What does a zombie say as he squishes your brains between his fingers?
Got your knows.
I had a dream I was looking for my brain
But it was all in my head.
You really gotta hand it to short people, because they can't reach it on their own.
"I have a joke about hearts, but I don't think you will get it."
"Why?"
"Because it is an inside joke."
"Let's have some skele-fun."
What do you call a fraternity member who likes to drink the blood of goats?
A chupacabro.
What do you call a glass of pig’s blood?
Swine.
Did you hear about the man who had nothing else to do so drilled into his own head?
He was bored to death.
I gave my heart to a girl from Great Britain.
She turns around and Brexit into a million pieces.
I boiled a funny bone once.
It turned into a laughing stock.
What did the patient say after that gave blood?
I feel drained.
What did the skeleton say to the French soldier? Bone Jaw
What do you call a carnival worker who’s eating a turkey leg?
A carnie-vor.
My mother's sister was a gamble who enjoyed poker. She would heartily add to the initial pot but fold after the first hand...
We called her Auntie Up.
Did you hear about the bear with the bad heart?
It went into kodiak arrest.
I used to get heartburn when I ate birthday cake until a doctor advised me to take the candles off first.
I'm glad I have my 2nd Amendment right to bear arms.
Otherwise, I'd have been amputated at birth.
A friend of mine lost the right side of of his brain in a car accident, but he wouldn’t stop drinking and driving.
No one in their right mind would do that.
I was doing brain surgery to a patient the other day
He was rather open-minded if you ask me.
Why didn’t one skeleton want to look at the other skeleton?
He didn’t have the stomach for it.
When does it rain brains?
During a brain storm.
She was wheeled to the operating room, but then she underwent a change of heart.
What happens if you break the brain scanner?
I need to stop being such a numbskull.
Why are sponges and brains similar?
They both like to soak up "material"
I highly encourage you to have more brain farts
It develops mental fartitude.
Two blood cells can meet and fall in love with each other, but it is all in vein.
What has four legs and an arm?
A happy pitbull.
What do you call a Chinese man with one leg? Tie won shu
I aorta tell my wife how much I love her.
How heavy are your bones?
They are scale-a-ton.
A chemical in science class can make your hands go numb
But math will make you number.
Working the poker table at the casino with my new prosthetic hand is going to be a challenge,
But I’ll learn to deal with it.
What did the axon terminal say to the receptor when they broke up?
I need my space.
I went skiing with broken bones.
I can't afford real skis.
While browsing the bookshop, I stuck a sheet of A4 paper to my wife's spine.
She said she wanted a paperback for her birthday.
What can't cows stand on their hind legs?
Because they lactose.
what do doctors use to draw blood?
A needle?
No, a red crayon!
Why did the skeleton cross the road?
To get to the body shop.
What do you get when you cross a "bad idea for using fur" with 86 billion neurons?
A hare-brained idea.
Why can’t a legless skeleton win an argument?
They don’t have a leg to stand on.
Sigmund Freud used to always wear a piece of jewelry on his wrist...
It was an id bracelet.
What kind of car did the heart surgeon drive to work?
A beater.
Why are hands so reliable?
Because you can always count on them.
I'm so Midwestern, it's in my blood
I'm type Ohp!-ositive
What reassuring advice did the meninges give to the brain?
"Don't worry, I've got you covered."
What is a profession involving spine realignment in Egypt?
A Cairo-practor.
What do you call a barbecued, blood-sucking insect?
Mesquite-o.
My wife bought me a scalp massager for Christmas, but I couldn't figure out what it was.
Turns out it was a real head scratcher.
What is it called when a tree has spine problems?
ScoliOAKsis.
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