Apparently adding a fireplace to your home is the hot new trend...
...and chimney installations are through the roof!
I didn't know if I could crawl through heating vents to escape from prison...
After I duct, I found I conduit!
Did you hear about the guy who fell into the industrial cake mixer?
He's feeling much batter now.
Why did the freezer never graduate?
Because it was set on 0 degrees.
I stopped ironing my clothes.
I have less pressing concerns.
When I don't have time to iron a shirt, I just steel one.
I bought a new heater for my wife.
She didn't like it first, but now I think she's warmed up to it.
Our landlord knocked on our door today and said that if we didn't pay rent, they'd turn off the heater tomorrow.
It was our last warming.
How did the small oven greet the large oven?
He Microwaved.
A friend of mine once found a hundred dollar bill in his pocket after doing laundry...
I became too afraid he might have gotten himself into the money laundering business.
I got arrested at work today for moving my desk away from the air conditoner vent.
I was charged with draft-dodging!
People find laundry therapeutic...
Because it takes a load off their mind.
I couldn't resist this flirty TV remote...
It was an instant turn on.
Whoever named it a television ...
Should've called it a watching machine.
We ran out of laundry detergent today and had to open up a new one.
It was a changing of the Tide.
Last night I turned my wife on by ironing one side of her shirt...
I was pressing all the right buttons.
I tried to help my wife with laundry by putting her underwear away.
But she got her panties in a bunch over it.
My mum asked me to watch the stove while she went to the bathroom. She was so angry when she got back...
Things really boiled over
How can you tell the camera was afraid of the toaster?
Everytime he looked at it, it made him shutter.
I think my window air conditioner needs an ambulance.
It keeps hyperventilating.
Oh laundry, sometimes I feel like our first president...
Because I am washing-a-ton.
I feel uncomfortable next to my fridge
It's way too cool for me
I put some bread in the toaster this morning, but it never popped up again
I think it might be comatoast.
What happens if you put an iPhone in a blender?
You get apple juice.
What did Master Yoda say when he saw himself on the television?
HDMI
What did the man say after he came out of the walk-in freezer?
"That experience was chilling."
Laundry puns?
I got loads of them.
I hid the control for the TV
I’m not even remotely sorry.
TV repair during lockdown has been pretty easy.
It’s mostly remote work.
Accidentally spilled frosting all over the freezer.
Going to leave it be though, since the freezer has an auto defrost feature.
What do you call it when a clothes dryer is dancing?
A linty-hop.
I bring my TV remote into every sports bar I go to so I can change the channel to whatever I want.
It’s a real game changer
Yesterday I put a $50 note in my freezer.
Now I have some frozen assets.
I hear it's easy to get ladies not to eat Tide pods.
It's more difficult to deter gents, though.
My heater won't stop running.
I swear it has no chill.
My roommate keeps taking my water bottle out of the refrigerator.
It's not cool man.
I wonder who invented the air conditioner...
Must’ve been a pretty cool guy.
What do you call a catholic toaster strudel?
A pope tart.
If you're stressed, try ironing clothes.
It's a great way to let off some steam.
When the heat turns down, we thieves gather in our secret hideout for a meeting.
We call it our Con Den session.
Television is a medium,
Because anything well done is rare.
Wife told me that our juicer draws a lot of power.
I explained to her that it takes lot of juice to juice the juicer.
What do you get when you put a saxophonist in a freezer?
Cool jazz.
My wife is threatening to leave me because of my obsession with acting like a TV news anchor.
More on this after the break.
I like jokes. But jokes about air conditioners?
I'm not a fan.
My TV hates the outside world.
Whenever it faces outside it just glares.
Me: Dad, can I turn the air-conditioner on?
Dad: did you shampoo it first?
I was going to start ironing, but I decided it was too depressing.
My wife asked if I knew how to turn on the dishwasher.
I told her I would some flirty compliments.
What do you call an Incarcerated late night TV show host?
Jimmy Felon.
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