I highly encourage you to have more brain farts
It develops mental fartitude.
Did you know you can hear blood flowing close to the skin?
You just have to listen varicosely.
Did you hear about the cardiologist who went to great lengths to win the heart of a hematologist?
It was all in vein.
Son: What happens when white blood cells fail to protect us from an infection?
Dad: Their effort goes in vein.
I'm glad I have my 2nd Amendment right to bear arms.
Otherwise, I'd have been amputated at birth.
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef.
How does the spinal cord hammer a nail into a wall?
With a series of spinal taps.
The brain is an amazing organ
it really makes you think.
Which alphabet gang strikes fear in the hearts of the other letters?
I Q U.
No! You can't force me to shave my forearms!
I have a right to bear arms!
Where do skeletons go hang out at night?
Anywhere, as long as it's a hip joint.
My dad just told me something that sent a chill down my spine.
He said, “I’m turning off the heating.”
While browsing the bookshop, I stuck a sheet of A4 paper to my wife's spine.
She said she wanted a paperback for her birthday.
Why are bones so calm?
Nothing gets under their skin.
I find bone puns very
Humerus.
What does a pirate with heart failures need?
Anti-arrrrrrrrrrhythmics.
I lub dub you with all my heart.
How did the gambler know his hand would stink?
Because he was holding deuces.
Earlier today someone sent me a bunch of flowers, but all the heads had been cut off.
I think I'm being stalked.
I heard a heart wrenching story recently.
A car mechanic became a cardiac surgeon.
A fly fell down out of nowhere on my wrist
It died on my watch.
What is a sleeping brain's favorite musical group (rock band)?
REM.
What are the two most profane bones in the human body?
The blasfemurs.
Why can't a brain be 12 inches long?
Becuase then it would be a foot.
What do you call a skeleton who lies?
A phoney-ba-boney.
No body has ever won a skeleton race.
What did the patient say after that gave blood?
I feel drained.
I was holding a bottle of laundry detergent when all of a sudden it exploded, completely drenching my hands.
Oh well. I guess my hands are Tide.
Why do skeletons never move?
Because they have too much Skelatonin.
Bonnie Tyler has released a video all about cardiology.
It’s totally clips of the heart.
What is a skeletons favorite meal?
Anything with Ribs.
What do you call a skeleton's favorite singer?
Pelvis Presley.
What do you get when you throw a hand grenade into a French bathroom?
Linoleum Blownapart.
Baking and Fire Safety can go hand-in-hand.
Stop, drop and roll
What street does the hippocampus live on?
Memory lane.
Why didn't the brain want to take a bath?
How heavy are your bones?
They are scale-a-ton.
Why did the T-Rex only sell hand-guns?
He was a small-arms dealer.
My dad told me to finish his bird painting. He painted the head, torso and legs.
To be honest, I just winged it.
I went to the Red Cross to donate blood.
They threw me out and said "We don't want your type here!"
I took a blood test today
It was easy. I got A+, and I didn't even have to study!
You’re my sweetheart, and I’m so pumped about that.
Why couldn’t the skeleton get out of bed?
He was bone tired.
I tried making a machine that shoots bullets out of your fingers, but it shot out my spine instead.
Well, that back fired.
I'm going to get the numbers 1 through 30 tattooed up my arm.
That way people can always count on me.
"Dying to have fun."
Why do skeletons get sick on windy days?
It goes right through them.
How do two skeletons have se*?
They bone each other.
What did the vampire say to the vampire hunter that missed his heart.
Well wasnt that an unfortunate missed-stake.
It doesn’t help that my doctor keeps making fun of my broken leg. He’s just adding insult to injury.
As a mythologist and head of the household,
My word is lore.
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