A golfer had a heart attack and died on the way to the hospital. He was on a fairway to heaven.
I need to stop being such a numbskull.
What is a good pick-up line an axon terminal can use on a dendrite?
"Let's connect."
I used to get heartburn when I ate birthday cake until a doctor advised me to take the candles off first.
What do you get when you throw a hand grenade into a French bathroom?
Linoleum Blownapart.
What do you call an Irish dancer having a heart attack?
Michael flatline.
Saw my dad outside with a tv antenna on his head
When I asked him why, he said he was trying to get more in tune with nature.
I didn't want to have brain surgery but I had to.
I guess it changed my mind.
Why do youngsters like pelvic bones so much?
Because they're hip.
What did the stimulus do to the neuron after they got married?
Carried it over the threshold.
I hate going to the doctor because all he does is suck blood from my neck.
Do NOT go see Dr. Acula!
I highly encourage you to have more brain farts
It develops mental fartitude.
Why did the little girl color her paper heart pink rather than red?
She was feeling lighthearted.
What did the Hollywood film director say to the young neuron that wanted to be an actor?
"Hey kid, you've got potential."
My doctor forgot to document my blood type.
It was a typo.
Why did the thief cut the legs off his bed?
Because he needed to lie low.
Why was the skeleton stupid?
He was a numskull.
Why didn’t one skeleton want to look at the other skeleton?
He didn’t have the stomach for it.
I gave my heart to a girl from Great Britain.
She turns around and Brexit into a million pieces.
A chemical in science class can make your hands go numb
But math will make you number.
What do you call a sheep with no legs?
A cloud.
When it came to tilling his garden by hand, he put a lot of heart into it.
He was gung hoe.
Two spines are running up the hill as a hedgehog passes by them
Then one spine turns and says to the other “we missed the bus!!”
My mother's sister was a gamble who enjoyed poker. She would heartily add to the initial pot but fold after the first hand...
We called her Auntie Up.
You really gotta hand it to short people, because they can't reach it on their own.
I broke both my legs yesterday and now I have to use a wheelchair
I really can’t stand my situation right now.
What do skeletons put in their photocopiers?
Skeletoner
Exasperated, I threw my hands up in the air and shouted at my wife, "I'm not a complete idiot!" She smiled at me and purred, "I know honey."
"Some parts are missing."
My sister asked me to hand her lipstick but i handed her a glue stick instead
She still won’t talk to me
What reassuring advice did the meninges give to the brain?
"Don't worry, I've got you covered."
How did the frog feel when he hurt his leg?
Unhoppy
Why were the axons bothered by myelin?
It was getting on their nerves.
I thought I broke my leg when I tripped over a box of Kleenex last night
But the doctor said it's only tissue damage.
When is a synapse like a tree?
When it is pruned.
How do two skeletons have se*?
They bone each other.
What did the angry brain say to the nociceptor?
"You're a real pain."
What’s the least honest bone in the body?
The fibula.
What's a skeletons favorite activity?
Boning.
What do you call a dog that likes to dig up bones?
A barkeologist.
What does a pirate with heart failures need?
Anti-arrrrrrrrrrhythmics.
I had a birth defect where they had to relocate my heart
I guess you could say my heart wasn't in the right place.
Did you hear about the man who had nothing else to do so drilled into his own head?
He was bored to death.
How do you mess up a brain, on paper?
With a few strokes.
As a mythologist and head of the household,
My word is lore.
What vegetable lives in your heart?
Beets.
My friend always sleeps with his head on a bag of rice
He said it was a type of pilau.
How did the woman react when the doctor suggested she have a brain biopsy?
She gave him a piece of her mind.
What do you call a barbecued, blood-sucking insect?
Mesquite-o.
Where does a brain go on vacation?
To a hippo camp us.
I heard a heart wrenching story recently.
A car mechanic became a cardiac surgeon.
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