Helvetica and Times New Roman walk into a bar. "GET OUT OF HERE!!!" The Bartender shouts we don't serve your type!
What was Julius Caesar's answer when the flooring installer asked what he wanted to do with the old floor boards?
Carpet dem.
A Roman Lifeguard on duty:
See Caesar, Beware the tides of March!
What happened when Caesar's government officials could not reach consensus?
Irritable Brawls in Rome
Why was Julius Caesar the first dictator of Rome?
He was the only one with the Gaul to try it.
Have you heard about the roman numeral hospital?
All they have is IVs!
Pirate ship Captain: Listen up, I need some help in writing 2 in Roman numerals.
Crew: I I captain.
How good/bad was the Internet at the time of the Roman Emperors?
Let me put it that way: the lag was so bad it took Jesus three days just to respawn and he got disconnected soon afterwards.
What was the Romans' greatest achievement?
Learning to speak Latin!
In Ancient Rome, there were 4 types of poison. Poisons I, II, and III would all kill you with varying degrees of pain.
However, Poison IV would just make you really itchy.
Why don't they sell GPSs in Italy?
Because all the roads lead to Rome.
People argue that the Romans were wrong to crucify Jesus
Personally, I think they nailed it.
How did Julius Caesar like his water?
Rome temperature.
What was the most common sandwich in Ancient Rome?
A Plebeian J
4 Norse gods, 1 roman God, and 2 astrological bodies walk into a bar
The bartender says: Oh, this is gonna be a week joke
A history student was so enamored with Ancient Rome that he decided to become a Roman himself. His friends weren't very supportive. They kept telling him to get with the times,
New Roman.
Why didn't ancient Romans reuse crosses after crucifixions?
To avoid cross contamination
Why can't a pirate count Roman numerals?
They got lost at C
Me: Can I get XL shirts here?
Ancient Rome Shopkeeper: Are you sure you want that many shirts?
Did Roman architecture emphasize forum over function?
Julius Caesar
Was a well dressed romaine.
Doofus was the stupidest of Roman generals.
Did you know the first weather report was delivered to Julius Caesar?
Hail Caesar
You're my romeboy.
I heard people are trying to ban roman numerals.
Not on my watch.
Which roman emperor was a mouse? Julius cheeser!
I went to an XXX Girls Show in Rome
There were just 30 girls...
The Romans used devastating wordplay against the Carthaginians, during the Punic Wars.
Ancient Rome
Two friends are talking:
- you know how many girls I had?
- mmm?
- No, not that many...
Why did Julius Caesar never say thank you to anyone?
He didn't speak English.
Where did Julius Caesar's fans sit at the Colosseum?
The Caesarean section.
2000 years ago, pop diva Lady Cleopatra had a smash hit: "Bad Romans."
It's impossible to ruin the view of the Colisseum.
What is Romeo and Juliet's least favorite fruit?
Can't- elope!
Why was Romeo melancholic?
Because Juliette Cantaloupe.
What do you call a depressed tick from ancient Rome?
A hopeless Roman Tick
Ancient Romans considered vomitoriums a good place to un-wine.
Julius Caesar's brother was the first historically known epileptic.
His name? Julius Seizure.
You know, I really liked the rule of Nero.
Rome was pretty lit at the time.
If Romeo and Juliet were tuna...
they would be Starkist lovers.
Why are 40 romans funny?
Because they are XD.
What did the ancient roman dad name his fat newborn?
Voluminous.
Okay, so, I *had* an offensive joke I wanted to tell about Ancient Rome
But I don't have the Gaul anymore...
How did the Roman senators picked who will be first to stab the emperor?
They played rock paper Caesar
A Roman walks into a cafe and makes an "X" with his fingers.
He says, "Ten teas, please!"
Everyone remembers the iconic line from the lesser known Tragedy of Julius Sneezer:
"Achoo, Brute?"
Julius Caesar
But Julius is too shy to talk to her
Getting a Roman soldier to stand next to an Irishman ...
... requires a lot of Gaul.
How was the Roman Empire cut in half?
With a pair of Caesars.
I recently learned that the Romans were renowned for their architecture.
Doesn't make much sense to me, considering it fell.
Why was the roman soldier kicked out of the army? Because he was roamin around during war.
Go to BabaMail
