What do you get when you throw a hand grenade into a French bathroom?
Linoleum Blownapart.
What is a myelinated neuron's favorite type of music?
Wrap music.
What bone does a dog not eat?
A trombone.
If some of Fred Flintstone's neurotransmitters could talk, what would they say?
"Gaba-Daba-Do!"
What did the brain say after it got an electrical shock?
"This was a stimulating experience."
An action potential takes the train to school. What is the name of the train station where it gets off for school?
Axon terminal.
I got hit in the head with a can of soda yesterday. Luckily for me, it was a soft drink.
How did the woman react when the doctor suggested she have a brain biopsy?
She gave him a piece of her mind.
Which alphabet gang strikes fear in the hearts of the other letters?
I Q U.
When we put our two hearts together, we can’t be beat.
What is a neuroscientist's favorite type of dog?
A labratory retriever.
I hate going to the doctor because all he does is suck blood from my neck.
Do NOT go see Dr. Acula!
What happened to the pirate who lost his peg leg?
He couldn't find it, so he was stumped.
It doesn’t help that my doctor keeps making fun of my broken leg. He’s just adding insult to injury.
"Bugs and hisses."
What do you call a skull without 86 billion neurons?
A no brainer.
What do you call a skeleton's favorite singer?
Pelvis Presley.
I'm glad I have my 2nd Amendment right to bear arms.
Otherwise, I'd have been amputated at birth.
Why are neuroanatomy classes the smartest?
They have lots of brains.
What is a brain's favorite kind of boat?
A cranial blood vessel.
Where does a neuron keep its money?
In a brain bank.
Earlier today someone sent me a bunch of flowers, but all the heads had been cut off.
I think I'm being stalked.
What do you call a glass of pig’s blood?
Swine.
A mime in our town was arrested yesterday after he got into a bar fight and broke his left arm.
He still has the right to remain silent.
While browsing the bookshop, I stuck a sheet of A4 paper to my wife's spine.
She said she wanted a paperback for her birthday.
What do you call a group of brains who form a singing group at school?
A glia club.
I lub dub you with all my heart.
Why did the action potential cross the optic chiasm?
To get to the other side.
What do you call it when you try to woo someone with 50% of a Valentine?
A halfhearted attempt.
Why did the T-Rex only sell hand-guns?
He was a small-arms dealer.
What do you call a dog that likes to dig up bones?
A barkeologist.
The Genie granted my wish for longer arms, but he warned me My wish would have far reaching consequences.
Why did the thief cut the legs off his bed?
Because he needed to lie low.
What do you call a barbecued, blood-sucking insect?
Mesquite-o.
There's a microchip you can transplant into your brain to boost your memory
You should keep that in mind.
I heard a heart wrenching story recently.
A car mechanic became a cardiac surgeon.
How do skeleton’s get their mail delivered?
By the bony express.
I wish that I could be the coronary artery of my wife so that I would be wrapped around her heart.
What are the two most profane bones in the human body?
The blasfemurs.
The real reason humans have wrinkly brains?
We've been in the gene pool too long.
What is a red heads favorite drink?
Ginger Ale.
Working as a dock hand is hard,
but it's wharf it.
Asked my son what his favourite thing about Popeye was.
He said, "Forearms."
I said, "No, he only has two."
What do you call a woman with one leg?
ILENE.
A brain aneurysm would be swell.
How did the mother know her child would become a neuroanatomist?
He was constantly staining stuff.
A man who makes tie dye shirts was trying to borrow money to expand his small business. While filling out the paperwork, he had a heart attack and collapsed, spilling bottles of colored dye all over his documents.
The poor man dyed a loan.
What bug has 100 legs and lives by the outhouse?
Scenta-Peed.
A pile of books fall onto Sean Connery's head
He exclaims: "I only have my shelf to blame!"
A person without arms and a knife in their mouth is still technically armed,
but only to the teeth.