I tried my hand at cinematography, but it didn't really pan out.
My son asked me why our sailboat is named Blood
I yelled back: "Because it’s a bloody vessel!"
Why was the skeleton so lonely?
He had no body.
What's the quickest way to a man's heart?
His chest.
Are you a locksmith? Because you hold the key to my heart.
My daughter was just complaining about washing dishes by hand
I told her, “well... it’s better than washing them by foot.”
Did you hear about the skeleton that was almost picked apart by a group of wild dogs?
He marrowly escaped.
"I would make a skeleton joke, but you wouldn't find it very
humerus."
If your dog was a neurologist, what would it do all day?
Perform PET scans.
Why does a skeleton always tell the truth?
He wants tibia honest.
My favourite jokes are skeleton puns
Why? I find them humorous.
What did the osteopathic medicine doctor bring to the potluck?
Spare ribs.
What does a brain do when it sees a friend across the street?
Gives a brain wave.
What do you call a skeleton who lies?
A phoney-ba-boney.
If your canoe turns upside down in the water, you can wear it on your head.
Because it’s capsized.
Where do brains go for vacation in Massachusetts?
Braintree, MA
Two blood cells can meet and fall in love with each other, but it is all in vein.
Where does a neuron keep its money?
In a brain bank.
What did the doctor tell the skeleton who wanted to donate his body to science?
Spine on the dotted line.
When my girlfriend told me she needed time and distance, my heart almost stopped,
Fortunately, she was just calculating velocity.
I love my wife with all my butt! I should have to say heart, but my heart is actually smaller than my butt.
Stay away from Gmail if you don't want to get shivers down your spine
There's clearly a draft in there.
I punched my monitor and now my hand really hertz.
What does a zombie say as he squishes your brains between his fingers?
Got your knows.
Which alphabet gang strikes fear in the hearts of the other letters?
I Q U.
How many bones are in the human hand?
A handful of them.
"Lazy bones."
What bug has 100 legs and lives by the outhouse?
Scenta-Peed.
This year, my brain and my heart are Valentines to each other.
Today, my arm got pinned between my wife's chest and the chair.
It was booby trapped.
I didn't think the doctor would fix the curve in my spine
But now I stand corrected.
"Bone to be wild."
I think my back hurts. I'm okay though.
It's spine.
What's a skeletons favorite activity?
Boning.
Did you know you can hear blood flowing close to the skin?
You just have to listen varicosely.
How did the cardiologist figure out what she wanted to do with her life?
She just followed her heart.
I heard a heart wrenching story recently.
A car mechanic became a cardiac surgeon.
What do you get when you cross a "bad idea for using fur" with 86 billion neurons?
A hare-brained idea.
Why do brain cells grown in a dish attend the ballet and opera?
Because they are very cultured.
My first girlfriend was a tennis player but she broke my heart.
It was like love meant nothing to her.
What human body part is long, hard, bendable, and contains the letters p,e,n,i,s?
Your spine.
You really gotta hand it to short people, because they can't reach it on their own.
My cardiologist friend keeps sending me x-rays of his chest.
A bit weird, I know, but it just shows his heart is in the right place.
What do you call a guy with no arms and legs lying on a pile of leaves?
Russle.
What do you call a skull without 86 billion neurons?
A no brainer.
My dad told me to finish his bird painting. He painted the head, torso and legs.
To be honest, I just winged it.
What did the skeleton say to the French soldier? Bone Jaw
What did the hippocampus say during its retirement speech?
"Thanks for the memories."
My dad told me to finish his bird painting. He painted the head, torso and legs.
To be honest, I just winged it.
A fly fell down out of nowhere on my wrist
It died on my watch.
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