I had a birth defect where they had to relocate my heart
I guess you could say my heart wasn't in the right place.
Saw my dad outside with a tv antenna on his head
When I asked him why, he said he was trying to get more in tune with nature.
How did the cardiologist figure out what she wanted to do with her life?
She just followed her heart.
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef.
What happens if you break the brain scanner?
I took my dog's bone away from him.
She was fur-rious.
I heard about a football player who had a heart attack and collapsed on top of his opponent.
He was dead on a rival.
Did you hear about the guy who got his left arm and left leg cut off?
That’s okay, he’s all-right now!
Why do action potentials make good volleyball players?
They are always spiking.
My favourite jokes are skeleton puns
Why? I find them humorous.
“I told you Doc!! I’ve got fatigue and my heart keeps skipping a beat! Why do you keep calling me a liar??
Doctor: “Sir, I’ll say it again, that’s A Fib!”
What are the two most profane bones in the human body?
The blasfemurs.
How do skeleton’s get their mail delivered?
By the bony express.
Why did the T-Rex only sell hand-guns?
He was a small-arms dealer.
"Dying to have fun."
When does a brain get afraid?
When it loses its nerve.
Why was the skeleton stupid?
He was a numskull.
My cranium is empty. I'm running bone-dry here.
How does the spinal cord hammer a nail into a wall?
With a series of spinal taps.
What do you call a person missing 75%, of their spine?
A quarterback.
If your dog was a neurologist, what would it do all day?
Perform PET scans.
Donating blood can be A-positive experience
But sometimes it can B-negative.
happens when you bother the parietal lobe?
It gets very touchy.
What has a head but no body, a heart but no blood, leaves but no branches and grows without wood?
Lettuce
What kind of fish performs brain surgery?
A neurosturgeon.
What happens when you anger a brain surgeon?
They will give you a piece of your mind.
What do you call a man with no legs and no arms resting on a porch?
Matt.
I can't stand when people kick me in the back of the leg.
How do a group of skeletons drive to work?
In the carpal lane.
What did the hippocampus say during its retirement speech?
"Thanks for the memories."
Why didn’t the skeleton scare the trick-or-treaters on Halloween?
He didn’t have the heart.
I went to the Red Cross to donate blood.
They threw me out and said "We don't want your type here!"
What do you call a toddler running towards their mother with arms high up in the air?
A quick pick-me-up.
I was walking down an alley in Scotland when I found a severed man's hand...
I wonder if he was kilt.
Grandpa died because we couldn’t figure out his blood type.
At least he told us to be positive.
Her ex-husband had a heart attack after winning the lottery
But he'd neglected to update his will. She just couldn't bereave her luck!
I just found out that my son got a tattoo of spades, diamonds, hearts, and clubs on his arm.
I might have to deal with him later.
Where do you imprison a naughty skeleton?
A rib cage.
I lub dub you with all my heart.
Where does a brain go on vacation?
To a hippo camp us.
I broke my spine in an accident last year. Had a life saving operation to fix my neck which permanently locked my head in place.
Since then I've never looked back.
Why are bones so calm?
Nothing gets under their skin.
When is a synapse like a tree?
When it is pruned.
Guy walks into a tailor shop to pick up his suit. The tailor hands him a jacket and pair of pants. The guy says “But I had a 3-piece suit.”
Tailor says “The vest is yet to come.”
Why are neuroanatomy classes the smartest?
They have lots of brains.
What type of photos do neurons post to Facebook?
Cellfies.
What did the dinosaur say to his lover?
You make my heart saur!
Have you heard of the story about the campanologist without arms?
Doesn't ring a bell.
Why are sponges and brains similar?
They both like to soak up "material"
Why did the skeleton start a fight?
He had a bone to pick.
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