How many museum curators does it take to change a light bulb?
6. 1 changes it and the other 5 preserve, display, and celebrate the old model.
Why do Russian teapots have to go to bed early?
Because samovars have to work tomorrow.
Oh laundry, sometimes I feel like our first president...
Because I am washing-a-ton.
Why couldn't I fry wood on the stove?
I used a non-stick pan.
I took my friends watch that had an LED flashlight on it.
Now it's my time to shine.
If you plant a light bulb in your garden, does it grow into a power plant?
Accidentally spilled frosting all over the freezer.
Going to leave it be though, since the freezer has an auto defrost feature.
Yesterday I put a $50 note in my freezer.
Now I have some frozen assets.
Why does a microwave hum?
Because it doesn't know the words
Asked my boy to boil the kettle.
He said, "wouldn't it be better to boil some water?"
What is a plug’s favorite chant at a sporting event?
CHARGE!!
Why did the electrical cords break up? There was no spark between them.”
How do you turn a duck into a soul singer?
Stick him in an oven until his Bill Withers
Did you hear about the baker that accidentally backed into an open oven...?
His buns were toasted.
In the darkness, is where a flashlight really shines!
You’re a unit of electrical energy, Harry.” I’m a watt?”
Why did the electrician marry his colleague? He couldn’t resistor.
The guy who got arrested for eating batteries…. He is to be charged in the morning.
Why did the light bulb fail his math quiz? He wasn’t too bright.”
My TV hates the outside world.
Whenever it faces outside it just glares.
I gave my wife a lamp for our anniversary.
Someone’s getting LED tonight.
Had to replace all the bulbs in the side table lamps. Then I had to replace the ones in my ceiling fan.
That was the highlight of my day.
My friend dragged me to a lecture about lamps. I though it would be boring but...
It was very illuminating.
A dangerous surge of electricity walks into a bar. The barman says, why the long phase?”
I just found out you should never put a bar of soap in the dishwasher.
It's hand wash only.
I hate when my heater says something that sounds meaningful...
But it turns out to just be blowing hot air.
What do mushrooms watch on TV?
Spores.
I put some bread in the toaster this morning, but it never popped up again
I think it might be comatoast.
It's almost impossible to tell someone if a vacuum works or not.
Either it sucks or it sucks.
My friend keeps the toaster on the lowest setting
I suspect he's got black toast intolerance
What is an electrician’s favorite flavor of ice cream? Shock-a-lot.”
I just burned my Hawaiian pizza in the oven
I guess I should have put it on aloha setting
I'm thinking about writing a book about lamps. I think its a bright idea
My wife asked if I knew how to turn on the dishwasher.
I told her I would some flirty compliments.
Today I found out my toaster isn't waterproof
I was shocked.
Got into my car and realized my wife had shut off all the A/C vents.
Definitely not cool.
What did the light bulb say to the electric generator? ‘You spark up my life!”
I heard my son complaining about doing laundry.
He said, 'These just socks'.
I think my heater is sick.
It's hot.
Where do electricians get their supplies? The Ohm Depot.
Air conditioner technicians...
love to vent about their job in order to cool off.
I feel uncomfortable next to my fridge
It's way too cool for me
Why do quitters do all the laundry?
They always throw in the towel!
Why do fluorescent lights hum? Because they can’t remember the words.”
I started ironing my clothes...
To de-crease how bad I looked
What did the toaster say to the criminal bread?
"I'm taking you into crustody"
Why did the monk meditate with a light bulb? He hoped it would help him to reach enlightenment.”
What kind of car does an electrician drive? A Volts-wagon.”
Why is the air conditioner repairman the life of the party?
It’s not cool until he arrives.
What did the blender say to his crush?
"I have mixed feelings about you, but we might blend together perfectly."
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