Did you hear about the man who had nothing else to do so drilled into his own head?
He was bored to death.
My favourite jokes are skeleton puns
Why? I find them humorous.
You know, the heart’s the hungriest organ.
It has the heartiest appetite.
Why was the skeleton so lonely?
He had no body.
A fly fell down out of nowhere on my wrist
It died on my watch.
I took my dog's bone away from him.
She was fur-rious.
What do you call a skeleton who lies?
A phoney-ba-boney.
What part of the brain deals with knowledge about plants?
The treefrontal cortex.
That girl must be a premature contraction as she makes my heart skip a beat.
"I would make a skeleton joke, but you wouldn't find it very
humerus."
The brain is an amazing organ
it really makes you think.
A person without arms and a knife in their mouth is still technically armed,
but only to the teeth.
When does a brain get afraid?
When it loses its nerve.
How did the frog feel when he hurt his leg?
Unhoppy
What does a pirate with heart failures need?
Anti-arrrrrrrrrrhythmics.
What bug has 100 legs and lives by the outhouse?
Scenta-Peed.
Where do you learn about bones?
Osteoclasst.
What do neurons use to talk to each other?
Cellular phones.
What
What do you call a glass of pig’s blood?
Swine.
What do you call an Irish dancer having a heart attack?
Michael flatline.
I used to be engaged to a girl with a wooden leg.
But I broke it off.
What do you call a fraternity member who likes to drink the blood of goats?
A chupacabro.
You must be a defibrillator because you are sending shocks directly to my heart.
Midwife (handing me the baby): "Make sure you’re supporting his head."
Me: "That’s a great head you have there, Well done!"
Earlier today someone sent me a bunch of flowers, but all the heads had been cut off.
I think I'm being stalked.
What is the brain's favorite television channel?
The Neural Network.
My dad just told me something that sent a chill down my spine.
He said, “I’m turning off the heating.”
Grandpa died because we couldn’t figure out his blood type.
At least he told us to be positive.
Donating blood can be A-positive experience
But sometimes it can B-negative.
I was sailing my boat when a massive hand rose out of the water and then slowly disappeared...
I thought, 'That's the biggest wave I've ever seen!'
6:30 is hands down the best time on a clock
When does it rain brains?
During a brain storm.
Today, my arm got pinned between my wife's chest and the chair.
It was booby trapped.
What do you call a cow with two legs?
Lean beef.
happens when you bother the parietal lobe?
It gets very touchy.
Girlfriend was working on the motorcycle with me the other day...
She exclaimed "God! This is ridiculous. I need, like, four arms to do this!".
To which I replied "but honey, you DO have forearms!"
My friend has an insect parasite that can't stop fidgeting as it sucks blood.
He has a nervous tick.
What happens when you shatter your funny bone?
You crack up.
Did you hear about the bear with the bad heart?
It went into kodiak arrest.
I was terrified by the results of my blood test
But my doctor just said B positive
Someone asked me to sing a line from "Don't go breaking my heart"
I couldn't if I tried.
I went skiing with broken bones.
I can't afford real skis.
What is a skeleton's favorite musical instrument?
The xylobone.
I find that the quickest way to man's heart
is with a very very sharp knife.
What blood type does a pessimist have?
B Negative
Why didn’t the skeleton feel like patching up his broken ribcage?
His heart wasn’t in it.
How many bones are in the human hand?
A handful of them.
What do you call a Chinese man with one leg? Tie won shu
I highly encourage you to have more brain farts
It develops mental fartitude.
I need to stop being such a numbskull.
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