I put some bread in the toaster this morning, but it never popped up again
I think it might be comatoast.
What did the lamp eat?
A light snack...
Had to replace all the bulbs in the side table lamps. Then I had to replace the ones in my ceiling fan.
That was the highlight of my day.
My electrician friend accidentally blew the power to the ice-making factory. Now they’ve gone into liquidation.
Why do quitters do all the laundry?
They always throw in the towel!
She wanted a microwave for her birthday...
So I pointed and fired my shrink ray at her hand.
The repair man said he thought he'd fixed the propane stoves, but he couldn't be quite sure.
After all, it involved a lot of gaswork.
I replaced all the air vents in my house with smaller ones.
It was a reduction.
Me: Dad, can I turn the air-conditioner on?
Dad: did you shampoo it first?
What's the opposite of a microwave?
A Tsunami.
Why did the light bulb fail his math quiz?
He wasn’t too bright.
Why did the electrician marry his colleague? He couldn’t resistor.
An electrician needed to change 8 fluorescent lamps to brighten up a large conference room at our office. I asked him if he needed a hand carrying them.
He said no, this is light.
What happens when you put your hand in a blender?
You get a hand shake.
Did you hear the one about the ice cube’s great escape from the freezer?
You could say it was a well thawed out plan.
Why did the electrical cords break up? There was no spark between them.”
What do you call a bad electrician? A shock absorber!
I started ironing my clothes...
To de-crease how bad I looked
What do mushrooms watch on TV?
Spores.
How do you keep food warm in the refrigerator?
Keep it in the corner, because it is 90 degrees.
What is an electrician’s favorite flavor of ice cream? Shock-a-lot.”
There's a programme about the history of perfume on TV tonight.
It's on at 8pm on Chanel Number 5!
I didn't know if I could crawl through heating vents to escape from prison...
After I duct, I found I conduit!
I like jokes. But jokes about air conditioners?
I'm not a fan.
I put some big, giant, large, massive, enormous, huge bread in the toaster.
I was making synonym toast.
What is a surfer's least favorite kitchen appliance?
A Microwave
I heard my son complaining about doing laundry.
He said, 'These just socks'.
Air conditioner technicians...
love to vent about their job in order to cool off.
Got into my car and realized my wife had shut off all the A/C vents.
Definitely not cool.
What's a freezer's favorite time period?
The ice age!
Why did the light bulb fail his math quiz? He wasn’t too bright.”
My friend has a cold storage device that will discuss philosophical issues. It's a deep freezer.
What's the first tea that comes in a teapot?
empytea
How did the charger get rich?
He made a killing in the shock market.
Is your refrigerator running? I was hoping to vote for it.
I noticed a wasp in my laundry as I was dropping it in the washer. I decided the best action was to close the lid and start the machine anyway.
Now it's a washp.
A burglar stole all my lamps.
I should be upset, but I’m delighted
I bought a new heater for my wife.
She didn't like it first, but now I think she's warmed up to it.
My landlord said we need to talk about how high my heating bill is.
I replied: “Sure, my door is always open.”
My wife is threatening to leave me because of my obsession with acting like a TV news anchor.
More on this after the break.
What is the energy provider’s favorite dance? The electric slide.”
What did the blender say to his crush?
"I have mixed feelings about you, but we might blend together perfectly."
I got arrested at work today for moving my desk away from the air conditoner vent.
I was charged with draft-dodging!
It's almost impossible to tell someone if a vacuum works or not.
Either it sucks or it sucks.
When the heat turns down, we thieves gather in our secret hideout for a meeting.
We call it our Con Den session.
How many students does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They use CFLs!
My wife told me: “You’ve got to stop watching so much TV, and read more!”...
so I turned on the closed captioning.
If you plant a light bulb in your garden, does it grow into a power plant?
What kind of fire moistens?
A humidifier.
My TV hates the outside world.
Whenever it faces outside it just glares.
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