Why did the skeleton cross the road?
To get to the body shop.
What do you say when two red blood cells get married?
Coagulations!
I was sailing my boat when a massive hand rose out of the water and then slowly disappeared...
I thought, 'That's the biggest wave I've ever seen!'
My friend built an aromatherapy vaporiser with a built-in brain scanner
Seems a bit out there, but makes scents when you think about it.
My daughter was just complaining about washing dishes by hand
I told her, “well... it’s better than washing them by foot.”
Why do skeletons get sick on windy days?
It goes right through them.
Why did the little girl color her paper heart pink rather than red?
She was feeling lighthearted.
Did you hear about the man who had nothing else to do so drilled into his own head?
He was bored to death.
I'm going to get the numbers 1 through 30 tattooed up my arm.
That way people can always count on me.
"No body won the skeleton race."
what do doctors use to draw blood?
A needle?
No, a red crayon!
"Bugs and hisses."
Why did the pig have a heart attack?
Too much bacon.
One day, I looked to my spine and said
Thanks for all the support! Thanks to you we've grown to new heights.
I highly encourage you to have more brain farts
It develops mental fartitude.
How heavy are your bones?
They are scale-a-ton.
My dad just told me something that sent a chill down my spine.
He said, “I’m turning off the heating.”
Which cranial nerve would be right at home in a well-known city in Nevada?
The vagus nerve.
The guy who invented the watch must have had a lot of time on his hands
What part of the brain deals with knowledge about plants?
The treefrontal cortex.
I had to give an impromptu speech on a piece of cloth that encircles the wrist...
I spoke off the cuff on the cuff.
Did you know you can hear blood flowing close to the skin?
You just have to listen varicosely.
She was wheeled to the operating room, but then she underwent a change of heart.
If a woman with big breasts works at Hooters, where does someone with one leg work?
IHOP.
A pile of books fall onto Sean Connery's head
He exclaims: "I only have my shelf to blame!"
I find bone puns very
Humerus.
What is a sleeping brain's favorite musical group (rock band)?
REM.
What do you call a deer that feeds on the blood of others?
Vlad the impala.
Someone said, "sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me."
So I through a dictionary at them.
"You can't skele-run from my skele-puns."
I wish that I could be the coronary artery of my wife so that I would be wrapped around her heart.
Restrooms in restaurants often have a sign saying "Employees must wash hands".
But after waiting hours, no one has ever helped me with mine!
The real reason humans have wrinkly brains?
We've been in the gene pool too long.
What do you call a martial artist who injured his leg?
Bruised Knee.
A lady stormed off when I asked about her hand bag.
Maybe the question was to pursonal.
I went to the Red Cross to donate blood.
They threw me out and said "We don't want your type here!"
I punched my monitor and now my hand really hertz.
Where do brains go for vacation in Massachusetts?
Braintree, MA
What do you call two spine bones that are friends?
Vertebros.
Did you hear about the poker player who lost his arm and got a prosthetic replacement?
He’s finding it hard to deal with.
What did the right hemisphere say to the left hemisphere when they could not agree on anything?
Let's split.
Always think hard before you get married because on one hand you have a cool ring but on the other hand you don’t.
What does a pirate with heart failures need?
Anti-arrrrrrrrrrhythmics.
What do you call it when a skeleton is having a great time?
An osteoblast.
Why is the left cerebral cortex always wrong?
Because it was never in the rgiht.
What happens if you break the brain scanner?
Near the town of Hannah Montana people found a dinosaur skeleton.
Scientists identified it as a Mileysaurus.
Someone asked me to sing a line from "Don't go breaking my heart"
I couldn't if I tried.
What do you call a blood vessel that's mad with power?
A Megalovieniac.
How did the mother know her child would become a neuroanatomist?
He was constantly staining stuff.
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