Doctor Doctor I've broken my arm in four places.
Docter: Well stop going to those 4 places then!
It doesn’t help that my doctor keeps making fun of my broken leg. He’s just adding insult to injury.
Exasperated, I threw my hands up in the air and shouted at my wife, "I'm not a complete idiot!" She smiled at me and purred, "I know honey."
"Some parts are missing."
My first girlfriend was a tennis player but she broke my heart.
It was like love meant nothing to her.
What do neurons do on their birthdays?
They cell-ebrate
My cardiologist friend keeps sending me x-rays of his chest.
A bit weird, I know, but it just shows his heart is in the right place.
Why do mummies like myelin?
Because of all the wrapping.
Why did the action potential cross the optic chiasm?
To get to the other side.
I got hit in the head with a can of soda yesterday. Luckily for me, it was a soft drink.
I banged my head on a low bridge.
Would have been ok if viaduct.
"Bugs and hisses."
Working as a dock hand is hard,
but it's wharf it.
What do you say when you go to a dinner with a bunch of osteopathologists?
Bone appetit!
My dad told me to finish his bird painting. He painted the head, torso and legs.
To be honest, I just winged it.
What did the brain say after it got an electrical shock?
"This was a stimulating experience."
What happens if you break the brain scanner?
Breaking a leg during an audition ensures you're in the cast.
Why were the two retinas such good friends?
They always saw eye-to-eye.
What is the best toothpaste for the brain?
Neural crest.
What do you call a person missing 75%, of their spine?
A quarterback.
What do you call the shirt a neurosurgeon wears to every brain surgery?
His specialty.
What do you call two guys with no arms and no legs and hang on the wall?
Curt 'n Rod.
When we put our two hearts together, we can’t be beat.
Why was the skeleton so lonely?
He had no body.
What do neurons use to talk to each other?
Cellular phones.
What
What is a skeleton’s favorite plant?
A bone-zai tree.
If some of Fred Flintstone's neurotransmitters could talk, what would they say?
"Gaba-Daba-Do!"
What happened to the pirate who lost his peg leg?
He couldn't find it, so he was stumped.
What type of photos do neurons post to Facebook?
Cellfies.
What did the skeleton say to the French soldier? Bone Jaw
I was doing brain surgery to a patient the other day
He was rather open-minded if you ask me.
What is a 2000 pound skeleton called
A skeleTon.
What is a red heads favorite drink?
Ginger Ale.
What do you call a carnival worker who’s eating a turkey leg?
A carnie-vor.
Why are neuroanatomy classes the smartest?
They have lots of brains.
I was terrified by the results of my blood test
But my doctor just said B positive
Why did the skeleton go to church?
Because it didn’t have any organs.
What did the mother brain say to her oldest child when it was bothering her youngest child?
It didn't want to get brain-washed.
Why are skeletons such bad liars?
Everyone can see right through them.
Why did the skeleton go to the daycare?
To get his Kidneys.
When my girlfriend told me she needed time and distance, my heart almost stopped,
Fortunately, she was just calculating velocity.
A friend failed his medical exam when he X-rayed his lower torso.
He didn’t put his heart into it.
What do you call a man with no arms and no legs floating in a pool?
Bob.
Someone said, "sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me."
So I through a dictionary at them.
I can't stand when people kick me in the back of the leg.
Recently, my friend had his ankle bone crack.
I told him he shouldn't be so broken up over it.
I didn't think the doctor would fix the curve in my spine
But now I stand corrected.
What is a sleeping brain's favorite musical group (rock band)?
REM.
I didn't want to have brain surgery but I had to.
I guess it changed my mind.
That girl must be a premature contraction as she makes my heart skip a beat.
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