What is a sleeping brain's favorite musical group (rock band)?
REM.
I broke my spine in an accident last year. Had a life saving operation to fix my neck which permanently locked my head in place.
Since then I've never looked back.
A lady stormed off when I asked about her hand bag.
Maybe the question was to pursonal.
Her ex-husband had a heart attack after winning the lottery
But he'd neglected to update his will. She just couldn't bereave her luck!
Saw my dad outside with a tv antenna on his head
When I asked him why, he said he was trying to get more in tune with nature.
My skeleton girlfriend dumped me the other day. She had the hottest spine I have ever seen.
I just want her back.
Why do skeletons get sick on windy days?
It goes right through them.
If a woman with big breasts works at Hooters, where does someone with one leg work?
IHOP.
I used to get heartburn when I ate birthday cake until a doctor advised me to take the candles off first.
Are you a locksmith? Because you hold the key to my heart.
I wish that I could be the coronary artery of my wife so that I would be wrapped around her heart.
I'm glad I have my 2nd Amendment right to bear arms.
Otherwise, I'd have been amputated at birth.
Does anybody remember the joke I posted about my spine?
It was about a weak back.
What does a zombie say as he squishes your brains between his fingers?
Got your knows.
Why couldn’t the skeleton get out of bed?
He was bone tired.
Why did the pig have a heart attack?
Too much bacon.
"Some people have no guts."
I can't stand when people kick me in the back of the leg.
How many bones are in the human hand?
A handful of them.
When is a synapse like a tree?
When it is pruned.
I need to stop being such a numbskull.
Someone asked me to sing a line from "Don't go breaking my heart"
I couldn't if I tried.
You’re so beautiful, I can heartly believe my eyes.
What do you call a deer that feeds on the blood of others?
Vlad the impala.
How do two skeletons have se*?
They bone each other.
Did you hear about the skeleton that was almost picked apart by a group of wild dogs?
He marrowly escaped.
What happens when you shatter your funny bone?
You crack up.
You must be a defibrillator because you are sending shocks directly to my heart.
I'm going to get the numbers 1 through 30 tattooed up my arm.
That way people can always count on me.
What did the doctor tell the skeleton who wanted to donate his body to science?
Spine on the dotted line.
I don't mind leg day at the gym.
It's just the two days after that I can't stand.
Two blood cells can meet and fall in love with each other, but it is all in vein.
My hypochondriac brother just told me he thinks he's got a brain tumor.
I told him not to worry, it's probably all in his head.
It doesn’t help that my doctor keeps making fun of my broken leg. He’s just adding insult to injury.
My friend always sleeps with his head on a bag of rice
He said it was a type of pilau.
This year, my brain and my heart are Valentines to each other.
A monk, a priest and a rabbit walk into a blood bank.
The rabbit says "I think I'm a type o"
How did the cardiologist figure out what she wanted to do with her life?
She just followed her heart.
What do you call a Chinese man with one leg? Tie won shu
What did the mother brain say to her oldest child when it was bothering her youngest child?
It didn't want to get brain-washed.
It's better to amputate at the shoulder,
Its twice as much work to cut off forearms.
Restrooms in restaurants often have a sign saying "Employees must wash hands".
But after waiting hours, no one has ever helped me with mine!
Did you hear about the man who had nothing else to do so drilled into his own head?
He was bored to death.
How do a group of skeletons drive to work?
In the carpal lane.
"I have a joke about hearts, but I don't think you will get it."
"Why?"
"Because it is an inside joke."
My wife bought me an expensive umbrella and she’s been holding it over my head ever since.
What's the quickest way to a man's heart?
His chest.
What do you call a father who’s against hand bags?
Antiperspirant.
There's a microchip you can transplant into your brain to boost your memory
You should keep that in mind.
Where do you learn about bones?
Osteoclasst.
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