What do you call a skeleton who lies?
A phoney-ba-boney.
The sound of my bones really cracks me up.
My wife threw a block of cheddar at my head
I said "Well that's mature."
I’m directing a play about a boy who broke his arm.
You should see the cast.
What are the magic words for a brainy magician?
Hocus sulcus.
What do you call a group of arms?
An army.
You must be a defibrillator because you are sending shocks directly to my heart.
I need to stop being such a numbskull.
What bug has 100 legs and lives by the outhouse?
Scenta-Peed.
What do you call a fake bone?
A faux-knee.
What’s the coolest part of a skeleton?
The hip.
What's a skeletons favorite activity?
Boning.
Where does a neuron keep its money?
In a brain bank.
Why does the spinal cord belong in the brass section of an orchestra?
Because of its dorsal and ventral horns.
My mom always says that the stomach is the best way to a man’s heart. That’s why she is a bad surgeon.
Why are blood physicians so rich?
Because blood cells.
What blood type does a pessimist have?
B Negative
What did the axon terminal say to the receptor when they broke up?
I need my space.
Keeping tropical fish in your home has a calming effect on the brain
because of the indoor fins.
Honey! I know this can be a bit cheesy, but you will always have a big pizza my heart.
What do neurons do on their birthdays?
They cell-ebrate
I lost my memory after getting hit on the head by a boomerang.
It's all coming back to me now.
What do you say when you go to a dinner with a bunch of osteopathologists?
Bone appetit!
It doesn’t help that my doctor keeps making fun of my broken leg. He’s just adding insult to injury.
"Do you play the trom-bone?"
What did one skeleton wrestler say to the other?
You better watch out for my special move. It will verta-break your back!
My family visited a rude psychic, with degenerative bone disease, who insisted all of us had bad breath.
She was a super callous fragile mystic expecting halitosis.
What do you call someone who loves dark beer?
Stouthearted.
How did the cardiologist figure out what she wanted to do with her life?
She just followed her heart.
What did the police officer say to the hand?
Stop! You are under a wrist!
What did the skeleton bring to the potluck?
Spare ribs.
A friend failed his medical exam when he X-rayed his lower torso.
He didn’t put his heart into it.
How do a group of skeletons drive to work?
In the carpal lane.
How do you greet a skeleton in france?
"Bonejour."
"Lazy bones."
You’re my heartthrob.
What do you call a cow with two legs?
Lean beef.
A man walks into a bar with a chunk of asphalt under his arm.
He goes up to the bartender and says "A drink please and another for the road."
This year, my brain and my heart are Valentines to each other.
What’s the best tool to have when your heart sinks?
A Jack of Hearts.
Why did the skeleton start a fight?
He had a bone to pick.
What did the doctor tell the skeleton who wanted to donate his body to science?
Spine on the dotted line.
Breaking a leg during an audition ensures you're in the cast.
She was wheeled to the operating room, but then she underwent a change of heart.
My wife tried to unlatch our daughter's car seat with one hand and said, "How do one armed mothers do it?" Without missing a beat I replied, "Single handedly."
I just found out that my son got a tattoo of spades, diamonds, hearts, and clubs on his arm.
I might have to deal with him later.
What do you call a deer that feeds on the blood of others?
Vlad the impala.
What do you call a carnival worker who’s eating a turkey leg?
A carnie-vor.
I find bone puns very
Humerus.
What dinner dish does a developing neuron use?
A neural plate.
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