"Bone to be wild."
I hate going to the doctor because all he does is suck blood from my neck.
Do NOT go see Dr. Acula!
Where do brains go for vacation in Massachusetts?
Braintree, MA
I got a handjob of a blind woman the other day. She said "Wow that's the biggest thing I ever had in my hand!"
I said "Come on you're just pulling my leg."
I know a guy who had both arms amputated from elbow to shoulder.
He is always serious and never humerus.
Why was the neuron sent to the principal's office?
It had trouble controlling its impulses.
Where do you imprison a naughty skeleton?
A rib cage.
What do you call glia when it is happy?
Smyelin.
My head hurt and I had a really runny nose during math class
I think i had a sin(x) infection.
What is a profession involving spine realignment in Egypt?
A Cairo-practor.
I banged my head on a low bridge.
Would have been ok if viaduct.
Why did the pianist have to be rushed into surgery after his latest performance?
He played his heart out.
I'm surprised you all aren't talking more about that drug with the side effect of making scalps wrinkled.
I mean, it's been making a LOT of head lines.
How did the gambler know his hand would stink?
Because he was holding deuces.
What do you call it when the axe in your hand falls on your feet.
An AXEIDENT.
Why did the pig have a heart attack?
Too much bacon.
Why do skeletons never move?
Because they have too much Skelatonin.
Why do skeletons get sick on windy days?
It goes right through them.
Before I became a dad, I was terrified I wouldn't know how to be a good one. Oddly enough, it turns out, it's in my blood - I come from a long line of fathers.
I used to get heartburn when I ate birthday cake until a doctor advised me to take the candles off first.
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