What did Communists use to light their houses before candles? Electricity.
A policeman was busted for collecting bribes and hiding the money in his freezer....
When the authorities searched his freezer, they found nothing but cold hard cash
Just burned 2,000 calories.
That’s the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap.
Whoever named it a television ...
Should've called it a watching machine.
What is a wise, old priest's favorite kitchen appliance?
The deep friar.
I once convinced my younger brother to swallow a small lamp.
I got in so much trouble but it was worth it to see his little face light up.
I couldn't resist this flirty TV remote...
It was an instant turn on.
Did you hear the one about the ice cube’s great escape from the freezer?
You could say it was a well thawed out plan.
How many consultants do you need to change a light bulb?
You’ll get an estimate a week from Monday.
I put some big, giant, large, massive, enormous, huge bread in the toaster.
I was making synonym toast.
Asked my boy to put the kettle on.
He said, "I don't think it'll fit me"
I think my heater is sick.
It's hot.
Did you hear what the foolish gardener did?
The guy planted a light bulb and though he’d get a power plant.
How do you keep food warm in the refrigerator?
Keep it in the corner, because it is 90 degrees.
What did the energy company’s CEO credit her success to?
A series of strategic power moves.
What is an outlet’s favorite song?
I’ve Got The Power.
Why did bulb pack an apple in his bag?
He wanted to have a light snack.
Why was the broken refrigerator angry?
Because he couldn’t keep his cool.
My son asked me if I ate the leftovers he was saving in the refrigerator.
I told him "of course not - I ate them in the living room"
I'm thinking about writing a book about lamps. I think its a bright idea
I love lamps.
They're so enlightening.
My wife told me to stop eating Christmas leftovers out the fridge...
But I just can’t quit cold turkey
Why did the light bulb fail his math quiz?
He wasn’t too bright.
Why did the freezer run away on its marriage?
It got cold feet
Two TV antennas meet on a roof, fall in love and get married...
The ceremony was boring but the reception was brilliant.
Why do microwaves always mess up wifi...
...when every one I've tried creates hotspots?
What happens if you put an iPhone in a blender?
You get apple juice.
How many software engineers do you need to change a light bulb?
None – it’s a hardware problem.
What kind of fire moistens?
A humidifier.
My dad wanted to teach me to fix the car but all I did was hold the flashlight.
I guess I'll never hold a candle to him.
My brother just admitted that he broke my favourite lamp.
I'm not sure I'll be able look at him in the same light ever again
What veggie should you avoid buying if your fridge is tiny?
Fungi. They take up too mushroom.
What kind of car does an electrician drive? A Volts-wagon.”
I like to sleep with the bedside lamp on, even though my wife says it's weird.
I don't see how, I think it makes a great hat.
I like jokes. But jokes about air conditioners?
I'm not a fan.
Where do light bulbs go shopping?
The outlet stores.
I was pretty mad when the air conditioner stopped working...
I lost my cool.
Why couldn't I fry wood on the stove?
I used a non-stick pan.
What do you call an Incarcerated late night TV show host?
Jimmy Felon.
Why did the light bulb fail his math quiz? He wasn’t too bright.”
I was holding a bottle of laundry detergent when all of a sudden it exploded, completely drenching my hands.
Oh well. I guess my hands are Tide.
Why does a microwave hum?
Because it doesn't know the words
What would you call a power failure? A current event.
My wife said to me that the spark between us had gone. So, I tasered her, and I’ll ask her again when she wakes up.”
A superconductor walks into a bar. The bartender says, Get out! We don’t serve your kind here.
My Microwave is a Liar. On the front it says "30-60 Seconds for a Hot Dog."
I keep running that thing for minutes on end but I never get a Hot Dog to come out.
My heater won't stop running.
I swear it has no chill.
I really have to force myself to get through this book on friction.
I was opening up all the vents in our house. My wife didn't understand why.
"You may think that's eVENTfull. You'll undestand why I do this eVENTually"
What do you call it when a clothes dryer is dancing?
A linty-hop.
What penalty in hockey uses the most amount of energy? A power play.”
How did the charger get rich?
He made a killing in the shock market.
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