What’s a skeletons favorite wrestling event?
A rib cage match.
What do you call it when the axe in your hand falls on your feet.
An AXEIDENT.
I hate going to the doctor because all he does is suck blood from my neck.
Do NOT go see Dr. Acula!
Why are bones so calm?
Nothing gets under their skin.
What's the quickest way to a man's heart?
His chest.
What do you call a hat for the brain?
A thinking cap.
Someone just asked me to sing any line from "Don't go breaking my heart."
I couldn't if I tried.
What do Mexicans wear on their heads in the pool?
Swimbreros.
Why did the skeleton go to church?
Because it didn’t have any organs.
What can't cows stand on their hind legs?
Because they lactose.
How do you decide whether to be a Brain Surgeon or a Novelist?
You flip a coin. It’ll land on heads or tales.
What do you call two spine bones that are friends?
Vertebros.
“I told you Doc!! I’ve got fatigue and my heart keeps skipping a beat! Why do you keep calling me a liar??
Doctor: “Sir, I’ll say it again, that’s A Fib!”
I can't stand when people kick me in the back of the leg.
Before I became a dad, I was terrified I wouldn't know how to be a good one. Oddly enough, it turns out, it's in my blood - I come from a long line of fathers.
What kind of car did the heart surgeon drive to work?
A beater.
A pile of books fall onto Sean Connery's head
He exclaims: "I only have my shelf to blame!"
Did you hear about the bear with the bad heart?
It went into kodiak arrest.
How do a group of skeletons drive to work?
In the carpal lane.
Where do you imprison a naughty skeleton?
A rib cage.
What did the skeleton say to the French soldier? Bone Jaw
What did the mother brain say to her oldest child when it was bothering her youngest child?
It didn't want to get brain-washed.
The Genie granted my wish for longer arms, but he warned me My wish would have far reaching consequences.
"Do you play the trom-bone?"
I bought a bunch of antique spears online, but they arrived without their spear heads.
I got shafted.
My friend has an insect parasite that can't stop fidgeting as it sucks blood.
He has a nervous tick.
You must be a defibrillator because you are sending shocks directly to my heart.
What happens when a neurotransmitter falls in love with a receptor?
You get a binding relationship.
A knew a guy with such a bad gambling addiction, that he gambled his arms, legs, and torso away.
I told him to quit while he was a head.
What did the axon terminal say to the receptor when they broke up?
I need my space.
A person without arms and a knife in their mouth is still technically armed,
but only to the teeth.
My sister asked me to hand her lipstick but i handed her a glue stick instead
She still won’t talk to me
Recently, my friend had his ankle bone crack.
I told him he shouldn't be so broken up over it.
What did the vampire say to the vampire hunter that missed his heart.
Well wasnt that an unfortunate missed-stake.
So a man walked up to me and placed some soil, plant seeds and fertilizer on my head.
It was annoying at first, but I think it grew on me.
What do neurons do on their birthdays?
They cell-ebrate
Started reading a book called “The Pirate’s Wrist”
I’m hooked.
If your dog was a neurologist, what would it do all day?
Perform PET scans.
What does a brain do when it sees a friend across the street?
Gives a brain wave.
What happens if you break the brain scanner?
What do you call a skeleton who lies?
A phoney-ba-boney.
The brain is an amazing organ
it really makes you think.
I bring my knees to my head and lean forwards.
That's just how I roll.
What do you call a deer that feeds on the blood of others?
Vlad the impala.
No! You can't force me to shave my forearms!
I have a right to bear arms!
Why did the skeleton cross the road?
To get to the body shop.
What do you call a cow with two legs?
Lean beef.
I threw a fuzzy peach at my doctor's head and he said "that's not assault that's a sugar."
My friend always sleeps with his head on a bag of rice
He said it was a type of pilau.
Which alphabet gang strikes fear in the hearts of the other letters?
I Q U.
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