A man who makes tie dye shirts was trying to borrow money to expand his small business. While filling out the paperwork, he had a heart attack and collapsed, spilling bottles of colored dye all over his documents.
The poor man dyed a loan.
A friend failed his medical exam when he X-rayed his lower torso.
He didn’t put his heart into it.
My cranium is empty. I'm running bone-dry here.
Why did the little girl color her paper heart pink rather than red?
She was feeling lighthearted.
Why did the neuron like to sleep in the top bunk bed?
It wanted to have a high resting potential.
That girl must be a premature contraction as she makes my heart skip a beat.
Always think hard before you get married because on one hand you have a cool ring but on the other hand you don’t.
If your canoe turns upside down in the water, you can wear it on your head.
Because it’s capsized.
What do you call a toddler running towards their mother with arms high up in the air?
A quick pick-me-up.
A mime in my town was arrested yesterday after he broke his left arm in a bar fight.
He still has the right to remain silent.
Which cranial nerve would be right at home in a well-known city in Nevada?
The vagus nerve.
How heavy are your bones?
They are scale-a-ton.
Grandpa: “Don’t scare me, I’m a heart patient.”
“If you scare me, I’ll never talk to you again.”
What did the Hollywood film director say to the young neuron that wanted to be an actor?
"Hey kid, you've got potential."
Sigmund Freud used to always wear a piece of jewelry on his wrist...
It was an id bracelet.
Why can't a brain be 12 inches long?
Becuase then it would be a foot.
What can't cows stand on their hind legs?
Because they lactose.
6:30 is hands down the best time on a clock
I'll fight you with my bear hands.
Oh, deer.
A person without arms and a knife in their mouth is still technically armed,
but only to the teeth.
How do you mess up a brain, on paper?
With a few strokes.
I'm so Midwestern, it's in my blood
I'm type Ohp!-ositive
I thought I broke my leg when I tripped over a box of Kleenex last night
But the doctor said it's only tissue damage.
I heard a heart wrenching story recently.
A car mechanic became a cardiac surgeon.
What do you call a funny bone?
A humerus.
I’m directing a play about a boy who broke his arm.
You should see the cast.
What do you call a hat for the brain?
A thinking cap.
Which alphabet gang strikes fear in the hearts of the other letters?
I Q U.
How do you know if a spine finds you funny?
It starts cracking up.
What do you call a woman with one leg?
ILENE.
Nurse: Here’s our list of donor hearts and livers in alphabetical order.
Doctor: wow. Looks very ORGANized.
You really gotta hand it to short people, because they can't reach it on their own.
Why did the brain go into a group of trees to sleep?
For rest. (forest)
A chemical in science class can make your hands go numb
But math will make you number.
My favourite jokes are skeleton puns
Why? I find them humorous.
The brain is an amazing organ
it really makes you think.
When does it rain brains?
During a brain storm.
Why didn’t the skeleton scare the trick-or-treaters on Halloween?
He didn’t have the heart.
What does a skeleton play in a band?
A Trom-Bone.
I didn't think the doctor would fix the curve in my spine
But now I stand corrected.
The Mad Hatter and the Queen of Hearts had a rental agreement
A lease in Wonderland.
What do you call it when a skeleton is having a great time?
An osteoblast.
Did you know there's a college in the brain for hippopotami?
It's called the Hippocampus.
Why are blood physicians so rich?
Because blood cells.
Why did the action potential cross the optic chiasm?
To get to the other side.
What do you call two guys with no arms and no legs and hang on the wall?
Curt 'n Rod.
What does a pirate with heart failures need?
Anti-arrrrrrrrrrhythmics.
How does the Pope dry his hands?
He uses a Papal towel.
Doctor Doctor I've broken my arm in four places.
Docter: Well stop going to those 4 places then!
What has four legs and one arm?
A rottweiler at a park.
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