A man walks into a bar with a chunk of asphalt under his arm.
He goes up to the bartender and says "A drink please and another for the road."
What street does the hippocampus live on?
Memory lane.
Why didn't the brain want to take a bath?
How does the spinal cord hammer a nail into a wall?
With a series of spinal taps.
What is a 2000 pound skeleton called
A skeleTon.
What do you call a woman with one leg?
ILENE.
Grandpa died because we couldn’t figure out his blood type.
At least he told us to be positive.
What do you call a barbecued, blood-sucking insect?
Mesquite-o.
Breaking a leg during an audition ensures you're in the cast.
A chemical in science class can make your hands go numb
But math will make you number.
Did you know you can hear blood flowing close to the skin?
You just have to listen varicosely.
What do you call a man with no legs and no arms resting on a porch?
Matt.
What's a skeletons favorite activity?
Boning.
I’m directing a play about a boy who broke his arm.
You should see the cast.
Are you a locksmith? Because you hold the key to my heart.
I caught the chef sticking his hand in the cooking pot. He looked at me and said...
"I was just feeling a little chili."
What do you call a toddler running towards their mother with arms high up in the air?
A quick pick-me-up.
Did you hear about the cardiologist who went to great lengths to win the heart of a hematologist?
It was all in vein.
Well, you have to hand it to relay runners, don't you?
You should follow your heart, but keep in mind to take your brain too.
What do you call two guys with no arms and no legs and hang on the wall?
Curt 'n Rod.
Which cranial nerve would be right at home in a well-known city in Nevada?
The vagus nerve.
Where does a brain go on vacation?
To a hippo camp us.
Why didn’t the skeleton feel like patching up his broken ribcage?
His heart wasn’t in it.
I love my wife with all my butt! I should have to say heart, but my heart is actually smaller than my butt.
If a woman with big breasts works at Hooters, where does someone with one leg work?
IHOP.
I lost my memory after getting hit on the head by a boomerang.
It's all coming back to me now.
What do you call a t-shirt with cut off arms?
An amputee.
It doesn’t help that my doctor keeps making fun of my broken leg. He’s just adding insult to injury.
It's better to amputate at the shoulder,
Its twice as much work to cut off forearms.
If some of Fred Flintstone's neurotransmitters could talk, what would they say?
"Gaba-Daba-Do!"
Why are sponges and brains similar?
They both like to soak up "material"
Why aren’t skeletons good at poker?
You can see right through them.
What did the skeleton say to the French soldier? Bone Jaw
My cardiologist friend keeps sending me x-rays of his chest.
A bit weird, I know, but it just shows his heart is in the right place.
Donating blood can be A-positive experience
But sometimes it can B-negative.
What did the dinosaur say to his lover?
You make my heart saur!
What is a skeleton’s favorite plant?
A bone-zai tree.
While browsing the bookshop, I stuck a sheet of A4 paper to my wife's spine.
She said she wanted a paperback for her birthday.
What do Mexicans wear on their heads in the pool?
Swimbreros.
Have you heard about the guy who made a bomb out of a brain?
It was pretty mindblowing.
I find that the quickest way to man's heart
is with a very very sharp knife.
You know, the heart’s the hungriest organ.
It has the heartiest appetite.
A brain aneurysm would be swell.
Why do we tell actors to “break a leg”?
Because every play needs a cast.
I hate going to the doctor because all he does is suck blood from my neck.
Do NOT go see Dr. Acula!
The Genie granted my wish for longer arms, but he warned me My wish would have far reaching consequences.
My family visited a rude psychic, with degenerative bone disease, who insisted all of us had bad breath.
She was a super callous fragile mystic expecting halitosis.
I think I'm getting curvature of the spine...
I haven't seen a doctor yet, it's just a hunch.
Just been to the funeral of a close friend who died when he was hit in the head by a tennis ball
Great service.
What do you call a fake bone?
A faux-knee.
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