Why did Julius Caesar go to the dermatologist?
Because he had so many lesions.
Okay, so, I *had* an offensive joke I wanted to tell about Ancient Rome
But I don't have the Gaul anymore...
Did you know they didn't have smart phones in ancient Rome?
They had tablets.
What was the most common sandwich in Ancient Rome?
A Plebeian J
A Roman walks into a cafe and makes an "X" with his fingers.
He says, "Ten teas, please!"
Did Roman architecture emphasize forum over function?
It's impossible to ruin the view of the Colisseum.
People argue that the Romans were wrong to crucify Jesus
Personally, I think they nailed it.
A sperm donor, a carpenter, and julius ceaser walk into a bar
He came, he saw, he conquered
Getting a Roman soldier to stand next to an Irishman ...
... requires a lot of Gaul.
What's the difference between a Roman and an Irish Catholic?
The strength of the communion wine.
How did the Roman senators picked who will be first to stab the emperor?
They played rock paper Caesar
I think if Rome hadn't been built on a hill...
..it wouldn't have had such a fast decline.
What was the Romans' greatest achievement?
Learning to speak Latin!
You know, I really liked the rule of Nero.
Rome was pretty lit at the time.
Why did it take the Roman General 10 tries to find the buried treasure?
Because X marks the spot
My wife and I agreed for some Roman foreplay
I agreed to be Caesar and my wife was the beautiful Cleopatra
I got stabbed 23 times
I can't remember how to write 1, 1000, 51, 6 or 500 in Roman numerals.
I M L I VI D
My poor knowledge of Greek mythology has always been my Achilles elbow.
How did Julius Caesar like his water?
Rome temperature.
Everyone remembers the iconic line from the lesser known Tragedy of Julius Sneezer:
"Achoo, Brute?"
2000 years ago, pop diva Lady Cleopatra had a smash hit: "Bad Romans."
Why didn't Cleopatra confess that she loved Julius Caesar?
Because she lived in the Nile
I heard people are trying to ban roman numerals.
Not on my watch.
Ancient Romans considered vomitoriums a good place to un-wine.
A history student was so enamored with Ancient Rome that he decided to become a Roman himself. His friends weren't very supportive. They kept telling him to get with the times,
New Roman.
The Romans must have thought the year three thousand was going to be tasty.
MMM
Have you heard about the roman numeral hospital?
All they have is IVs!
Julius Caesar
Was a well dressed romaine.
What do you call a depressed tick from ancient Rome?
A hopeless Roman Tick
Romeo & Juliet.doc...
...is a play on Word.
What roman never gets any dates?
Hidius
Why are 40 romans funny?
Because they are XD.
What happened when Caesar's government officials could not reach consensus?
Irritable Brawls in Rome
Where did the Romans go to rent their vehicles?
Herculease.
My Ph.D thesis was on cattle raised in the Roman city of Pompeii. To understand it all I had to visit the ancient mooins.
4 Norse gods, 1 roman God, and 2 astrological bodies walk into a bar
The bartender says: Oh, this is gonna be a week joke
What is Julius Caesar's favorite food?
Roman noodles
Pirate ship Captain: Listen up, I need some help in writing 2 in Roman numerals.
Crew: I I captain.
Why was Julius Caesar the first dictator of Rome?
He was the only one with the Gaul to try it.
What did the gangster say to Julius Cesar?
Helvetica and Times New Roman walk into a bar. "GET OUT OF HERE!!!" The Bartender shouts we don't serve your type!
Doofus was the stupidest of Roman generals.
Caesar accused Brutus of cannibalism. "Ate dudes, Brutus?"
The Romans used devastating wordplay against the Carthaginians, during the Punic Wars.
Why didn't ancient Romans reuse crosses after crucifixions?
To avoid cross contamination
Just landed in Rome, Italy. My pilot used to be a Franciscan Monk...
...But now he's an Air Friar.
Which famous Roman suffered from hayfever?
Julius Sneezer.
I recently learned that the Romans were renowned for their architecture.
Doesn't make much sense to me, considering it fell.
Which roman emperor was a mouse? Julius cheeser!
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