Why don't they galvanize ships?
Because that would make them zinc.
What did Avogadro teach his students in math class?
Mole-tiplication
What do you call an acid with attitude?
A meano-acid.
What illness kept Avogadro in bed for two months?
Mole-onucleosis
Why do chemists like nitrates so much?
They're cheaper than day rates.
What kind of fruit did Avogadro eat in the summer?
Water-mole-ns
Organic chemistry is really hard.
Those who study it have alkynes of trouble.
What kind of test do chemistry students like best?
Mole-tiple choice
You know what's cool about chemistry?
Endothermic reactions.
Why did the hipster chemist get burnt?
Because he touched the beaker before it was cool.
If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice? H2O cubed.
How would you describe a stinky chemist?
Mole-odorous
What are mammoles?
Four-legged ani-moles
What kind of bears dissolve in water?
Polar bears.
What does Avogadro put in his hot chocolate?
Marsh-mole-ows
How did the blond define hydrophobic on her chemistry exam? Fear of utility bills.
Helium walks into a bar. The bartender says, "We don't serve noble gases here."
Helium doesn't react.
What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?
"HeHe."
Funny chemistry puns always get a good reaction.
Which tooth did Avogadro have pulled?
One of his mole-ars
What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?
One molar solution.
Why does Avogadro like Cindy Crawford?
She's his favorite super-mole-dle (and she has a mole).
What did one tectonic plate say to the other when they bumped into each other?
Sorry, that was my fault.
I like looking at a chart of all the chemical elements... periodically.
What did one mole say to the other?
We have great chemistry together.
Silver walks up to Gold in a bar and says, "AU, get outta here!"
An instructor in chemical warfare asked soldiers in his class: "Anyone knows the formula for water?"
"Sure. That's easy," said one man.
"What is it?"
"H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O."
"What, what?" reasked the instructor.
"H to O," explained the chemistry expert.
Ah! The element of surprise.
What do you get when you have a bunch of moles acting like idiots?
A bunch of mole-asses
Why did the military use acid?
To neutralize the enemy base.
It's getting hard to zinc of new science puns because so many of them argon.
Why is it bad to tell mole jokes?
It's mole-itically incorrect.
What do doctors do to injured elements? They helium.
A chemistry lab is like a big party.
Some drop the acid while others drop the base.
Why couldn't the alpha helix say the alphabet?
Because it broke up every time it got to L-amino P.
I am out of chemistry jokes. I should zinc of a new one.
How do you make a hormone? You don't pay her.
An electrolyte and a solvent are talking in jail.
Solvent: What are you in for?
Electrolyte: A salt charge.
I keep making bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon.
If Iron Man and the Silver Surfer teamed up together, would they be alloys?
I'm fascinated by water's gas form.
It mist-ifies me.
Books on helium are so hard to put down.
Why did the acid go to the gym?
It wanted to become a buffer solution.
What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?
A ferrous wheel.
The name's Bond. Ionic Bond. Taken, not shared.
Who brings colorful eggs to chemist's kids every spring?
The Ether Bunny.
When Miss Acid told her husband, Mr Alkali, she was pregnant...
He exploded with anger.
It wasn't the reaction she was hoping for.
I can eat sugar with either hand, I'm ambidextrose.
The optimist sees the glass half full.
The pessimist sees the glass half empty.
The chemist see the glass completely full, half in the liquid state and half in the vapor state.
Wanna hear a pun about gold? AU!