Where do light bulbs go shopping?
The outlet stores.
How does a dog stop a TV show?
He presses paws!
Why was the teapot sitting in the corner?
It was having a pour attitude.
A burglar stole all my lamps.
I should be upset, but I’m delighted
If you hit your head on a coffeemaker
Would it leave a brews?
When the heat turns down, we thieves gather in our secret hideout for a meeting.
We call it our Con Den session.
Did you hear the one about the ice cube’s great escape from the freezer?
You could say it was a well thawed out plan.
My wife left a note on the fridge, saying, "This isn't working. Goodbye."
I opened it and it works fine.
How many museum curators does it take to change a light bulb?
6. 1 changes it and the other 5 preserve, display, and celebrate the old model.
I asked my son to stop leaving the freezer door open.
I told him, “This is why we can’t have ice things.”
My wife told me: “You’ve got to stop watching so much TV, and read more!”...
so I turned on the closed captioning.
I bring my TV remote into every sports bar I go to so I can change the channel to whatever I want.
It’s a real game changer
It's almost impossible to tell someone if a vacuum works or not.
Either it sucks or it sucks.
Why can’t dishwashers do parallel dancing?
They’re never in sink.
How can you tell the camera was afraid of the toaster?
Everytime he looked at it, it made him shutter.
What would you call a power failure? A current event.
My wife said to me that the spark between us had gone. So, I tasered her, and I’ll ask her again when she wakes up.”
A superconductor walks into a bar. The bartender says, Get out! We don’t serve your kind here.
I couldn't resist this flirty TV remote...
It was an instant turn on.
"Is your dishwasher running?"
"Seeing as it doesn't have feet, it does not"
What do you call a skeleton in a freezer?
Bone-chilling.
Why did the freezer run away on its marriage?
It got cold feet
I just put some meat in the oven.
It’s bacon.
I used to get so mad when my kitchen appliances leaked
now it's just water under the fridge
What TV shows are squeaky clean?
Soap Operas
They call the first episode of a TV show a "Pilot", because anyone can fly a plane for a couple seconds....
But you have to prove your jokes can land.
How many birds does it take to change a light bulb?
Normally three, but Toucan.
Accidentally spilled frosting all over the freezer.
Going to leave it be though, since the freezer has an auto defrost feature.
Why are teapots so expensive?
Because they make you pour!
If you think that your phone, laptop, microwave and fridge spying on you is bad
Then you should know that your vaccum cleaner has been collecting dirt on you for a while .
So earlier I took my clothes from the washer and threw them into the dryer.
I can't be sure how they felt about that, but they seemed agitated.
Wife told me that our juicer draws a lot of power.
I explained to her that it takes lot of juice to juice the juicer.
How do you dry clothes on a line in winter?
You freeze dry them.
What's the opposite of a microwave?
A Tsunami.
What's a freezer's favorite time period?
The ice age!
I didn't know if I could crawl through heating vents to escape from prison...
After I duct, I found I conduit!
I like to sleep with the bedside lamp on, even though my wife says it's weird.
I don't see how, I think it makes a great hat.
Where do light bulbs go shopping? The outlet stores.”
What do you call a worm that chews up power cords? An electro-maggot.”
Everyone knows The Beatles, but do you know The Laundry Beatles?
It's members are Paul McCottoney, John Linen, Ringo Starch ... And George Harrison.
I was opening up all the vents in our house. My wife didn't understand why.
"You may think that's eVENTfull. You'll undestand why I do this eVENTually"
I once convinced my younger brother to swallow a small lamp.
I got in so much trouble but it was worth it to see his little face light up.
I finally managed to get rid of that nasty electrical charge I’ve been carrying. I’m ex-static!
Always knock on the fridge before opening.
Just in case there is a salad dressing
The guy who got arrested for eating batteries…. He is to be charged in the morning.
Just bought a vacuum cleaner, from a Buddhist selling them door to door. I should have known better..
It came with no attachments.
An electrician needed to change 8 fluorescent lamps to brighten up a large conference room at our office. I asked him if he needed a hand carrying them.
He said no, this is light.
I was holding a bottle of laundry detergent when all of a sudden it exploded, completely drenching my hands.
Oh well. I guess my hands are Tide.
I bought a lamp for my friend
To brighten their day
Oh laundry, sometimes I feel like our first president...
Because I am washing-a-ton.
She wanted a microwave for her birthday...
So I pointed and fired my shrink ray at her hand.
How did the pizza escape the oven?
Through the dough!
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