I tried to help my wife with laundry by putting her underwear away.
But she got her panties in a bunch over it.
What kind of fire moistens?
A humidifier.
My friend had put some beans in the coffee grinder
After a few seconds I told him to stop. That's fine.
My wife and I had a huge argument as to whose turn it was to do laundry.
Eventually, I folded.
Why do fluorescent lights hum? Because they can’t remember the words.”
What did the black pepper say to his wife after coming out of the grinder?
"Don't worry. I'm fine."
Just bought a vacuum cleaner, from a Buddhist selling them door to door. I should have known better..
It came with no attachments.
I can’t afford to pay for electricity anymore; these are some dark times.
Hey did you hear that ESPN is broadcasting this year's Origami competition?
I heard it's pay per view...
A burglar stole all my lamps.
I should be upset, but I’m delighted
Why are the electricians always up to date? Because they are ‘current specialists.
In the darkness, is where a flashlight really shines!
What's the first tea that comes in a teapot?
empytea
It’s crazy that Dubai doesn’t show The Flintstones on TV...
But Abu Dhabi Do!
What did the energy company’s CEO credit her success to?
A series of strategic power moves.
What did the blender say to his crush?
"I have mixed feelings about you, but we might blend together perfectly."
My wife said she'll leave me if I don't stop the laundry punsץ
So from today I'm detergent to be better.
What did the vacuum cleaner salesman say before murdering his son?
Dyson!
Went to buy a new microwave. Salesperson asks me "what volume are you looking for?"
And I say "nothign too loud"
Why did the monk meditate with a light bulb? He hoped it would help him to reach enlightenment.”
My friend asked me why I was wearing a lamp shade over my face.
I replied, "I am feeling light headed."
My wife is threatening to leave me because of my obsession with acting like a TV news anchor.
More on this after the break.
Whoever named it a television ...
Should've called it a watching machine.
What do you call it when a clothes dryer is dancing?
A linty-hop.
There's a programme about the history of perfume on TV tonight.
It's on at 8pm on Chanel Number 5!
I hid the control for the TV
I’m not even remotely sorry.
Wife told me that our juicer draws a lot of power.
I explained to her that it takes lot of juice to juice the juicer.
You’re a unit of electrical energy, Harry.” I’m a watt?”
My wife told me to stop eating Christmas leftovers out the fridge...
But I just can’t quit cold turkey
What did the bread say before it jumped into the toaster?
"I'M BREADY TO DIE"
My new toaster oven is a huge improvement for making lunch.
I used to eat unappetizing sandwiches but I quit cold turkey.
Sitting near the fireplace is just like a whole bunch of bees...
'swarm
What powers an electric kettle?
Electrici-tea.
Did you hear about the baker that accidentally backed into an open oven...?
His buns were toasted.
I asked my son to stop leaving the freezer door open.
I told him, “This is why we can’t have ice things.”
What is a wise, old priest's favorite kitchen appliance?
The deep friar.
Why are teapots so expensive?
Because they make you pour!
The guy who got arrested for eating batteries…. He is to be charged in the morning.
I was going to start ironing, but I decided it was too depressing.
The tea pot sounds so angry!
Nah, its just letting off some steam.
"Is your dishwasher running?"
"Seeing as it doesn't have feet, it does not"
What did the lamp say to the flickering candle?
"Do you want to go out sometime soon?"
What is an electrician’s favorite flavor of ice cream? Shock-a-lot.”
What sound does a vacuum sweeper make when it explodes?
Ka-BROOM!!!
Why did the light bulb fail his math quiz? He wasn’t too bright.”
The secretary left me a message saying humidity will hit 90% today...
She wrote it on a sticky note.
How many software engineers do you need to change a light bulb?
None – it’s a hardware problem.
I replaced all the air vents in my house with smaller ones.
It was a reduction.
I was pretty mad when the air conditioner stopped working...
I lost my cool.
My favorite crime TV show has a duck as the main character.
He always quacks the case.
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