What did the anciient Roman soldier tell his girlfriend?
You are a solid X
Which famous Roman suffered from hayfever?
Julius Sneezer.
What does it take to be good at making Greek pottery?
You have to urn it.
I think if Rome hadn't been built on a hill...
..it wouldn't have had such a fast decline.
Who used to run pen & paper RPGs in 1st century BC Rome?
The Carpe DM
The Romans must have thought the year three thousand was going to be tasty.
MMM
What did the gangster say to Julius Cesar?
How did the Roman senators picked who will be first to stab the emperor?
They played rock paper Caesar
2000 years ago, pop diva Lady Cleopatra had a smash hit: "Bad Romans."
Getting a Roman soldier to stand next to an Irishman ...
... requires a lot of Gaul.
A Roman walks into a cafe and makes an "X" with his fingers.
He says, "Ten teas, please!"
In Ancient Rome, there were 4 types of poison. Poisons I, II, and III would all kill you with varying degrees of pain.
However, Poison IV would just make you really itchy.
Why didn't ancient Romans reuse crosses after crucifixions?
To avoid cross contamination
What happens when a Roman insults a Parisian's coffee?
A French Roast.
How was the Roman Empire cut in half?
With a pair of Caesars.
Did you know they didn't have smart phones in ancient Rome?
They had tablets.
You know why I hate Julius Caesar jokes?
They always kill me.
Okay, so, I *had* an offensive joke I wanted to tell about Ancient Rome
But I don't have the Gaul anymore...
Where did Julius Caesar's fans sit at the Colosseum?
The Caesarean section.
Why are 40 romans funny?
Because they are XD.
What roman never gets any dates?
Hidius
After Jesus's trial was complete, he asked the Roman soldier closest to him what was going to happen next.
"I don't know. I'll keep you posted."
Pirate ship Captain: Listen up, I need some help in writing 2 in Roman numerals.
Crew: I I captain.
If Romeo and Juliet were tuna...
they would be Starkist lovers.
How did Julius Caesar like his water?
Rome temperature.
A history student was so enamored with Ancient Rome that he decided to become a Roman himself. His friends weren't very supportive. They kept telling him to get with the times,
New Roman.
Why didn't the Romans have algebra?
Because X always equaled 10!
Me: Can I get XL shirts here?
Ancient Rome Shopkeeper: Are you sure you want that many shirts?
Julius Caesar
Was a well dressed romaine.
What time is it Julius? 8:02 Brutus.
Why can't a pirate count Roman numerals?
They got lost at C
What did the ancient roman dad name his fat newborn?
Voluminous.
What leads people to Rome?
The scents.
They want some aROMAtherapy.
Romeo & Juliet.doc...
...is a play on Word.
My poor knowledge of Greek mythology has always been my Achilles elbow.
I heard people are trying to ban roman numerals.
Not on my watch.
I recently learned that the Romans were renowned for their architecture.
Doesn't make much sense to me, considering it fell.
My wife and I agreed for some Roman foreplay
I agreed to be Caesar and my wife was the beautiful Cleopatra
I got stabbed 23 times
Everyone remembers the iconic line from the lesser known Tragedy of Julius Sneezer:
"Achoo, Brute?"
Why was the roman soldier kicked out of the army? Because he was roamin around during war.
Have you heard about the roman numeral hospital?
All they have is IVs!
Caesar accused Brutus of cannibalism. "Ate dudes, Brutus?"
What was the Romans' greatest achievement?
Learning to speak Latin!
What was the most common sandwich in Ancient Rome?
A Plebeian J
My Ph.D thesis was on cattle raised in the Roman city of Pompeii. To understand it all I had to visit the ancient mooins.
Did you know the first weather report was delivered to Julius Caesar?
Hail Caesar
You're my romeboy.
Just landed in Rome, Italy. My pilot used to be a Franciscan Monk...
...But now he's an Air Friar.
What was Julius Caesar's answer when the flooring installer asked what he wanted to do with the old floor boards?
Carpet dem.
Where did the Romans go to rent their vehicles?
Herculease.
What is Julius Caesar's favorite food?
Roman noodles
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