I can't remember how to write 1, 1000, 51, 6 or 500 in Roman numerals.
I M L I VI D
How was the Roman Empire cut in half?
With a pair of Caesars.
Why don't they sell GPSs in Italy?
Because all the roads lead to Rome.
4 Norse gods, 1 roman God, and 2 astrological bodies walk into a bar
The bartender says: Oh, this is gonna be a week joke
Why was the roman soldier kicked out of the army? Because he was roamin around during war.
Where did Julius Caesar's fans sit at the Colosseum?
The Caesarean section.
What time is it Julius? 8:02 Brutus.
What did the anciient Roman soldier tell his girlfriend?
You are a solid X
Ancient Rome
Two friends are talking:
- you know how many girls I had?
- mmm?
- No, not that many...
I recently learned that the Romans were renowned for their architecture.
Doesn't make much sense to me, considering it fell.
How did Julius Caesar like his water?
Rome temperature.
What does it take to be good at making Greek pottery?
You have to urn it.
What did Caesar say to Cleopatra?
"Toga-ther, we can rule the world!"
This soldier, Titius, liked to kick a soccer ball around at night and was suspected of breaking some important statues. When his friends asked why he hadn't showed up for his platoon's morning workout, Terentius Vespa quipped,
"Oh, it's okay - he said he broke an arm."
How good/bad was the Internet at the time of the Roman Emperors?
Let me put it that way: the lag was so bad it took Jesus three days just to respawn and he got disconnected soon afterwards.
Why did Julius Caesar go to the dermatologist?
Because he had so many lesions.
How did kids in Ancient Rome get their hair cut?
With little Caesar's.
Julius Caesar
Was a well dressed romaine.
It's impossible to ruin the view of the Colisseum.
In Ancient Rome, there were 4 types of poison. Poisons I, II, and III would all kill you with varying degrees of pain.
However, Poison IV would just make you really itchy.
I went to an XXX Girls Show in Rome
There were just 30 girls...
What roman never gets any dates?
Hidius
Helvetica and Times New Roman walk into a bar. "GET OUT OF HERE!!!" The Bartender shouts we don't serve your type!
What did the gangster say to Julius Cesar?
Did you hear about the new Netflix series? The one about a couple of poor female artists living in 1600s Rome?
I think it's called Two Baroque Girls
Why are 40 romans funny?
Because they are XD.
Did you know the first weather report was delivered to Julius Caesar?
Hail Caesar
You're my romeboy.
Where would you find Hadrian's Wall?
At the bottom of his garden!
Me: Can I get XL shirts here?
Ancient Rome Shopkeeper: Are you sure you want that many shirts?
A history student was so enamored with Ancient Rome that he decided to become a Roman himself. His friends weren't very supportive. They kept telling him to get with the times,
New Roman.
Julius Caesar: "Brutus, that's a very nice dagger, is it new?"
Brutus: "Thanks, and yes, they had a sale at Traitor Joe's."
What is Julius Caesar's favorite food?
Roman noodles
What is Romeo and Juliet's least favorite fruit?
Can't- elope!
What was the most popular kids' movie in Ancient Greece?
Troy Story.
Just landed in Rome, Italy. My pilot used to be a Franciscan Monk...
...But now he's an Air Friar.
How did the Roman senators picked who will be first to stab the emperor?
They played rock paper Caesar
Why did it take the Roman General 10 tries to find the buried treasure?
Because X marks the spot
Why can't a pirate count Roman numerals?
They got lost at C
Getting a Roman soldier to stand next to an Irishman ...
... requires a lot of Gaul.
What happened when Caesar's government officials could not reach consensus?
Irritable Brawls in Rome
I heard people are trying to ban roman numerals.
Not on my watch.
Why was Romeo melancholic?
Because Juliette Cantaloupe.
What was Julius Caesar's answer when the flooring installer asked what he wanted to do with the old floor boards?
Carpet dem.
A Roman Lifeguard on duty:
See Caesar, Beware the tides of March!
Doofus was the stupidest of Roman generals.
Okay, so, I *had* an offensive joke I wanted to tell about Ancient Rome
But I don't have the Gaul anymore...
Ancient Romans considered vomitoriums a good place to un-wine.
Did Roman architecture emphasize forum over function?
Where did the Romans go to rent their vehicles?
Herculease.
2000 years ago, pop diva Lady Cleopatra had a smash hit: "Bad Romans."
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