I recently learned that the Romans were renowned for their architecture.
Doesn't make much sense to me, considering it fell.
What's the difference between a Roman and an Irish Catholic?
The strength of the communion wine.
Ancient Rome
Two friends are talking:
- you know how many girls I had?
- mmm?
- No, not that many...
Doofus was the stupidest of Roman generals.
How did the Roman senators picked who will be first to stab the emperor?
They played rock paper Caesar
What is Romeo and Juliet's least favorite fruit?
Can't- elope!
What was the most common sandwich in Ancient Rome?
A Plebeian J
What does it take to be good at making Greek pottery?
You have to urn it.
Where would you find Hadrian's Wall?
At the bottom of his garden!
How was the Roman Empire cut in half?
With a pair of Caesars.
It's impossible to ruin the view of the Colisseum.
You know, I really liked the rule of Nero.
Rome was pretty lit at the time.
People argue that the Romans were wrong to crucify Jesus
Personally, I think they nailed it.
Why did Julius Caesar never say thank you to anyone?
He didn't speak English.
This soldier, Titius, liked to kick a soccer ball around at night and was suspected of breaking some important statues. When his friends asked why he hadn't showed up for his platoon's morning workout, Terentius Vespa quipped,
"Oh, it's okay - he said he broke an arm."
What do you call a musician who just saw Medusa?
A rockstar!
Why are 40 romans funny?
Because they are XD.
The Romans used devastating wordplay against the Carthaginians, during the Punic Wars.
What happens when a Roman insults a Parisian's coffee?
A French Roast.
Why didn't Cleopatra confess that she loved Julius Caesar?
Because she lived in the Nile
A Roman walks into a cafe and makes an "X" with his fingers.
He says, "Ten teas, please!"
Caesar accused Brutus of cannibalism. "Ate dudes, Brutus?"
Pirate ship Captain: Listen up, I need some help in writing 2 in Roman numerals.
Crew: I I captain.
How did kids in Ancient Rome get their hair cut?
With little Caesar's.
Julius Caesar's brother was the first historically known epileptic.
His name? Julius Seizure.
I went to an XXX Girls Show in Rome
There were just 30 girls...
What did the ancient roman dad name his fat newborn?
Voluminous.
Why did Julius Caesar go to the dermatologist?
Because he had so many lesions.
Did you know the first weather report was delivered to Julius Caesar?
Hail Caesar
You're my romeboy.
In Ancient Rome, there were 4 types of poison. Poisons I, II, and III would all kill you with varying degrees of pain.
However, Poison IV would just make you really itchy.
Me: Can I get XL shirts here?
Ancient Rome Shopkeeper: Are you sure you want that many shirts?
A sperm donor, a carpenter, and julius ceaser walk into a bar
He came, he saw, he conquered
Why was the roman soldier kicked out of the army? Because he was roamin around during war.
My Ph.D thesis was on cattle raised in the Roman city of Pompeii. To understand it all I had to visit the ancient mooins.
What roman never gets any dates?
Hidius
A Roman Lifeguard on duty:
See Caesar, Beware the tides of March!
Why was Julius Caesar the first dictator of Rome?
He was the only one with the Gaul to try it.
Why didn't ancient Romans reuse crosses after crucifixions?
To avoid cross contamination
Everyone remembers the iconic line from the lesser known Tragedy of Julius Sneezer:
"Achoo, Brute?"
I can't remember how to write 1, 1000, 51, 6 or 500 in Roman numerals.
I M L I VI D
What did the gangster say to Julius Cesar?
Why did Julius Caesar buy crayons?
He wanted to Mark Antony.
Why did it take the Roman General 10 tries to find the buried treasure?
Because X marks the spot
2000 years ago, pop diva Lady Cleopatra had a smash hit: "Bad Romans."
Julius Caesar: "Brutus, that's a very nice dagger, is it new?"
Brutus: "Thanks, and yes, they had a sale at Traitor Joe's."
Why didn't the Romans have algebra?
Because X always equaled 10!
Julius Caesar
Was a well dressed romaine.
I heard people are trying to ban roman numerals.
Not on my watch.
Did you hear about the new Netflix series? The one about a couple of poor female artists living in 1600s Rome?
I think it's called Two Baroque Girls
What did the anciient Roman soldier tell his girlfriend?
You are a solid X