Have you heard of the story about the campanologist without arms?
Doesn't ring a bell.
You know, the heart’s the hungriest organ.
It has the heartiest appetite.
Girlfriend was working on the motorcycle with me the other day...
She exclaimed "God! This is ridiculous. I need, like, four arms to do this!".
To which I replied "but honey, you DO have forearms!"
I think my back hurts. I'm okay though.
It's spine.
A brain aneurysm would be swell.
You know what really makes my blood boil?
The vacuum of space.
My local pizza place is selling heart shaped pizzas for Valentine’s Day
I find it to be a bit cheesy.
Did you hear about the skeleton that was almost picked apart by a group of wild dogs?
He marrowly escaped.
How does the Pope dry his hands?
He uses a Papal towel.
Are you a locksmith? Because you hold the key to my heart.
There's a microchip you can transplant into your brain to boost your memory
You should keep that in mind.
What did the hippocampus say during its retirement speech?
"Thanks for the memories."
Nurse: Here’s our list of donor hearts and livers in alphabetical order.
Doctor: wow. Looks very ORGANized.
Midwife (handing me the baby): "Make sure you’re supporting his head."
Me: "That’s a great head you have there, Well done!"
Did you know that a Squid’s esophagus goes through its brain?
Food for thought, isn’t it?
I gave my heart to a girl from Great Britain.
She turns around and Brexit into a million pieces.
How many bones are in the human hand?
A handful of them.
What does a skeleton play in a band?
A Trom-Bone.
A man who makes tie dye shirts was trying to borrow money to expand his small business. While filling out the paperwork, he had a heart attack and collapsed, spilling bottles of colored dye all over his documents.
The poor man dyed a loan.
What happens when you shatter your funny bone?
You crack up.
What does a zombie say as he squishes your brains between his fingers?
Got your knows.
You really gotta hand it to short people, because they can't reach it on their own.
Before I became a dad, I was terrified I wouldn't know how to be a good one. Oddly enough, it turns out, it's in my blood - I come from a long line of fathers.
Donating blood can be A-positive experience
But sometimes it can B-negative.
What is a neuroscientist's favorite type of dog?
A labratory retriever.
One day, I looked to my spine and said
Thanks for all the support! Thanks to you we've grown to new heights.
What do you call a group of arms?
An army.
I got hit in the head with a can of soda yesterday. Luckily for me, it was a soft drink.
What is a skeleton’s favorite plant?
A bone-zai tree.
Why did the skeleton start a fight?
He had a bone to pick.
"You can't skele-run from my skele-puns."
What’s the best tool to have when your heart sinks?
A Jack of Hearts.
I bring my knees to my head and lean forwards.
That's just how I roll.
My mom always says that the stomach is the best way to a man’s heart. That’s why she is a bad surgeon.
I'm surprised you all aren't talking more about that drug with the side effect of making scalps wrinkled.
I mean, it's been making a LOT of head lines.
What do you call two spine bones that are friends?
Vertebros.
What do Mexicans wear on their heads in the pool?
Swimbreros.
Why did the action potential cross the optic chiasm?
To get to the other side.
Why does the spinal cord belong in the brass section of an orchestra?
Because of its dorsal and ventral horns.
What do you get when you cross a "bad idea for using fur" with 86 billion neurons?
A hare-brained idea.
Why does the skeleton wear skinny jeans?
Because it’s got a marrow waistline.
I had a dream I was looking for my brain
But it was all in my head.
How do you mess up a brain, on paper?
With a few strokes.
You wanna know the way to my heart?
A scalpel and a bone saw.
Did you hear about the man who had nothing else to do so drilled into his own head?
He was bored to death.
What are the two most profane bones in the human body?
The blasfemurs.
What did the Hollywood film director say to the young neuron that wanted to be an actor?
"Hey kid, you've got potential."
Grandpa: “Don’t scare me, I’m a heart patient.”
“If you scare me, I’ll never talk to you again.”
A man walks into a bar with a chunk of asphalt under his arm.
He goes up to the bartender and says "A drink please and another for the road."
I wish that I could be the coronary artery of my wife so that I would be wrapped around her heart.
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