While browsing the bookshop, I stuck a sheet of A4 paper to my wife's spine.
She said she wanted a paperback for her birthday.
I just found out that my son got a tattoo of spades, diamonds, hearts, and clubs on his arm.
I might have to deal with him later.
Why do brain cells grown in a dish attend the ballet and opera?
Because they are very cultured.
When does it rain brains?
During a brain storm.
I punched my monitor and now my hand really hertz.
Have you heard of the story about the campanologist without arms?
Doesn't ring a bell.
How did the woman react when the doctor suggested she have a brain biopsy?
She gave him a piece of her mind.
What did the doctor tell the skeleton who wanted to donate his body to science?
Spine on the dotted line.
"Do you play the trom-bone?"
A man walks into a bar with a chunk of asphalt under his arm.
He goes up to the bartender and says "A drink please and another for the road."
Why is the left cerebral cortex always wrong?
Because it was never in the rgiht.
I just found out that my son got a tattoo of spades, diamonds, hearts, and clubs on his arm.
I might have to deal with him later.
Where are neurons put in jail when they commit a crime?
A nerve cell.
Saw my dad outside with a tv antenna on his head
When I asked him why, he said he was trying to get more in tune with nature.
What did the skeleton say to the French soldier? Bone Jaw
Why does the spinal cord belong in the brass section of an orchestra?
Because of its dorsal and ventral horns.
What happens when a neurotransmitter falls in love with a receptor?
You get a binding relationship.
What did the angry brain say to the nociceptor?
"You're a real pain."
I'd give me right arm to be ambidextrous!
I broke my spine in an accident last year. Had a life saving operation to fix my neck which permanently locked my head in place.
Since then I've never looked back.
I'll fight you with my bear hands.
Oh, deer.
Why did the neuron like to sleep in the top bunk bed?
It wanted to have a high resting potential.
What do you call a guy that hands out free kebabs to the hungry?
A Döner.
What’s a skeletons favorite wrestling event?
A rib cage match.
Why were the two retinas such good friends?
They always saw eye-to-eye.
Sigmund Freud used to always wear a piece of jewelry on his wrist...
It was an id bracelet.
What do skeletons put in their photocopiers?
Skeletoner
I'm going to get the numbers 1 through 30 tattooed up my arm.
That way people can always count on me.
Why did the skeleton start a fight?
He had a bone to pick.
Why was the skeleton stupid?
He was a numskull.
If some of Fred Flintstone's neurotransmitters could talk, what would they say?
"Gaba-Daba-Do!"
Why did the pianist have to be rushed into surgery after his latest performance?
He played his heart out.
Where does a brain go on vacation?
To a hippo camp us.
Someone asked me to sing a line from "Don't go breaking my heart"
I couldn't if I tried.
What do neurons use to talk to each other?
Cellular phones.
What
Exasperated, I threw my hands up in the air and shouted at my wife, "I'm not a complete idiot!" She smiled at me and purred, "I know honey."
"Some parts are missing."
What do you call a funny bone?
A humerus.
My cardiologist friend keeps sending me x-rays of his chest.
A bit weird, I know, but it just shows his heart is in the right place.
Did you hear about the guy who got his left arm and left leg cut off?
That’s okay, he’s all-right now!
When it came to tilling his garden by hand, he put a lot of heart into it.
He was gung hoe.
What do you call a hat for the brain?
A thinking cap.
There's a microchip you can transplant into your brain to boost your memory
You should keep that in mind.
A monk, a priest and a rabbit walk into a blood bank.
The rabbit says "I think I'm a type o"
I lub dub you with all my heart.
Started reading a book called “The Pirate’s Wrist”
I’m hooked.
You’re my heartthrob.
My cranium is empty. I'm running bone-dry here.
Why did the blood sucking insect learn Latin?
It wanted to be a Roman-tic
My wife bought me a scalp massager for Christmas, but I couldn't figure out what it was.
Turns out it was a real head scratcher.
I can't stand people who don't wash their hands.
They make me sick.
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