What do you call two spine bones that are friends?
Vertebros.
I’m directing a play about a boy who broke his arm.
You should see the cast.
I tried my hand at cinematography, but it didn't really pan out.
A man with spine cancer walks up to his friend
His friend notices that the man is holding his back while walking up to him
His friend asks "What's wrong?".
The man says "My back is killing me".
I need to stop being such a numbskull.
What's the quickest way to a man's heart?
His chest.
Grandpa: “Don’t scare me, I’m a heart patient.”
“If you scare me, I’ll never talk to you again.”
Why are blood physicians so rich?
Because blood cells.
What is a neuron's favorite television channel?
The Ion Channel
My local pizza place is selling heart shaped pizzas for Valentine’s Day
I find it to be a bit cheesy.
"Let's have some skele-fun."
I can heartly wait to see you again.
What did the patient say after that gave blood?
I feel drained.
I heard a heart wrenching story recently.
A car mechanic became a cardiac surgeon.
Breaking a leg during an audition ensures you're in the cast.
Why did the action potential cross the optic chiasm?
To get to the other side.
What do you call a blood vessel that's mad with power?
A Megalovieniac.
Grandpa died because we couldn’t figure out his blood type.
At least he told us to be positive.
I didn't want to have brain surgery but I had to.
I guess it changed my mind.
One or two hours warm my heart,
But 24 hours make my day.
What do you say when you go to a dinner with a bunch of osteopathologists?
Bone appetit!
How did the gambler know his hand would stink?
Because he was holding deuces.
Did you hear about the man who had nothing else to do so drilled into his own head?
He was bored to death.
Two detectives interrogate a 37 year old mute man. The detectives give the man a notepad which he scribbles on for a few seconds, and hands back to them.
"I'll never talk."
You really gotta hand it to short people, because they can't reach it on their own.
What happens when a neurotransmitter falls in love with a receptor?
You get a binding relationship.
A friend of mine lost the right side of of his brain in a car accident, but he wouldn’t stop drinking and driving.
No one in their right mind would do that.
My friend always sleeps with his head on a bag of rice
He said it was a type of pilau.
A mime in my town was arrested yesterday after he broke his left arm in a bar fight.
He still has the right to remain silent.
Are you a locksmith? Because you hold the key to my heart.
I know a guy who had both arms amputated from elbow to shoulder.
He is always serious and never humerus.
My dad has the heart of a lion...
and a lifetime ban from the zoo.
I bought a bunch of antique spears online, but they arrived without their spear heads.
I got shafted.
I boiled a funny bone once.
It turned into a laughing stock.
How does the Pope dry his hands?
He uses a Papal towel.
What did the doctor give the lollipop when he broke his leg
A candy cane.
Today, my arm got pinned between my wife's chest and the chair.
It was booby trapped.
What’s the least honest bone in the body?
The fibula.
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef.
What has four legs and an arm?
A happy pitbull.
Did you know you can hear blood flowing close to the skin?
You just have to listen varicosely.
A lady stormed off when I asked about her hand bag.
Maybe the question was to pursonal.
My hypochondriac brother just told me he thinks he's got a brain tumor.
I told him not to worry, it's probably all in his head.
A golfer had a heart attack and died on the way to the hospital. He was on a fairway to heaven.
What do you say when two red blood cells get married?
Coagulations!
What did parietal say to frontal?
"I lobe you."
The guy who invented the watch must have had a lot of time on his hands
A monk, a priest and a rabbit walk into a blood bank.
The rabbit says "I think I'm a type o"
My mom always says that the stomach is the best way to a man’s heart. That’s why she is a bad surgeon.
What did the heart say to the brain before an exam?
You look nervous.
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