Where does a neuron keep its money?
In a brain bank.
A pile of books fall onto Sean Connery's head
He exclaims: "I only have my shelf to blame!"
What did the axon terminal say to the receptor when they broke up?
I need my space.
I had a dream I was looking for my brain
But it was all in my head.
A man with spine cancer walks up to his friend
His friend notices that the man is holding his back while walking up to him
His friend asks "What's wrong?".
The man says "My back is killing me".
Why do neurons like e-mail?
The love messages.
What do you call an alligator showing off his spine flexibility on the internet?
E-Reptile Disc Function
There’s a man in Florida with no arms or legs who is armed and on the run
Guy walks into a tailor shop to pick up his suit. The tailor hands him a jacket and pair of pants. The guy says “But I had a 3-piece suit.”
Tailor says “The vest is yet to come.”
What does the visual system use to play basketball?
Eyeballs.
Exasperated, I threw my hands up in the air and shouted at my wife, "I'm not a complete idiot!" She smiled at me and purred, "I know honey."
"Some parts are missing."
Why did the neuron like to sleep in the top bunk bed?
It wanted to have a high resting potential.
Why did the skeleton go to church?
Because it didn’t have any organs.
I didn't think the doctor would fix the curve in my spine
But now I stand corrected.
Grandpa died because we couldn’t figure out his blood type.
At least he told us to be positive.
Why do brain cells grown in a dish attend the ballet and opera?
Because they are very cultured.
Just been to the funeral of a close friend who died when he was hit in the head by a tennis ball
Great service.
A monk, a priest and a rabbit walk into a blood bank.
The rabbit says "I think I'm a type o"
My dad told me to finish his bird painting. He painted the head, torso and legs.
To be honest, I just winged it.
What do you say when two red blood cells get married?
Coagulations!
What part of the brain deals with knowledge about plants?
The treefrontal cortex.
I heard a heart wrenching story recently.
A car mechanic became a cardiac surgeon.
"Let's have some skele-fun."
What type of photos do neurons post to Facebook?
Cellfies.
My sister asked me to hand her lipstick but i handed her a glue stick instead
She still won’t talk to me
This year, my brain and my heart are Valentines to each other.
What reassuring advice did the meninges give to the brain?
"Don't worry, I've got you covered."
It's better to amputate at the shoulder,
Its twice as much work to cut off forearms.
Sigmund Freud used to always wear a piece of jewelry on his wrist...
It was an id bracelet.
What has four legs and an arm?
A happy pitbull.
I heard about a football player who had a heart attack and collapsed on top of his opponent.
He was dead on a rival.
Did you hear about the cardiologist who went to great lengths to win the heart of a hematologist?
It was all in vein.
I caught the chef sticking his hand in the cooking pot. He looked at me and said...
"I was just feeling a little chili."
The real reason humans have wrinkly brains?
We've been in the gene pool too long.
The Mad Hatter and the Queen of Hearts had a rental agreement
A lease in Wonderland.
How do you call a man who can cook an egg on his head?
pan o man.
Why are bones so calm?
Nothing gets under their skin.
It doesn’t help that my doctor keeps making fun of my broken leg. He’s just adding insult to injury.
What do you call the shirt a neurosurgeon wears to every brain surgery?
His specialty.
What do Mexicans wear on their heads in the pool?
Swimbreros.
I used to get heartburn when I ate birthday cake until a doctor advised me to take the candles off first.
There's a microchip you can transplant into your brain to boost your memory
You should keep that in mind.
Some guy wanted to charge me a bunch of money for a second hand bouncy house.
But I wasn't sure if that was something I really wanted to jump into.
Why are blood physicians so rich?
Because blood cells.
6:30 is hands down the best time on a clock
How many bones are in the human hand?
A handful of them.
What is a brain's favorite kind of boat?
A cranial blood vessel.
What is a sleeping brain's favorite musical group (rock band)?
REM.
Why did the skeleton cross the road?
To get to the body shop.
Why was the skeleton stupid?
He was a numskull.
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