What TV shows are squeaky clean?
Soap Operas
My brother just admitted that he broke my favourite lamp.
I'm not sure I'll be able look at him in the same light ever again
What is the difference between lightning and electricity. For electricity, you need to pay, but
lightning kills for free.”
Every time I hang out my laundry, I can't resist singing "Nine to Five" ...
Guess that's what I get for using Dolly pegs.
The recipe said, “set the oven to 180 degrees”...
Now I can’t open the door because it faces the wall.
I wonder who invented the air conditioner...
Must’ve been a pretty cool guy.
What did the man say after he came out of the walk-in freezer?
"That experience was chilling."
Why are refrigerator shelves hipsters?
They were there before it was cool.
What did the black pepper say to his wife after coming out of the grinder?
"Don't worry. I'm fine."
I feel uncomfortable next to my fridge
It's way too cool for me
I just saw my wife trip and fall, while carrying a laundry basket full of ironed clothes.
I watched it all unfold.
How many consultants do you need to change a light bulb?
You’ll get an estimate a week from Monday.
A dangerous surge of electricity walks into a bar. The barman says, why the long phase?”
A good air conditioner is worth its weight in cold.
I got arrested at work today for moving my desk away from the air conditoner vent.
I was charged with draft-dodging!
I can't find my humidifier anymore...
I have reported it misting.
How many birds does it take to change a light bulb?
Normally three, but Toucan.
What do you call a catholic toaster strudel?
A pope tart.
I was pretty mad when the air conditioner stopped working...
I lost my cool.
How do you dry clothes on a line in winter?
You freeze dry them.
More places are charging fees to iron my clothes after they launder them...
I guess the free press is under siege!
Sitting near the fireplace is just like a whole bunch of bees...
'swarm
I think my heater is sick.
It's hot.
Did you hear about the abusive flashlight? It was charged with battery.
My son asked me if I ate the leftovers he was saving in the refrigerator.
I told him "of course not - I ate them in the living room"
Even the heaviest chandelier is pretty light.
What is the energy provider’s favorite dance? The electric slide.”
What would you call a power failure? A current event.
My wife said to me that the spark between us had gone. So, I tasered her, and I’ll ask her again when she wakes up.”
A superconductor walks into a bar. The bartender says, Get out! We don’t serve your kind here.
My friend pointed at a chandelier and said: "isn't that the coolest chandelier ever?"
I replied: "I don't know if it's the coolest, but it's up there."
What do you call an ironing board that makes your clothes more wrinkly?
An irony board.
Where do light bulbs go shopping? The outlet stores.”
What do you call laundry detergent on the top shelf?
High tide.
I love taking pictures of myself next to boiling kettles.
My friend reckons I have selfie steam issues
What is a Jedi electrician’s favorite tool? His lightsaber”
Something is odd about my hot stove.
I just can't quite put my finger on it.
Why couldn't I fry wood on the stove?
I used a non-stick pan.
What did the energy company’s CEO credit her success to?
A series of strategic power moves.
I finally managed to get rid of that nasty electrical charge I’ve been carrying. I’m ex-static!”
Just burned 2,000 calories.
That’s the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap.
Laundry puns?
I got loads of them.
A sweater I bought was picking up static electricity. So, I returned it to the store. They gave me another one free of charge.”
Two TV antennas meet on a roof, fall in love and get married...
The ceremony was boring but the reception was brilliant.
My wife asked if I knew how to turn on the dishwasher.
I told her I would some flirty compliments.
What penalty in hockey uses the most amount of energy? A power play.”
My friend asked me why I was wearing a lamp shade over my face.
I replied, "I am feeling light headed."
I just found out you should never put a bar of soap in the dishwasher.
It's hand wash only.
I bought you a refrigirator.
I can't wait to see your face light up as you open it.
My wife is threatening to leave me because of my obsession with acting like a TV news anchor.
More on this after the break.
How many students does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They use CFLs!
I love lamps.
They're so enlightening.