freezer run away on its marriage?
It got cold feet
My heater won't stop running.
I swear it has no chill.
I really have to force myself to get through this book on friction.
My wife told me to stop eating Christmas leftovers out the fridge...
But I just can’t quit cold turkey
What is a light bulb’s favorite kind of news?
Current events.
Me: Dad, can I turn the air-conditioner on?
Dad: did you shampoo it first?
Got my new blender yesterday but I can't tell if I like or not though...
It keeps giving me mixed results.
I think my heater is sick.
It's hot.
Where do light bulbs go shopping?
The outlet stores.
I got arrested at work today for moving my desk away from the air conditoner vent.
I was charged with draft-dodging!
Did you hear about the baker that accidentally backed into an open oven...?
His buns were toasted.
What's a freezer's favorite time period?
The ice age!
Where do light bulbs go shopping? The outlet stores.”
What do you call an Incarcerated late night TV show host?
Jimmy Felon.
My wife said she'll leave me if I don't stop the laundry punsץ
So from today I'm detergent to be better.
Why are the electricians always up to date? Because they are ‘current specialists.
I keep scores of my favorite iceboxes.
They're my refrigeRATINGS.
My wife says she's divorcing me because of my obsession with television dramas.
But will she leave me...?
Find out next week.
I love taking pictures of myself next to boiling kettles.
My friend reckons I have selfie steam issues
What kind of plant generates the most energy? A power plant.”
Laundry puns?
I got loads of them.
Why are refrigerator shelves hipsters?
They were there before it was cool.
My wife asked me why I was ironing my 4 leaf clover.
I told her I was pressing my luck
I'm thinking about writing a book about lamps. I think its a bright idea
My fridge stopped working...
Its not cool.
My new toaster oven is a huge improvement for making lunch.
I used to eat unappetizing sandwiches but I quit cold turkey.
I finally managed to get rid of that nasty electrical charge I’ve been carrying. I’m ex-static!”
What happens if you put an iPhone in a blender?
You get apple juice.
I think my window air conditioner needs an ambulance.
It keeps hyperventilating.
My wife left a note on the fridge, saying, "This isn't working. Goodbye."
I opened it and it works fine.
I hate when my heater says something that sounds meaningful...
But it turns out to just be blowing hot air.
What veggie should you avoid buying if your fridge is tiny?
Fungi. They take up too mushroom.
At what point will you love to change your bulbs the most?
When sparks fly.
Why did the lights go out? Because they liked each other!”
I bought a new heater for my wife.
She didn't like it first, but now I think she's warmed up to it.
Yesterday I put a $50 note in my freezer.
Now I have some frozen assets.
My friend called and said he was sick of his fireplace exhaust vent...
Sounds like another case of the flue.
Why did the man eat the light bulb? He was hoping it would give him a bright idea.”
I heard my son complaining about doing laundry.
He said, 'These just socks'.
What's the first tea that comes in a teapot?
empytea
Why was the broken refrigerator angry?
Because he couldn’t keep his cool.
My wife asked if I knew how to turn on the dishwasher.
I told her I would some flirty compliments.
Why are environmentalists attracted to electricity? It’s natural.”
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