What do you call a funny bone?
A humerus.
Working as a dock hand is hard,
but it's wharf it.
What do you get when you throw a hand grenade into a French bathroom?
Linoleum Blownapart.
How did the mother know her child would become a neuroanatomist?
He was constantly staining stuff.
Why did the skeleton cross the road?
To get to the body shop.
You’re my sweetheart, and I’m so pumped about that.
Why do we tell actors to “break a leg”?
Because every play needs a cast.
It's better to amputate at the shoulder,
Its twice as much work to cut off forearms.
Which cranial nerve would be right at home in a well-known city in Nevada?
The vagus nerve.
Girlfriend was working on the motorcycle with me the other day...
She exclaimed "God! This is ridiculous. I need, like, four arms to do this!".
To which I replied "but honey, you DO have forearms!"
Why can’t a legless skeleton win an argument?
They don’t have a leg to stand on.
What did parietal say to frontal?
"I lobe you."
What did the stimulus do to the neuron after they got married?
Carried it over the threshold.
It doesn’t help that my doctor keeps making fun of my broken leg. He’s just adding insult to injury.
What do you call a toddler running towards their mother with arms high up in the air?
A quick pick-me-up.
Why were the two retinas such good friends?
They always saw eye-to-eye.
What has four legs and one arm?
A rottweiler at a park.
Dogs can't see your bones.
But catscan.
Did you hear about the cardiologist who went to great lengths to win the heart of a hematologist?
It was all in vein.
"You can't skele-run from my skele-puns."
The Mad Hatter and the Queen of Hearts had a rental agreement
A lease in Wonderland.
Why do brain cells grown in a dish attend the ballet and opera?
Because they are very cultured.
What kind of fish performs brain surgery?
A neurosturgeon.
Why does the spinal cord belong in the brass section of an orchestra?
Because of its dorsal and ventral horns.
What is the brain's favorite television channel?
The Neural Network.
What do we call two birds that are in love?
Tweet-hearts!
A man who makes tie dye shirts was trying to borrow money to expand his small business. While filling out the paperwork, he had a heart attack and collapsed, spilling bottles of colored dye all over his documents.
The poor man dyed a loan.
I'm surprised you all aren't talking more about that drug with the side effect of making scalps wrinkled.
I mean, it's been making a LOT of head lines.
Honey! I know this can be a bit cheesy, but you will always have a big pizza my heart.
The real reason humans have wrinkly brains?
We've been in the gene pool too long.
Did you know that a Squid’s esophagus goes through its brain?
Food for thought, isn’t it?
"Lazy bones."
What is a myelinated neuron's favorite type of music?
Wrap music.
What did the vampire say to the vampire hunter that missed his heart.
Well wasnt that an unfortunate missed-stake.
Have you heard about the guy who made a bomb out of a brain?
It was pretty mindblowing.
My friend built an aromatherapy vaporiser with a built-in brain scanner
Seems a bit out there, but makes scents when you think about it.
What do you call a barbecued, blood-sucking insect?
Mesquite-o.
I can't stand people who don't wash their hands.
They make me sick.
What do you say when two red blood cells get married?
Coagulations!
What does a skeleton play in a band?
A Trom-Bone.
What do you call a deer that feeds on the blood of others?
Vlad the impala.
I find bone puns very
Humerus.
My mate Gavin passed away from heartburn last week.
Still can’t believe Gaviscon
What do you call a glass of pig’s blood?
Swine.
I can heartly wait to see you again.
What do you call a Chinese man with one leg? Tie won shu
What do skeletons put in their photocopiers?
Skeletoner
I was walking down an alley in Scotland when I found a severed man's hand...
I wonder if he was kilt.
I just found out that my son got a tattoo of spades, diamonds, hearts, and clubs on his arm.
I might have to deal with him later.
What does the visual system use to play basketball?
Eyeballs.
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