What temperature do you set a toy oven?
Faux hundred degrees.
What TV shows are squeaky clean?
Soap Operas
Why does a microwave hum?
Because it doesn't know the words
Why was the broken refrigerator angry?
Because he couldn’t keep his cool.
Apparently adding a fireplace to your home is the hot new trend...
...and chimney installations are through the roof!
My friend keeps the toaster on the lowest setting
I suspect he's got black toast intolerance
Our landlord knocked on our door today and said that if we didn't pay rent, they'd turn off the heater tomorrow.
It was our last warming.
My electrician friend accidentally blew the power to the ice-making factory. Now they’ve gone into liquidation.
What's the first tea that comes in a teapot?
empytea
Did you hear about the baker that accidentally backed into an open oven...?
His buns were toasted.
What do you call laundry detergent on the top shelf?
High tide.
Asked my boy to put the kettle on.
He said, "I don't think it'll fit me"
What did the energy company’s CEO credit her success to?
A series of strategic power moves.
I didn't know if I could crawl through heating vents to escape from prison...
After I duct, I found I conduit!
My brother just admitted that he broke my favourite lamp.
I'm not sure I'll be able look at him in the same light ever again
I got arrested at work today for moving my desk away from the air conditoner vent.
I was charged with draft-dodging!
My Microwave is a Liar. On the front it says "30-60 Seconds for a Hot Dog."
I keep running that thing for minutes on end but I never get a Hot Dog to come out.
My friend bought a new house, and invited everyone to a party.
My dad asks, "How was the house warming?" And I said, "With the furnace, I suppose."
What would you call a power failure? A current event.
My wife said to me that the spark between us had gone. So, I tasered her, and I’ll ask her again when she wakes up.”
A superconductor walks into a bar. The bartender says, Get out! We don’t serve your kind here.
What penalty in hockey uses the most amount of energy?
A power play.
I feel uncomfortable next to my fridge
It's way too cool for me
What kind of car does an electrician drive? A Volts-wagon.”
How many software engineers do you need to change a light bulb?
None – it’s a hardware problem.
If you think that your phone, laptop, microwave and fridge spying on you is bad
Then you should know that your vaccum cleaner has been collecting dirt on you for a while .
Where do light bulbs go shopping?
The outlet stores.
Why did the monk meditate with a light bulb?
He hoped it would help him to reach enlightenment.
I saw an ad that read: “TV for sale, $1, volume stuck on full.” I thought to myself, "I can't turn that down!"
My dad argued with a stove
The conversation really started to heat up
Had to replace all the bulbs in the side table lamps. Then I had to replace the ones in my ceiling fan.
That was the highlight of my day.
How many students does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They use CFLs!
What did the dough say after half an hour in the oven?
I’m bready.
What sound does a vacuum sweeper make when it explodes?
Ka-BROOM!!!
I love lamps.
They're so enlightening.
I was holding a bottle of laundry detergent when all of a sudden it exploded, completely drenching my hands.
Oh well. I guess my hands are Tide.
This morning, my dad told me something that gave me the chills.
He said, “I’m turning off the heating.”
My wife and I had a huge argument as to whose turn it was to do laundry.
Eventually, I folded.
My favorite crime TV show has a duck as the main character.
He always quacks the case.
What happens when you put your hand in a blender?
You get a hand shake.
My wife told me: “You’ve got to stop watching so much TV, and read more!”...
so I turned on the closed captioning.
Why was the broken air conditioner already sad?
Because it couldn’t vent it’s problems.
Why did the lights go out? Because they liked each other!”
How are air conditioners like humans?
Both get turned on when it's hot.
Why is wind power popular? Because it has a lot of fans!”
I put some bread in the toaster this morning, but it never popped up again
I think it might be comatoast.
What is an electrician’s favorite flavor of ice cream? Shock-a-lot.”
My friend called and said he was sick of his fireplace exhaust vent...
Sounds like another case of the flue.
It's almost impossible to tell someone if a vacuum works or not.
Either it sucks or it sucks.
Did you hear about the abusive flashlight? It was charged with battery.
What do you call a light bulb at midnight?
A Night Light.
I like to sleep with the bedside lamp on, even though my wife says it's weird.
I don't see how, I think it makes a great hat.
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