Working the poker table at the casino with my new prosthetic hand is going to be a challenge,
But I’ll learn to deal with it.
What did the skeleton bring to the potluck?
Spare ribs.
I took a blood test today
It was easy. I got A+, and I didn't even have to study!
Why are sponges and brains similar?
They both like to soak up "material"
When we put our two hearts together, we can’t be beat.
What do you call a carnival worker who’s eating a turkey leg?
A carnie-vor.
What do you call a guy that hands out free kebabs to the hungry?
A Döner.
I was doing brain surgery to a patient the other day
He was rather open-minded if you ask me.
Saw my dad outside with a tv antenna on his head
When I asked him why, he said he was trying to get more in tune with nature.
Always think hard before you get married because on one hand you have a cool ring but on the other hand you don’t.
“I told you Doc!! I’ve got fatigue and my heart keeps skipping a beat! Why do you keep calling me a liar??
Doctor: “Sir, I’ll say it again, that’s A Fib!”
My local pizza place is selling heart shaped pizzas for Valentine’s Day
I find it to be a bit cheesy.
Someone said, "sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me."
So I through a dictionary at them.
What has a head but no body, a heart but no blood, leaves but no branches and grows without wood?
Lettuce
You’re my sweetheart, and I’m so pumped about that.
I tried making a machine that shoots bullets out of your fingers, but it shot out my spine instead.
Well, that back fired.
I went to the hospital for chest pains but the doctor kept inspecting my spine.
This place is back wards.
What did the stimulus do to the neuron after they got married?
Carried it over the threshold.
What is a 2000 pound skeleton called
A skeleTon.
What do you call it when a skeleton is having a great time?
An osteoblast.
I didn't want to have brain surgery but I had to.
I guess it changed my mind.
What do neurons use to talk to each other?
Cellular phones.
What
Someone asked me to sing a line from "Don't go breaking my heart"
I couldn't if I tried.
Where do brains go for vacation in Massachusetts?
Braintree, MA
What did the doctor tell the skeleton who wanted to donate his body to science?
Spine on the dotted line.
Why didn’t one skeleton want to look at the other skeleton?
He didn’t have the stomach for it.
What do skeletons put in their photocopiers?
Skeletoner
What do you call a dog that likes to dig up bones?
A barkeologist.
What do you call a guy with no arms and legs lying on a pile of leaves?
Russle.
What’s it called your backpack messes up your spine?
Schooliosis !
What do you call a woman with one leg?
ILENE.
I'm glad I have my 2nd Amendment right to bear arms.
Otherwise, I'd have been amputated at birth.
I highly encourage you to have more brain farts
It develops mental fartitude.
Baking and Fire Safety can go hand-in-hand.
Stop, drop and roll
Why did the action potential cross the optic chiasm?
To get to the other side.
My friend always sleeps with his head on a bag of rice
He said it was a type of pilau.
I can't stand people who don't wash their hands.
They make me sick.
Bonnie Tyler has released a video all about cardiology.
It’s totally clips of the heart.
A mime in my town was arrested yesterday after he broke his left arm in a bar fight.
He still has the right to remain silent.
What do you call a toddler running towards their mother with arms high up in the air?
A quick pick-me-up.
How do you greet a skeleton in france?
"Bonejour."
What's a skeletons favorite activity?
Boning.
What do you call a crazy blood-sucking parasite?
A lunatick!
I bought a bunch of antique spears online, but they arrived without their spear heads.
I got shafted.
Cutting my arms was the best descision I've ever made
Hands down.
Where does a brain go on vacation?
To a hippo camp us.
Why didn’t the skeleton feel like patching up his broken ribcage?
His heart wasn’t in it.
What bug has 100 legs and lives by the outhouse?
Scenta-Peed.
Why did the little girl color her paper heart pink rather than red?
She was feeling lighthearted.
You know what really makes my blood boil?
The vacuum of space.