What did the hippocampus say during its retirement speech?
"Thanks for the memories."
My first girlfriend was a tennis player but she broke my heart.
It was like love meant nothing to her.
What's a skeletons favorite activity?
Boning.
What did the right hemisphere say to the left hemisphere when they could not agree on anything?
Let's split.
Did you hear about the skeleton that was almost picked apart by a group of wild dogs?
He marrowly escaped.
Did you know you can hear blood flowing close to the skin?
You just have to listen varicosely.
I'll fight you with my bear hands.
Oh, deer.
A balding magician had an act where he'd put a rabbit on his head and make it disappear...
The hare vanished into thin hair.
what do doctors use to draw blood?
A needle?
No, a red crayon!
A pile of books fall onto Sean Connery's head
He exclaims: "I only have my shelf to blame!"
I'd give me right arm to be ambidextrous!
Why did the action potential cross the optic chiasm?
To get to the other side.
I can't stand when people kick me in the back of the leg.
Two blood cells can meet and fall in love with each other, but it is all in vein.
What did one skeleton wrestler say to the other?
You better watch out for my special move. It will verta-break your back!
You know, the heart’s the hungriest organ.
It has the heartiest appetite.
Why are sponges and brains similar?
They both like to soak up "material"
What are the magic words for a brainy magician?
Hocus sulcus.
A mime in my town was arrested yesterday after he broke his left arm in a bar fight.
He still has the right to remain silent.
What’s it called your backpack messes up your spine?
Schooliosis !
What do neurons do on their birthdays?
They cell-ebrate
I find bone puns very
Humerus.
What do you call a hat for the brain?
A thinking cap.
A man with spine cancer walks up to his friend
His friend notices that the man is holding his back while walking up to him
His friend asks "What's wrong?".
The man says "My back is killing me".
Why does the spinal cord belong in the brass section of an orchestra?
Because of its dorsal and ventral horns.
My family visited a rude psychic, with degenerative bone disease, who insisted all of us had bad breath.
She was a super callous fragile mystic expecting halitosis.
Why did the pianist have to be rushed into surgery after his latest performance?
He played his heart out.
What did the doctor give the lollipop when he broke his leg
A candy cane.
Started reading a book called “The Pirate’s Wrist”
I’m hooked.
What do you say when two red blood cells get married?
Coagulations!
I didn't think the doctor would fix the curve in my spine
But now I stand corrected.
What did the heart say to the brain before an exam?
You look nervous.
What is a 2000 pound skeleton called
A skeleTon.
A chemical in science class can make your hands go numb
But math will make you number.
"I have a joke about hearts, but I don't think you will get it."
"Why?"
"Because it is an inside joke."
Why are hands so reliable?
Because you can always count on them.
What do you call a fake bone?
A faux-knee.
Doctor said I’m at risk of having a heart attack due to high sodium intake.
I took what he said with a grain of salt.
What kind of car did the heart surgeon drive to work?
A beater.
What is a neuron's favorite television channel?
The Ion Channel
Why did the little girl color her paper heart pink rather than red?
She was feeling lighthearted.
What vegetable lives in your heart?
Beets.
My dad has the heart of a lion...
and a lifetime ban from the zoo.
"Bone to be wild."
What do you call a guy with no arms and legs lying on a pile of leaves?
Russle.
Why did the thief cut the legs off his bed?
Because he needed to lie low.
You’re my heartthrob.
What did the brain say after it got an electrical shock?
"This was a stimulating experience."
Grandpa: “Don’t scare me, I’m a heart patient.”
“If you scare me, I’ll never talk to you again.”
What did the stimulus do to the neuron after they got married?
Carried it over the threshold.
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