My skeleton girlfriend dumped me the other day. She had the hottest spine I have ever seen.
I just want her back.
The real reason humans have wrinkly brains?
We've been in the gene pool too long.
What is a brain's favorite kind of boat?
A cranial blood vessel.
My mother's sister was a gamble who enjoyed poker. She would heartily add to the initial pot but fold after the first hand...
We called her Auntie Up.
Why are hands so reliable?
Because you can always count on them.
The guy who invented the watch must have had a lot of time on his hands
Why are neuroanatomy classes the smartest?
They have lots of brains.
My favourite jokes are skeleton puns
Why? I find them humorous.
I wish that I could be the coronary artery of my wife so that I would be wrapped around her heart.
My cardiologist friend keeps sending me x-rays of his chest.
A bit weird, I know, but it just shows his heart is in the right place.
What did the stimulus do to the neuron after they got married?
Carried it over the threshold.
There’s a man in Florida with no arms or legs who is armed and on the run
Every time I see my vegetable girlfriend, my heart just beet faster.
Two detectives interrogate a 37 year old mute man. The detectives give the man a notepad which he scribbles on for a few seconds, and hands back to them.
"I'll never talk."
Have you heard about the guy who made a bomb out of a brain?
It was pretty mindblowing.
Son: What happens when white blood cells fail to protect us from an infection?
Dad: Their effort goes in vein.
A man walks into a bar with a chunk of asphalt under his arm.
He goes up to the bartender and says "A drink please and another for the road."
Why do youngsters like pelvic bones so much?
Because they're hip.
I'm surprised you all aren't talking more about that drug with the side effect of making scalps wrinkled.
I mean, it's been making a LOT of head lines.
What do you call a sheep with no legs?
A cloud.
"You can't skele-run from my skele-puns."
What Do You Say To A One Legged Hitch Hiker
Hop In.
Just been to the funeral of a close friend who died when he was hit in the head by a tennis ball
Great service.
6:30 is hands down the best time on a clock
What did the Hollywood film director say to the young neuron that wanted to be an actor?
"Hey kid, you've got potential."
Where are neurons put in jail when they commit a crime?
A nerve cell.
I went skiing with broken bones.
I can't afford real skis.
How did the gambler know his hand would stink?
Because he was holding deuces.
I know a guy who had both arms amputated from elbow to shoulder.
He is always serious and never humerus.
I was holding a bottle of laundry detergent when all of a sudden it exploded, completely drenching my hands.
Oh well. I guess my hands are Tide.
No! You can't force me to shave my forearms!
I have a right to bear arms!
"I have a joke about hearts, but I don't think you will get it."
"Why?"
"Because it is an inside joke."
Doctor said I’m at risk of having a heart attack due to high sodium intake.
I took what he said with a grain of salt.
It doesn’t help that my doctor keeps making fun of my broken leg. He’s just adding insult to injury.
What do you call a toddler running towards their mother with arms high up in the air?
A quick pick-me-up.
I was doing brain surgery to a patient the other day
He was rather open-minded if you ask me.
I'm glad I have my 2nd Amendment right to bear arms.
Otherwise, I'd have been amputated at birth.
I can't stand people who don't wash their hands.
They make me sick.
What do you call a person missing 75%, of their spine?
A quarterback.
My wife bought me a scalp massager for Christmas, but I couldn't figure out what it was.
Turns out it was a real head scratcher.
What has four legs and an arm?
A happy pitbull.
Why did the action potential cross the optic chiasm?
To get to the other side.
What are the magic words for a brainy magician?
Hocus sulcus.
Why are sponges and brains similar?
They both like to soak up "material"
Sigmund Freud used to always wear a piece of jewelry on his wrist...
It was an id bracelet.
Why did the skeleton cross the road?
To get to the body shop.
Where does a neuron keep its money?
In a brain bank.
What do you call a crazy blood-sucking parasite?
A lunatick!
You really gotta hand it to short people, because they can't reach it on their own.
A friend failed his medical exam when he X-rayed his lower torso.
He didn’t put his heart into it.
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