It's almost impossible to tell someone if a vacuum works or not.
Either it sucks or it sucks.
A burglar stole all my lamps.
I should be upset, but I’m delighted
"Is your dishwasher running?"
"Seeing as it doesn't have feet, it does not"
I got arrested at work today for moving my desk away from the air conditoner vent.
I was charged with draft-dodging!
You’re a unit of electrical energy, Harry.” I’m a watt?”
What do you call a worm that chews up power cords? An electro-maggot.”
The tea pot sounds so angry!
Nah, its just letting off some steam.
Everyone knows The Beatles, but do you know The Laundry Beatles?
It's members are Paul McCottoney, John Linen, Ringo Starch ... And George Harrison.
I put my fancy shirts in the freezer before I wear them.
It's cold fashion, look it up!
What do you call an ironing board that makes your clothes more wrinkly?
An irony board.
I can't find my humidifier anymore...
I have reported it misting.
I went to shop for a toaster. The sailsman showed me all the fancy features.
I said "wow, that's cool!"
And he replied, "Sorry ma'am,it can only warm"
What did the dough say after half an hour in the oven?
I’m bready.
What do you call a regular potato broadcasting sports?
A common tater.
A friend of mine once found a hundred dollar bill in his pocket after doing laundry...
I became too afraid he might have gotten himself into the money laundering business.
What football team do energy providers root for the most? The Chargers”
What do you call a slice of bread you put in the toaster?
A tanning bread.
Phil told me about what lights up a light bulb.
But I didn’t know what Phil-a-meant.
What kind of car does an electrician drive? A Volts-wagon.”
My mixer broke down today. I'm very sad to part with it, I couldn't have whisked for a better friend.
Today I found out my toaster isn't waterproof
I was shocked.
Did you hear the one about the ice cube’s great escape from the freezer?
You could say it was a well thawed out plan.
What do you call a Smart TV?
In-telly-gent.
What penalty in hockey uses the most amount of energy?
A power play.
Why is wind power popular? Because it has a lot of fans!”
My dad argued with a stove
The conversation really started to heat up
What was the light bulb’s occupation?
He was a conductor
Last night me and the wife watched three DVDs back to back.
Luckily I was the one facing the TV
What football team do energy providers root for the most?
The Chargers.
My dad wanted to teach me to fix the car but all I did was hold the flashlight.
I guess I'll never hold a candle to him.
What is an energy provider’s favorite dance?
The electric slide.
What instrument never fails to energize a crowd?
An electric guitar.
What powers an electric kettle?
Electrici-tea.
I heard my son complaining about doing laundry.
He said, 'These just socks'.
It’s crazy that Dubai doesn’t show The Flintstones on TV...
But Abu Dhabi Do!
There's a programme about the history of perfume on TV tonight.
It's on at 8pm on Chanel Number 5!
Yesterday I put a $50 note in my freezer.
Now I have some frozen assets.
I like to sleep with the bedside lamp on, even though my wife says it's weird.
I don't see how, I think it makes a great hat.
Where do light bulbs go shopping?
The outlet stores.
I just burned my Hawaiian pizza in the oven
I guess I should have put it on aloha setting
What is a surfer's least favorite kitchen appliance?
A Microwave
I wonder who invented the air conditioner...
Must’ve been a pretty cool guy.
Why did the electrical cords break up? There was no spark between them.”
What TV show did the astronaut appear in?
Dancing with the stars.
Who's the most popular kitchen appliance?
The freezer, he's really cool
After buying grocers, I sat on the San Francisco pier and pondered life. My laundry detergent tipped over...
Now I’m sittin on the dock of a bay, watching my Tide roll away.
What is a light bulb’s favorite kind of news?
Current events.
Is your refrigerator running? I was hoping to vote for it.
And the lord said unto John "come forth and you shall have eternal life"
But John came fifth and won a toaster.
I can't decide whether to grill chicken breasts or chicken thighs...
I guess I'll just wing it
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