My friend had put some beans in the coffee grinder
After a few seconds I told him to stop. That's fine.
I bought a lamp for my friend
To brighten their day
My blender is a bit forgetfull. It keep breaking the ice with me.
My wife left a note on the fridge, saying, "This isn't working. Goodbye."
I opened it and it works fine.
What did one chandelier say to the other?
I have friends in the high places.
How does a dog stop a TV show?
He presses paws!
What's a freezer's favorite time period?
The ice age!
A wind turbine saw a solar panel at an energy convention. He leaned in and shouted, Hey, I’m a big fan!”
What do you call someone that's always stealing your heat?
A brrrglar!
How can you tell the camera was afraid of the toaster?
Everytime he looked at it, it made him shutter.
I finally managed to get rid of that nasty electrical charge I’ve been carrying. I’m ex-static!
I put my fancy shirts in the freezer before I wear them.
It's cold fashion, look it up!
It’s crazy that Dubai doesn’t show The Flintstones on TV...
But Abu Dhabi Do!
I once knew a priest that only ate microwave soup.
He was a Ramen Catholic.
What football team do energy providers root for the most?
The Chargers.
A cow not being on the grill for very long is a rare occurrence.
What is a Jedi electrician’s favorite tool? His lightsaber”
I bought you a refrigirator.
I can't wait to see your face light up as you open it.
Where do electricians get their supplies? The Ohm Depot.
What do mushrooms watch on TV?
Spores.
My dad was complaining he’d lost a sock after doing his laundry.
I said, "that's a sockrifice I had to make".
What’s the best tool to install an electrical plug with?
A socket wrench.
What kind of plant generates the most energy? A power plant.”
Last night me and the wife watched three DVDs back to back.
Luckily I was the one facing the TV
I was holding a bottle of laundry detergent when all of a sudden it exploded, completely drenching my hands.
Oh well. I guess my hands are Tide.
What happens if you put an iPhone in a blender?
You get apple juice.
I finally managed to get rid of that nasty electrical charge I’ve been carrying. I’m ex-static!”
I can't find my humidifier anymore...
I have reported it misting.
Toasters were the first form of pop-up notifications.
Why was the broken refrigerator angry?
Because he couldn’t keep his cool.
They call the first episode of a TV show a "Pilot", because anyone can fly a plane for a couple seconds....
But you have to prove your jokes can land.
I was opening up all the vents in our house. My wife didn't understand why.
"You may think that's eVENTfull. You'll undestand why I do this eVENTually"
I can't decide whether to grill chicken breasts or chicken thighs...
I guess I'll just wing it
What is the energy provider’s favorite dance? The electric slide.”
I saw an ad that read: “TV for sale, $1, volume stuck on full.” I thought to myself, "I can't turn that down!"
What is the difference between lightning and electricity. For electricity, you need to pay, but
lightning kills for free.”
My friend asked me why I was wearing a lamp shade over my face.
I replied, "I am feeling light headed."
Air conditioner technicians...
love to vent about their job in order to cool off.
Why couldn't I fry wood on the stove?
I used a non-stick pan.
My Microwave is a Liar. On the front it says "30-60 Seconds for a Hot Dog."
I keep running that thing for minutes on end but I never get a Hot Dog to come out.
What did the black pepper say to his wife after coming out of the grinder?
"Don't worry. I'm fine."
What did the lamp say to the flickering candle?
"Do you want to go out sometime soon?"
Every time I hang out my laundry, I can't resist singing "Nine to Five" ...
Guess that's what I get for using Dolly pegs.
Invest in grills!
They're hot steakholders!
This morning, my dad told me something that gave me the chills.
He said, “I’m turning off the heating.”
Today, I changed a light bulb, crossed a street, and walked into a bar.
My life is a joke.
Why do Russian teapots have to go to bed early?
Because samovars have to work tomorrow.
I hate when my heater says something that sounds meaningful...
But it turns out to just be blowing hot air.
What do you call a fake pastry?
A prop tart!
My 6 year old daughter has lined up all of her dolls towards the outdoor grill...
Looks like she’s preparing some kind of Barbie queue...
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