What do you call a funny bone?
A humerus.
My dad told me to finish his bird painting. He painted the head, torso and legs.
To be honest, I just winged it.
Did you hear about the bear with the bad heart?
It went into kodiak arrest.
What street does the hippocampus live on?
Memory lane.
Why didn't the brain want to take a bath?
What reassuring advice did the meninges give to the brain?
"Don't worry, I've got you covered."
What kind of fish performs brain surgery?
A neurosturgeon.
Doctor said I’m at risk of having a heart attack due to high sodium intake.
I took what he said with a grain of salt.
My skeleton girlfriend dumped me the other day. She had the hottest spine I have ever seen.
I just want her back.
Scientist are shocked after discovery of a new african bee species that can keep on flying even after their heart stops.
Local tribes in fear of a zombee apocalypse
I was doing brain surgery to a patient the other day
He was rather open-minded if you ask me.
What do you call a guy that hands out free kebabs to the hungry?
A Döner.
What's a skeletons favorite activity?
Boning.
A chemical in science class can make your hands go numb
But math will make you number.
How do you call a man who can cook an egg on his head?
pan o man.
What does a skeleton play in a band?
A Trom-Bone.
what does goblin's blood consist of?
A hemogoblin
Why can't a brain be 12 inches long?
Becuase then it would be a foot.
Why do mummies like myelin?
Because of all the wrapping.
Why aren’t skeletons good at poker?
You can see right through them.
I went to the hospital for chest pains but the doctor kept inspecting my spine.
This place is back wards.
I went skiing with broken bones.
I can't afford real skis.
What do you call a glass of pig’s blood?
Swine.
What do you call a carnival worker who’s eating a turkey leg?
A carnie-vor.
I tried making a machine that shoots bullets out of your fingers, but it shot out my spine instead.
Well, that back fired.
My daughter was just complaining about washing dishes by hand
I told her, “well... it’s better than washing them by foot.”
Why didn’t one skeleton want to look at the other skeleton?
He didn’t have the stomach for it.
How do skeleton’s get their mail delivered?
By the bony express.
My wife bought me an expensive umbrella and she’s been holding it over my head ever since.
I'm glad I have my 2nd Amendment right to bear arms.
Otherwise, I'd have been amputated at birth.
Have you heard of the story about the campanologist without arms?
Doesn't ring a bell.
Why is a baby showing the top of its head during labor a significant event?
Because that’s the baby’s crowning achievement.
What do you call a group of arms?
An army.
"Some people have no guts."
How do two skeletons have se*?
They bone each other.
I heard about a football player who had a heart attack and collapsed on top of his opponent.
He was dead on a rival.
Did you hear about the cardiologist who went to great lengths to win the heart of a hematologist?
It was all in vein.
You know, the heart’s the hungriest organ.
It has the heartiest appetite.
What’s it called your backpack messes up your spine?
Schooliosis !
What did the vampire say to the vampire hunter that missed his heart.
Well wasnt that an unfortunate missed-stake.
What do you say when two red blood cells get married?
Coagulations!
What do you call a dog that likes to dig up bones?
A barkeologist.
My family visited a rude psychic, with degenerative bone disease, who insisted all of us had bad breath.
She was a super callous fragile mystic expecting halitosis.
How did the woman react when the doctor suggested she have a brain biopsy?
She gave him a piece of her mind.
What do you call it when a pillow hits its head?
A concushion.
What do you call a Chinese man with one leg? Tie won shu
What do you call a skull without 86 billion neurons?
A no brainer.
Two spines are running up the hill as a hedgehog passes by them
Then one spine turns and says to the other “we missed the bus!!”
happens when you bother the parietal lobe?
It gets very touchy.
I surprised my friend as she was trying to steal another spine from a corpse...
She was takin' a back when taken aback!
I'm going to get the numbers 1 through 30 tattooed up my arm.
That way people can always count on me.
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