"Bugs and hisses."
You’ve stolen my heart. I hereby place you under cardiac arrest.
What do you call a toddler running towards their mother with arms high up in the air?
A quick pick-me-up.
I don't mind leg day at the gym.
It's just the two days after that I can't stand.
My friend has an insect parasite that can't stop fidgeting as it sucks blood.
He has a nervous tick.
"Laughing 'til I'm coffin."
Just been to the funeral of a close friend who died when he was hit in the head by a tennis ball
Great service.
I can't stand when people kick me in the back of the leg.
What did the vampire say to the vampire hunter that missed his heart.
Well wasnt that an unfortunate missed-stake.
What do you call a Chinese man with one leg? Tie won shu
How do you call a man who can cook an egg on his head?
pan o man.
My local pizza place is selling heart shaped pizzas for Valentine’s Day
I find it to be a bit cheesy.
What do you get when you throw a hand grenade into a French bathroom?
Linoleum Blownapart.
Why did the skeleton go to church?
Because it didn’t have any organs.
What part of the brain deals with knowledge about plants?
The treefrontal cortex.
Did you know there's a college in the brain for hippopotami?
It's called the Hippocampus.
Saw my dad outside with a tv antenna on his head
When I asked him why, he said he was trying to get more in tune with nature.
What do you call a t-shirt with cut off arms?
An amputee.
Why do skeletons never move?
Because they have too much Skelatonin.
What do you say when you go to a dinner with a bunch of osteopathologists?
Bone appetit!
What do Mexicans wear on their heads in the pool?
Swimbreros.
I lost my wrist watch somewhere near my house.
Now it’s the neighborhood watch.
How does the Pope dry his hands?
He uses a Papal towel.
"Dying to have fun."
Did you know that a Squid’s esophagus goes through its brain?
Food for thought, isn’t it?
Keeping tropical fish in your home has a calming effect on the brain
because of the indoor fins.
"Bone to be wild."
What did the stimulus do to the neuron after they got married?
Carried it over the threshold.
When does a brain get afraid?
When it loses its nerve.
What do you call an Irish dancer having a heart attack?
Michael flatline.
What is a good pick-up line an axon terminal can use on a dendrite?
"Let's connect."
Why do youngsters like pelvic bones so much?
Because they're hip.
Why are skeletons so calm?
Because nothing gets under their skin.
My dad has the heart of a lion...
and a lifetime ban from the zoo.
I need to stop being such a numbskull.
What do you call it when a cardiology student flunks out?
Heart failure.
What do you call someone who loves dark beer?
Stouthearted.
It's better to amputate at the shoulder,
Its twice as much work to cut off forearms.
If some of Fred Flintstone's neurotransmitters could talk, what would they say?
"Gaba-Daba-Do!"
Breaking a leg during an audition ensures you're in the cast.
I'm going to get the numbers 1 through 30 tattooed up my arm.
That way people can always count on me.
My wife tried to unlatch our daughter's car seat with one hand and said, "How do one armed mothers do it?" Without missing a beat I replied, "Single handedly."
My skeleton girlfriend dumped me the other day. She had the hottest spine I have ever seen.
I just want her back.
A man who makes tie dye shirts was trying to borrow money to expand his small business. While filling out the paperwork, he had a heart attack and collapsed, spilling bottles of colored dye all over his documents.
The poor man dyed a loan.
You’re my sweetheart, and I’m so pumped about that.
Before I became a dad, I was terrified I wouldn't know how to be a good one. Oddly enough, it turns out, it's in my blood - I come from a long line of fathers.
Why did the pig have a heart attack?
Too much bacon.
What do you call two spine bones that are friends?
Vertebros.
A man with spine cancer walks up to his friend
His friend notices that the man is holding his back while walking up to him
His friend asks "What's wrong?".
The man says "My back is killing me".
I heard a heart wrenching story recently.
A car mechanic became a cardiac surgeon.
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