How did the small oven greet the large oven?
He Microwaved.
Sitting near the fireplace is just like a whole bunch of bees...
'swarm
On our way to buy a refrigerator, I saw my husband carrying a piece of paper with a giant X written on it. I asked, “What are you going to do with it?”
He said, “Let’s cross that fridge when we get there.”
What do you call a kangaroo who watches too much TV?
A pouch potato.
What TV show did the astronaut appear in?
Dancing with the stars.
What penalty in hockey uses the most amount of energy?
A power play.
Invest in grills!
They're hot steakholders!
Always knock on the fridge before opening.
Just in case there is a salad dressing
My dad used to crack jokes standing above our fireplace.
Now he's passed the mantle on to me.
I keep scores of my favorite iceboxes.
They're my refrigeRATINGS.
I put a humidifier and dehumidifier in the same room. What do you think will happen? That's a mist-ery.
Hey did you hear that ESPN is broadcasting this year's Origami competition?
I heard it's pay per view...
What did the dough say after half an hour in the oven?
I’m bready.
What football team do energy providers root for the most? The Chargers”
What do you call a bad electrician? A shock absorber!
I bought you a refrigirator.
I can't wait to see your face light up as you open it.
I got tricked into buying a cooling fan that didn't work...
It was an air con.
A dangerous surge of electricity walks into a bar. The barman says, why the long phase?”
One blender turns to the one next to it and says "You're looking exceptionally good today!"
So the other replies, "You're such a smoothie talker"
What did the sad lamp say when plugged in?
"I finally feel better now that I’ve got an emotional outlet."
Toasters were the first form of pop-up notifications.
Why did the monk meditate with a light bulb? He hoped it would help him to reach enlightenment.”
Why did the electrician marry his colleague? He couldn’t resistor.
What do you get when you put a saxophonist in a freezer?
Cool jazz.
What do you call it when a clothes dryer is dancing?
A linty-hop.
My dad was complaining he’d lost a sock after doing his laundry.
I said, "that's a sockrifice I had to make".
I took my friends watch that had an LED flashlight on it.
Now it's my time to shine.
Oh laundry, sometimes I feel like our first president...
Because I am washing-a-ton.
After buying grocers, I sat on the San Francisco pier and pondered life. My laundry detergent tipped over...
Now I’m sittin on the dock of a bay, watching my Tide roll away.
Why did the lights go out? Because they liked each other!”
Where do electricians get their supplies? The Ohm Depot.
I bring my TV remote into every sports bar I go to so I can change the channel to whatever I want.
It’s a real game changer
Why did the lamps get arrested?
They were in some shady business
What powers an electric kettle?
Electrici-tea.
Apparently adding a fireplace to your home is the hot new trend...
...and chimney installations are through the roof!
Why did the electrical cords break up?
There was no spark between them.
You’re a unit of electrical energy, Harry.” I’m a watt?”
Just burned 2,000 calories.
That’s the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap.
I really have to force myself to get through this book on friction.
What does a confident kettle have
Self-e-steam
What is a surfer's least favorite kitchen appliance?
A Microwave
What kind of fire moistens?
A humidifier.
A wind turbine saw a solar panel at an energy convention. He leaned in and shouted, Hey, I’m a big fan!”
Who's the most popular kitchen appliance?
The freezer, he's really cool
I just burned my Hawaiian pizza in the oven
I guess I should have put it on aloha setting
What penalty in hockey uses the most amount of energy? A power play.”
Got into my car and realized my wife had shut off all the A/C vents.
Definitely not cool.
Had to replace all the bulbs in the side table lamps. Then I had to replace the ones in my ceiling fan.
That was the highlight of my day.
Why did the light bulb fail his math quiz?
He wasn’t too bright.
What do you call a skeleton in a freezer?
Bone-chilling.
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