Just opened my water bill and my electricity bill at the same time… I was shocked.”
How many consultants do you need to change a light bulb?
You’ll get an estimate a week from Monday.
Even the heaviest chandelier is pretty light.
I saw an ad that read: “TV for sale, $1, volume stuck on full.” I thought to myself, "I can't turn that down!"
Why did the electrician marry his colleague? He couldn’t resistor.
I got arrested at work today for moving my desk away from the air conditoner vent.
I was charged with draft-dodging!
What penalty in hockey uses the most amount of energy? A power play.”
Me: Dad, can I turn the air-conditioner on?
Dad: did you shampoo it first?
I hear it's easy to get ladies not to eat Tide pods.
It's more difficult to deter gents, though.
I stopped ironing my clothes.
I have less pressing concerns.
My friend called and said he was sick of his fireplace exhaust vent...
Sounds like another case of the flue.
How can you tell the camera was afraid of the toaster?
Everytime he looked at it, it made him shutter.
What does a confident kettle have
Self-e-steam
I think my heater is sick.
It's hot.
My friend keeps the toaster on the lowest setting
I suspect he's got black toast intolerance
My mixer broke down today. I'm very sad to part with it, I couldn't have whisked for a better friend.
It’s crazy that Dubai doesn’t show The Flintstones on TV...
But Abu Dhabi Do!
My dad used to crack jokes standing above our fireplace.
Now he's passed the mantle on to me.
What is the energy provider’s favorite dance? The electric slide.”
Who's the most popular kitchen appliance?
The freezer, he's really cool
I started ironing my clothes...
To de-crease how bad I looked
I was pretty mad when the air conditioner stopped working...
I lost my cool.
What is the difference between lightning and electricity. For electricity, you need to pay, but
lightning kills for free.”
I once convinced my younger brother to swallow a small lamp.
I got in so much trouble but it was worth it to see his little face light up.
Whoever named it a television ...
Should've called it a watching machine.
I just saw my wife trip and fall, while carrying a laundry basket full of ironed clothes.
I watched it all unfold.
My wife is threatening to leave me because of my obsession with acting like a TV news anchor.
More on this after the break.
Sitting near the fireplace is just like a whole bunch of bees...
'swarm
Something is odd about my hot stove.
I just can't quite put my finger on it.
Why was the broken refrigerator angry?
Because he couldn’t keep his cool.
I just put some meat in the oven.
It’s bacon.
Wife told me that our juicer draws a lot of power.
I explained to her that it takes lot of juice to juice the juicer.
If you're stressed, try ironing clothes.
It's a great way to let off some steam.
My brother just admitted that he broke my favourite lamp.
I'm not sure I'll be able look at him in the same light ever again
What temperature do you set a toy oven?
Faux hundred degrees.
What do you call someone that's always stealing your heat?
A brrrglar!
How are air conditioners like humans?
Both get turned on when it's hot.
My mum asked me to watch the stove while she went to the bathroom. She was so angry when she got back...
Things really boiled over
What did the light bulb say to the generator? ‘I really get a charge out of you!”
Why is the air conditioner repairman the life of the party?
It’s not cool until he arrives.
What penalty in hockey uses the most amount of energy?
A power play.
I brought a new vacuum cleaner.
It sucks.
Why is wind power popular? Because it has a lot of fans!”
My friend had put some beans in the coffee grinder
After a few seconds I told him to stop. That's fine.
What do you call it when a clothes dryer is dancing?
A linty-hop.
So earlier I took my clothes from the washer and threw them into the dryer.
I can't be sure how they felt about that, but they seemed agitated.
I just found out you should never put a bar of soap in the dishwasher.
It's hand wash only.
My landlord said we need to talk about how high my heating bill is.
I replied: “Sure, my door is always open.”
What do you call a fake pastry?
A prop tart!
My wife said she'll leave me if I don't stop the laundry punsץ
So from today I'm detergent to be better.
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