Doctor Doctor I've broken my arm in four places.
Docter: Well stop going to those 4 places then!
How do a group of skeletons drive to work?
In the carpal lane.
Breaking a leg during an audition ensures you're in the cast.
What do you call a group of arms?
An army.
As a mythologist and head of the household,
My word is lore.
My son asked me why our sailboat is named Blood
I yelled back: "Because it’s a bloody vessel!"
How do two skeletons have se*?
They bone each other.
What's the quickest way to a man's heart?
His chest.
The nurse made my heart skip a beat
It was fine after she plugged the life support back in.
I have a heart-on for you.
Sigmund Freud used to always wear a piece of jewelry on his wrist...
It was an id bracelet.
I had a dream I was looking for my brain
But it was all in my head.
Did you know you can hear blood flowing close to the skin?
You just have to listen varicosely.
Well, you have to hand it to relay runners, don't you?
You must be a defibrillator because you are sending shocks directly to my heart.
Where do you imprison a naughty skeleton?
A rib cage.
Why are blood physicians so rich?
Because blood cells.
What happens when you shatter your funny bone?
You crack up.
Why do skeletons get sick on windy days?
It goes right through them.
Are you a locksmith? Because you hold the key to my heart.
What do you call it when a skeleton is having a great time?
An osteoblast.
Why was the neuron sent to the principal's office?
It had trouble controlling its impulses.
I'm surprised you all aren't talking more about that drug with the side effect of making scalps wrinkled.
I mean, it's been making a LOT of head lines.
I took my dog's bone away from him.
She was fur-rious.
My wife bought me a scalp massager for Christmas, but I couldn't figure out what it was.
Turns out it was a real head scratcher.
Asked my son what his favourite thing about Popeye was.
He said, "Forearms."
I said, "No, he only has two."
There's a microchip you can transplant into your brain to boost your memory
You should keep that in mind.
The real reason humans have wrinkly brains?
We've been in the gene pool too long.
Which alphabet gang strikes fear in the hearts of the other letters?
I Q U.
My doctor forgot to document my blood type.
It was a typo.
Two blood cells can meet and fall in love with each other, but it is all in vein.
What did the vampire say to the vampire hunter that missed his heart.
Well wasnt that an unfortunate missed-stake.
Why aren’t skeletons good at poker?
You can see right through them.
I was terrified by the results of my blood test
But my doctor just said B positive
Started reading a book called “The Pirate’s Wrist”
I’m hooked.
what does goblin's blood consist of?
A hemogoblin
Why does the skeleton wear skinny jeans?
Because it’s got a marrow waistline.
What did the right hemisphere say to the left hemisphere when they could not agree on anything?
Let's split.
Why are skeletons such bad liars?
Everyone can see right through them.
What do you call a funny bone?
A humerus.
I got hit in the head with a can of soda yesterday. Luckily for me, it was a soft drink.
"Let's have some skele-fun."
When is a synapse like a tree?
When it is pruned.
Nurse: Here’s our list of donor hearts and livers in alphabetical order.
Doctor: wow. Looks very ORGANized.
My wife tried to unlatch our daughter's car seat with one hand and said, "How do one armed mothers do it?" Without missing a beat I replied, "Single handedly."
Near the town of Hannah Montana people found a dinosaur skeleton.
Scientists identified it as a Mileysaurus.
Why were the two retinas such good friends?
They always saw eye-to-eye.
I highly encourage you to have more brain farts
It develops mental fartitude.
Did you hear about the man who had nothing else to do so drilled into his own head?
He was bored to death.
I auditioned to be a carpenter’s hand.
Nailed it.
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