Cutting my arms was the best descision I've ever made
Hands down.
How many bones are in the human hand?
A handful of them.
What is a 2000 pound skeleton called
A skeleTon.
I was doing brain surgery to a patient the other day
He was rather open-minded if you ask me.
How do you call a man who can cook an egg on his head?
pan o man.
Stay away from Gmail if you don't want to get shivers down your spine
There's clearly a draft in there.
I lost my memory after getting hit on the head by a boomerang.
It's all coming back to me now.
"No body won the skeleton race."
Why aren’t skeletons good at poker?
You can see right through them.
What is a sleeping brain's favorite musical group (rock band)?
REM.
Why are neuroanatomy classes the smartest?
They have lots of brains.
I heard a heart wrenching story recently.
A car mechanic became a cardiac surgeon.
What do you call a deer that feeds on the blood of others?
Vlad the impala.
"Lazy bones."
I was terrified by the results of my blood test
But my doctor just said B positive
I was walking down an alley in Scotland when I found a severed man's hand...
I wonder if he was kilt.
I had a birth defect where they had to relocate my heart
I guess you could say my heart wasn't in the right place.
I had to give an impromptu speech on a piece of cloth that encircles the wrist...
I spoke off the cuff on the cuff.
My wife tried to unlatch our daughter's car seat with one hand and said, "How do one armed mothers do it?" Without missing a beat I replied, "Single handedly."
What did the vampire say to the vampire hunter that missed his heart.
Well wasnt that an unfortunate missed-stake.
What did parietal say to frontal?
"I lobe you."
What are the magic words for a brainy magician?
Hocus sulcus.
I got a new bread recipe where you don’t have to get your hands messy by mixing the dough.
It is kneadless, to say.
If your dog was a neurologist, what would it do all day?
Perform PET scans.
Where do you imprison a naughty skeleton?
A rib cage.
It doesn’t help that my doctor keeps making fun of my broken leg. He’s just adding insult to injury.
What do you call the shirt a neurosurgeon wears to every brain surgery?
His specialty.
What do you call a guy with no arms and legs lying on a pile of leaves?
Russle.
What do neurons use to talk to each other?
Cellular phones.
What
What type of photos do neurons post to Facebook?
Cellfies.
Why was the skeleton stupid?
He was a numskull.
Exasperated, I threw my hands up in the air and shouted at my wife, "I'm not a complete idiot!" She smiled at me and purred, "I know honey."
"Some parts are missing."
Scientist are shocked after discovery of a new african bee species that can keep on flying even after their heart stops.
Local tribes in fear of a zombee apocalypse
Girlfriend was working on the motorcycle with me the other day...
She exclaimed "God! This is ridiculous. I need, like, four arms to do this!".
To which I replied "but honey, you DO have forearms!"
Started reading a book called “The Pirate’s Wrist”
I’m hooked.
I got hit in the head with a can of soda yesterday. Luckily for me, it was a soft drink.
What happens when you anger a brain surgeon?
They will give you a piece of your mind.
What do you call two guys with no arms and no legs and hang on the wall?
Curt 'n Rod.
Where do brains go for vacation in Massachusetts?
Braintree, MA
What Do You Say To A One Legged Hitch Hiker
Hop In.
The Genie granted my wish for longer arms, but he warned me My wish would have far reaching consequences.
"I would make a skeleton joke, but you wouldn't find it very
humerus."
I'm so Midwestern, it's in my blood
I'm type Ohp!-ositive
What is the brain's favorite television channel?
The Neural Network.
How does the spinal cord hammer a nail into a wall?
With a series of spinal taps.
What did the osteopathic medicine doctor bring to the potluck?
Spare ribs.
I gave my heart to a girl from Great Britain.
She turns around and Brexit into a million pieces.
My dad told me to finish his bird painting. He painted the head, torso and legs.
To be honest, I just winged it.
What do you get when you cross a thought with a light bulb?
A bright idea.
I'll fight you with my bear hands.
Oh, deer.
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