What kind of car does an electrician drive? A Volts-wagon.”
My wife asked me why I was ironing my 4 leaf clover.
I told her I was pressing my luck
Just opened my water bill and my electricity bill at the same time… I was shocked.”
The recipe said, “set the oven to 180 degrees”...
Now I can’t open the door because it faces the wall.
I started ironing my clothes...
To de-crease how bad I looked
Where do light bulbs go shopping?
The outlet stores.
I caught my friend harassing some electricity. I told him it was an abuse of power.”
My son asked me how I never seemed to lose the TV remote when he was growing up.
I told him I'd always put it in a location away from all the clutter...
A remote location.
What did the lamp eat?
A light snack...
What do you call it when a clothes dryer is dancing?
A linty-hop.
What sound does a vacuum sweeper make when it explodes?
Ka-BROOM!!!
What temperature do you set a toy oven?
Faux hundred degrees.
What do you call a regular potato broadcasting sports?
A common tater.
Why is wind power popular? Because it has a lot of fans!”
What did the toaster say to the criminal bread?
"I'm taking you into crustody"
Did you hear what the foolish gardener did?
The guy planted a light bulb and though he’d get a power plant.
How do you turn a duck into a soul singer?
Stick him in an oven until his Bill Withers
Who takes care of saunas?
Humid Resources.
I was going to start ironing, but I decided it was too depressing.
Even the most intelligent people can’t survive a day without electricity, like Stephen Hawking.
My brother just admitted that he broke my favourite lamp.
I'm not sure I'll be able look at him in the same light ever again
Why did the monk meditate with a light bulb? He hoped it would help him to reach enlightenment.”
Why did the electrical cords break up? There was no spark between them.”
My blender is a bit forgetfull. It keep breaking the ice with me.
She wanted a microwave for her birthday...
So I pointed and fired my shrink ray at her hand.
I just saw my wife trip and fall, while carrying a laundry basket full of ironed clothes.
I watched it all unfold.
Did you hear the one about the ice cube’s great escape from the freezer?
You could say it was a well thawed out plan.
I started making lamps in the shape of the alphabet.
After the first three, it was a D-light.
Why did the electrician marry his colleague? He couldn’t resistor.
What do mushrooms watch on TV?
Spores.
I hid the control for the TV
I’m not even remotely sorry.
How did the charger get rich?
He made a killing in the shock market.
A sweater I bought was picking up static electricity. So, I returned it to the store. They gave me another one free of charge.”
Why did the electricity documentary get such mixed reviews?
People weren’t sure how to feel after it’s shocking ending.
Phil told me about what lights up a light bulb.
But I didn’t know what Phil-a-meant.
What do you call a worm that chews up power cords? An electro-maggot.”
Always knock on the fridge before opening.
Just in case there is a salad dressing
What do you call a turtle in a chef’s hat?
A slow cooker.
Got into my car and realized my wife had shut off all the A/C vents.
Definitely not cool.
An electrician needed to change 8 fluorescent lamps to brighten up a large conference room at our office. I asked him if he needed a hand carrying them.
He said no, this is light.
Why are the electricians always up to date? Because they are ‘current specialists.
What does a confident kettle have
Self-e-steam
My 6 year old daughter has lined up all of her dolls towards the outdoor grill...
Looks like she’s preparing some kind of Barbie queue...
We ran out of laundry detergent today and had to open up a new one.
It was a changing of the Tide.
I once convinced my younger brother to swallow a small lamp.
I got in so much trouble but it was worth it to see his little face light up.
What did the light bulb say to the generator? ‘I really get a charge out of you!”
There's a programme about the history of perfume on TV tonight.
It's on at 8pm on Chanel Number 5!
What did the bread say before it jumped into the toaster?
"I'M BREADY TO DIE"
It’s crazy that Dubai doesn’t show The Flintstones on TV...
But Abu Dhabi Do!
The sun is just a big space heater.
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