What did Master Yoda say when he saw himself on the television?
HDMI
Found out I washed some of my son's nerf darts in his laundry...
Should make for some good clean shots.
I stopped ironing my clothes.
I have less pressing concerns.
I put some big, giant, large, massive, enormous, huge bread in the toaster.
I was making synonym toast.
I love taking pictures of myself next to boiling kettles.
My friend reckons I have selfie steam issues
Why did the man eat the light bulb? He was hoping it would give him a bright idea.”
I love lamps.
They're so enlightening.
I caught my friend harassing some electricity. I told him it was an abuse of power.”
If you hit your head on a coffeemaker
Would it leave a brews?
"Is your dishwasher running?"
"Seeing as it doesn't have feet, it does not"
If you're stressed, try ironing clothes.
It's a great way to let off some steam.
I was going to start ironing, but I decided it was too depressing.
What instrument never fails to energize a crowd?
An electric guitar.
What is an electrician’s favorite flavor of ice cream? Shock-a-lot.”
Always knock on the fridge before opening.
Just in case there is a salad dressing
What kind of car does an electrician drive? A Volts-wagon.”
My son asked me how I never seemed to lose the TV remote when he was growing up.
I told him I'd always put it in a location away from all the clutter...
A remote location.
There's a programme about the history of perfume on TV tonight.
It's on at 8pm on Chanel Number 5!
People find laundry therapeutic...
Because it takes a load off their mind.
I just put some meat in the oven.
It’s bacon.
I can't find my humidifier anymore...
I have reported it misting.
Why are refrigerator shelves hipsters?
They were there before it was cool.
How long do you microwave fish?
Tuna half minutes!
Moisturize the air!
As fast as humidly possible.
What is the most desirable kitchen appliance?
A hot plate.
Last night I turned my wife on by ironing one side of her shirt...
I was pressing all the right buttons.
I went to a Church yard sale looking for a grill...
Unfortunately, they only had friars.
What happens when you put your hand in a blender?
You get a hand shake.
A policeman was busted for collecting bribes and hiding the money in his freezer....
When the authorities searched his freezer, they found nothing but cold hard cash
Every time I hang out my laundry, I can't resist singing "Nine to Five" ...
Guess that's what I get for using Dolly pegs.
Why did the monk meditate with a light bulb?
He hoped it would help him to reach enlightenment.
How many consultants do you need to change a light bulb?
You’ll get an estimate a week from Monday.
What did the blender say to his crush?
"I have mixed feelings about you, but we might blend together perfectly."
And the lord said unto John "come forth and you shall have eternal life"
But John came fifth and won a toaster.
Something is odd about my hot stove.
I just can't quite put my finger on it.
What do you call the art of Freezer meditation?
Fro-zen!
Electric razors are the best thing since sliced beard.
My mum asked me to watch the stove while she went to the bathroom. She was so angry when she got back...
Things really boiled over
What is the difference between lightning and electricity. For electricity, you need to pay, but
lightning kills for free.”
My dad wanted to teach me to fix the car but all I did was hold the flashlight.
I guess I'll never hold a candle to him.
My son asked me if I ate the leftovers he was saving in the refrigerator.
I told him "of course not - I ate them in the living room"
What do you call a catholic toaster strudel?
A pope tart.
I was opening up all the vents in our house. My wife didn't understand why.
"You may think that's eVENTfull. You'll undestand why I do this eVENTually"
Where do light bulbs go shopping? The outlet stores.”
When you clean out a vacuum cleaner, does that make YOU a vacuum cleaner?
What did the energy company’s CEO credit her success to?
A series of strategic power moves.
What did Communists use to light their houses before candles? Electricity.
Went to buy a new microwave. Salesperson asks me "what volume are you looking for?"
And I say "nothign too loud"
I couldn't resist this flirty TV remote...
It was an instant turn on.
Why did the freezer never graduate?
Because it was set on 0 degrees.
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