Stay away from Gmail if you don't want to get shivers down your spine
There's clearly a draft in there.
Did you hear about the poker player who lost his arm and got a prosthetic replacement?
He’s finding it hard to deal with.
What do you call a skeleton's favorite singer?
Pelvis Presley.
My dad told me to finish his bird painting. He painted the head, torso and legs.
To be honest, I just winged it.
What do you get when you cross a thought with a light bulb?
A bright idea.
The guy who invented the watch must have had a lot of time on his hands
If a woman with big breasts works at Hooters, where does someone with one leg work?
IHOP.
Why are neuroanatomy classes the smartest?
They have lots of brains.
What did the stimulus do to the neuron after they got married?
Carried it over the threshold.
What do you call it when a skeleton is having a great time?
An osteoblast.
My dad has the heart of a lion...
and a lifetime ban from the zoo.
Every time I see my vegetable girlfriend, my heart just beet faster.
Guy walks into a tailor shop to pick up his suit. The tailor hands him a jacket and pair of pants. The guy says “But I had a 3-piece suit.”
Tailor says “The vest is yet to come.”
You’re my heartthrob.
"Dying to have fun."
Near the town of Hannah Montana people found a dinosaur skeleton.
Scientists identified it as a Mileysaurus.
How did the frog feel when he hurt his leg?
Unhoppy
What kind of fish performs brain surgery?
A neurosturgeon.
How do you mess up a brain, on paper?
With a few strokes.
Why do neurons like e-mail?
The love messages.
"I would make a skeleton joke, but you wouldn't find it very
humerus."
Why was the neuron sent to the principal's office?
It had trouble controlling its impulses.
What is a sleeping brain's favorite musical group (rock band)?
REM.
A golfer had a heart attack and died on the way to the hospital. He was on a fairway to heaven.
What did the axon terminal say to the receptor when they broke up?
I need my space.
What do you call a group of arms?
An army.
A friend of mine lost the right side of of his brain in a car accident, but he wouldn’t stop drinking and driving.
No one in their right mind would do that.
Saw my dad outside with a tv antenna on his head
When I asked him why, he said he was trying to get more in tune with nature.
"Do you play the trom-bone?"
What do you call two guys with no arms and no legs and hang on the wall?
Curt 'n Rod.
Why didn’t the skeleton feel like patching up his broken ribcage?
His heart wasn’t in it.
What do you say when two red blood cells get married?
Coagulations!
My cardiologist friend keeps sending me x-rays of his chest.
A bit weird, I know, but it just shows his heart is in the right place.
As a mythologist and head of the household,
My word is lore.
What did the patient say after that gave blood?
I feel drained.
My hypochondriac brother just told me he thinks he's got a brain tumor.
I told him not to worry, it's probably all in his head.
6:30 is hands down the best time on a clock
Why do youngsters like pelvic bones so much?
Because they're hip.
What did the vampire say to the vampire hunter that missed his heart.
Well wasnt that an unfortunate missed-stake.
Why didn’t the skeleton scare the trick-or-treaters on Halloween?
He didn’t have the heart.
One day, I looked to my spine and said
Thanks for all the support! Thanks to you we've grown to new heights.
I got a new bread recipe where you don’t have to get your hands messy by mixing the dough.
It is kneadless, to say.
I'm glad I have my 2nd Amendment right to bear arms.
Otherwise, I'd have been amputated at birth.
How do you greet a skeleton in france?
"Bonejour."
I thought I broke my leg when I tripped over a box of Kleenex last night
But the doctor said it's only tissue damage.
What do you call two spine bones that are friends?
Vertebros.
How do a group of skeletons drive to work?
In the carpal lane.
My wife tried to unlatch our daughter's car seat with one hand and said, "How do one armed mothers do it?" Without missing a beat I replied, "Single handedly."
Someone just asked me to sing any line from "Don't go breaking my heart."
I couldn't if I tried.
What did the doctor tell the skeleton who wanted to donate his body to science?
Spine on the dotted line.
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