What do you call a crazy blood-sucking parasite?
A lunatick!
Where are neurons put in jail when they commit a crime?
A nerve cell.
Near the town of Hannah Montana people found a dinosaur skeleton.
Scientists identified it as a Mileysaurus.
What did the osteopathic medicine doctor bring to the potluck?
Spare ribs.
Where do you learn about bones?
Osteoclasst.
What did the mother brain say to her oldest child when it was bothering her youngest child?
It didn't want to get brain-washed.
My friend built an aromatherapy vaporiser with a built-in brain scanner
Seems a bit out there, but makes scents when you think about it.
Two detectives interrogate a 37 year old mute man. The detectives give the man a notepad which he scribbles on for a few seconds, and hands back to them.
"I'll never talk."
Why do skeletons never move?
Because they have too much Skelatonin.
How do you mess up a brain, on paper?
With a few strokes.
What’s the coolest part of a skeleton?
The hip.
The sound of my bones really cracks me up.
Why can't a brain be 12 inches long?
Becuase then it would be a foot.
Why is the left cerebral cortex always wrong?
Because it was never in the rgiht.
Sigmund Freud used to always wear a piece of jewelry on his wrist...
It was an id bracelet.
Working the poker table at the casino with my new prosthetic hand is going to be a challenge,
But I’ll learn to deal with it.
What do you call someone who loves dark beer?
Stouthearted.
What’s the least honest bone in the body?
The fibula.
If some of Fred Flintstone's neurotransmitters could talk, what would they say?
"Gaba-Daba-Do!"
Why do skeletons get sick on windy days?
It goes right through them.
There's a microchip you can transplant into your brain to boost your memory
You should keep that in mind.
While browsing the bookshop, I stuck a sheet of A4 paper to my wife's spine.
She said she wanted a paperback for her birthday.
Why is a baby showing the top of its head during labor a significant event?
Because that’s the baby’s crowning achievement.
I hate going to the doctor because all he does is suck blood from my neck.
Do NOT go see Dr. Acula!
Exasperated, I threw my hands up in the air and shouted at my wife, "I'm not a complete idiot!" She smiled at me and purred, "I know honey."
"Some parts are missing."
One day, I looked to my spine and said
Thanks for all the support! Thanks to you we've grown to new heights.
I find that the quickest way to man's heart
is with a very very sharp knife.
Did you hear about the guy who got his left arm and left leg cut off?
That’s okay, he’s all-right now!
Why was the skeleton stupid?
He was a numskull.
Where do brains go for vacation in Massachusetts?
Braintree, MA
What do neurons use to talk to each other?
Cellular phones.
What
Why did the skeleton cross the road?
To get to the body shop.
What happens when a neurotransmitter falls in love with a receptor?
You get a binding relationship.
What are the magic words for a brainy magician?
Hocus sulcus.
Did you hear about the bear with the bad heart?
It went into kodiak arrest.
This year, my brain and my heart are Valentines to each other.
Asked my son what his favourite thing about Popeye was.
He said, "Forearms."
I said, "No, he only has two."
What do you call two spine bones that are friends?
Vertebros.
How did the gambler know his hand would stink?
Because he was holding deuces.
I'm surprised you all aren't talking more about that drug with the side effect of making scalps wrinkled.
I mean, it's been making a LOT of head lines.
Before I became a dad, I was terrified I wouldn't know how to be a good one. Oddly enough, it turns out, it's in my blood - I come from a long line of fathers.
My first girlfriend was a tennis player but she broke my heart.
It was like love meant nothing to her.
What do you say when two red blood cells get married?
Coagulations!
My hypochondriac brother just told me he thinks he's got a brain tumor.
I told him not to worry, it's probably all in his head.
What did one deoxygenated blood cell say to the other?
We're all in vain.
How did the mother know her child would become a neuroanatomist?
He was constantly staining stuff.
I bought a bunch of antique spears online, but they arrived without their spear heads.
I got shafted.
What do you call a blood vessel that's mad with power?
A Megalovieniac.
What do we call two birds that are in love?
Tweet-hearts!
The Mad Hatter and the Queen of Hearts had a rental agreement
A lease in Wonderland.
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