How did the cardiologist figure out what she wanted to do with her life?
She just followed her heart.
What street does the hippocampus live on?
Memory lane.
Why didn't the brain want to take a bath?
What is a profession involving spine realignment in Egypt?
A Cairo-practor.
What does a pirate with heart failures need?
Anti-arrrrrrrrrrhythmics.
The head surgeon shouted at me for accidentally severing the patient's spine.
I think I struck a nerve.
I punched my monitor and now my hand really hertz.
What kind of tree fits in your hand?
A palm tree!
While browsing the bookshop, I stuck a sheet of A4 paper to my wife's spine.
She said she wanted a paperback for her birthday.
One or two hours warm my heart,
But 24 hours make my day.
A pile of books fall onto Sean Connery's head
He exclaims: "I only have my shelf to blame!"
I bought a bunch of antique spears online, but they arrived without their spear heads.
I got shafted.
I think I'm going to remove my spine.
It's only holding me back.
I thought I broke my leg when I tripped over a box of Kleenex last night
But the doctor said it's only tissue damage.
What do you call a man with no legs and no arms resting on a porch?
Matt.
What do you call a martial artist who injured his leg?
Bruised Knee.
I'm so Midwestern, it's in my blood
I'm type Ohp!-ositive
What’s a skeletons favorite wrestling event?
A rib cage match.
Well, you have to hand it to relay runners, don't you?
"I have a joke about hearts, but I don't think you will get it."
"Why?"
"Because it is an inside joke."
Someone just asked me to sing any line from "Don't go breaking my heart."
I couldn't if I tried.
I'm surprised you all aren't talking more about that drug with the side effect of making scalps wrinkled.
I mean, it's been making a LOT of head lines.
How many bones are in the human hand?
A handful of them.
What is a skeleton’s favorite plant?
A bone-zai tree.
Why did the skeleton start a fight?
He had a bone to pick.
A friend of mine lost the right side of of his brain in a car accident, but he wouldn’t stop drinking and driving.
No one in their right mind would do that.
Why did the skeleton go to the daycare?
To get his Kidneys.
Did you hear about the cardiologist who went to great lengths to win the heart of a hematologist?
It was all in vein.
No! You can't force me to shave my forearms!
I have a right to bear arms!
Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?
Because he didn't have the guts.
If your canoe turns upside down in the water, you can wear it on your head.
Because it’s capsized.
My cardiologist friend keeps sending me x-rays of his chest.
A bit weird, I know, but it just shows his heart is in the right place.
Why do we tell actors to “break a leg”?
Because every play needs a cast.
Dogs can't see your bones.
But catscan.
What did the doctor give the lollipop when he broke his leg
A candy cane.
What did the hippocampus say during its retirement speech?
"Thanks for the memories."
My daughter was just complaining about washing dishes by hand
I told her, “well... it’s better than washing them by foot.”
Why are skeletons such bad liars?
Everyone can see right through them.
Baking and Fire Safety can go hand-in-hand.
Stop, drop and roll
What do you call two guys with no arms and no legs and hang on the wall?
Curt 'n Rod.
My mother's sister was a gamble who enjoyed poker. She would heartily add to the initial pot but fold after the first hand...
We called her Auntie Up.
What is a sleeping brain's favorite musical group (rock band)?
REM.
"Dying to have fun."
Did you hear about the bear with the bad heart?
It went into kodiak arrest.
I find that the quickest way to man's heart
is with a very very sharp knife.
Where do you learn about bones?
Osteoclasst.
What do you call someone who loves dark beer?
Stouthearted.
Keeping tropical fish in your home has a calming effect on the brain
because of the indoor fins.
That girl must be a premature contraction as she makes my heart skip a beat.
I wish that I could be the coronary artery of my wife so that I would be wrapped around her heart.
How does the Pope dry his hands?
He uses a Papal towel.
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