Why can't a brain be 12 inches long?
Becuase then it would be a foot.
What do you call a guy with no arms and legs lying on a pile of leaves?
Russle.
I was sailing my boat when a massive hand rose out of the water and then slowly disappeared...
I thought, 'That's the biggest wave I've ever seen!'
I punched my monitor and now my hand really hertz.
Why can’t a group of skeletons ever get anything done?
It’s a skeleton crew.
Why do skeletons get sick on windy days?
It goes right through them.
What is a neuroscientist's favorite type of dog?
A labratory retriever.
What’s a skeletons favorite wrestling event?
A rib cage match.
What do you call a dog that likes to dig up bones?
A barkeologist.
Why are hands so reliable?
Because you can always count on them.
My dad just told me something that sent a chill down my spine.
He said, “I’m turning off the heating.”
Sigmund Freud used to always wear a piece of jewelry on his wrist...
It was an id bracelet.
Why are fish so smart?
They spend a lot of time in schools.
What kind of fish performs brain surgery?
A neurosturgeon.
I like to reminisce about the surgeon who removed my spine.
Really takes me back.
Why are skeletons such bad liars?
Everyone can see right through them.
You must be a defibrillator because you are sending shocks directly to my heart.
A friend failed his medical exam when he X-rayed his lower torso.
He didn’t put his heart into it.
How did the woman react when the doctor suggested she have a brain biopsy?
She gave him a piece of her mind.
Don't you just hate it when it's 212 degrees outside? It really just makes my blood boil.
What is the brain's favorite television channel?
The Neural Network.
What do you call a funny bone?
A humerus.
Why do we tell actors to “break a leg”?
Because every play needs a cast.
I used to be engaged to a girl with a wooden leg.
But I broke it off.
Why didn’t one skeleton want to look at the other skeleton?
He didn’t have the stomach for it.
No body has ever won a skeleton race.
Where do you imprison a naughty skeleton?
A rib cage.
A man with spine cancer walks up to his friend
His friend notices that the man is holding his back while walking up to him
His friend asks "What's wrong?".
The man says "My back is killing me".
Doctor said I’m at risk of having a heart attack due to high sodium intake.
I took what he said with a grain of salt.
What is a skeleton’s favorite plant?
A bone-zai tree.
A person without arms and a knife in their mouth is still technically armed,
but only to the teeth.
Why did the pig have a heart attack?
Too much bacon.
A golfer had a heart attack and died on the way to the hospital. He was on a fairway to heaven.
My dad has the heart of a lion...
and a lifetime ban from the zoo.
I tried my hand at cinematography, but it didn't really pan out.
A brain aneurysm would be swell.
I wish that I could be the coronary artery of my wife so that I would be wrapped around her heart.
The nurse made my heart skip a beat
It was fine after she plugged the life support back in.
"I would make a skeleton joke, but you wouldn't find it very
humerus."
A mime in my town was arrested yesterday after he broke his left arm in a bar fight.
He still has the right to remain silent.
Someone said, "sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me."
So I through a dictionary at them.
Dogs can't see your bones.
But catscan.
Doctor Doctor I've broken my arm in four places.
Docter: Well stop going to those 4 places then!
I hate going to the doctor because all he does is suck blood from my neck.
Do NOT go see Dr. Acula!
Saw my dad outside with a tv antenna on his head
When I asked him why, he said he was trying to get more in tune with nature.
How do skeleton’s get their mail delivered?
By the bony express.
Why can’t a legless skeleton win an argument?
They don’t have a leg to stand on.
Did you hear about the poker player who lost his arm and got a prosthetic replacement?
He’s finding it hard to deal with.
Are you a locksmith? Because you hold the key to my heart.
What do you get when you cross a thought with a light bulb?
A bright idea.
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