I threw my toaster into the toilet the other day.
It was a shock to the cistern.
I tried to help my wife with laundry by putting her underwear away.
But she got her panties in a bunch over it.
After buying grocers, I sat on the San Francisco pier and pondered life. My laundry detergent tipped over...
Now I’m sittin on the dock of a bay, watching my Tide roll away.
Why did the freezer run away on its marriage?
It got cold feet
Everyone knows The Beatles, but do you know The Laundry Beatles?
It's members are Paul McCottoney, John Linen, Ringo Starch ... And George Harrison.
Why did the light bulb fail his math quiz?
He wasn’t too bright.
Television is a medium,
Because anything well done is rare.
A cow not being on the grill for very long is a rare occurrence.
I used to get so mad when my kitchen appliances leaked
now it's just water under the fridge
What is an outlet’s favorite song?
I’ve Got The Power.
What do mushrooms watch on TV?
Spores.
How does a dog stop a TV show?
He presses paws!
My 6 year old daughter has lined up all of her dolls towards the outdoor grill...
Looks like she’s preparing some kind of Barbie queue...
The government is planning to ban articles about ironing appliances in the newspaper.
The freedom of press is no more.
One blender turns to the one next to it and says "You're looking exceptionally good today!"
So the other replies, "You're such a smoothie talker"
What did the black pepper say to his wife after coming out of the grinder?
"Don't worry. I'm fine."
What did the dough say after half an hour in the oven?
I’m bready.
My new toaster oven is a huge improvement for making lunch.
I used to eat unappetizing sandwiches but I quit cold turkey.
I sold my cleaning equipment.
It was just collecting dust.
My son asked me if I ate the leftovers he was saving in the refrigerator.
I told him "of course not - I ate them in the living room"
I put some big, giant, large, massive, enormous, huge bread in the toaster.
I was making synonym toast.
I started ironing my clothes...
To de-crease how bad I looked
What do you call a slice of bread you put in the toaster?
A tanning bread.
I bought a lamp for my friend
To brighten their day
We ran out of laundry detergent today and had to open up a new one.
It was a changing of the Tide.
What powers an electric kettle?
Electrici-tea.
I was opening up all the vents in our house. My wife didn't understand why.
"You may think that's eVENTfull. You'll undestand why I do this eVENTually"
A sweater I bought was picking up static electricity. So, I returned it to the store. They gave me another one free of charge.”
How did the small oven greet the large oven?
He Microwaved.
I finally managed to get rid of that nasty electrical charge I’ve been carrying. I’m ex-static!”
What is a surfer's least favorite kitchen appliance?
A Microwave
I wonder who invented the air conditioner...
Must’ve been a pretty cool guy.
An electrician needed to change 8 fluorescent lamps to brighten up a large conference room at our office. I asked him if he needed a hand carrying them.
He said no, this is light.
What is the most desirable kitchen appliance?
A hot plate.
My roommate keeps taking my water bottle out of the refrigerator.
It's not cool man.
The tea pot sounds so angry!
Nah, its just letting off some steam.
My mum asked me to watch the stove while she went to the bathroom. She was so angry when she got back...
Things really boiled over
What do you get when you put a saxophonist in a freezer?
Cool jazz.
My friend bought a new house, and invited everyone to a party.
My dad asks, "How was the house warming?" And I said, "With the furnace, I suppose."
My favorite crime TV show has a duck as the main character.
He always quacks the case.
I took my friends watch that had an LED flashlight on it.
Now it's my time to shine.
What is a plug’s favorite chant at a sporting event?
CHARGE!!
I bought a secured warehouse where I keep appliances to clean pots, pans, plates, and silverware.
It's dishwasher safe!
Did you hear about the guy who fell into the industrial cake mixer?
He's feeling much batter now.
How do you keep food warm in the refrigerator?
Keep it in the corner, because it is 90 degrees.
I got tricked into buying a cooling fan that didn't work...
It was an air con.
Did you hear about the baker that accidentally backed into an open oven...?
His buns were toasted.
My friend pointed at a chandelier and said: "isn't that the coolest chandelier ever?"
I replied: "I don't know if it's the coolest, but it's up there."
Apparently adding a fireplace to your home is the hot new trend...
...and chimney installations are through the roof!
What kind of fire moistens?
A humidifier.
Go to BabaMail
