Why are refrigerator shelves hipsters?
They were there before it was cool.
What temperature do you set a toy oven?
Faux hundred degrees.
What do you call it when a clothes dryer is dancing?
A linty-hop.
What do you call a regular potato broadcasting sports?
A common tater.
What football team do energy providers root for the most? The Chargers”
Invest in grills!
They're hot steakholders!
I once knew a priest that only ate microwave soup.
He was a Ramen Catholic.
I was going to start ironing, but I decided it was too depressing.
And the lord said unto John "come forth and you shall have eternal life"
But John came fifth and won a toaster.
I replaced all the air vents in my house with smaller ones.
It was a reduction.
Got into my car and realized my wife had shut off all the A/C vents.
Definitely not cool.
I can't find my humidifier anymore...
I have reported it misting.
What did the blender say to his crush?
"I have mixed feelings about you, but we might blend together perfectly."
My mixer broke down today. I'm very sad to part with it, I couldn't have whisked for a better friend.
What is a Jedi electrician’s favorite tool? His lightsaber”
What do you call a light bulb at midnight?
A Night Light.
A dangerous surge of electricity walks into a bar. The barman says, why the long phase?”
I finally managed to get rid of that nasty electrical charge I’ve been carrying. I’m ex-static!”
On our way to buy a refrigerator, I saw my husband carrying a piece of paper with a giant X written on it. I asked, “What are you going to do with it?”
He said, “Let’s cross that fridge when we get there.”
What did the lamps do after their date?
They got turned on.
Hey did you hear that ESPN is broadcasting this year's Origami competition?
I heard it's pay per view...
My mum asked me to watch the stove while she went to the bathroom. She was so angry when she got back...
Things really boiled over
My wife asked me why I was ironing my 4 leaf clover.
I told her I was pressing my luck
If you hit your head on a coffeemaker
Would it leave a brews?
I just found out you should never put a bar of soap in the dishwasher.
It's hand wash only.
Why did the light bulb fail his math quiz?
He wasn’t too bright.
Two TV antennas meet on a roof, fall in love and get married...
The ceremony was boring but the reception was brilliant.
What did the black pepper say to his wife after coming out of the grinder?
"Don't worry. I'm fine."
How do you dry clothes on a line in winter?
You freeze dry them.
One blender turns to the one next to it and says "You're looking exceptionally good today!"
So the other replies, "You're such a smoothie talker"
I bought you a refrigirator.
I can't wait to see your face light up as you open it.
Today, I changed a light bulb, crossed a street, and walked into a bar.
My life is a joke.
Asked my boy to boil the kettle.
He said, "wouldn't it be better to boil some water?"
Did you hear the one about the ice cube’s great escape from the freezer?
You could say it was a well thawed out plan.
Something is odd about my hot stove.
I just can't quite put my finger on it.
I hit my head on a light bulb today, but it’s okay.
It was a soft white.
Why did the freezer never graduate?
Because it was set on 0 degrees.
I started ironing my clothes...
To de-crease how bad I looked
I bought a new heater for my wife.
She didn't like it first, but now I think she's warmed up to it.
How many birds does it take to change a light bulb?
Normally three, but Toucan.
Toasters were the first form of pop-up notifications.
My Microwave is a Liar. On the front it says "30-60 Seconds for a Hot Dog."
I keep running that thing for minutes on end but I never get a Hot Dog to come out.
What did the energy company’s CEO credit her success to?
A series of strategic power moves.
Wife told me that our juicer draws a lot of power.
I explained to her that it takes lot of juice to juice the juicer.
I was holding a bottle of laundry detergent when all of a sudden it exploded, completely drenching my hands.
Oh well. I guess my hands are Tide.
How many software engineers do you need to change a light bulb?
None – it’s a hardware problem.
Television is a medium,
Because anything well done is rare.
Just bought a vacuum cleaner, from a Buddhist selling them door to door. I should have known better..
It came with no attachments.
When the heat turns down, we thieves gather in our secret hideout for a meeting.
We call it our Con Den session.
My favorite crime TV show has a duck as the main character.
He always quacks the case.
Go to BabaMail
