Why did the electrical cords break up? There was no spark between them.”
Did you hear about the abusive flashlight? It was charged with battery.
My wife told me to stop eating Christmas leftovers out the fridge...
But I just can’t quit cold turkey
Had to replace all the bulbs in the side table lamps. Then I had to replace the ones in my ceiling fan.
That was the highlight of my day.
What did the sad lamp say when plugged in?
"I finally feel better now that I’ve got an emotional outlet."
One blender turns to the one next to it and says "You're looking exceptionally good today!"
So the other replies, "You're such a smoothie talker"
What is a wise, old priest's favorite kitchen appliance?
The deep friar.
What do you call a kangaroo who watches too much TV?
A pouch potato.
What sound does a vacuum sweeper make when it explodes?
Ka-BROOM!!!
My blender is a bit forgetfull. It keep breaking the ice with me.
I put some bread in the toaster this morning, but it never popped up again
I think it might be comatoast.
I once knew a priest that only ate microwave soup.
He was a Ramen Catholic.
Why are teapots so expensive?
Because they make you pour!
My fridge stopped working...
Its not cool.
I sold my cleaning equipment.
It was just collecting dust.
Today I found out my toaster isn't waterproof
I was shocked.
Why do fluorescent lights hum? Because they can’t remember the words.”
I started ironing my clothes...
To de-crease how bad I looked
I can’t afford to pay for electricity anymore; these are some dark times.
This morning, my dad told me something that gave me the chills.
He said, “I’m turning off the heating.”
How did the charger get rich?
He made a killing in the shock market.
Always knock on the fridge before opening.
Just in case there is a salad dressing
Two TV antennas meet on a roof, fall in love and get married...
The ceremony was boring but the reception was brilliant.
Why did the lights go out? Because they liked each other!”
If you hit your head on a coffeemaker
Would it leave a brews?
My friend bought a new house, and invited everyone to a party.
My dad asks, "How was the house warming?" And I said, "With the furnace, I suppose."
We ran out of laundry detergent today and had to open up a new one.
It was a changing of the Tide.
Why did the monk meditate with a light bulb? He hoped it would help him to reach enlightenment.”
Electric razors are the best thing since sliced beard.
I went to a Church yard sale looking for a grill...
Unfortunately, they only had friars.
I love lamps.
They're so enlightening.
Why did the electricity documentary get such mixed reviews?
People weren’t sure how to feel after it’s shocking ending.
I bought a new heater for my wife.
She didn't like it first, but now I think she's warmed up to it.
On our way to buy a refrigerator, I saw my husband carrying a piece of paper with a giant X written on it. I asked, “What are you going to do with it?”
He said, “Let’s cross that fridge when we get there.”
What do you call a light bulb at midnight?
A Night Light.
I just put some meat in the oven.
It’s bacon.
Why was the broken refrigerator angry?
Because he couldn’t keep his cool.
Why did the electrical cords break up?
There was no spark between them.
Why did the freezer run away on its marriage?
It got cold feet
I finally managed to get rid of that nasty electrical charge I’ve been carrying. I’m ex-static!
I just found out you should never put a bar of soap in the dishwasher.
It's hand wash only.
Invest in grills!
They're hot steakholders!
I once convinced my younger brother to swallow a small lamp.
I got in so much trouble but it was worth it to see his little face light up.
How many consultants do you need to change a light bulb?
You’ll get an estimate a week from Monday.
What instrument never fails to energize a crowd?
An electric guitar.
I heard my son complaining about doing laundry.
He said, 'These just socks'.
What is the most desirable kitchen appliance?
A hot plate.
Why did the man eat the light bulb?
He was hoping it would give him a bright idea.
Apparently adding a fireplace to your home is the hot new trend...
...and chimney installations are through the roof!
Even the most intelligent people can’t survive a day without electricity, like Stephen Hawking.
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