Did you hear about the bear with the bad heart?
It went into kodiak arrest.
What do you say when you go to a dinner with a bunch of osteopathologists?
Bone appetit!
What do you call an Irish dancer having a heart attack?
Michael flatline.
What blood type does a pessimist have?
B Negative
“I told you Doc!! I’ve got fatigue and my heart keeps skipping a beat! Why do you keep calling me a liar??
Doctor: “Sir, I’ll say it again, that’s A Fib!”
Where does a neuron keep its money?
In a brain bank.
what do doctors use to draw blood?
A needle?
No, a red crayon!
When does a brain get afraid?
When it loses its nerve.
Why is a baby showing the top of its head during labor a significant event?
Because that’s the baby’s crowning achievement.
My first girlfriend was a tennis player but she broke my heart.
It was like love meant nothing to her.
My dad told me to finish his bird painting. He painted the head, torso and legs.
To be honest, I just winged it.
I caught the chef sticking his hand in the cooking pot. He looked at me and said...
"I was just feeling a little chili."
What Do You Say To A One Legged Hitch Hiker
Hop In.
Today, my arm got pinned between my wife's chest and the chair.
It was booby trapped.
Someone asked me to sing a line from "Don't go breaking my heart"
I couldn't if I tried.
Two spines are running up the hill as a hedgehog passes by them
Then one spine turns and says to the other “we missed the bus!!”
What do you call it when a skeleton is having a great time?
An osteoblast.
What do you call a barbecued, blood-sucking insect?
Mesquite-o.
My local pizza place is selling heart shaped pizzas for Valentine’s Day
I find it to be a bit cheesy.
When I was young, my dad used to throw quarters at my head whenever I acted up.
He said, “Maybe this’ll knock some scents into you.”
Why are skeletons such bad liars?
Everyone can see right through them.
What do you call a guy that hands out free kebabs to the hungry?
A Döner.
What is a myelinated neuron's favorite type of music?
Wrap music.
What do you say when two red blood cells get married?
Coagulations!
I think I'm getting curvature of the spine...
I haven't seen a doctor yet, it's just a hunch.
How do skeleton’s get their mail delivered?
By the bony express.
Did you know that a Squid’s esophagus goes through its brain?
Food for thought, isn’t it?
What do you call a group of arms?
An army.
6:30 is hands down the best time on a clock
What has four legs and one arm?
A rottweiler at a park.
A balding magician had an act where he'd put a rabbit on his head and make it disappear...
The hare vanished into thin hair.
What street does the hippocampus live on?
Memory lane.
Why didn't the brain want to take a bath?
What do you call a dog that likes to dig up bones?
A barkeologist.
How did the mother know her child would become a neuroanatomist?
He was constantly staining stuff.
How many bones are in the human hand?
A handful of them.
Earlier today someone sent me a bunch of flowers, but all the heads had been cut off.
I think I'm being stalked.
What do neurons do on their birthdays?
They cell-ebrate
I love my wife with all my butt! I should have to say heart, but my heart is actually smaller than my butt.
You should follow your heart, but keep in mind to take your brain too.
I got a new bread recipe where you don’t have to get your hands messy by mixing the dough.
It is kneadless, to say.
One day, I looked to my spine and said
Thanks for all the support! Thanks to you we've grown to new heights.
Don't you just hate it when it's 212 degrees outside? It really just makes my blood boil.
How do you greet a skeleton in france?
"Bonejour."
I like to reminisce about the surgeon who removed my spine.
Really takes me back.
There's a microchip you can transplant into your brain to boost your memory
You should keep that in mind.
happens when you bother the parietal lobe?
It gets very touchy.
What do you call a skeleton who lies?
A phoney-ba-boney.
What did the police officer say to the hand?
Stop! You are under a wrist!
What do you call it when the axe in your hand falls on your feet.
An AXEIDENT.
What do you call an alligator showing off his spine flexibility on the internet?
E-Reptile Disc Function
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