Why did the military use acid?
To neutralize the enemy base.
What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?
"HeHe."
What type of fish do two sodium atoms make?
2Na.
Silver walks up to Gold in a bar and says, "AU, get outta here!"
How do you make a hormone? You don't pay her.
What did one mole say to the other?
We have great chemistry together.
Helium walks into a bar. The bartender says, "We don't serve noble gases here."
Helium doesn't react.
Why did the hipster chemist get burnt?
Because he touched the beaker before it was cool.
What do you call a cab which provides drug therapy? Chemotaxis.
I like looking at a chart of all the chemical elements... periodically.
What do doctors do to injured elements? They helium.
What do you do with a sick chemist? You try to helium, and then you try to curium, but if all else fails, you gotta barium.
How rich is Avogadro?
He's a multi-mole-ionaire.
Did you check the news? There was a Radon the chemical store.
What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?
A ferrous wheel.
I keep making bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon.
What did one tectonic plate say to the other when they bumped into each other?
Sorry, that was my fault.
What did Avogadro teach his students in math class?
Mole-tiplication
An electrolyte and a solvent are talking in jail.
Solvent: What are you in for?
Electrolyte: A salt charge.
How did the blond define hydrophobic on her chemistry exam? Fear of utility bills.
Which tooth did Avogadro have pulled?
One of his mole-ars
What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?
One molar solution.
Funny chemistry puns always get a good reaction.
You know what's cool about chemistry?
Endothermic reactions.
What kind of fruit did Avogadro eat in the summer?
Water-mole-ns
It's getting hard to zinc of new science puns because so many of them argon.
Ah! The element of surprise.
The optimist sees the glass half full.
The pessimist sees the glass half empty.
The chemist see the glass completely full, half in the liquid state and half in the vapor state.
A chemistry lab is like a big party.
Some drop the acid while others drop the base.
Wanna hear a pun about gold? AU!
I'm fascinated by water's gas form.
It mist-ifies me.
What kind of test do chemistry students like best?
Mole-tiple choice
Who brings colorful eggs to chemist's kids every spring?
The Ether Bunny.
Why don't they galvanize ships?
Because that would make them zinc.
What did the generous mole say when people crashed his party?
The mole the merrier
What kind of bears dissolve in water?
Polar bears.
Why couldn't the alpha helix say the alphabet?
Because it broke up every time it got to L-amino P.
When life gives you mold - make penicillin.
Why do chemists like nitrates so much?
They're cheaper than day rates.
Why did the acid go to the gym?
It wanted to become a buffer solution.
Books on helium are so hard to put down.
If Iron Man and the Silver Surfer teamed up together, would they be alloys?
What do you get when you have a bunch of moles acting like idiots?
A bunch of mole-asses
Oxygen went on a date with potassium last night.
It went OK.
What illness kept Avogadro in bed for two months?
Mole-onucleosis
What is the show cesium and iodine love watching together?
CSI.
How would you describe a stinky chemist?
Mole-odorous
I am out of chemistry jokes. I should zinc of a new one.
Organic chemistry is really hard.
Those who study it have alkynes of trouble.
I can eat sugar with either hand, I'm ambidextrose.
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