One day, I looked to my spine and said
Thanks for all the support! Thanks to you we've grown to new heights.
What is a skeletons favorite meal?
Anything with Ribs.
What bone does a dog not eat?
A trombone.
A knew a guy with such a bad gambling addiction, that he gambled his arms, legs, and torso away.
I told him to quit while he was a head.
What did the skeleton say to the French soldier? Bone Jaw
What do you call a blood vessel that's mad with power?
A Megalovieniac.
"Dying to have fun."
One or two hours warm my heart,
But 24 hours make my day.
Cutting my arms was the best descision I've ever made
Hands down.
You should follow your heart, but keep in mind to take your brain too.
What did the patient say after that gave blood?
I feel drained.
I used to be engaged to a girl with a wooden leg.
But I broke it off.
What happens when a neurotransmitter falls in love with a receptor?
You get a binding relationship.
Earlier today someone sent me a bunch of flowers, but all the heads had been cut off.
I think I'm being stalked.
Son: What happens when white blood cells fail to protect us from an infection?
Dad: Their effort goes in vein.
Did you hear about the skeleton that was almost picked apart by a group of wild dogs?
He marrowly escaped.
How did the gambler know his hand would stink?
Because he was holding deuces.
Why can’t a group of skeletons ever get anything done?
It’s a skeleton crew.
You know what really makes my blood boil?
The vacuum of space.
What does a skeleton play in a band?
A Trom-Bone.
I aorta tell my wife how much I love her.
I think I'm going to remove my spine.
It's only holding me back.
Someone asked me to sing a line from "Don't go breaking my heart"
I couldn't if I tried.
What did the stimulus do to the neuron after they got married?
Carried it over the threshold.
What do you call a hat for the brain?
A thinking cap.
That girl must be a premature contraction as she makes my heart skip a beat.
I auditioned to be a carpenter’s hand.
Nailed it.
What's a skeletons favorite activity?
Boning.
What do you call a man with no legs and no arms resting on a porch?
Matt.
Before I became a dad, I was terrified I wouldn't know how to be a good one. Oddly enough, it turns out, it's in my blood - I come from a long line of fathers.
“I told you Doc!! I’ve got fatigue and my heart keeps skipping a beat! Why do you keep calling me a liar??
Doctor: “Sir, I’ll say it again, that’s A Fib!”
What does a brain do when it sees a friend across the street?
Gives a brain wave.
Why do youngsters like pelvic bones so much?
Because they're hip.
I was sailing my boat when a massive hand rose out of the water and then slowly disappeared...
I thought, 'That's the biggest wave I've ever seen!'
I had a birth defect where they had to relocate my heart
I guess you could say my heart wasn't in the right place.
What part of the brain deals with knowledge about plants?
The treefrontal cortex.
What’s the least honest bone in the body?
The fibula.
When does a brain get afraid?
When it loses its nerve.
My mother's sister was a gamble who enjoyed poker. She would heartily add to the initial pot but fold after the first hand...
We called her Auntie Up.
How do a group of skeletons drive to work?
In the carpal lane.
Always think hard before you get married because on one hand you have a cool ring but on the other hand you don’t.
What is a skeleton's favorite musical instrument?
The xylobone.
Why does a skeleton always tell the truth?
He wants tibia honest.
Recently, my friend had his ankle bone crack.
I told him he shouldn't be so broken up over it.
What do you call the shirt a neurosurgeon wears to every brain surgery?
His specialty.
What’s the best tool to have when your heart sinks?
A Jack of Hearts.
I think I'm getting curvature of the spine...
I haven't seen a doctor yet, it's just a hunch.
I’m directing a play about a boy who broke his arm.
You should see the cast.
A man who makes tie dye shirts was trying to borrow money to expand his small business. While filling out the paperwork, he had a heart attack and collapsed, spilling bottles of colored dye all over his documents.
The poor man dyed a loan.
You’re my sweetheart, and I’m so pumped about that.
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