What do you call a fraternity member who likes to drink the blood of goats?
A chupacabro.
What do we call two birds that are in love?
Tweet-hearts!
My son was injected with poisoned blood from a person from Finland
He said "I am finnished."
Why did the skeleton cross the road?
To get to the body shop.
So a man walked up to me and placed some soil, plant seeds and fertilizer on my head.
It was annoying at first, but I think it grew on me.
Near the town of Hannah Montana people found a dinosaur skeleton.
Scientists identified it as a Mileysaurus.
The Mad Hatter and the Queen of Hearts had a rental agreement
A lease in Wonderland.
Honey! I know this can be a bit cheesy, but you will always have a big pizza my heart.
What part of the brain deals with knowledge about plants?
The treefrontal cortex.
Why do mummies like myelin?
Because of all the wrapping.
How do you know if a spine finds you funny?
It starts cracking up.
What did the axon terminal say to the receptor when they broke up?
I need my space.
I bring my knees to my head and lean forwards.
That's just how I roll.
I surprised my friend as she was trying to steal another spine from a corpse...
She was takin' a back when taken aback!
One or two hours warm my heart,
But 24 hours make my day.
Girlfriend was working on the motorcycle with me the other day...
She exclaimed "God! This is ridiculous. I need, like, four arms to do this!".
To which I replied "but honey, you DO have forearms!"
A mime in our town was arrested yesterday after he got into a bar fight and broke his left arm.
He still has the right to remain silent.
Where do you imprison a naughty skeleton?
A rib cage.
My wife bought me a scalp massager for Christmas, but I couldn't figure out what it was.
Turns out it was a real head scratcher.
I had a birth defect where they had to relocate my heart
I guess you could say my heart wasn't in the right place.
What do you call two spine bones that are friends?
Vertebros.
Why are hands so reliable?
Because you can always count on them.
It doesn’t help that my doctor keeps making fun of my broken leg. He’s just adding insult to injury.
A golfer had a heart attack and died on the way to the hospital. He was on a fairway to heaven.
What do you say when two red blood cells get married?
Coagulations!
Why did the little girl color her paper heart pink rather than red?
She was feeling lighthearted.
I had to give an impromptu speech on a piece of cloth that encircles the wrist...
I spoke off the cuff on the cuff.
I auditioned to be a carpenter’s hand.
Nailed it.
What did the doctor give the lollipop when he broke his leg
A candy cane.
What do you call it when a skeleton is having a great time?
An osteoblast.
Why can't a brain be 12 inches long?
Becuase then it would be a foot.
How did the frog feel when he hurt his leg?
Unhoppy
Why is a baby showing the top of its head during labor a significant event?
Because that’s the baby’s crowning achievement.
Doctor Doctor I've broken my arm in four places.
Docter: Well stop going to those 4 places then!
Why do skeletons get sick on windy days?
It goes right through them.
"Lazy bones."
Someone asked me to sing a line from "Don't go breaking my heart"
I couldn't if I tried.
Sigmund Freud used to always wear a piece of jewelry on his wrist...
It was an id bracelet.
My wrists hurt whenever I drive to work with my co-workers and we go through a tunnel.
I think it's carpool tunnel syndrome.
Doctor said I’m at risk of having a heart attack due to high sodium intake.
I took what he said with a grain of salt.
Why did the thief cut the legs off his bed?
Because he needed to lie low.
I bought a bunch of antique spears online, but they arrived without their spear heads.
I got shafted.
Did you know that a Squid’s esophagus goes through its brain?
Food for thought, isn’t it?
Baking and Fire Safety can go hand-in-hand.
Stop, drop and roll
The real reason humans have wrinkly brains?
We've been in the gene pool too long.
Where does a neuron keep its money?
In a brain bank.
What do you call two guys with no arms and no legs and hang on the wall?
Curt 'n Rod.
Why does a skeleton always tell the truth?
He wants tibia honest.
I'm going to get the numbers 1 through 30 tattooed up my arm.
That way people can always count on me.
Two meth heads start a relationship, is that considered speed dating
or just mething around?
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