Julius Caesar
But Julius is too shy to talk to her
Why was Julius Caesar the first dictator of Rome?
He was the only one with the Gaul to try it.
What did the ancient roman dad name his fat newborn?
Voluminous.
A history student was so enamored with Ancient Rome that he decided to become a Roman himself. His friends weren't very supportive. They kept telling him to get with the times,
New Roman.
My wife and I agreed for some Roman foreplay
I agreed to be Caesar and my wife was the beautiful Cleopatra
I got stabbed 23 times
How did Julius Caesar like his water?
Rome temperature.
Why didn't ancient Romans reuse crosses after crucifixions?
To avoid cross contamination
I recently learned that the Romans were renowned for their architecture.
Doesn't make much sense to me, considering it fell.
What do you call a musician who just saw Medusa?
A rockstar!
What was the most common sandwich in Ancient Rome?
A Plebeian J
Why didn't Cleopatra confess that she loved Julius Caesar?
Because she lived in the Nile
Getting a Roman soldier to stand next to an Irishman ...
... requires a lot of Gaul.
Where did Julius Caesar's fans sit at the Colosseum?
The Caesarean section.
What did the anciient Roman soldier tell his girlfriend?
You are a solid X
Julius Caesar's brother was the first historically known epileptic.
His name? Julius Seizure.
Did Roman architecture emphasize forum over function?
This soldier, Titius, liked to kick a soccer ball around at night and was suspected of breaking some important statues. When his friends asked why he hadn't showed up for his platoon's morning workout, Terentius Vespa quipped,
"Oh, it's okay - he said he broke an arm."
My Ph.D thesis was on cattle raised in the Roman city of Pompeii. To understand it all I had to visit the ancient mooins.
How did the Roman senators picked who will be first to stab the emperor?
They played rock paper Caesar
Why did Julius Caesar buy crayons?
He wanted to Mark Antony.
How did kids in Ancient Rome get their hair cut?
With little Caesar's.
What is Romeo and Juliet's least favorite fruit?
Can't- elope!
I think if Rome hadn't been built on a hill...
..it wouldn't have had such a fast decline.
Did you know they didn't have smart phones in ancient Rome?
They had tablets.
After Jesus's trial was complete, he asked the Roman soldier closest to him what was going to happen next.
"I don't know. I'll keep you posted."
Romeo & Juliet.doc...
...is a play on Word.
Helvetica and Times New Roman walk into a bar. "GET OUT OF HERE!!!" The Bartender shouts we don't serve your type!
Why don't they sell GPSs in Italy?
Because all the roads lead to Rome.
The Romans used devastating wordplay against the Carthaginians, during the Punic Wars.
A Roman walks into a cafe and makes an "X" with his fingers.
He says, "Ten teas, please!"
The Romans must have thought the year three thousand was going to be tasty.
MMM
What do you call a depressed tick from ancient Rome?
A hopeless Roman Tick
Me: Can I get XL shirts here?
Ancient Rome Shopkeeper: Are you sure you want that many shirts?
In Ancient Rome, there were 4 types of poison. Poisons I, II, and III would all kill you with varying degrees of pain.
However, Poison IV would just make you really itchy.
Why are 40 romans funny?
Because they are XD.
Why did Julius Caesar go to the dermatologist?
Because he had so many lesions.
How good/bad was the Internet at the time of the Roman Emperors?
Let me put it that way: the lag was so bad it took Jesus three days just to respawn and he got disconnected soon afterwards.
You know why I hate Julius Caesar jokes?
They always kill me.
Have you heard about the roman numeral hospital?
All they have is IVs!
What does it take to be good at making Greek pottery?
You have to urn it.
A Roman Lifeguard on duty:
See Caesar, Beware the tides of March!
Which famous Roman suffered from hayfever?
Julius Sneezer.
What happens when a Roman insults a Parisian's coffee?
A French Roast.
People argue that the Romans were wrong to crucify Jesus
Personally, I think they nailed it.
What was the Romans' greatest achievement?
Learning to speak Latin!
Julius Caesar: "Brutus, that's a very nice dagger, is it new?"
Brutus: "Thanks, and yes, they had a sale at Traitor Joe's."
I heard people are trying to ban roman numerals.
Not on my watch.
Why did it take the Roman General 10 tries to find the buried treasure?
Because X marks the spot
Which roman emperor was a mouse? Julius cheeser!
Why was the roman soldier kicked out of the army? Because he was roamin around during war.
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