How does the Pope dry his hands?
He uses a Papal towel.
One day, I looked to my spine and said
Thanks for all the support! Thanks to you we've grown to new heights.
What type of photos do neurons post to Facebook?
Cellfies.
I'd give me right arm to be ambidextrous!
I bring my knees to my head and lean forwards.
That's just how I roll.
"Bone to be wild."
I just found out that my son got a tattoo of spades, diamonds, hearts, and clubs on his arm.
I might have to deal with him later.
What bone does a dog not eat?
A trombone.
What do you get when you throw a hand grenade into a French bathroom?
Linoleum Blownapart.
What is the brain's favorite television channel?
The Neural Network.
I heard a heart wrenching story recently.
A car mechanic became a cardiac surgeon.
Working as a dock hand is hard,
but it's wharf it.
A surgeon was about to perform heart surgery when he received notice that the replacement was delivered to his house!
Home is where the heart is.
What do you call an alligator showing off his spine flexibility on the internet?
E-Reptile Disc Function
Someone asked me to sing a line from "Don't go breaking my heart"
I couldn't if I tried.
No! You can't force me to shave my forearms!
I have a right to bear arms!
A man with spine cancer walks up to his friend
His friend notices that the man is holding his back while walking up to him
His friend asks "What's wrong?".
The man says "My back is killing me".
My hypochondriac brother just told me he thinks he's got a brain tumor.
I told him not to worry, it's probably all in his head.
What are the two most profane bones in the human body?
The blasfemurs.
Started reading a book called “The Pirate’s Wrist”
I’m hooked.
You must be a defibrillator because you are sending shocks directly to my heart.
Which alphabet gang strikes fear in the hearts of the other letters?
I Q U.
Where are neurons put in jail when they commit a crime?
A nerve cell.
Why is a baby showing the top of its head during labor a significant event?
Because that’s the baby’s crowning achievement.
What’s a skeletons favorite wrestling event?
A rib cage match.
What did the heart say to the brain before an exam?
You look nervous.
I got a new bread recipe where you don’t have to get your hands messy by mixing the dough.
It is kneadless, to say.
How did the cardiologist figure out what she wanted to do with her life?
She just followed her heart.
What dinner dish does a developing neuron use?
A neural plate.
What did the skeleton say to the French soldier? Bone Jaw
Why are sponges and brains similar?
They both like to soak up "material"
What do you call a fake bone?
A faux-knee.
My wrists hurt whenever I drive to work with my co-workers and we go through a tunnel.
I think it's carpool tunnel syndrome.
Midwife (handing me the baby): "Make sure you’re supporting his head."
Me: "That’s a great head you have there, Well done!"
You know what really makes my blood boil?
The vacuum of space.
Why are skeletons such bad liars?
Everyone can see right through them.
What do you call a hat for the brain?
A thinking cap.
I know a guy who had both arms amputated from elbow to shoulder.
He is always serious and never humerus.
Where does a brain go on vacation?
To a hippo camp us.
How did the woman react when the doctor suggested she have a brain biopsy?
She gave him a piece of her mind.
You really gotta hand it to short people, because they can't reach it on their own.
My favourite jokes are skeleton puns
Why? I find them humorous.
Why did the neuron like to sleep in the top bunk bed?
It wanted to have a high resting potential.
What do you call a glass of pig’s blood?
Swine.
I tried making a machine that shoots bullets out of your fingers, but it shot out my spine instead.
Well, that back fired.
What do you call glia when it is happy?
Smyelin.
The guy who invented the watch must have had a lot of time on his hands
What did the patient say after that gave blood?
I feel drained.
Donating blood can be A-positive experience
But sometimes it can B-negative.
Girlfriend was working on the motorcycle with me the other day...
She exclaimed "God! This is ridiculous. I need, like, four arms to do this!".
To which I replied "but honey, you DO have forearms!"
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