Always knock on the fridge before opening.
Just in case there is a salad dressing
I hid the control for the TV
I’m not even remotely sorry.
My wife said she'll leave me if I don't stop the laundry punsץ
So from today I'm detergent to be better.
I just built a car out of a washing machine.
I’ll be taking it for a spin later.
My friend pointed at a chandelier and said: "isn't that the coolest chandelier ever?"
I replied: "I don't know if it's the coolest, but it's up there."
The recipe said, “set the oven to 180 degrees”...
Now I can’t open the door because it faces the wall.
I sold my cleaning equipment.
It was just collecting dust.
Why did the electricity documentary get such mixed reviews?
People weren’t sure how to feel after it’s shocking ending.
What would a barefoot man get if he stepped on an electric fence? A pair of shocks.”
My friend asked me why I was wearing a lamp shade over my face.
I replied, "I am feeling light headed."
What's the first tea that comes in a teapot?
empytea
Hey did you hear that ESPN is broadcasting this year's Origami competition?
I heard it's pay per view...
My friend had put some beans in the coffee grinder
After a few seconds I told him to stop. That's fine.
What do you call a worm that chews up power cords? An electro-maggot.”
Why did the light bulb fail his math quiz? He wasn’t too bright.”
What is the energy provider’s favorite dance? The electric slide.”
Just burned 2,000 calories.
That’s the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap.
I put a humidifier and dehumidifier in the same room. What do you think will happen? That's a mist-ery.
If you're stressed, try ironing clothes.
It's a great way to let off some steam.
Today I found out my toaster isn't waterproof
I was shocked.
Why does a microwave hum?
Because it doesn't know the words
My friend dragged me to a lecture about lamps. I though it would be boring but...
It was very illuminating.
We ran out of laundry detergent today and had to open up a new one.
It was a changing of the Tide.
I love taking pictures of myself next to boiling kettles.
My friend reckons I have selfie steam issues
My electrician friend accidentally blew the power to the ice-making factory. Now they’ve gone into liquidation.
A friend of mine once found a hundred dollar bill in his pocket after doing laundry...
I became too afraid he might have gotten himself into the money laundering business.
My favorite crime TV show has a duck as the main character.
He always quacks the case.
My TV hates the outside world.
Whenever it faces outside it just glares.
I got tricked into buying a cooling fan that didn't work...
It was an air con.
I saw an ad that read: “TV for sale, $1, volume stuck on full.” I thought to myself, "I can't turn that down!"
It’s crazy that Dubai doesn’t show The Flintstones on TV...
But Abu Dhabi Do!
Did you hear about the guy who fell into the industrial cake mixer?
He's feeling much batter now.
Everyone knows The Beatles, but do you know The Laundry Beatles?
It's members are Paul McCottoney, John Linen, Ringo Starch ... And George Harrison.
I tried to help my wife with laundry by putting her underwear away.
But she got her panties in a bunch over it.
What penalty in hockey uses the most amount of energy?
A power play.
What kind of car does an electrician drive? A Volts-wagon.”
I can't decide whether to grill chicken breasts or chicken thighs...
I guess I'll just wing it
Why do fluorescent lights hum? Because they can’t remember the words.”
Oh laundry, sometimes I feel like our first president...
Because I am washing-a-ton.
Why did the freezer never graduate?
Because it was set on 0 degrees.
Phil told me about what lights up a light bulb.
But I didn’t know what Phil-a-meant.
And the lord said unto John "come forth and you shall have eternal life"
But John came fifth and won a toaster.
Even the heaviest chandelier is pretty light.
Why are the electricians always up to date? Because they are ‘current specialists.
People find laundry therapeutic...
Because it takes a load off their mind.
I destroyed all the air conditioners at work and escaped.
Police are now charging me with a 'heat and run' incident.
Did you hear about the baker that accidentally backed into an open oven...?
His buns were toasted.
Asked my boy to boil the kettle.
He said, "wouldn't it be better to boil some water?"
What would you call a power failure? A current event.
My wife said to me that the spark between us had gone. So, I tasered her, and I’ll ask her again when she wakes up.”
A superconductor walks into a bar. The bartender says, Get out! We don’t serve your kind here.
My friend has a cold storage device that will discuss philosophical issues. It's a deep freezer.
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