My friend asked me why I was wearing a lamp shade over my face.
I replied, "I am feeling light headed."
What did the man say after he came out of the walk-in freezer?
"That experience was chilling."
What's the first tea that comes in a teapot?
empytea
Wife told me that our juicer draws a lot of power.
I explained to her that it takes lot of juice to juice the juicer.
Why are environmentalists attracted to electricity? It’s natural.”
What happens if you put an iPhone in a blender?
You get apple juice.
What do you call an Incarcerated late night TV show host?
Jimmy Felon.
My friend bought a new house, and invited everyone to a party.
My dad asks, "How was the house warming?" And I said, "With the furnace, I suppose."
What did one chandelier say to the other?
I have friends in the high places.
There's a programme about the history of perfume on TV tonight.
It's on at 8pm on Chanel Number 5!
Why was the teapot sitting in the corner?
It was having a pour attitude.
Apparently adding a fireplace to your home is the hot new trend...
...and chimney installations are through the roof!
What instrument never fails to energize a crowd?
An electric guitar.
My dad argued with a stove
The conversation really started to heat up
"Is your dishwasher running?"
"Seeing as it doesn't have feet, it does not"
What happens when you put your hand in a blender?
You get a hand shake.
What did the black pepper say to his wife after coming out of the grinder?
"Don't worry. I'm fine."
My wife told me: “You’ve got to stop watching so much TV, and read more!”...
so I turned on the closed captioning.
I noticed a wasp in my laundry as I was dropping it in the washer. I decided the best action was to close the lid and start the machine anyway.
Now it's a washp.
Air conditioner technicians...
love to vent about their job in order to cool off.
Why do fluorescent lights hum? Because they can’t remember the words.”
How many museum curators does it take to change a light bulb?
6. 1 changes it and the other 5 preserve, display, and celebrate the old model.
Why are the electricians always up to date? Because they are ‘current specialists.
An electrician needed to change 8 fluorescent lamps to brighten up a large conference room at our office. I asked him if he needed a hand carrying them.
He said no, this is light.
What kind of car does an electrician drive? A Volts-wagon.”
I gave my wife a lamp for our anniversary.
Someone’s getting LED tonight.
My favorite crime TV show has a duck as the main character.
He always quacks the case.
My wife is threatening to leave me because of my obsession with acting like a TV news anchor.
More on this after the break.
I heard my son complaining about doing laundry.
He said, 'These just socks'.
What do you call a bad electrician? A shock absorber!
I bought a secured warehouse where I keep appliances to clean pots, pans, plates, and silverware.
It's dishwasher safe!
Why did the man eat the light bulb? He was hoping it would give him a bright idea.”
And the lord said unto John "come forth and you shall have eternal life"
But John came fifth and won a toaster.
A friend of mine once found a hundred dollar bill in his pocket after doing laundry...
I became too afraid he might have gotten himself into the money laundering business.
How did the pizza escape the oven?
Through the dough!
Why are teapots so expensive?
Because they make you pour!
What do you call a regular potato broadcasting sports?
A common tater.
I went to a Church yard sale looking for a grill...
Unfortunately, they only had friars.
I just found out you should never put a bar of soap in the dishwasher.
It's hand wash only.
What sound does a vacuum sweeper make when it explodes?
Ka-BROOM!!!
I like jokes. But jokes about air conditioners?
I'm not a fan.
Why did the monk meditate with a light bulb?
He hoped it would help him to reach enlightenment.
My mum asked me to watch the stove while she went to the bathroom. She was so angry when she got back...
Things really boiled over
Why did the light bulb fail his math quiz? He wasn’t too bright.”
I just built a car out of a washing machine.
I’ll be taking it for a spin later.
A good air conditioner is worth its weight in cold.
My dad used to crack jokes standing above our fireplace.
Now he's passed the mantle on to me.
What did Communists use to light their houses before candles? Electricity.
What did the lamp eat?
A light snack...
What do you call a skeleton in a freezer?
Bone-chilling.
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