Why didn't ancient Romans reuse crosses after crucifixions?
To avoid cross contamination
I recently learned that the Romans were renowned for their architecture.
Doesn't make much sense to me, considering it fell.
Okay, so, I *had* an offensive joke I wanted to tell about Ancient Rome
But I don't have the Gaul anymore...
What is Romeo and Juliet's least favorite fruit?
Can't- elope!
What did the ancient roman dad name his fat newborn?
Voluminous.
Have you heard about the roman numeral hospital?
All they have is IVs!
Where did Julius Caesar's fans sit at the Colosseum?
The Caesarean section.
Why can't a pirate count Roman numerals?
They got lost at C
Julius Caesar: "Brutus, that's a very nice dagger, is it new?"
Brutus: "Thanks, and yes, they had a sale at Traitor Joe's."
What does it take to be good at making Greek pottery?
You have to urn it.
The Romans must have thought the year three thousand was going to be tasty.
MMM
People argue that the Romans were wrong to crucify Jesus
Personally, I think they nailed it.
What was the most common sandwich in Ancient Rome?
A Plebeian J
Julius Caesar's brother was the first historically known epileptic.
His name? Julius Seizure.
You know, I really liked the rule of Nero.
Rome was pretty lit at the time.
Where did the Romans go to rent their vehicles?
Herculease.
What was the most popular kids' movie in Ancient Greece?
Troy Story.
What did the anciient Roman soldier tell his girlfriend?
You are a solid X
What leads people to Rome?
The scents.
They want some aROMAtherapy.
My wife and I agreed for some Roman foreplay
I agreed to be Caesar and my wife was the beautiful Cleopatra
I got stabbed 23 times
Why did it take the Roman General 10 tries to find the buried treasure?
Because X marks the spot
Who used to run pen & paper RPGs in 1st century BC Rome?
The Carpe DM
I went to an XXX Girls Show in Rome
There were just 30 girls...
Why are 40 romans funny?
Because they are XD.
This soldier, Titius, liked to kick a soccer ball around at night and was suspected of breaking some important statues. When his friends asked why he hadn't showed up for his platoon's morning workout, Terentius Vespa quipped,
"Oh, it's okay - he said he broke an arm."
Why did Julius Caesar go to the dermatologist?
Because he had so many lesions.
Which roman emperor was a mouse? Julius cheeser!
It's impossible to ruin the view of the Colisseum.
Why did Julius Caesar buy crayons?
He wanted to Mark Antony.
Julius Caesar
But Julius is too shy to talk to her
I think if Rome hadn't been built on a hill...
..it wouldn't have had such a fast decline.
Did you know they didn't have smart phones in ancient Rome?
They had tablets.
Why was Julius Caesar the first dictator of Rome?
He was the only one with the Gaul to try it.
What time is it Julius? 8:02 Brutus.
Why was Romeo melancholic?
Because Juliette Cantaloupe.
What did Caesar say to Cleopatra?
"Toga-ther, we can rule the world!"
What do you call a musician who just saw Medusa?
A rockstar!
Why didn't Cleopatra confess that she loved Julius Caesar?
Because she lived in the Nile
You know why I hate Julius Caesar jokes?
They always kill me.
Romeo & Juliet.doc...
...is a play on Word.
How good/bad was the Internet at the time of the Roman Emperors?
Let me put it that way: the lag was so bad it took Jesus three days just to respawn and he got disconnected soon afterwards.
Doofus was the stupidest of Roman generals.
Why was the roman soldier kicked out of the army? Because he was roamin around during war.
Caesar accused Brutus of cannibalism. "Ate dudes, Brutus?"
I can't remember how to write 1, 1000, 51, 6 or 500 in Roman numerals.
I M L I VI D
My Ph.D thesis was on cattle raised in the Roman city of Pompeii. To understand it all I had to visit the ancient mooins.
What did the gangster say to Julius Cesar?
Just landed in Rome, Italy. My pilot used to be a Franciscan Monk...
...But now he's an Air Friar.
The Romans used devastating wordplay against the Carthaginians, during the Punic Wars.
Ancient Romans considered vomitoriums a good place to un-wine.
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