Today I found out my toaster isn't waterproof
I was shocked.
Two TV antennas meet on a roof, fall in love and get married...
The ceremony was boring but the reception was brilliant.
After buying grocers, I sat on the San Francisco pier and pondered life. My laundry detergent tipped over...
Now I’m sittin on the dock of a bay, watching my Tide roll away.
Just burned 2,000 calories.
That’s the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap.
What did Communists use to light their houses before candles? Electricity.
And the lord said unto John "come forth and you shall have eternal life"
But John came fifth and won a toaster.
Even the most intelligent people can’t survive a day without electricity, like Stephen Hawking.
I love lamps.
They're so enlightening.
I saw an ad that read: “TV for sale, $1, volume stuck on full.” I thought to myself, "I can't turn that down!"
My TV hates the outside world.
Whenever it faces outside it just glares.
I replaced all the air vents in my house with smaller ones.
It was a reduction.
Why is wind power popular? Because it has a lot of fans!”
What do you get if you put kisses in a blender?
A Smoochie.
She wanted a microwave for her birthday...
So I pointed and fired my shrink ray at her hand.
Always knock on the fridge before opening.
Just in case there is a salad dressing
How did the charger get rich?
He made a killing in the shock market.
My wife said she'll leave me if I don't stop the laundry punsץ
So from today I'm detergent to be better.
I put a humidifier and dehumidifier in the same room. What do you think will happen? That's a mist-ery.
What did the sad lamp say when plugged in?
"I finally feel better now that I’ve got an emotional outlet."
What do you call a fake pastry?
A prop tart!
What penalty in hockey uses the most amount of energy?
A power play.
As a refrigerator technician, after a hard day on the job, I like to relax...
And chill out.
What did the black pepper say to his wife after coming out of the grinder?
"Don't worry. I'm fine."
I just saw my wife trip and fall, while carrying a laundry basket full of ironed clothes.
I watched it all unfold.
I think my heater is sick.
It's hot.
I destroyed all the air conditioners at work and escaped.
Police are now charging me with a 'heat and run' incident.
My 6 year old daughter has lined up all of her dolls towards the outdoor grill...
Looks like she’s preparing some kind of Barbie queue...
I finally managed to get rid of that nasty electrical charge I’ve been carrying. I’m ex-static!
What did the dough say after half an hour in the oven?
I’m bready.
Why did bulb pack an apple in his bag?
He wanted to have a light snack.
Why are environmentalists attracted to electricity?
It’s natural.
I really have to force myself to get through this book on friction.
I asked my son to stop leaving the freezer door open.
I told him, “This is why we can’t have ice things.”
How did the electrician pay for his new phone?
He charged it.
There's a programme about the history of perfume on TV tonight.
It's on at 8pm on Chanel Number 5!
What do you call a slice of bread you put in the toaster?
A tanning bread.
My friend had put some beans in the coffee grinder
After a few seconds I told him to stop. That's fine.
It’s crazy that Dubai doesn’t show The Flintstones on TV...
But Abu Dhabi Do!
Laundry puns?
I got loads of them.
Sitting near the fireplace is just like a whole bunch of bees...
'swarm
What TV show did the astronaut appear in?
Dancing with the stars.
What do you get when you put a saxophonist in a freezer?
Cool jazz.
My friend pointed at a chandelier and said: "isn't that the coolest chandelier ever?"
I replied: "I don't know if it's the coolest, but it's up there."
How many students does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They use CFLs!
Why did the lamps get arrested?
They were in some shady business
The sun is just a big space heater.
Why did the man eat the light bulb?
He was hoping it would give him a bright idea.
How did the small oven greet the large oven?
He Microwaved.
Why couldn't I fry wood on the stove?
I used a non-stick pan.
Got my new blender yesterday but I can't tell if I like or not though...
It keeps giving me mixed results.
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