I think if Rome hadn't been built on a hill...
..it wouldn't have had such a fast decline.
Where did the Romans go to rent their vehicles?
Herculease.
Why didn't ancient Romans reuse crosses after crucifixions?
To avoid cross contamination
What's the difference between a Roman and an Irish Catholic?
The strength of the communion wine.
A Roman walks into a cafe and makes an "X" with his fingers.
He says, "Ten teas, please!"
Why didn't Cleopatra confess that she loved Julius Caesar?
Because she lived in the Nile
Which famous Roman suffered from hayfever?
Julius Sneezer.
You know, I really liked the rule of Nero.
Rome was pretty lit at the time.
Did you know they didn't have smart phones in ancient Rome?
They had tablets.
Did Roman architecture emphasize forum over function?
What did the ancient roman dad name his fat newborn?
Voluminous.
I recently learned that the Romans were renowned for their architecture.
Doesn't make much sense to me, considering it fell.
After Jesus's trial was complete, he asked the Roman soldier closest to him what was going to happen next.
"I don't know. I'll keep you posted."
Why was Romeo melancholic?
Because Juliette Cantaloupe.
What do you call a depressed tick from ancient Rome?
A hopeless Roman Tick
How did kids in Ancient Rome get their hair cut?
With little Caesar's.
Why didn't the Romans have algebra?
Because X always equaled 10!
Where would you find Hadrian's Wall?
At the bottom of his garden!
Julius Caesar: "Brutus, that's a very nice dagger, is it new?"
Brutus: "Thanks, and yes, they had a sale at Traitor Joe's."
Why was Julius Caesar the first dictator of Rome?
He was the only one with the Gaul to try it.
What does it take to be good at making Greek pottery?
You have to urn it.
Why did Julius Caesar never say thank you to anyone?
He didn't speak English.
Why did it take the Roman General 10 tries to find the buried treasure?
Because X marks the spot
Doofus was the stupidest of Roman generals.
The Romans used devastating wordplay against the Carthaginians, during the Punic Wars.
You know why I hate Julius Caesar jokes?
They always kill me.
What was the Romans' greatest achievement?
Learning to speak Latin!
A history student was so enamored with Ancient Rome that he decided to become a Roman himself. His friends weren't very supportive. They kept telling him to get with the times,
New Roman.
Julius Caesar
Was a well dressed romaine.
What roman never gets any dates?
Hidius
Everyone remembers the iconic line from the lesser known Tragedy of Julius Sneezer:
"Achoo, Brute?"
I went to an XXX Girls Show in Rome
There were just 30 girls...
A Roman Lifeguard on duty:
See Caesar, Beware the tides of March!
What was the most common sandwich in Ancient Rome?
A Plebeian J
What happened when Caesar's government officials could not reach consensus?
Irritable Brawls in Rome
I can't remember how to write 1, 1000, 51, 6 or 500 in Roman numerals.
I M L I VI D
What did the anciient Roman soldier tell his girlfriend?
You are a solid X
Ancient Rome
Two friends are talking:
- you know how many girls I had?
- mmm?
- No, not that many...
2000 years ago, pop diva Lady Cleopatra had a smash hit: "Bad Romans."
How did the Roman senators picked who will be first to stab the emperor?
They played rock paper Caesar
What did the gangster say to Julius Cesar?
It's impossible to ruin the view of the Colisseum.
Why did Julius Caesar go to the dermatologist?
Because he had so many lesions.
Did you know the first weather report was delivered to Julius Caesar?
Hail Caesar
You're my romeboy.
My poor knowledge of Greek mythology has always been my Achilles elbow.
Romeo & Juliet.doc...
...is a play on Word.
Why did Julius Caesar buy crayons?
He wanted to Mark Antony.
The Romans must have thought the year three thousand was going to be tasty.
MMM
My wife and I agreed for some Roman foreplay
I agreed to be Caesar and my wife was the beautiful Cleopatra
I got stabbed 23 times
Why can't a pirate count Roman numerals?
They got lost at C
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