Working the poker table at the casino with my new prosthetic hand is going to be a challenge,
But I’ll learn to deal with it.
What is a profession involving spine realignment in Egypt?
A Cairo-practor.
I can't stand when people kick me in the back of the leg.
happens when you bother the parietal lobe?
It gets very touchy.
"Let's have some skele-fun."
What do you call two spine bones that are friends?
Vertebros.
Did you hear about the man who had nothing else to do so drilled into his own head?
He was bored to death.
What is a sleeping brain's favorite musical group (rock band)?
REM.
Donating blood can be A-positive experience
But sometimes it can B-negative.
Her ex-husband had a heart attack after winning the lottery
But he'd neglected to update his will. She just couldn't bereave her luck!
I boiled a funny bone once.
It turned into a laughing stock.
Why do brain cells grown in a dish attend the ballet and opera?
Because they are very cultured.
I was walking down an alley in Scotland when I found a severed man's hand...
I wonder if he was kilt.
Where does a neuron keep its money?
In a brain bank.
Why can’t a group of skeletons ever get anything done?
It’s a skeleton crew.
No body has ever won a skeleton race.
what do doctors use to draw blood?
A needle?
No, a red crayon!
Why do youngsters like pelvic bones so much?
Because they're hip.
What is the brain's favorite television channel?
The Neural Network.
My dad told me to finish his bird painting. He painted the head, torso and legs.
To be honest, I just winged it.
What did the police officer say to the hand?
Stop! You are under a wrist!
What do you call a group of arms?
An army.
I broke my spine in an accident last year. Had a life saving operation to fix my neck which permanently locked my head in place.
Since then I've never looked back.
What do you get when you throw a hand grenade into a French bathroom?
Linoleum Blownapart.
My wrists hurt whenever I drive to work with my co-workers and we go through a tunnel.
I think it's carpool tunnel syndrome.
What do you call a fraternity member who likes to drink the blood of goats?
A chupacabro.
Why did the pig have a heart attack?
Too much bacon.
Why can't a brain be 12 inches long?
Becuase then it would be a foot.
What do you call someone who loves dark beer?
Stouthearted.
Why does a skeleton always tell the truth?
He wants tibia honest.
Why did the little girl color her paper heart pink rather than red?
She was feeling lighthearted.
Baking and Fire Safety can go hand-in-hand.
Stop, drop and roll
How many bones are in the human hand?
A handful of them.
What did the axon terminal say to the receptor when they broke up?
I need my space.
What is a red heads favorite drink?
Ginger Ale.
I hate going to the doctor because all he does is suck blood from my neck.
Do NOT go see Dr. Acula!
Did you hear about the cardiologist who went to great lengths to win the heart of a hematologist?
It was all in vein.
I tried making a machine that shoots bullets out of your fingers, but it shot out my spine instead.
Well, that back fired.
An action potential takes the train to school. What is the name of the train station where it gets off for school?
Axon terminal.
I wish that I could be the coronary artery of my wife so that I would be wrapped around her heart.
I had to give an impromptu speech on a piece of cloth that encircles the wrist...
I spoke off the cuff on the cuff.
What do you call a group of brains who form a singing group at school?
A glia club.
What’s the least honest bone in the body?
The fibula.
What do you call an alligator showing off his spine flexibility on the internet?
E-Reptile Disc Function
My first girlfriend was a tennis player but she broke my heart.
It was like love meant nothing to her.
Why do action potentials make good volleyball players?
They are always spiking.
Why was the skeleton so lonely?
He had no body.
Well, you have to hand it to relay runners, don't you?
What do Mexicans wear on their heads in the pool?
Swimbreros.
What’s a skeletons favorite wrestling event?
A rib cage match.
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