I surprised my friend as she was trying to steal another spine from a corpse...
She was takin' a back when taken aback!
I hate going to the doctor because all he does is suck blood from my neck.
Do NOT go see Dr. Acula!
What has a head but no body, a heart but no blood, leaves but no branches and grows without wood?
Lettuce
Why did the skeleton start a fight?
He had a bone to pick.
What do you call a group of brains who form a singing group at school?
A glia club.
Why does the skeleton wear skinny jeans?
Because it’s got a marrow waistline.
I can't stand people who don't wash their hands.
They make me sick.
Which alphabet gang strikes fear in the hearts of the other letters?
I Q U.
I find bone puns very
Humerus.
Why did the pig have a heart attack?
Too much bacon.
My local pizza place is selling heart shaped pizzas for Valentine’s Day
I find it to be a bit cheesy.
A monk, a priest and a rabbit walk into a blood bank.
The rabbit says "I think I'm a type o"
You’re my sweetheart, and I’m so pumped about that.
Where do skeletons go hang out at night?
Anywhere, as long as it's a hip joint.
What does a pirate with heart failures need?
Anti-arrrrrrrrrrhythmics.
Why did the skeleton cross the road?
To get to the body shop.
If your canoe turns upside down in the water, you can wear it on your head.
Because it’s capsized.
Asked my son what his favourite thing about Popeye was.
He said, "Forearms."
I said, "No, he only has two."
What are the two most profane bones in the human body?
The blasfemurs.
Why do brain cells grown in a dish attend the ballet and opera?
Because they are very cultured.
What do you call someone who loves dark beer?
Stouthearted.
I just found out that my son got a tattoo of spades, diamonds, hearts, and clubs on his arm.
I might have to deal with him later.
Working the poker table at the casino with my new prosthetic hand is going to be a challenge,
But I’ll learn to deal with it.
What do you get when you cross a "bad idea for using fur" with 86 billion neurons?
A hare-brained idea.
Where do you learn about bones?
Osteoclasst.
Where do brains go for vacation in Massachusetts?
Braintree, MA
I don't mind leg day at the gym.
It's just the two days after that I can't stand.
Recently, my friend had his ankle bone crack.
I told him he shouldn't be so broken up over it.
Donating blood can be A-positive experience
But sometimes it can B-negative.
What do you call it when a cardiology student flunks out?
Heart failure.
I’m directing a play about a boy who broke his arm.
You should see the cast.
Why aren’t skeletons good at poker?
You can see right through them.
What did the doctor give the lollipop when he broke his leg
A candy cane.
What is a skeletons favorite meal?
Anything with Ribs.
Cutting my arms was the best descision I've ever made
Hands down.
I had a dream I was looking for my brain
But it was all in my head.
How do you mess up a brain, on paper?
With a few strokes.
What happened to the pirate who lost his peg leg?
He couldn't find it, so he was stumped.
I tried making a machine that shoots bullets out of your fingers, but it shot out my spine instead.
Well, that back fired.
I can't stand when people kick me in the back of the leg.
What do you call a toddler running towards their mother with arms high up in the air?
A quick pick-me-up.
Doctor said I’m at risk of having a heart attack due to high sodium intake.
I took what he said with a grain of salt.
I had a birth defect where they had to relocate my heart
I guess you could say my heart wasn't in the right place.
What do you call glia when it is happy?
Smyelin.
Why do neurons like e-mail?
The love messages.
Why can't a brain be 12 inches long?
Becuase then it would be a foot.
What do you call two guys with no arms and no legs and hang on the wall?
Curt 'n Rod.
If a woman with big breasts works at Hooters, where does someone with one leg work?
IHOP.
What is a 2000 pound skeleton called
A skeleTon.
One day, I looked to my spine and said
Thanks for all the support! Thanks to you we've grown to new heights.
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