"No body won the skeleton race."
I lost my wrist watch somewhere near my house.
Now it’s the neighborhood watch.
How does the Pope dry his hands?
He uses a Papal towel.
Don't you just hate it when it's 212 degrees outside? It really just makes my blood boil.
How did the cardiologist figure out what she wanted to do with her life?
She just followed her heart.
I can't stand people who don't wash their hands.
They make me sick.
My dad told me to finish his bird painting. He painted the head, torso and legs.
To be honest, I just winged it.
What is a brain's favorite kind of boat?
A cranial blood vessel.
Why are fish so smart?
They spend a lot of time in schools.
I punched my monitor and now my hand really hertz.
I took my dog's bone away from him.
She was fur-rious.
What is a neuroscientist's favorite type of dog?
A labratory retriever.
What did one skeleton wrestler say to the other?
You better watch out for my special move. It will verta-break your back!
What do you call it when a cardiology student flunks out?
Heart failure.
A man walks into a bar with a chunk of asphalt under his arm.
He goes up to the bartender and says "A drink please and another for the road."
My friend always sleeps with his head on a bag of rice
He said it was a type of pilau.
What do you call a blood vessel that's mad with power?
A Megalovieniac.
Donating blood can be A-positive experience
But sometimes it can B-negative.
Well, you have to hand it to relay runners, don't you?
Honey! I know this can be a bit cheesy, but you will always have a big pizza my heart.
A pile of books fall onto Sean Connery's head
He exclaims: "I only have my shelf to blame!"
You’re my sweetheart, and I’m so pumped about that.
My friend built an aromatherapy vaporiser with a built-in brain scanner
Seems a bit out there, but makes scents when you think about it.
When my girlfriend told me she needed time and distance, my heart almost stopped,
Fortunately, she was just calculating velocity.
What does the visual system use to play basketball?
Eyeballs.
I broke both my legs yesterday and now I have to use a wheelchair
I really can’t stand my situation right now.
The head surgeon shouted at me for accidentally severing the patient's spine.
I think I struck a nerve.
"I have a joke about hearts, but I don't think you will get it."
"Why?"
"Because it is an inside joke."
Did you hear about the skeleton that was almost picked apart by a group of wild dogs?
He marrowly escaped.
How do skeleton’s get their mail delivered?
By the bony express.
My local pizza place is selling heart shaped pizzas for Valentine’s Day
I find it to be a bit cheesy.
Why did the action potential cross the optic chiasm?
To get to the other side.
What do you say when you go to a dinner with a bunch of osteopathologists?
Bone appetit!
I tried my hand at cinematography, but it didn't really pan out.
So a man walked up to me and placed some soil, plant seeds and fertilizer on my head.
It was annoying at first, but I think it grew on me.
I auditioned to be a carpenter’s hand.
Nailed it.
"Do you play the trom-bone?"
What do you call a carnival worker who’s eating a turkey leg?
A carnie-vor.
Two detectives interrogate a 37 year old mute man. The detectives give the man a notepad which he scribbles on for a few seconds, and hands back to them.
"I'll never talk."
My sister asked me to hand her lipstick but i handed her a glue stick instead
She still won’t talk to me
What’s a skeletons favorite wrestling event?
A rib cage match.
I used to be engaged to a girl with a wooden leg.
But I broke it off.
What do you call a guy that hands out free kebabs to the hungry?
A Döner.
I like to reminisce about the surgeon who removed my spine.
Really takes me back.
What has four legs and an arm?
A happy pitbull.
What did the heart say to the brain before an exam?
You look nervous.
Working the poker table at the casino with my new prosthetic hand is going to be a challenge,
But I’ll learn to deal with it.
Did you hear about the man who had nothing else to do so drilled into his own head?
He was bored to death.
What do you call a martial artist who injured his leg?
Bruised Knee.
A lady stormed off when I asked about her hand bag.
Maybe the question was to pursonal.
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