Romeo & Juliet.doc...
...is a play on Word.
A sperm donor, a carpenter, and julius ceaser walk into a bar
He came, he saw, he conquered
A Roman Lifeguard on duty:
See Caesar, Beware the tides of March!
What happened when Caesar's government officials could not reach consensus?
Irritable Brawls in Rome
You know, I really liked the rule of Nero.
Rome was pretty lit at the time.
Did you hear about the new Netflix series? The one about a couple of poor female artists living in 1600s Rome?
I think it's called Two Baroque Girls
Pirate ship Captain: Listen up, I need some help in writing 2 in Roman numerals.
Crew: I I captain.
Which roman emperor was a mouse? Julius cheeser!
A Roman walks into a cafe and makes an "X" with his fingers.
He says, "Ten teas, please!"
What was the Romans' greatest achievement?
Learning to speak Latin!
What does it take to be good at making Greek pottery?
You have to urn it.
What did the anciient Roman soldier tell his girlfriend?
You are a solid X
You know why I hate Julius Caesar jokes?
They always kill me.
This soldier, Titius, liked to kick a soccer ball around at night and was suspected of breaking some important statues. When his friends asked why he hadn't showed up for his platoon's morning workout, Terentius Vespa quipped,
"Oh, it's okay - he said he broke an arm."
Why can't a pirate count Roman numerals?
They got lost at C
Okay, so, I *had* an offensive joke I wanted to tell about Ancient Rome
But I don't have the Gaul anymore...
If Romeo and Juliet were tuna...
they would be Starkist lovers.
What time is it Julius? 8:02 Brutus.
Julius Caesar
Was a well dressed romaine.
Why did Julius Caesar go to the dermatologist?
Because he had so many lesions.
What was the most popular kids' movie in Ancient Greece?
Troy Story.
What happens when a Roman insults a Parisian's coffee?
A French Roast.
Why are 40 romans funny?
Because they are XD.
Helvetica and Times New Roman walk into a bar. "GET OUT OF HERE!!!" The Bartender shouts we don't serve your type!
Just landed in Rome, Italy. My pilot used to be a Franciscan Monk...
...But now he's an Air Friar.
Have you heard about the roman numeral hospital?
All they have is IVs!
Why didn't the Romans have algebra?
Because X always equaled 10!
It's impossible to ruin the view of the Colisseum.
Who used to run pen & paper RPGs in 1st century BC Rome?
The Carpe DM
The Romans used devastating wordplay against the Carthaginians, during the Punic Wars.
Where did the Romans go to rent their vehicles?
Herculease.
The Romans must have thought the year three thousand was going to be tasty.
MMM
I can't remember how to write 1, 1000, 51, 6 or 500 in Roman numerals.
I M L I VI D
Doofus was the stupidest of Roman generals.
Why didn't ancient Romans reuse crosses after crucifixions?
To avoid cross contamination
My Ph.D thesis was on cattle raised in the Roman city of Pompeii. To understand it all I had to visit the ancient mooins.
What did Caesar say to Cleopatra?
"Toga-ther, we can rule the world!"
Everyone remembers the iconic line from the lesser known Tragedy of Julius Sneezer:
"Achoo, Brute?"
What is Julius Caesar's favorite food?
Roman noodles
My wife and I agreed for some Roman foreplay
I agreed to be Caesar and my wife was the beautiful Cleopatra
I got stabbed 23 times
Why didn't Cleopatra confess that she loved Julius Caesar?
Because she lived in the Nile
I heard people are trying to ban roman numerals.
Not on my watch.
Which famous Roman suffered from hayfever?
Julius Sneezer.
2000 years ago, pop diva Lady Cleopatra had a smash hit: "Bad Romans."
In Ancient Rome, there were 4 types of poison. Poisons I, II, and III would all kill you with varying degrees of pain.
However, Poison IV would just make you really itchy.
Getting a Roman soldier to stand next to an Irishman ...
... requires a lot of Gaul.
After Jesus's trial was complete, he asked the Roman soldier closest to him what was going to happen next.
"I don't know. I'll keep you posted."
4 Norse gods, 1 roman God, and 2 astrological bodies walk into a bar
The bartender says: Oh, this is gonna be a week joke
Where did Julius Caesar's fans sit at the Colosseum?
The Caesarean section.
Did Roman architecture emphasize forum over function?
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