Don't you just hate it when it's 212 degrees outside? It really just makes my blood boil.
Where do brains go for vacation in Massachusetts?
Braintree, MA
How did the cardiologist figure out what she wanted to do with her life?
She just followed her heart.
Stay away from Gmail if you don't want to get shivers down your spine
There's clearly a draft in there.
Why is the left cerebral cortex always wrong?
Because it was never in the rgiht.
What do you call a barbecued, blood-sucking insect?
Mesquite-o.
Where are neurons put in jail when they commit a crime?
A nerve cell.
If your canoe turns upside down in the water, you can wear it on your head.
Because it’s capsized.
Doctor Doctor I've broken my arm in four places.
Docter: Well stop going to those 4 places then!
I gave my heart to a girl from Great Britain.
She turns around and Brexit into a million pieces.
I don't mind leg day at the gym.
It's just the two days after that I can't stand.
What street does the hippocampus live on?
Memory lane.
Why didn't the brain want to take a bath?
What’s the least honest bone in the body?
The fibula.
My local pizza place is selling heart shaped pizzas for Valentine’s Day
I find it to be a bit cheesy.
What do you call a glass of pig’s blood?
Swine.
Sigmund Freud used to always wear a piece of jewelry on his wrist...
It was an id bracelet.
Girlfriend was working on the motorcycle with me the other day...
She exclaimed "God! This is ridiculous. I need, like, four arms to do this!".
To which I replied "but honey, you DO have forearms!"
Why did the skeleton cross the road?
To get to the body shop.
I was sailing my boat when a massive hand rose out of the water and then slowly disappeared...
I thought, 'That's the biggest wave I've ever seen!'
How do you decide whether to be a Brain Surgeon or a Novelist?
You flip a coin. It’ll land on heads or tales.
Working the poker table at the casino with my new prosthetic hand is going to be a challenge,
But I’ll learn to deal with it.
This year, my brain and my heart are Valentines to each other.
What is a skeleton’s favorite plant?
A bone-zai tree.
You wanna know the way to my heart?
A scalpel and a bone saw.
I didn't want to have brain surgery but I had to.
I guess it changed my mind.
A mime in my town was arrested yesterday after he broke his left arm in a bar fight.
He still has the right to remain silent.
Recently, my friend had his ankle bone crack.
I told him he shouldn't be so broken up over it.
I had a dream I was looking for my brain
But it was all in my head.
What do you call a crazy blood-sucking parasite?
A lunatick!
"Let's have some skele-fun."
Did you hear about the cardiologist who went to great lengths to win the heart of a hematologist?
It was all in vein.
If some of Fred Flintstone's neurotransmitters could talk, what would they say?
"Gaba-Daba-Do!"
What did the axon terminal say to the receptor when they broke up?
I need my space.
My dad has the heart of a lion...
and a lifetime ban from the zoo.
What happened to the pirate who lost his peg leg?
He couldn't find it, so he was stumped.
Why did the skeleton go to the daycare?
To get his Kidneys.
What do you call it when you try to woo someone with 50% of a Valentine?
A halfhearted attempt.
My friend has an insect parasite that can't stop fidgeting as it sucks blood.
He has a nervous tick.
Why do brain cells grown in a dish attend the ballet and opera?
Because they are very cultured.
Why did the blood sucking insect learn Latin?
It wanted to be a Roman-tic
Did you hear about the man who had nothing else to do so drilled into his own head?
He was bored to death.
What do you call glia when it is happy?
Smyelin.
What do you call someone who loves dark beer?
Stouthearted.
What's a skeletons favorite activity?
Boning.
Why did the thief cut the legs off his bed?
Because he needed to lie low.
A lady stormed off when I asked about her hand bag.
Maybe the question was to pursonal.
Why were the two retinas such good friends?
They always saw eye-to-eye.
Did you know you can hear blood flowing close to the skin?
You just have to listen varicosely.
What do you call it when a skeleton is having a great time?
An osteoblast.
Why did the skeleton start a fight?
He had a bone to pick.
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