Found out I washed some of my son's nerf darts in his laundry...
Should make for some good clean shots.
I didn't know if I could crawl through heating vents to escape from prison...
After I duct, I found I conduit!
How did the charger get rich?
He made a killing in the shock market.
I destroyed all the air conditioners at work and escaped.
Police are now charging me with a 'heat and run' incident.
Why did the light bulb fail his math quiz? He wasn’t too bright.”
Is your refrigerator running? I was hoping to vote for it.
Why did the light bulb fail his math quiz?
He wasn’t too bright.
Just bought a vacuum cleaner, from a Buddhist selling them door to door. I should have known better..
It came with no attachments.
This morning, my dad told me something that gave me the chills.
He said, “I’m turning off the heating.”
When you clean out a vacuum cleaner, you make the vacuum cleaner.
I bought a secured warehouse where I keep appliances to clean pots, pans, plates, and silverware.
It's dishwasher safe!
Phil told me about what lights up a light bulb.
But I didn’t know what Phil-a-meant.
Why was the broken refrigerator angry?
Because he couldn’t keep his cool.
What is a plug’s favorite chant at a sporting event?
CHARGE!!
The tea pot sounds so angry!
Nah, its just letting off some steam.
Why are environmentalists attracted to electricity?
It’s natural.
They call the first episode of a TV show a "Pilot", because anyone can fly a plane for a couple seconds....
But you have to prove your jokes can land.
What's a freezer's favorite time period?
The ice age!
I think my window air conditioner needs an ambulance.
It keeps hyperventilating.
Sitting near the fireplace is just like a whole bunch of bees...
'swarm
Laundry puns?
I got loads of them.
What would a barefoot man get if he stepped on an electric fence? A pair of shocks.”
Just burned 2,000 calories.
That’s the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap.
I heard my son complaining about doing laundry.
He said, 'These just socks'.
What did the lamps do after their date?
They got turned on.
My wife says she's divorcing me because of my obsession with television dramas.
But will she leave me...?
Find out next week.
I bought you a refrigirator.
I can't wait to see your face light up as you open it.
What do you call laundry detergent on the top shelf?
High tide.
Went to buy a new microwave. Salesperson asks me "what volume are you looking for?"
And I say "nothign too loud"
I put some bread in the toaster this morning, but it never popped up again
I think it might be comatoast.
My Co-Worker came in today exhausted from staying up all night watching Television comedies...
She Satired.
My roommate keeps taking my water bottle out of the refrigerator.
It's not cool man.
Why did the electrical cords break up?
There was no spark between them.
I just put some meat in the oven.
It’s bacon.
I put a humidifier and dehumidifier in the same room. What do you think will happen? That's a mist-ery.
I put some big, giant, large, massive, enormous, huge bread in the toaster.
I was making synonym toast.
What is a jedi electrician’s favorite tool?
His lightsaber.
I started making lamps in the shape of the alphabet.
After the first three, it was a D-light.
What is an electrician’s favorite flavor of ice cream? Shock-a-lot.”
What is an energy provider’s favorite dance?
The electric slide.
I noticed a wasp in my laundry as I was dropping it in the washer. I decided the best action was to close the lid and start the machine anyway.
Now it's a washp.
I took my friends watch that had an LED flashlight on it.
Now it's my time to shine.
What powers an electric kettle?
Electrici-tea.
What would you call a power failure? A current event.
My wife said to me that the spark between us had gone. So, I tasered her, and I’ll ask her again when she wakes up.”
A superconductor walks into a bar. The bartender says, Get out! We don’t serve your kind here.
And the lord said unto John "come forth and you shall have eternal life"
But John came fifth and won a toaster.
I like to sleep with the bedside lamp on, even though my wife says it's weird.
I don't see how, I think it makes a great hat.
What do you call a kangaroo who watches too much TV?
A pouch potato.
What is a wise, old priest's favorite kitchen appliance?
The deep friar.
My wife told me: “You’ve got to stop watching so much TV, and read more!”...
so I turned on the closed captioning.
Why did the monk meditate with a light bulb? He hoped it would help him to reach enlightenment.”
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