What do you get when you cross a thought with a light bulb?
A bright idea.
Why are blood physicians so rich?
Because blood cells.
Doctor said I’m at risk of having a heart attack due to high sodium intake.
I took what he said with a grain of salt.
Which alphabet gang strikes fear in the hearts of the other letters?
I Q U.
My family visited a rude psychic, with degenerative bone disease, who insisted all of us had bad breath.
She was a super callous fragile mystic expecting halitosis.
What are the magic words for a brainy magician?
Hocus sulcus.
What is a skeleton's favorite musical instrument?
The xylobone.
Why do we tell actors to “break a leg”?
Because every play needs a cast.
I was sailing my boat when a massive hand rose out of the water and then slowly disappeared...
I thought, 'That's the biggest wave I've ever seen!'
How do you greet a skeleton in france?
"Bonejour."
What did the vampire say to the vampire hunter that missed his heart.
Well wasnt that an unfortunate missed-stake.
I got hit in the head with a can of soda yesterday. Luckily for me, it was a soft drink.
I had a dream I was looking for my brain
But it was all in my head.
My son asked me why our sailboat is named Blood
I yelled back: "Because it’s a bloody vessel!"
I had to give an impromptu speech on a piece of cloth that encircles the wrist...
I spoke off the cuff on the cuff.
What kind of fish performs brain surgery?
A neurosturgeon.
A friend of mine lost the right side of of his brain in a car accident, but he wouldn’t stop drinking and driving.
No one in their right mind would do that.
What do you call a guy with no arms and legs lying on a pile of leaves?
Russle.
No body has ever won a skeleton race.
Why are neuroanatomy classes the smartest?
They have lots of brains.
What do you call an Irish dancer having a heart attack?
Michael flatline.
There’s a man in Florida with no arms or legs who is armed and on the run
What’s the best tool to have when your heart sinks?
A Jack of Hearts.
I highly encourage you to have more brain farts
It develops mental fartitude.
happens when you bother the parietal lobe?
It gets very touchy.
What's the quickest way to a man's heart?
His chest.
My wife threw a block of cheddar at my head
I said "Well that's mature."
What do you say when you go to a dinner with a bunch of osteopathologists?
Bone appetit!
What did the doctor tell the skeleton who wanted to donate his body to science?
Spine on the dotted line.
Did you know that a Squid’s esophagus goes through its brain?
Food for thought, isn’t it?
What did the hippocampus say during its retirement speech?
"Thanks for the memories."
What bone does a dog not eat?
A trombone.
Bonnie Tyler has released a video all about cardiology.
It’s totally clips of the heart.
I think I'm going to remove my spine.
It's only holding me back.
What do you call a skeleton's favorite singer?
Pelvis Presley.
I can't stand people who don't wash their hands.
They make me sick.
What does the visual system use to play basketball?
Eyeballs.
So my blood test came back positive.
Turns out I’m full of the stuff.
Donating blood can be A-positive experience
But sometimes it can B-negative.
What is a neuron's favorite television channel?
The Ion Channel
I auditioned to be a carpenter’s hand.
Nailed it.
A brain aneurysm would be swell.
Where are neurons put in jail when they commit a crime?
A nerve cell.
A person without arms and a knife in their mouth is still technically armed,
but only to the teeth.
What is a profession involving spine realignment in Egypt?
A Cairo-practor.
Did you hear about the bear with the bad heart?
It went into kodiak arrest.
I hate going to the doctor because all he does is suck blood from my neck.
Do NOT go see Dr. Acula!
I'm going to get the numbers 1 through 30 tattooed up my arm.
That way people can always count on me.
I used to be engaged to a girl with a wooden leg.
But I broke it off.
How does the spinal cord hammer a nail into a wall?
With a series of spinal taps.
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