What did the ancient roman dad name his fat newborn?
Voluminous.
People argue that the Romans were wrong to crucify Jesus
Personally, I think they nailed it.
What is Romeo and Juliet's least favorite fruit?
Can't- elope!
A Roman Lifeguard on duty:
See Caesar, Beware the tides of March!
Why are 40 romans funny?
Because they are XD.
Why didn't the Romans have algebra?
Because X always equaled 10!
Did you know the first weather report was delivered to Julius Caesar?
Hail Caesar
You're my romeboy.
Why didn't Cleopatra confess that she loved Julius Caesar?
Because she lived in the Nile
Why did Rome Fall?
Because it slipped on some Greece.
My wife and I agreed for some Roman foreplay
I agreed to be Caesar and my wife was the beautiful Cleopatra
I got stabbed 23 times
Everyone remembers the iconic line from the lesser known Tragedy of Julius Sneezer:
"Achoo, Brute?"
Why did it take the Roman General 10 tries to find the buried treasure?
Because X marks the spot
What was Julius Caesar's answer when the flooring installer asked what he wanted to do with the old floor boards?
Carpet dem.
Julius Caesar's brother was the first historically known epileptic.
His name? Julius Seizure.
Where did the Romans go to rent their vehicles?
Herculease.
Julius Caesar
Was a well dressed romaine.
This soldier, Titius, liked to kick a soccer ball around at night and was suspected of breaking some important statues. When his friends asked why he hadn't showed up for his platoon's morning workout, Terentius Vespa quipped,
"Oh, it's okay - he said he broke an arm."
What was the most popular kids' movie in Ancient Greece?
Troy Story.
Which famous Roman suffered from hayfever?
Julius Sneezer.
Julius Caesar: "Brutus, that's a very nice dagger, is it new?"
Brutus: "Thanks, and yes, they had a sale at Traitor Joe's."
How was the Roman Empire cut in half?
With a pair of Caesars.
What did the gangster say to Julius Cesar?
What was the most common sandwich in Ancient Rome?
A Plebeian J
What is Julius Caesar's favorite food?
Roman noodles
What did Caesar say to Cleopatra?
"Toga-ther, we can rule the world!"
Where did Julius Caesar's fans sit at the Colosseum?
The Caesarean section.
2000 years ago, pop diva Lady Cleopatra had a smash hit: "Bad Romans."
Why was Romeo melancholic?
Because Juliette Cantaloupe.
My Ph.D thesis was on cattle raised in the Roman city of Pompeii. To understand it all I had to visit the ancient mooins.
What was the Romans' greatest achievement?
Learning to speak Latin!
Why did Julius Caesar buy crayons?
He wanted to Mark Antony.
After Jesus's trial was complete, he asked the Roman soldier closest to him what was going to happen next.
"I don't know. I'll keep you posted."
The Romans must have thought the year three thousand was going to be tasty.
MMM
I went to an XXX Girls Show in Rome
There were just 30 girls...
4 Norse gods, 1 roman God, and 2 astrological bodies walk into a bar
The bartender says: Oh, this is gonna be a week joke
If Romeo and Juliet were tuna...
they would be Starkist lovers.
Caesar accused Brutus of cannibalism. "Ate dudes, Brutus?"
Doofus was the stupidest of Roman generals.
Helvetica and Times New Roman walk into a bar. "GET OUT OF HERE!!!" The Bartender shouts we don't serve your type!
What do you call a musician who just saw Medusa?
A rockstar!
Ancient Romans considered vomitoriums a good place to un-wine.
In Ancient Rome, there were 4 types of poison. Poisons I, II, and III would all kill you with varying degrees of pain.
However, Poison IV would just make you really itchy.
A history student was so enamored with Ancient Rome that he decided to become a Roman himself. His friends weren't very supportive. They kept telling him to get with the times,
New Roman.
I heard people are trying to ban roman numerals.
Not on my watch.
Did you hear about the new Netflix series? The one about a couple of poor female artists living in 1600s Rome?
I think it's called Two Baroque Girls
Why can't a pirate count Roman numerals?
They got lost at C
What did the anciient Roman soldier tell his girlfriend?
You are a solid X
Did Roman architecture emphasize forum over function?
Why did Julius Caesar go to the dermatologist?
Because he had so many lesions.
How did the Roman senators picked who will be first to stab the emperor?
They played rock paper Caesar
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