I'll fight you with my bear hands.
Oh, deer.
I banged my head on a low bridge.
Would have been ok if viaduct.
A friend of mine lost the right side of of his brain in a car accident, but he wouldn’t stop drinking and driving.
No one in their right mind would do that.
My wrists hurt whenever I drive to work with my co-workers and we go through a tunnel.
I think it's carpool tunnel syndrome.
I love my wife with all my butt! I should have to say heart, but my heart is actually smaller than my butt.
Did you know there's a college in the brain for hippopotami?
It's called the Hippocampus.
I'm so Midwestern, it's in my blood
I'm type Ohp!-ositive
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef.
What's a skeletons favorite activity?
Boning.
What do you call a sheep with no legs?
A cloud.
A mime in our town was arrested yesterday after he got into a bar fight and broke his left arm.
He still has the right to remain silent.
What did the heart say to the brain before an exam?
You look nervous.
A man with spine cancer walks up to his friend
His friend notices that the man is holding his back while walking up to him
His friend asks "What's wrong?".
The man says "My back is killing me".
Recently, my friend had his ankle bone crack.
I told him he shouldn't be so broken up over it.
Why are skeletons such bad liars?
Everyone can see right through them.
What do you call glia when it is happy?
Smyelin.
Just been to the funeral of a close friend who died when he was hit in the head by a tennis ball
Great service.
Where do brains go for vacation in Massachusetts?
Braintree, MA
I'm surprised you all aren't talking more about that drug with the side effect of making scalps wrinkled.
I mean, it's been making a LOT of head lines.
I find bone puns very
Humerus.
What do you call it when a cardiology student flunks out?
Heart failure.
Today, my arm got pinned between my wife's chest and the chair.
It was booby trapped.
What’s a skeletons favorite wrestling event?
A rib cage match.
What is the brain's favorite television channel?
The Neural Network.
While browsing the bookshop, I stuck a sheet of A4 paper to my wife's spine.
She said she wanted a paperback for her birthday.
"No body won the skeleton race."
"Lazy bones."
What does a brain do when it sees a friend across the street?
Gives a brain wave.
Donating blood can be A-positive experience
But sometimes it can B-negative.
A man walks into a bar with a chunk of asphalt under his arm.
He goes up to the bartender and says "A drink please and another for the road."
What is a 2000 pound skeleton called
A skeleTon.
Why did the action potential cross the optic chiasm?
To get to the other side.
I got a handjob of a blind woman the other day. She said "Wow that's the biggest thing I ever had in my hand!"
I said "Come on you're just pulling my leg."
What do you call a guy with no arms and legs lying on a pile of leaves?
Russle.
My cardiologist friend keeps sending me x-rays of his chest.
A bit weird, I know, but it just shows his heart is in the right place.
what does goblin's blood consist of?
A hemogoblin
I broke my spine in an accident last year. Had a life saving operation to fix my neck which permanently locked my head in place.
Since then I've never looked back.
The sound of my bones really cracks me up.
I highly encourage you to have more brain farts
It develops mental fartitude.
I need to stop being such a numbskull.
This year, my brain and my heart are Valentines to each other.
What do you call it when the axe in your hand falls on your feet.
An AXEIDENT.
"Some people have no guts."
Guy walks into a tailor shop to pick up his suit. The tailor hands him a jacket and pair of pants. The guy says “But I had a 3-piece suit.”
Tailor says “The vest is yet to come.”
Did you hear about the man who had nothing else to do so drilled into his own head?
He was bored to death.
What’s the best tool to have when your heart sinks?
A Jack of Hearts.
The Queen of the Nile was said to always show a bit of leg...
but Nefertiti.
No! You can't force me to shave my forearms!
I have a right to bear arms!
How do you decide whether to be a Brain Surgeon or a Novelist?
You flip a coin. It’ll land on heads or tales.
Asked my son what his favourite thing about Popeye was.
He said, "Forearms."
I said, "No, he only has two."
Go to BabaMail
