I love lamps.
They're so enlightening.
My son asked me if I ate the leftovers he was saving in the refrigerator.
I told him "of course not - I ate them in the living room"
Why do quitters do all the laundry?
They always throw in the towel!
I couldn't resist this flirty TV remote...
It was an instant turn on.
My dad used to crack jokes standing above our fireplace.
Now he's passed the mantle on to me.
What did the black pepper say to his wife after coming out of the grinder?
"Don't worry. I'm fine."
What TV shows are squeaky clean?
Soap Operas
What do you call a kangaroo who watches too much TV?
A pouch potato.
Did you hear about the baker that accidentally backed into an open oven...?
His buns were toasted.
What do you call a bad electrician? A shock absorber!
Just bought a vacuum cleaner, from a Buddhist selling them door to door. I should have known better..
It came with no attachments.
What penalty in hockey uses the most amount of energy? A power play.”
What kind of car does an electrician drive? A Volts-wagon.”
How many software engineers do you need to change a light bulb?
None – it’s a hardware problem.
My brother just admitted that he broke my favourite lamp.
I'm not sure I'll be able look at him in the same light ever again
My new toaster oven is a huge improvement for making lunch.
I used to eat unappetizing sandwiches but I quit cold turkey.
A wind turbine saw a solar panel at an energy convention. He leaned in and shouted, Hey, I’m a big fan!”
On our way to buy a refrigerator, I saw my husband carrying a piece of paper with a giant X written on it. I asked, “What are you going to do with it?”
He said, “Let’s cross that fridge when we get there.”
I like jokes. But jokes about air conditioners?
I'm not a fan.
I tried to help my wife with laundry by putting her underwear away.
But she got her panties in a bunch over it.
Why are refrigerator shelves hipsters?
They were there before it was cool.
What do you call a gorilla stuck in a ventilation shaft?
A Duct-ape.
This morning, my dad told me something that gave me the chills.
He said, “I’m turning off the heating.”
Why was the broken air conditioner already sad?
Because it couldn’t vent it’s problems.
Two TV antennas meet on a roof, fall in love and get married...
The ceremony was boring but the reception was brilliant.
What did one chandelier say to the other?
I have friends in the high places.
Why did the freezer never graduate?
Because it was set on 0 degrees.
Why did the man eat the light bulb? He was hoping it would give him a bright idea.”
What did the sad lamp say when plugged in?
"I finally feel better now that I’ve got an emotional outlet."
Why do Russian teapots have to go to bed early?
Because samovars have to work tomorrow.
Why did the man eat the light bulb?
He was hoping it would give him a bright idea.
My son asked me how I never seemed to lose the TV remote when he was growing up.
I told him I'd always put it in a location away from all the clutter...
A remote location.
Got my new blender yesterday but I can't tell if I like or not though...
It keeps giving me mixed results.
What do you call it when a clothes dryer is dancing?
A linty-hop.
What do you call a regular potato broadcasting sports?
A common tater.
Why did the electrician marry his colleague? He couldn’t resistor.
Even the most intelligent people can’t survive a day without electricity, like Stephen Hawking.
Every time I hang out my laundry, I can't resist singing "Nine to Five" ...
Guess that's what I get for using Dolly pegs.
What would you call a power failure? A current event.
My wife said to me that the spark between us had gone. So, I tasered her, and I’ll ask her again when she wakes up.”
A superconductor walks into a bar. The bartender says, Get out! We don’t serve your kind here.
Why did the electrical cords break up? There was no spark between them.”
Moisturize the air!
As fast as humidly possible.
I bought a secured warehouse where I keep appliances to clean pots, pans, plates, and silverware.
It's dishwasher safe!
I replaced all the air vents in my house with smaller ones.
It was a reduction.
I get so mad when the heater is on.
I don't know why, I just lose my cool.
What is an outlet’s favorite song?
I’ve Got The Power.
I hit my head on a light bulb today, but it’s okay.
It was a soft white.
What would a barefoot man get if he stepped on an electric fence? A pair of shocks.”
I bought you a refrigirator.
I can't wait to see your face light up as you open it.
Why did the monk meditate with a light bulb? He hoped it would help him to reach enlightenment.”
I bring my TV remote into every sports bar I go to so I can change the channel to whatever I want.
It’s a real game changer
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