I just found out that my son got a tattoo of spades, diamonds, hearts, and clubs on his arm.
I might have to deal with him later.
Why did the little girl color her paper heart pink rather than red?
She was feeling lighthearted.
I surprised my friend as she was trying to steal another spine from a corpse...
She was takin' a back when taken aback!
Why did the skeleton cross the road?
To get to the body shop.
The Mad Hatter and the Queen of Hearts had a rental agreement
A lease in Wonderland.
Where are neurons put in jail when they commit a crime?
A nerve cell.
I find bone puns very
Humerus.
Why aren’t skeletons good at poker?
You can see right through them.
My dad told me to finish his bird painting. He painted the head, torso and legs.
To be honest, I just winged it.
Why did the neuron like to sleep in the top bunk bed?
It wanted to have a high resting potential.
My mom always says that the stomach is the best way to a man’s heart. That’s why she is a bad surgeon.
No body has ever won a skeleton race.
What is a skeleton’s favorite plant?
A bone-zai tree.
Where do brains go for vacation in Massachusetts?
Braintree, MA
What do you call a man with no arms and no legs floating in a pool?
Bob.
I boiled a funny bone once.
It turned into a laughing stock.
What did the police officer say to the hand?
Stop! You are under a wrist!
What are the two most profane bones in the human body?
The blasfemurs.
I can't stand people who don't wash their hands.
They make me sick.
What is a brain's favorite kind of boat?
A cranial blood vessel.
I have a heart-on for you.
Why did the skeleton go to the daycare?
To get his Kidneys.
What vegetable lives in your heart?
Beets.
Where does a brain go on vacation?
To a hippo camp us.
Why are fish so smart?
They spend a lot of time in schools.
I gave my heart to a girl from Great Britain.
She turns around and Brexit into a million pieces.
Bonnie Tyler has released a video all about cardiology.
It’s totally clips of the heart.
I highly encourage you to have more brain farts
It develops mental fartitude.
My head hurt and I had a really runny nose during math class
I think i had a sin(x) infection.
Why did the pig have a heart attack?
Too much bacon.
"Bone to be wild."
I tried making a machine that shoots bullets out of your fingers, but it shot out my spine instead.
Well, that back fired.
My skeleton girlfriend dumped me the other day. She had the hottest spine I have ever seen.
I just want her back.
The Genie granted my wish for longer arms, but he warned me My wish would have far reaching consequences.
What do you call a skeleton who lies?
A phoney-ba-boney.
Grandpa died because we couldn’t figure out his blood type.
At least he told us to be positive.
What do you call a guy with no arms and legs lying on a pile of leaves?
Russle.
What did the stimulus do to the neuron after they got married?
Carried it over the threshold.
Saw my dad outside with a tv antenna on his head
When I asked him why, he said he was trying to get more in tune with nature.
What do you call an Irish dancer having a heart attack?
Michael flatline.
I bring my knees to my head and lean forwards.
That's just how I roll.
What do you call a person missing 75%, of their spine?
A quarterback.
What happened to the patient who refused to get a much-needed transplant?
He had a change of heart.
Today, my arm got pinned between my wife's chest and the chair.
It was booby trapped.
When does it rain brains?
During a brain storm.
What has four legs and one arm?
A rottweiler at a park.
How do you mess up a brain, on paper?
With a few strokes.
Don't you just hate it when it's 212 degrees outside? It really just makes my blood boil.
"Lazy bones."
What does a pirate with heart failures need?
Anti-arrrrrrrrrrhythmics.
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