The Mad Hatter and the Queen of Hearts had a rental agreement
A lease in Wonderland.
Why did the action potential cross the optic chiasm?
To get to the other side.
Before I became a dad, I was terrified I wouldn't know how to be a good one. Oddly enough, it turns out, it's in my blood - I come from a long line of fathers.
What do you call a man with no legs and no arms resting on a porch?
Matt.
Did you hear about the cardiologist who went to great lengths to win the heart of a hematologist?
It was all in vein.
What is a brain's favorite kind of boat?
A cranial blood vessel.
Where do brains go for vacation in Massachusetts?
Braintree, MA
Why can’t a legless skeleton win an argument?
They don’t have a leg to stand on.
What do you call a person missing 75%, of their spine?
A quarterback.
If your canoe turns upside down in the water, you can wear it on your head.
Because it’s capsized.
What has four legs and an arm?
A happy pitbull.
What bone does a dog not eat?
A trombone.
Why does the spinal cord belong in the brass section of an orchestra?
Because of its dorsal and ventral horns.
What is the name of the Hollywood movie that stars an "outlaw" brain and an "outlaw" woman on a road trip?
Thalamus and Louise.
What do you get when you cross a thought with a light bulb?
A bright idea.
The Genie granted my wish for longer arms, but he warned me My wish would have far reaching consequences.
You’re so beautiful, I can heartly believe my eyes.
A surgeon was about to perform heart surgery when he received notice that the replacement was delivered to his house!
Home is where the heart is.
I highly encourage you to have more brain farts
It develops mental fartitude.
What do you get when you cross a "bad idea for using fur" with 86 billion neurons?
A hare-brained idea.
I got a new bread recipe where you don’t have to get your hands messy by mixing the dough.
It is kneadless, to say.
I'd give me right arm to be ambidextrous!
If your dog was a neurologist, what would it do all day?
Perform PET scans.
Girlfriend was working on the motorcycle with me the other day...
She exclaimed "God! This is ridiculous. I need, like, four arms to do this!".
To which I replied "but honey, you DO have forearms!"
How heavy are your bones?
They are scale-a-ton.
Why do skeletons never move?
Because they have too much Skelatonin.
How does the spinal cord hammer a nail into a wall?
With a series of spinal taps.
Bonnie Tyler has released a video all about cardiology.
It’s totally clips of the heart.
I threw a fuzzy peach at my doctor's head and he said "that's not assault that's a sugar."
Two spines are running up the hill as a hedgehog passes by them
Then one spine turns and says to the other “we missed the bus!!”
What did one deoxygenated blood cell say to the other?
We're all in vain.
What is a skeletons favorite meal?
Anything with Ribs.
What do you call a toddler running towards their mother with arms high up in the air?
A quick pick-me-up.
Which alphabet gang strikes fear in the hearts of the other letters?
I Q U.
What does the visual system use to play basketball?
Eyeballs.
A lady stormed off when I asked about her hand bag.
Maybe the question was to pursonal.
What do you call an Irish dancer having a heart attack?
Michael flatline.
Asked my son what his favourite thing about Popeye was.
He said, "Forearms."
I said, "No, he only has two."
I have a heart-on for you.
I got hit in the head with a can of soda yesterday. Luckily for me, it was a soft drink.
I had a dream I was looking for my brain
But it was all in my head.
Why do skeletons get sick on windy days?
It goes right through them.
Did you hear about the bear with the bad heart?
It went into kodiak arrest.
Why did the skeleton start a fight?
He had a bone to pick.
How do you call a man who can cook an egg on his head?
pan o man.
"Lazy bones."
What is a 2000 pound skeleton called
A skeleTon.
Some guy wanted to charge me a bunch of money for a second hand bouncy house.
But I wasn't sure if that was something I really wanted to jump into.
Cutting my arms was the best descision I've ever made
Hands down.
What human body part is long, hard, bendable, and contains the letters p,e,n,i,s?
Your spine.
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