Why are skeletons such bad liars?
Everyone can see right through them.
I used to be engaged to a girl with a wooden leg.
But I broke it off.
"Bugs and hisses."
Why did the T-Rex only sell hand-guns?
He was a small-arms dealer.
Why did the action potential cross the optic chiasm?
To get to the other side.
I went to the Red Cross to donate blood.
They threw me out and said "We don't want your type here!"
I had a birth defect where they had to relocate my heart
I guess you could say my heart wasn't in the right place.
Why is a baby showing the top of its head during labor a significant event?
Because that’s the baby’s crowning achievement.
I just found out that my son got a tattoo of spades, diamonds, hearts, and clubs on his arm.
I might have to deal with him later.
You should follow your heart, but keep in mind to take your brain too.
What did the axon terminal say to the receptor when they broke up?
I need my space.
There’s a man in Florida with no arms or legs who is armed and on the run
What do you call it when you try to woo someone with 50% of a Valentine?
A halfhearted attempt.
Donating blood can be A-positive experience
But sometimes it can B-negative.
Why are bones so calm?
Nothing gets under their skin.
I heard a heart wrenching story recently.
A car mechanic became a cardiac surgeon.
How do you know if a spine finds you funny?
It starts cracking up.
You’ve stolen my heart. I hereby place you under cardiac arrest.
How many bones are in the human hand?
A handful of them.
My son asked me why our sailboat is named Blood
I yelled back: "Because it’s a bloody vessel!"
Guy walks into a tailor shop to pick up his suit. The tailor hands him a jacket and pair of pants. The guy says “But I had a 3-piece suit.”
Tailor says “The vest is yet to come.”
I hate going to the doctor because all he does is suck blood from my neck.
Do NOT go see Dr. Acula!
How many bones are in the human hand?
A handful of them.
Which cranial nerve would be right at home in a well-known city in Nevada?
The vagus nerve.
What has four legs and one arm?
A rottweiler at a park.
Where do you learn about bones?
Osteoclasst.
What do you call it when a cardiology student flunks out?
Heart failure.
A surgeon was about to perform heart surgery when he received notice that the replacement was delivered to his house!
Home is where the heart is.
Why did the skeleton go to church?
Because it didn’t have any organs.
Working as a dock hand is hard,
but it's wharf it.
What do you call a father who’s against hand bags?
Antiperspirant.
How do a group of skeletons drive to work?
In the carpal lane.
When does it rain brains?
During a brain storm.
What did the vampire say to the vampire hunter that missed his heart.
Well wasnt that an unfortunate missed-stake.
Why couldn’t the skeleton get out of bed?
He was bone tired.
Why didn’t one skeleton want to look at the other skeleton?
He didn’t have the stomach for it.
What kind of car did the heart surgeon drive to work?
A beater.
What did the heart say to the brain before an exam?
You look nervous.
How did the cardiologist figure out what she wanted to do with her life?
She just followed her heart.
Where are neurons put in jail when they commit a crime?
A nerve cell.
What do you call a martial artist who injured his leg?
Bruised Knee.
What do you call two guys with no arms and no legs and hang on the wall?
Curt 'n Rod.
I got a new bread recipe where you don’t have to get your hands messy by mixing the dough.
It is kneadless, to say.
What do neurons use to talk to each other?
Cellular phones.
What
What’s the coolest part of a skeleton?
The hip.
Someone asked me to sing a line from "Don't go breaking my heart"
I couldn't if I tried.
What do you call a sheep with no legs?
A cloud.
What do you call two spine bones that are friends?
Vertebros.
What do Mexicans wear on their heads in the pool?
Swimbreros.
Girlfriend was working on the motorcycle with me the other day...
She exclaimed "God! This is ridiculous. I need, like, four arms to do this!".
To which I replied "but honey, you DO have forearms!"
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