My wife tried to unlatch our daughter's car seat with one hand and said, "How do one armed mothers do it?" Without missing a beat I replied, "Single handedly."
What is the name of the Hollywood movie that stars an "outlaw" brain and an "outlaw" woman on a road trip?
Thalamus and Louise.
The sound of my bones really cracks me up.
I wish that I could be the coronary artery of my wife so that I would be wrapped around her heart.
Did you hear about the skeleton that was almost picked apart by a group of wild dogs?
He marrowly escaped.
I used to get heartburn when I ate birthday cake until a doctor advised me to take the candles off first.
I have a heart-on for you.
What’s the best tool to have when your heart sinks?
A Jack of Hearts.
My doctor forgot to document my blood type.
It was a typo.
6:30 is hands down the best time on a clock
I threw a fuzzy peach at my doctor's head and he said "that's not assault that's a sugar."
How do you greet a skeleton in france?
"Bonejour."
Why did the brain go into a group of trees to sleep?
For rest. (forest)
What is a skeletons favorite meal?
Anything with Ribs.
Did you hear about the poker player who lost his arm and got a prosthetic replacement?
He’s finding it hard to deal with.
How did the gambler know his hand would stink?
Because he was holding deuces.
Did you know you can hear blood flowing close to the skin?
You just have to listen varicosely.
An action potential takes the train to school. What is the name of the train station where it gets off for school?
Axon terminal.
You must be a defibrillator because you are sending shocks directly to my heart.
You wanna know the way to my heart?
A scalpel and a bone saw.
What does a zombie say as he squishes your brains between his fingers?
Got your knows.
How did the cardiologist figure out what she wanted to do with her life?
She just followed her heart.
What do you call it when a cardiology student flunks out?
Heart failure.
What do you call a woman with one leg?
ILENE.
I went skiing with broken bones.
I can't afford real skis.
While browsing the bookshop, I stuck a sheet of A4 paper to my wife's spine.
She said she wanted a paperback for her birthday.
"I have a joke about hearts, but I don't think you will get it."
"Why?"
"Because it is an inside joke."
Why couldn’t the skeleton get out of bed?
He was bone tired.
What did the angry brain say to the nociceptor?
"You're a real pain."
"No body won the skeleton race."
I took my dog's bone away from him.
She was fur-rious.
No body has ever won a skeleton race.
I think I'm getting curvature of the spine...
I haven't seen a doctor yet, it's just a hunch.
I like to reminisce about the surgeon who removed my spine.
Really takes me back.
Why does the spinal cord belong in the brass section of an orchestra?
Because of its dorsal and ventral horns.
What is it called when a tree has spine problems?
ScoliOAKsis.
My son asked me why our sailboat is named Blood
I yelled back: "Because it’s a bloody vessel!"
I'm surprised you all aren't talking more about that drug with the side effect of making scalps wrinkled.
I mean, it's been making a LOT of head lines.
What has four legs and one arm?
A rottweiler at a park.
I got a handjob of a blind woman the other day. She said "Wow that's the biggest thing I ever had in my hand!"
I said "Come on you're just pulling my leg."
What does a pirate with heart failures need?
Anti-arrrrrrrrrrhythmics.
What do you call a cow with two legs?
Lean beef.
What vegetable lives in your heart?
Beets.
You’re so beautiful, I can heartly believe my eyes.
What do you call a skull without 86 billion neurons?
A no brainer.
What do you call a father who’s against hand bags?
Antiperspirant.
A golfer had a heart attack and died on the way to the hospital. He was on a fairway to heaven.
No! You can't force me to shave my forearms!
I have a right to bear arms!
What is the best toothpaste for the brain?
Neural crest.
Why is a baby showing the top of its head during labor a significant event?
Because that’s the baby’s crowning achievement.
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