How did the pizza escape the oven?
Through the dough!
I stole some kitchen appliances from my mate...
It was dangerous but worth the whisk.
I put some big, giant, large, massive, enormous, huge bread in the toaster.
I was making synonym toast.
What is a plug’s favorite chant at a sporting event?
CHARGE!!
My friend had put some beans in the coffee grinder
After a few seconds I told him to stop. That's fine.
I think my window air conditioner needs an ambulance.
It keeps hyperventilating.
What's the opposite of a microwave?
A Tsunami.
Today I found out my toaster isn't waterproof
I was shocked.
Why did the light bulb fail his math quiz?
He wasn’t too bright.
Don't ever change a light bulb while the oven is on
You'll get burned out
What kind of fire moistens?
A humidifier.
I bring my TV remote into every sports bar I go to so I can change the channel to whatever I want.
It’s a real game changer
Where do light bulbs go shopping? The outlet stores.”
I was pretty mad when the air conditioner stopped working...
I lost my cool.
Why did the lights go out? Because they liked each other!”
I tried to taste the hot light bulb
But I got my tungstenned.
Why did the freezer run away on its marriage?
It got cold feet
Did you hear about the baker that accidentally backed into an open oven...?
His buns were toasted.
What's the first tea that comes in a teapot?
empytea
What did the vacuum cleaner salesman say before murdering his son?
Dyson!
Why did the monk meditate with a light bulb? He hoped it would help him to reach enlightenment.”
What did the lamps do after their date?
They got turned on.
I can't decide whether to grill chicken breasts or chicken thighs...
I guess I'll just wing it
It's almost impossible to tell someone if a vacuum works or not.
Either it sucks or it sucks.
I started ironing my clothes...
To de-crease how bad I looked
The superconductor left without resistance.
What instrument never fails to energize a crowd?
An electric guitar.
Why do microwaves always mess up wifi...
...when every one I've tried creates hotspots?
What do you call it when a clothes dryer is dancing?
A linty-hop.
I like to sleep with the bedside lamp on, even though my wife says it's weird.
I don't see how, I think it makes a great hat.
My wife is threatening to leave me because of my obsession with acting like a TV news anchor.
More on this after the break.
Wife told me that our juicer draws a lot of power.
I explained to her that it takes lot of juice to juice the juicer.
What did Communists use to light their houses before candles? Electricity.
I started making lamps in the shape of the alphabet.
After the first three, it was a D-light.
What do you call a kangaroo who watches too much TV?
A pouch potato.
What is an electrician’s favorite flavor of ice cream? Shock-a-lot.”
What do mushrooms watch on TV?
Spores.
What's a freezer's favorite time period?
The ice age!
Apparently adding a fireplace to your home is the hot new trend...
...and chimney installations are through the roof!
What kind of car does an electrician drive? A Volts-wagon.”
What did the toaster say to the criminal bread?
"I'm taking you into crustody"
Why do Russian teapots have to go to bed early?
Because samovars have to work tomorrow.
Every time I hang out my laundry, I can't resist singing "Nine to Five" ...
Guess that's what I get for using Dolly pegs.
When the heat turns down, we thieves gather in our secret hideout for a meeting.
We call it our Con Den session.
Even the heaviest chandelier is pretty light.
I used to get so mad when my kitchen appliances leaked
now it's just water under the fridge
What is a light bulb’s favorite kind of news?
Current events.
I feel uncomfortable next to my fridge
It's way too cool for me
Yesterday I put a $50 note in my freezer.
Now I have some frozen assets.
What do you call a catholic toaster strudel?
A pope tart.
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