2000 years ago, pop diva Lady Cleopatra had a smash hit: "Bad Romans."
It's impossible to ruin the view of the Colisseum.
What is Romeo and Juliet's least favorite fruit?
Can't- elope!
Why was Romeo melancholic?
Because Juliette Cantaloupe.
What do you call a depressed tick from ancient Rome?
A hopeless Roman Tick
Ancient Romans considered vomitoriums a good place to un-wine.
Julius Caesar's brother was the first historically known epileptic.
His name? Julius Seizure.
You know, I really liked the rule of Nero.
Rome was pretty lit at the time.
If Romeo and Juliet were tuna...
they would be Starkist lovers.
Why are 40 romans funny?
Because they are XD.
What did the ancient roman dad name his fat newborn?
Voluminous.
Okay, so, I *had* an offensive joke I wanted to tell about Ancient Rome
But I don't have the Gaul anymore...
How did the Roman senators picked who will be first to stab the emperor?
They played rock paper Caesar
A Roman walks into a cafe and makes an "X" with his fingers.
He says, "Ten teas, please!"
Everyone remembers the iconic line from the lesser known Tragedy of Julius Sneezer:
"Achoo, Brute?"
Julius Caesar
But Julius is too shy to talk to her
Getting a Roman soldier to stand next to an Irishman ...
... requires a lot of Gaul.
How was the Roman Empire cut in half?
With a pair of Caesars.
I recently learned that the Romans were renowned for their architecture.
Doesn't make much sense to me, considering it fell.
Why was the roman soldier kicked out of the army? Because he was roamin around during war.
A sperm donor, a carpenter, and julius ceaser walk into a bar
He came, he saw, he conquered
Did you hear about the new Netflix series? The one about a couple of poor female artists living in 1600s Rome?
I think it's called Two Baroque Girls
What did the gangster say to Julius Cesar?
Why did Julius Caesar buy crayons?
He wanted to Mark Antony.
After Jesus's trial was complete, he asked the Roman soldier closest to him what was going to happen next.
"I don't know. I'll keep you posted."
What does it take to be good at making Greek pottery?
You have to urn it.
Why did Rome Fall?
Because it slipped on some Greece.
My poor knowledge of Greek mythology has always been my Achilles elbow.
How did kids in Ancient Rome get their hair cut?
With little Caesar's.
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