I can't stand people who don't wash their hands.
They make me sick.
Why do we tell actors to “break a leg”?
Because every play needs a cast.
I was sailing my boat when a massive hand rose out of the water and then slowly disappeared...
I thought, 'That's the biggest wave I've ever seen!'
What is the name of the Hollywood movie that stars an "outlaw" brain and an "outlaw" woman on a road trip?
Thalamus and Louise.
What do you get when you cross a thought with a light bulb?
A bright idea.
My head hurt and I had a really runny nose during math class
I think i had a sin(x) infection.
Cutting my arms was the best descision I've ever made
Hands down.
Why was the skeleton stupid?
He was a numskull.
What do you say when you go to a dinner with a bunch of osteopathologists?
Bone appetit!
What did the stimulus do to the neuron after they got married?
Carried it over the threshold.
How do you call a man who can cook an egg on his head?
pan o man.
I think I'm getting curvature of the spine...
I haven't seen a doctor yet, it's just a hunch.
You wanna know the way to my heart?
A scalpel and a bone saw.
Why can’t a group of skeletons ever get anything done?
It’s a skeleton crew.
How do a group of skeletons drive to work?
In the carpal lane.
My wife bought me a scalp massager for Christmas, but I couldn't figure out what it was.
Turns out it was a real head scratcher.
When it came to tilling his garden by hand, he put a lot of heart into it.
He was gung hoe.
Why are blood physicians so rich?
Because blood cells.
How do skeleton’s get their mail delivered?
By the bony express.
"Dying to have fun."
Why does the skeleton wear skinny jeans?
Because it’s got a marrow waistline.
So a man walked up to me and placed some soil, plant seeds and fertilizer on my head.
It was annoying at first, but I think it grew on me.
What do you call a carnival worker who’s eating a turkey leg?
A carnie-vor.
How do you greet a skeleton in france?
"Bonejour."
An action potential takes the train to school. What is the name of the train station where it gets off for school?
Axon terminal.
A friend failed his medical exam when he X-rayed his lower torso.
He didn’t put his heart into it.
While browsing the bookshop, I stuck a sheet of A4 paper to my wife's spine.
She said she wanted a paperback for her birthday.
My wife threw a block of cheddar at my head
I said "Well that's mature."
I surprised my friend as she was trying to steal another spine from a corpse...
She was takin' a back when taken aback!
What is a skeleton's favorite musical instrument?
The xylobone.
I got hit in the head with a can of soda yesterday. Luckily for me, it was a soft drink.
Baking and Fire Safety can go hand-in-hand.
Stop, drop and roll
The head surgeon shouted at me for accidentally severing the patient's spine.
I think I struck a nerve.
I didn't want to have brain surgery but I had to.
I guess it changed my mind.
I bring my knees to my head and lean forwards.
That's just how I roll.
What do you call a skeleton's favorite singer?
Pelvis Presley.
What do you call a deer that feeds on the blood of others?
Vlad the impala.
Stay away from Gmail if you don't want to get shivers down your spine
There's clearly a draft in there.
She was wheeled to the operating room, but then she underwent a change of heart.
Every time I see my vegetable girlfriend, my heart just beet faster.
How do you decide whether to be a Brain Surgeon or a Novelist?
You flip a coin. It’ll land on heads or tales.
Two spines are running up the hill as a hedgehog passes by them
Then one spine turns and says to the other “we missed the bus!!”
My local pizza place is selling heart shaped pizzas for Valentine’s Day
I find it to be a bit cheesy.
How did the mother know her child would become a neuroanatomist?
He was constantly staining stuff.
I went to the Red Cross to donate blood.
They threw me out and said "We don't want your type here!"
What dinner dish does a developing neuron use?
A neural plate.
I tried my hand at cinematography, but it didn't really pan out.
How did the frog feel when he hurt his leg?
Unhoppy
Someone said, "sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me."
So I through a dictionary at them.
How do two skeletons have se*?
They bone each other.
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