Did you hear about the bear with the bad heart?
It went into kodiak arrest.
Scientist are shocked after discovery of a new african bee species that can keep on flying even after their heart stops.
Local tribes in fear of a zombee apocalypse
what do doctors use to draw blood?
A needle?
No, a red crayon!
What's the quickest way to a man's heart?
His chest.
My dad told me to finish his bird painting. He painted the head, torso and legs.
To be honest, I just winged it.
It doesn’t help that my doctor keeps making fun of my broken leg. He’s just adding insult to injury.
Why did the action potential cross the optic chiasm?
To get to the other side.
You’re so beautiful, I can heartly believe my eyes.
My skeleton girlfriend dumped me the other day. She had the hottest spine I have ever seen.
I just want her back.
Why did the skeleton cross the road?
To get to the body shop.
What is a profession involving spine realignment in Egypt?
A Cairo-practor.
Why was the neuron sent to the principal's office?
It had trouble controlling its impulses.
I was walking down an alley in Scotland when I found a severed man's hand...
I wonder if he was kilt.
What do you call it when the axe in your hand falls on your feet.
An AXEIDENT.
Baking and Fire Safety can go hand-in-hand.
Stop, drop and roll
Asked my son what his favourite thing about Popeye was.
He said, "Forearms."
I said, "No, he only has two."
I didn't think the doctor would fix the curve in my spine
But now I stand corrected.
What happens if you break the brain scanner?
Doctor said I’m at risk of having a heart attack due to high sodium intake.
I took what he said with a grain of salt.
Restrooms in restaurants often have a sign saying "Employees must wash hands".
But after waiting hours, no one has ever helped me with mine!
Why is a baby showing the top of its head during labor a significant event?
Because that’s the baby’s crowning achievement.
The real reason humans have wrinkly brains?
We've been in the gene pool too long.
A fly fell down out of nowhere on my wrist
It died on my watch.
I tried my hand at cinematography, but it didn't really pan out.
What does a pirate with heart failures need?
Anti-arrrrrrrrrrhythmics.
I'm glad I have my 2nd Amendment right to bear arms.
Otherwise, I'd have been amputated at birth.
When does it rain brains?
During a brain storm.
Why are blood physicians so rich?
Because blood cells.
A chemical in science class can make your hands go numb
But math will make you number.
What do skeletons put in their photocopiers?
Skeletoner
My first girlfriend was a tennis player but she broke my heart.
It was like love meant nothing to her.
I lub dub you with all my heart.
Her ex-husband had a heart attack after winning the lottery
But he'd neglected to update his will. She just couldn't bereave her luck!
My mother's sister was a gamble who enjoyed poker. She would heartily add to the initial pot but fold after the first hand...
We called her Auntie Up.
What’s the least honest bone in the body?
The fibula.
How did the gambler know his hand would stink?
Because he was holding deuces.
I bought a bunch of antique spears online, but they arrived without their spear heads.
I got shafted.
The nurse made my heart skip a beat
It was fine after she plugged the life support back in.
I bring my knees to my head and lean forwards.
That's just how I roll.
How do you call a man who can cook an egg on his head?
pan o man.
What kind of car did the heart surgeon drive to work?
A beater.
What do you call a man with no legs and no arms resting on a porch?
Matt.
How many bones are in the human hand?
A handful of them.
What is the name of the Hollywood movie that stars an "outlaw" brain and an "outlaw" woman on a road trip?
Thalamus and Louise.
What did the doctor tell the skeleton who wanted to donate his body to science?
Spine on the dotted line.
What do you call someone who loves dark beer?
Stouthearted.
What do you call an Irish dancer having a heart attack?
Michael flatline.
What is a 2000 pound skeleton called
A skeleTon.
What vegetable lives in your heart?
Beets.
What's a skeletons favorite activity?
Boning.
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