I feel uncomfortable next to my fridge
It's way too cool for me
How many software engineers do you need to change a light bulb?
None – it’s a hardware problem.
What powers an electric kettle?
Electrici-tea.
My son asked me how I never seemed to lose the TV remote when he was growing up.
I told him I'd always put it in a location away from all the clutter...
A remote location.
Got into my car and realized my wife had shut off all the A/C vents.
Definitely not cool.
What temperature do you set a toy oven?
Faux hundred degrees.
My wife left a note on the fridge, saying, "This isn't working. Goodbye."
I opened it and it works fine.
My TV hates the outside world.
Whenever it faces outside it just glares.
What did the light bulb say to the electric generator? ‘You spark up my life!”
I went to shop for a toaster. The sailsman showed me all the fancy features.
I said "wow, that's cool!"
And he replied, "Sorry ma'am,it can only warm"
What is a light bulb’s favorite kind of news?
Current events.
What penalty in hockey uses the most amount of energy?
A power play.
How can you tell the camera was afraid of the toaster?
Everytime he looked at it, it made him shutter.
Apparently adding a fireplace to your home is the hot new trend...
...and chimney installations are through the roof!
What do you call a catholic toaster strudel?
A pope tart.
My friend had put some beans in the coffee grinder
After a few seconds I told him to stop. That's fine.
One blender turns to the one next to it and says "You're looking exceptionally good today!"
So the other replies, "You're such a smoothie talker"
What do you call a regular potato broadcasting sports?
A common tater.
On our way to buy a refrigerator, I saw my husband carrying a piece of paper with a giant X written on it. I asked, “What are you going to do with it?”
He said, “Let’s cross that fridge when we get there.”
So earlier I took my clothes from the washer and threw them into the dryer.
I can't be sure how they felt about that, but they seemed agitated.
What do you call a skeleton in a freezer?
Bone-chilling.
This morning, my dad told me something that gave me the chills.
He said, “I’m turning off the heating.”
Why does a microwave hum?
Because it doesn't know the words
Refrigerators look kinda boring.
But actually they're pretty cool
What would a barefoot man get if he stepped on an electric fence? A pair of shocks.”
How does a dog stop a TV show?
He presses paws!
Hey did you hear that ESPN is broadcasting this year's Origami competition?
I heard it's pay per view...
In the darkness, is where a flashlight really shines!
What does a confident kettle have
Self-e-steam
What do you call a Smart TV?
In-telly-gent.
TV repair during lockdown has been pretty easy.
It’s mostly remote work.
What did the lamp say to the flickering candle?
"Do you want to go out sometime soon?"
What kind of car does an electrician drive? A Volts-wagon.”
Why are the electricians always up to date? Because they are ‘current specialists.
I didn't know if I could crawl through heating vents to escape from prison...
After I duct, I found I conduit!
A dangerous surge of electricity walks into a bar. The barman says, why the long phase?”
Just opened my water bill and my electricity bill at the same time… I was shocked.”
Why couldn't I fry wood on the stove?
I used a non-stick pan.
What do you call a kangaroo who watches too much TV?
A pouch potato.
What is an energy provider’s favorite dance?
The electric slide.
Why did the lights go out? Because they liked each other!”
My favorite crime TV show has a duck as the main character.
He always quacks the case.
My friend dragged me to a lecture about lamps. I though it would be boring but...
It was very illuminating.
Why do microwaves always mess up wifi...
...when every one I've tried creates hotspots?
Laundry puns?
I got loads of them.
Wife told me that our juicer draws a lot of power.
I explained to her that it takes lot of juice to juice the juicer.
What penalty in hockey uses the most amount of energy? A power play.”
A friend of mine once found a hundred dollar bill in his pocket after doing laundry...
I became too afraid he might have gotten himself into the money laundering business.
How long do you microwave fish?
Tuna half minutes!
What football team do energy providers root for the most?
The Chargers.
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