Did you know you can hear blood flowing close to the skin?
You just have to listen varicosely.
My dad just told me something that sent a chill down my spine.
He said, “I’m turning off the heating.”
I went to the Red Cross to donate blood.
They threw me out and said "We don't want your type here!"
What is a skeletons favorite meal?
Anything with Ribs.
I find bone puns very
Humerus.
I was terrified by the results of my blood test
But my doctor just said B positive
Why are blood physicians so rich?
Because blood cells.
What are the magic words for a brainy magician?
Hocus sulcus.
What do you call it when the axe in your hand falls on your feet.
An AXEIDENT.
Dogs can't see your bones.
But catscan.
I heard a heart wrenching story recently.
A car mechanic became a cardiac surgeon.
Why was the skeleton stupid?
He was a numskull.
You’re so beautiful, I can heartly believe my eyes.
I like to reminisce about the surgeon who removed my spine.
Really takes me back.
I’m directing a play about a boy who broke his arm.
You should see the cast.
What is a myelinated neuron's favorite type of music?
Wrap music.
Why was the neuron sent to the principal's office?
It had trouble controlling its impulses.
What is the name of the Hollywood movie that stars an "outlaw" brain and an "outlaw" woman on a road trip?
Thalamus and Louise.
What did the heart say to the brain before an exam?
You look nervous.
What do you call it when a skeleton is having a great time?
An osteoblast.
What do you call a woman with one leg?
ILENE.
What do you call a cow with two legs?
Lean beef.
Why did the brain go into a group of trees to sleep?
For rest. (forest)
My son asked me why our sailboat is named Blood
I yelled back: "Because it’s a bloody vessel!"
I used to get heartburn when I ate birthday cake until a doctor advised me to take the candles off first.
What human body part is long, hard, bendable, and contains the letters p,e,n,i,s?
Your spine.
I'm glad I have my 2nd Amendment right to bear arms.
Otherwise, I'd have been amputated at birth.
My dad told me to finish his bird painting. He painted the head, torso and legs.
To be honest, I just winged it.
A balding magician had an act where he'd put a rabbit on his head and make it disappear...
The hare vanished into thin hair.
Why do youngsters like pelvic bones so much?
Because they're hip.
I lost my wrist watch somewhere near my house.
Now it’s the neighborhood watch.
What happens if you break the brain scanner?
Honey! I know this can be a bit cheesy, but you will always have a big pizza my heart.
How did the cardiologist figure out what she wanted to do with her life?
She just followed her heart.
What’s a skeletons favorite wrestling event?
A rib cage match.
A surgeon was about to perform heart surgery when he received notice that the replacement was delivered to his house!
Home is where the heart is.
So a man walked up to me and placed some soil, plant seeds and fertilizer on my head.
It was annoying at first, but I think it grew on me.
What do you say when two red blood cells get married?
Coagulations!
What does a zombie say as he squishes your brains between his fingers?
Got your knows.
My wife threw a block of cheddar at my head
I said "Well that's mature."
Always think hard before you get married because on one hand you have a cool ring but on the other hand you don’t.
"I would make a skeleton joke, but you wouldn't find it very
humerus."
My son was injected with poisoned blood from a person from Finland
He said "I am finnished."
What does a pirate with heart failures need?
Anti-arrrrrrrrrrhythmics.
When does it rain brains?
During a brain storm.
"You can't skele-run from my skele-puns."
What does a brain do when it sees a friend across the street?
Gives a brain wave.
What's a skeletons favorite activity?
Boning.
My friend has an insect parasite that can't stop fidgeting as it sucks blood.
He has a nervous tick.
What is a sleeping brain's favorite musical group (rock band)?
REM.
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