What do you call a light bulb at midnight?
A Night Light.
A burglar stole all my lamps.
I should be upset, but I’m delighted
Don't ever change a light bulb while the oven is on
You'll get burned out
A sweater I bought was picking up static electricity. So, I returned it to the store. They gave me another one free of charge.”
Apparently adding a fireplace to your home is the hot new trend...
...and chimney installations are through the roof!
I caught my friend harassing some electricity. I told him it was an abuse of power.”
I threw my toaster into the toilet the other day.
It was a shock to the cistern.
I started ironing my clothes...
To de-crease how bad I looked
Phil told me about what lights up a light bulb.
But I didn’t know what Phil-a-meant.
What do power strips always say at their high school reunions? I haven’t seen you in light-years.”
They call the first episode of a TV show a "Pilot", because anyone can fly a plane for a couple seconds....
But you have to prove your jokes can land.
What is a light bulb’s favorite kind of news?
Current events.
I once knew a priest that only ate microwave soup.
He was a Ramen Catholic.
What is a surfer's least favorite kitchen appliance?
A Microwave
The superconductor left without resistance.
What did the light bulb say to the generator? ‘I really get a charge out of you!”
How many museum curators does it take to change a light bulb?
6. 1 changes it and the other 5 preserve, display, and celebrate the old model.
I was holding a bottle of laundry detergent when all of a sudden it exploded, completely drenching my hands.
Oh well. I guess my hands are Tide.
I just saw my wife trip and fall, while carrying a laundry basket full of ironed clothes.
I watched it all unfold.
Why did the freezer run away on its marriage?
It got cold feet
Hey did you hear that ESPN is broadcasting this year's Origami competition?
I heard it's pay per view...
What do mushrooms watch on TV?
Spores.
How do you dry clothes on a line in winter?
You freeze dry them.
Why can’t dishwashers do parallel dancing?
They’re never in sink.
Why did the man eat the light bulb? He was hoping it would give him a bright idea.”
Why did the electrical cords break up?
There was no spark between them.
I hate when my heater says something that sounds meaningful...
But it turns out to just be blowing hot air.
Why was the teapot sitting in the corner?
It was having a pour attitude.
What is the difference between lightning and electricity. For electricity, you need to pay, but
lightning kills for free.”
What's a freezer's favorite time period?
The ice age!
How are air conditioners like humans?
Both get turned on when it's hot.
What does a four-wheeled vehicle and a television have in common?
They’re both ATV
I can't find my humidifier anymore...
I have reported it misting.
Why was the broken refrigerator angry?
Because he couldn’t keep his cool.
I asked my son to stop leaving the freezer door open.
I told him, “This is why we can’t have ice things.”
Got into my car and realized my wife had shut off all the A/C vents.
Definitely not cool.
Why did the light bulb fail his math quiz?
He wasn’t too bright.
Did you hear about the guy who fell into the industrial cake mixer?
He's feeling much batter now.
Why do Russian teapots have to go to bed early?
Because samovars have to work tomorrow.
I finally managed to get rid of that nasty electrical charge I’ve been carrying. I’m ex-static!”
How did the electrician pay for his new phone?
He charged it.
How can you tell the camera was afraid of the toaster?
Everytime he looked at it, it made him shutter.
Television is a medium,
Because anything well done is rare.
What is an energy provider’s favorite dance?
The electric slide.
I put some bread in the toaster this morning, but it never popped up again
I think it might be comatoast.
I finally managed to get rid of that nasty electrical charge I’ve been carrying. I’m ex-static!
On our way to buy a refrigerator, I saw my husband carrying a piece of paper with a giant X written on it. I asked, “What are you going to do with it?”
He said, “Let’s cross that fridge when we get there.”
I once convinced my younger brother to swallow a small lamp.
I got in so much trouble but it was worth it to see his little face light up.
Why did the lamps get arrested?
They were in some shady business
My dad was complaining he’d lost a sock after doing his laundry.
I said, "that's a sockrifice I had to make".
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