What did the bread say before it jumped into the toaster?
"I'M BREADY TO DIE"
Who's the most popular kitchen appliance?
The freezer, he's really cool
What did Communists use to light their houses before candles? Electricity.
Just opened my water bill and my electricity bill at the same time… I was shocked.”
What do you get when you put a saxophonist in a freezer?
Cool jazz.
What kind of car does an electrician drive? A Volts-wagon.”
My friend has a cold storage device that will discuss philosophical issues. It's a deep freezer.
I couldn't resist this flirty TV remote...
It was an instant turn on.
My fridge stopped working...
Its not cool.
What did the energy company’s CEO credit her success to?
A series of strategic power moves.
If you're stressed, try ironing clothes.
It's a great way to let off some steam.
Did you hear about the guy who fell into the industrial cake mixer?
He's feeling much batter now.
I just found out you should never put a bar of soap in the dishwasher.
It's hand wash only.
I hit my head on a light bulb today, but it’s okay.
It was a soft white.
If you plant a light bulb in your garden, does it grow into a power plant?
My friend had put some beans in the coffee grinder
After a few seconds I told him to stop. That's fine.
What do you get if you put kisses in a blender?
A Smoochie.
The sun is just a big space heater.
I hid the control for the TV
I’m not even remotely sorry.
I went to a Church yard sale looking for a grill...
Unfortunately, they only had friars.
My brother just admitted that he broke my favourite lamp.
I'm not sure I'll be able look at him in the same light ever again
What's a freezer's favorite time period?
The ice age!
How does a dog stop a TV show?
He presses paws!
I can't decide whether to grill chicken breasts or chicken thighs...
I guess I'll just wing it
Why do quitters do all the laundry?
They always throw in the towel!
Got my new blender yesterday but I can't tell if I like or not though...
It keeps giving me mixed results.
I brought a new vacuum cleaner.
It sucks.
I can’t afford to pay for electricity anymore; these are some dark times.
What is a plug’s favorite chant at a sporting event?
CHARGE!!
After buying grocers, I sat on the San Francisco pier and pondered life. My laundry detergent tipped over...
Now I’m sittin on the dock of a bay, watching my Tide roll away.
A hand mixer started a speakeasy.
It was a wisk-y business.
She wanted a microwave for her birthday...
So I pointed and fired my shrink ray at her hand.
Why did bulb pack an apple in his bag?
He wanted to have a light snack.
I once knew a priest that only ate microwave soup.
He was a Ramen Catholic.
I used to get so mad when my kitchen appliances leaked
now it's just water under the fridge
I once convinced my younger brother to swallow a small lamp.
I got in so much trouble but it was worth it to see his little face light up.
What happens when you put your hand in a blender?
You get a hand shake.
I'm thinking about writing a book about lamps. I think its a bright idea
What is a jedi electrician’s favorite tool?
His lightsaber.
What do you call someone that's always stealing your heat?
A brrrglar!
What did the light bulb say to the generator? ‘I really get a charge out of you!”
What veggie should you avoid buying if your fridge is tiny?
Fungi. They take up too mushroom.
More places are charging fees to iron my clothes after they launder them...
I guess the free press is under siege!
A good air conditioner is worth its weight in cold.
What does a confident kettle have
Self-e-steam
My new toaster oven is a huge improvement for making lunch.
I used to eat unappetizing sandwiches but I quit cold turkey.
Why was the broken refrigerator angry?
Because he couldn’t keep his cool.
I hate being married to a microwave
Every time I give her my two cents she blows up
I threw my toaster into the toilet the other day.
It was a shock to the cistern.
I destroyed all the air conditioners at work and escaped.
Police are now charging me with a 'heat and run' incident.
Go to BabaMail
